11 yr old DD having intrusive/bad thoughts

[babayjane67]

Hi
My 11 yr old DD has been having bad/intrusive thoughts for the past 2 wks.
We lost my mum almost 6 wks ago &had her funeral last Fri which my dd attended.she had the choice of what she wanted to do&how she wanted to do it.
These bad thoughts started a wk before the funeral.
That her head is telling her to kill herself &everyone else.last wk she was even scared to cut herself some cake because she might use the knife on herself.
Last night she said she wanted me to remove the scissors from her room as she was worried she would use them on herself.
Her heads been telling her she's ugly,obese(she's a bit overweight but definitely not obese).the weight thought seems to have gone now but the ugly ones are still there as are the others.she went into the bathroom this morning &her head told her to use something out the cabinet&kill herself.saying go on do it!
It's been telling her she hates certain people &seems to need to confess to every

negative feeling she has.eg hating someone,confessing things she did or didn't do that were/are wrong.
I've told school who have been very good&suggested her seeing a mentor who she can talk to etc but she only comes out once a month! They said they haven't seen or heard any of this behaviour in school&were very surprised when I told them.She knows she can talk to her teacher&the head who is also the SEN but she told me today she doesn't want to talk to them she doesn't trust them! She really likes her teacher.theyre both male so not sure if this makes a difference to her.
I think it's probably all down to a combination of losing my mum,puberty(she started her periods just after Christmas),starting secondary in Sept&dealing with all these new grown up emotions.
Myself&my partner are doing the best we can to help her.telling her to keep talking to us about it not to keep it in.that alot of these feelings are normal& not to worry about them.to try&distract herself with something else/chase away the bad thought with good,happy thoughts.tell them to go away.
I don't know what else to do! I think she needs more help than we can give her but my partner doesn't agree.he just says to give her more time,that it's just a phase give her longer.
Has anyone had experience of this&can suggest anything else we maybe haven't thought of?
I've had 2 other dds both adults,one with her own kids now&I don't remember either of them being like this.they don't either &are worried about her too.

Def gp

Yes I will ring them in the morning.

It was £50 a session, luckily my mum paid. There was a payment plan as well.
She was 11 all so. She started screaming one night that we had to hide the knives as she was going to slit her throat. We took her to A&E on the advice of the on call pychatrist and they keep her in as a precaution.
The crisis team came and spoke to her and me and my husband individually to see if it was a family problem but agreed that it wasn't.
My DD has some ASD traits as well as anxiety. She was terrified of blood and I think it was a combination of knowing her periods would be starting and watching/reading some popular teen stuff that she couldn't really cope with.
School were aware and were very good with her.
Honestly it all stopped with the CBT, she even no longer had a fear of blood.
I wish your daughter a speedy recovery, look after yourself too

Thanks cocolapew.
I'm glad yr DD is better now.did she have the thoughts at school too?
Should I take DD with me to the gp or see them first on my own then take her?
Should I do what's been suggested&take info on OCD with me in case gp isn't that clued up on it or go without&just tell them what's been going on?
In a way,I know it sounds horrible,but I wish she was doing it at school too so that they could see how she gets&whats going on.theyre being very good but shes not like it there or if she does get thoughts at school she's hiding them very well which also isn't very good for her.bless her.

Take her to gp, I did with dad for referral to private therapy and the go dictated the referral letter in front of did which scared her but also made her realize it was serious.

Not dad, dd

Ok Megcleary thanks will take her then.

Her 'need to confess' op is very much her trying to get a handle on her thoughts by voicing them to you- she is also probably experiencing a level of anxiety or panic whilst she's expressing her thoughts- Sit with her, listen and try to talk these thoughts through with her when they happen, she's reaching out to you- she sounds quite intelligent, she recognises these as intrusive thoughts, her anxiety around them is her way of battling them - I would be pleased she's articulating it so well to you.

The links to the OCD information are good reading (I can identify with your daughter, I was about the same age, be reassured I never acted on these thoughts, but also know how all consuming the fear of them can be).

Personal experience, I acted out at school to hide my anxiety, it in no way changed how I felt, in fact it made it far worse, like wearing a disguise- bullying was rife at my school though and it seemed to be directed towards anyone that showed weakness- it's a long story- but I'm not surprised school haven't noticed- she's just more open with her mum, it's a positive that she is, there is support and help to overcome this with her and get a handle on it early- it took me decades, but I didn't have a mum who cared as you very obviously do, very much so!

