Boomer generation on car seat safety

[BeccB]

I’m growing increasingly frustrated and angry at both my parents and my ex’s mother at their stubbornness and self righteousness over car seat safety!

I’ve decided to keep my 18 month old DS rear facing for as long as possible based on recent evidence of its increased safety for children’s spines and necks in a crash. I purchased an extended rear facing car seat with a 360 degree swivel base so when DS gets to be an uncomfortable age rear facing (hopefully 4) I can also forward face eventually… first of all my mum has none stop complained about the ‘absurd size’ of the car seat and how it takes up her leg room in the passenger seat of my car because the front seat has to be so far forward (she’s about 5ft!!). There are some days when I am working that my mum and dad look after DS (their choice) and they request the car seat be put in their car so they can take him out. I have given my father a demonstration many times on how to securely strap him into his car seat, such as slacking the straps, clicking them in and then tightening them again but he just feigns paying attention and always complains that I do them too tight and he can’t open them after (a load of rubbish because I can with no problem) so I’ve found a few times they bring DS back and the straps are reallllly slack and also last week that they decided to forward face him to save leg room in the front.

My ex MIL is the same! She always comments on how he needs a jacket on in his car seat and I’ve explained so many times that puffy jackets aren’t safe because the air compresses in an impact and means the straps are slack. No matter how many times I explained she’s always asked why he’s not wearing a coat even though he’d be covered with a blanket and I’d hand her a coat to put on him when he got out.

I constantly get frustrated and ask them why they put their stubbornness above their grandson’s safety and their response is “it’s all overkill these days”, “we didn’t have to do this with you and you survived” and even the audacious “we’re not going to crash you’re being paranoid”.

I just think if it was me in 30 years time and there was an all singing all dancing car seat that could lessen my grandchild’s chance of injury or death in an accident I would be so pleased that it existed and there’s no way I’d be so dismissive of it just because “I didn’t have it in my generation”. I’ve heard from a few friends with children that their boomer parents also have this mentality and I just wonder why and how everyone else deals with it?? I could scream! 😅

I had all this with my first, among many other things. It was so frustrating and tbh affected my mh a bit as I was constantly made to feel in the wrong for trying to do things right for my dd. Unfortunately, the only way is to grit your teeth, keep repeating yourself and not back down to them. Strangely, now I'm on my 2nd (big age gap), I'm having none of the same resistance.

This isn’t a ‘Boomer’ thing this is a your dm thing. Dont be so rude.

Im a Xoomer. I’d just follow whatever current advice is

Was it necessary to refer to your child's grandparents as 'boomers'? Are they even over 60 years of age?

Stop with the ageism. I do everything regarding child safety that my sons and daughters-in-law tell me, and so, I expect, do most people of my generation.

Your family’s intransigence and stupidity is not a stick to beat an entire cohort of people with.

Sod off with the ageism there’s a love.

We had similar, I was made to feel like I was an issue/overbearing for not wanting my baby in a second hand car seat which by that point was about 6 years old and not as safe as what was then available on the market (I wasn’t asking them to pay for it by the way). This was my in laws.

My own parents were the same as you mention with straps not being fastened correctly etc. and a blasé attitude towards ‘it’s only a short journey’ without the correct seat for example. To be honest as a consequence they very rarely had the children in their cars! No helpful school pick ups or drop offs for us sadly.

It is easier now that they’re older and seats are less complex and I can rely on the kiddos themselves to remind them how they should be strapped in.

Totally agree with what you say that future me as a grandparent will want to do absolutely everything I can to prioritise safety!!

It's really insulting of you to tar a whole generation of grandparents with the same brush. You're just unfortunate that you've got parents who won't move with the times and realise that there are different regulations these days.

I'm a grandma( born right at the end of the boomer years) and if I've been asked to do something a certain way for my grandchild then I'll do it, because I actually do realise that recommendations change, even though the old ways were perfectly fine.

Car seat safety is where I was actually even more strict than my child was, I kept my grandchild in a backless booster till she went to secondary school and I still don't let her sit in the front at 11, even though her parents allow her to.

Your parents are behaving like they do because of their personalities, not their age. There are plenty of younger parents who are lax with car seat safety.

