Boomer generation on car seat safety

[BeccB]

I’m growing increasingly frustrated and angry at both my parents and my ex’s mother at their stubbornness and self righteousness over car seat safety!

I’ve decided to keep my 18 month old DS rear facing for as long as possible based on recent evidence of its increased safety for children’s spines and necks in a crash. I purchased an extended rear facing car seat with a 360 degree swivel base so when DS gets to be an uncomfortable age rear facing (hopefully 4) I can also forward face eventually… first of all my mum has none stop complained about the ‘absurd size’ of the car seat and how it takes up her leg room in the passenger seat of my car because the front seat has to be so far forward (she’s about 5ft!!). There are some days when I am working that my mum and dad look after DS (their choice) and they request the car seat be put in their car so they can take him out. I have given my father a demonstration many times on how to securely strap him into his car seat, such as slacking the straps, clicking them in and then tightening them again but he just feigns paying attention and always complains that I do them too tight and he can’t open them after (a load of rubbish because I can with no problem) so I’ve found a few times they bring DS back and the straps are reallllly slack and also last week that they decided to forward face him to save leg room in the front.

My ex MIL is the same! She always comments on how he needs a jacket on in his car seat and I’ve explained so many times that puffy jackets aren’t safe because the air compresses in an impact and means the straps are slack. No matter how many times I explained she’s always asked why he’s not wearing a coat even though he’d be covered with a blanket and I’d hand her a coat to put on him when he got out.

I constantly get frustrated and ask them why they put their stubbornness above their grandson’s safety and their response is “it’s all overkill these days”, “we didn’t have to do this with you and you survived” and even the audacious “we’re not going to crash you’re being paranoid”.

I just think if it was me in 30 years time and there was an all singing all dancing car seat that could lessen my grandchild’s chance of injury or death in an accident I would be so pleased that it existed and there’s no way I’d be so dismissive of it just because “I didn’t have it in my generation”. I’ve heard from a few friends with children that their boomer parents also have this mentality and I just wonder why and how everyone else deals with it?? I could scream! 😅

^^^ x1zillion

I listen to my DD and follow current H&S guidelines to the letter. The safety of my DGS is paramount to me (and most other DGP).

Regarding your parents and in laws, just don’t leave the car seat with them, only the buggy so they can still take DGC out, but in the buggy only.

YY I think the size of seats has changed.

When I got together with DH, DS1 (now a teenager) was a toddler and DH used to refer to his car seat as "the tank" because it was a modern (for the time) one with big side wings and an impact shield. The car seats DH had seen his nieces and nephews use were more those old style basic bucket seats which were literally just a plastic moulded seat like a baby trolley seat with the most minimal bit of foam padding. And TBF - there was nothing wrong with those seats at the time they were being used and sold, 20 years ago. It's just they were more basic models and therefore an older design. DS1's old car seat is now old fashioned in itself but it was closer to what the standard car seat is like these days, even cheaper ones tend to have side wings because the safety standards improve and change.

OP has already apologised and advised that there wasn't any intention to cause offence - you can see this by viewing all OP posts. I don't think it's helpful for people to continue to jump on this, when the thread is moving on and she's looking for constructive ways to try and address this with her family members.

Just had a look at that summary - it must be so awful to see the blame for your child's injuries attributed so bluntly.

Thank you for this. I’ve honestly felt mortified all day about the offence caused to some people here. It was an ill thought out headline and I’m kicking myself for it but also have to remind myself I’m comfortable in my conscience that I’m not a bad person and don’t hold any ageist opinions. I clearly can’t convince others on here of that. There’s only so much I can apologise and it has become a bit of a witch hunt now so I’m not going to comment on any other posts of this nature on this thread. If it offended you please report it but can we keep the actual replies to productive suggestions instead please. Thank you.

This..

I'm 57 and I know how to make sure my grandchildren are safe in their rear facing car seats ..inc straps and no coats etc etc

@Lulu1919 ,if you were 4 years older you'd be stubborn and saying “I didn’t have it in my generation”.

It's Mumsnet - a third of posts will either agree with you, or disagree with you reasonably politely but offer constructive advice. The next third will be people disagreeing with you not so politely and being needlessly nasty or nitpicking. The final third will be new joiners who haven't read any of your updates - and are jumping in to give their two cents without stopping to think that after 100 posts, the thread might just have moved on....