You sound like a wonderful mum-

No she didn't display them in school but it was obviously a very big struggle for her to keep it together.
She would come out of school shaking and white.
I did have to keep her off some days when it was really bad. She would be literally shaking with terror and asking me if I was going to kill her.
She would look at her white school blouse and imagine blood starting to seep through it.
She also had some sexual intrusive thoughts, which isn't unusual.
After her therapy finished she used to have to lie in the dark listening to a cd through headphones her therapist had made with her when she was was hypnotised.
Before therapy she also saw the crisis team a few times, but they weren't really much help but just kept and eye on her.
We were referred to CAMHS pretty quick but they were useless, she refused to go back after the first meeting and I agreed with her. The 2 women doing the session couldn't have been more judgemental if they tried and she didn't have any type of rapport with then.
After 5 minutes of talking to get therapist me and DH knew he was the right choice, and DD was very comfortable with him.

Tadda thanks! I'm really glad she feels able to tell me about it each time it happens& that she's opened up to me about it all.i just want to try &help her best way I can.
Cocolapew thanks again!
U see she doesn't come out of school anything like you've described &hasn't had to have time off up to now because of it.she does tell me though when it happens at school both at breakfast club in the mornings &lunch time. So I suppose thats the difference that I'm there twice a day so she can tell me when they happen.she hasn't got to wait all day on her own so to speak.
We have talked a bit this morning on way to school &I asked her if she wants to see gp about it with me.she said she doesn't know.i told her I will be with every step of the way&that gp will be able to help her.
Where did u find/get the therapist cocolapew if Camhs was no good?
I need to read through all the messages again.im sorry if I'm repeating myself on any if this.

She has also had some sexual thoughts.theyve were about sex with her best friend a boy,her head telling her she has sexy boobs,that I have&that her dad's privates are sexy but it's only been that once with all of that&that was it.i told her it was just normal thoughts as she's growing up &her hormones are all over the place as pubertys started.
The other thoughts have continued

I work with a woman whose DH was a therapist, I asked her would he see my DD but he didn't see adolescents, she recommended someone.
I think CBT is definitely the best option.

Ok thanks.i will see if I can get a gp app.i know it's usually a good wk wait at least though before u get one!

Obviously don't dismiss CAMHS, I think we were just unlucky

Yea I won't do that.will just see what works best for her.
Should I say,when I ring for gp app that its about DDS mental health/that I'm worried or not?
They'll probably say to go down at a certain time&wait! Or do u think if I do say it'll push an app through quicker? I haven't had a chance to ring yet.

When I rang I said she had thoughts about killing herself, which she did once or twice, she was seen that day.

Ok Megcleary thankyou.i just want to get it right for her bless her.i don't want to frighten her either.

In the mean time see if she can talk to her thoughts.

When they pop on her head, tell her to say outloud 'that's nice' and distract herself

This helped me a lot

I put an elastic band on DDs wrist and she pinged it anytime she started to have thoughts.

She is terrified, DD said talking to us helped a bit and knowing help was coming but the therapist really fixed it

Tish we tell her to tell the thoughts to go away.to try&replace them with good,happy thoughts.i always tell her she's a good person beautiful inside and out.also to try to distract herself with something else but that's not always easy.
That sounds good Coco did it help?
The good news is she hasn't had any bad thoughts today she told me at lunch time.all was well.i hope that's true&she's not just saying that because we had the chat about seeing gp this morn!

It did, plus if me or DH saw her do it we could immediately start to talk to her to try to distract her.

Ok that's good bless her.
Will see how dd is when she comes in.

Just make the appointment, says it’s for dd
She’s having mh issues ie thoughts
You would like an appointment asap
That way your showing your on the case
If there taking it seriously, you should get appointment that day!

dd, doesn’t need to be frightened the gp will just ask HER how she feels when having the thoughts and what she does when she as them etc. Don’t think for a min (maybe wrong) she will mention sex thoughts as she may be embarrassed

The sooner she sees gp the sooner she will get to see cAMHS and be assessed and put on waiting list(can take months to get seen in some areas) it will most probably be CBT therapy
After the assessment, you will have a better view of how long the waiting list is
If you think it’s a long wait, you could try and look online for charity counsellor for children
See what there waiting list is
Other than that, private BACP therapist, some do low fees

Thanks granadagirl will do that.
It might still.be worth her seeing the school mentor/counsellor if there is along waiting list as at least then she will be talking to someone other than us who may have a bit more knowledge/be able to help more.