I'm in complete agreement with this.
We are very respectful of our children's wishes in regard to our grandchildren' safety and welfare.
We may be old but we're perfectly capable of understanding that times change.

you lost me at “boomer”

Quite. I’m a boomer and incredibly conscientious about our grandchild’s safety. I absolutely defer to our daughter’s rules around car (and all) safety.

No need for the ageism, OP.

As a grandparent I can sympathise with both your points of view.

I was a kid in the 1950s - cars had no seatbelts, there were no MOTs, no rules about exactly how much alcohol in the driver's bloodstream. In fact my father's vehicle was a small van with just 2 seats so if DM was in the car me and my friend used to sit on the metal floor at the back or perch precariously on the wheelarches. (DH's parents had homemade lap belts made from old leather straps for their front seats).

Even after cars had seatbelts there was no obligation to use them - though we did as soon as they were available. We also had child car seats for our kids which we were confident were adequate.

But our daughter insisted, as you do, on rear facing seats done up so, so tightly. I know it's following safety advice and we complied with her wishes but honestly we were worried that the belts would crush the child or restrict breathing and be very uncomfortable. We could imagine the child's delicate bones being distorted or cracked by the pressure. So tightening as she wished was upsetting and made us feel guilty in case we were making the child suffer.

I think it's a bit unfair to say"boomer. My mum is in her 60s and just as hot on car seat safety as me. She's purchased the same rear facing seat I have in my car for him just to ensure it's always set up right as they are a bit of a faff to move in and out all the time.

I would find alternative childcare. I would tell them that as they refuse to act responsibly whilst caring for your child they are unable to have unsupervised contact with your child.

Bloody offensive term.

It's your mother.

We've had very similar issues with my ILs and car seats. Much huffing and complaining about every aspect of having to use them when taking DC out in the car.

And yet, in the UK, when kids die with improper childseats in this country it’s usually a younger than 30 parent driving

You need to perform a risk assessment of the activities they actually do with your child. If all they’re doing is pootling around at 20 mph on the nursery drop off / pick up then any good car seat that they can use properly will be good enough. The reason why European countries (esp Scandinavia / Germany) have extended ERF is they drive longer distances on roads that have very high speedlimits (and in many cases no speedlimits).

Another ageist thread . Find other childcare if you aren’t happy .

Indeed.

How are they with helmets for the scooter and bike?

Maybe they do struggle with straps, older hands can lose strength and flexibility, and it's hard on backs to bend over for an extended time.

I'm sure they do want to keep your child as safe as possible.

My parents (60s) and in-laws absolutely do everything I require regarding car seats. I must admit life is a lot easier now my kids are booster seat age though.

My mum really struggled with the car seat straps. Especially with a wriggling toddler!

Don’t assume you would be willing and able to use the most up to date seats if you were a grandparent! I mean, it would make sense, but my parents (also boomer generation) were very much on top of car safety regulations when we were kids - as in, went for best practice rather than merely legal. We have exactly the same issues as you - culturally, mine can’t get their heads round extended rear facing. They used to point out my DC’s legs could be broken in an accident, though they did stop when I pointed out I’d rather a broken leg than a broken neck.

What I would say is that many (not all) older people do find they struggle more to learn new things, and also struggle with dexterity. Mine have both found modern car seats almost impossible in terms of things like straps. I think you have two choices - eliminate situations where they have to drive your children until they’re old enough for HBBs, or accept best endeavours. If you don’t feel that how they are transporting your DC is safe enough, it will have to be the former, however inconvenient.

Your PILs are doing it the way they see fit, which happens to go against the current advice. I'm not a huge fan of boomers but I don't think this is a generational thing.

According to UK law, your little'un (until at least 15 months old) should be rear-facing to prevent whiplash in the event of a head-on crash.

If front-facing and a passing police car happens to notice, you will get pulled over. So best not do this.

Boomer 🙄

Just because your parents and in laws are too stupid and/or lazy to understand proper car seat safety, please do not tar all of us.

My parents and parents in law are definitely classed as the 'Boomer' generation. Mid 70s.

They couldn't be more anxious to do everything right and carefully with my child, following my wishes and current safety guidelines.

If you're not happy with how they look after your child, just don't let them any more.