Try not to let it affect you personally - there's been some really useful advice on here (I've learned a couple of things for next time I have one of my great-nieces!). And most importantly, if you are worried that your family aren't taking car safety seriously, then stick to your guns. You know you are right to worry about it as it's better safe than sorry.

I stopped letting in-laws take the kids for a while because they wouldn't stop asking "can they manage without car seats" every time. No they couldn't, they were 3!

One of my most difficult encounters with MIL was over child seats car, and my DC were born 94 and 98 so on boosters aged 2/3. We were invited to a family wedding and MIL decided she and FIL wanted to stay at ours and they could come in the car with us on the day of the wedding. At the time I had a Citroen Picasso, five seats. I said itnwasn't poosibke because there were six of us and she went full on aggy because it would be fine because dd could sit on her lap. Evidently if there was an accident, she would hold on tightly to dd.

She was very put out indeed when I said ot wasn't happening because no child of mine was being driven half way round the M25 whilst not properly secured in a car seat.

They had to book an hotel and stay with the rest of her family the night before. Her behaviour at that wedding was dreadful but that's another story. She showed off again at the reception because she was tired and wanted to go back to the hotel 6/7 miles on B roads through the woods and I said no, because I needed dh in the car to navigate me back, and no we were not all getting in the car with a child on a lap.

So, @BeccB this isn't a new problem. Some of the previous generation often refuses to move with the times.

She was a former Deputy Head so you woukd have thought she woukd have been more mindful of safety as had been in loco parentis for so many years.

If they won't listen you need to not leave your kids with them if they will need to go in the car. I didn't let my parents drive my children as I felt sure they would have just done what they felt like. But my mum would still huff and scoff at the RF car seat. Lots of "oh that is ridiculous, looks so uncomfortable, didn't have all this fuss and nonsense when you were young ..."

I don't think it is just an age thing though. I was shocked at a number of my contemporaries who literally couldn't wait to FF their kid at the earliest possible opportunity. Photos on social media "look at little man in his big boy seat" etc. Then get huffy with anyone who pointed out RF is still much safer. They were also the types who would have a lavish christening despite never setting foot in a church otherwise, get pets impulsively and then rehome them when the reality set in etc. All show and no common sense.

Sorry we got a bit cross with you, I accept your apology, we all say things in error or without realising we are upsetting someone. Hope it all gets sorted out for you re the car seats
Dont be worrying about us lot any more

See, this isn't my experience of the 90s with car seats at all. We knew not to have jackets on the child, had the capsule in the front to keep an eye on the baby, mine went into boosters at 3.5-4, depending on size and weight and the recommendations. We knew that car seats need to be replaced after an impact and that they had expiry dates, and not to buy second hand. We knew the straps had to be tight and how to use the clips and so on.

I also know that car seat safety has evolved, but I think the only real change is longer rear facing. I would probably not be able to hide my WTF expression off my face if anyone my age pulled out a car seat from the 90s expecting it to be used!

DH and I are 'boomers'. When our dc's were babies/children, they were always strapped into their baby seats as per the guidance at that time (80's / 90's). DH is now retired and looks after the dgc so that ds and Dil can work. I am still working so help out when I can. DH has the appropriate seats in his car in case he needs to drive them anywhere and he uses them according to the instructions. However, due to arthritis in my hands, I am unable to do the straps myself and because the seats are so big, I cannot travel in the car when the children are in the car, because my seat has to go so far forward that I physically cannot get into the car. So, from that point of view, I do sympathise with your parents. For us, it just means that if we wanted to gout for a day with the dgc, I would have to travel separately in my car. Howi, for the sake of doing our best to keep dgc safe, that's a price we happily pay.
As someone said up thread, for people of around our age, car seat were a way of life, so it's difficult to understand why your parents are so against them. I would have expected that attitude from people of my parents' generation, as fewer people had cars so car seats weren't really a thing.

You do your thing. My elders were aghast when I dressed my babies in hand me downs and gave them charity shop toys yet bought the most expensive car seat I could with highest rating. Travelling in a car was the riskiest thing I did with my kids (albeit incredibly low risk still) so why wouldn’t I do everything in my power to mitigate this? In my day front facing wad the norm after baby carrier and I had no idea about the coats, so tots getting safer and safer with these innovations.