Boomer generation on car seat safety

[BeccB]

I’m growing increasingly frustrated and angry at both my parents and my ex’s mother at their stubbornness and self righteousness over car seat safety!

I’ve decided to keep my 18 month old DS rear facing for as long as possible based on recent evidence of its increased safety for children’s spines and necks in a crash. I purchased an extended rear facing car seat with a 360 degree swivel base so when DS gets to be an uncomfortable age rear facing (hopefully 4) I can also forward face eventually… first of all my mum has none stop complained about the ‘absurd size’ of the car seat and how it takes up her leg room in the passenger seat of my car because the front seat has to be so far forward (she’s about 5ft!!). There are some days when I am working that my mum and dad look after DS (their choice) and they request the car seat be put in their car so they can take him out. I have given my father a demonstration many times on how to securely strap him into his car seat, such as slacking the straps, clicking them in and then tightening them again but he just feigns paying attention and always complains that I do them too tight and he can’t open them after (a load of rubbish because I can with no problem) so I’ve found a few times they bring DS back and the straps are reallllly slack and also last week that they decided to forward face him to save leg room in the front.

My ex MIL is the same! She always comments on how he needs a jacket on in his car seat and I’ve explained so many times that puffy jackets aren’t safe because the air compresses in an impact and means the straps are slack. No matter how many times I explained she’s always asked why he’s not wearing a coat even though he’d be covered with a blanket and I’d hand her a coat to put on him when he got out.

I constantly get frustrated and ask them why they put their stubbornness above their grandson’s safety and their response is “it’s all overkill these days”, “we didn’t have to do this with you and you survived” and even the audacious “we’re not going to crash you’re being paranoid”.

I just think if it was me in 30 years time and there was an all singing all dancing car seat that could lessen my grandchild’s chance of injury or death in an accident I would be so pleased that it existed and there’s no way I’d be so dismissive of it just because “I didn’t have it in my generation”. I’ve heard from a few friends with children that their boomer parents also have this mentality and I just wonder why and how everyone else deals with it?? I could scream! 😅

Thank you! I didn’t realise ‘boomer’ was an ageist term. I just use it because it does seem to be that particular generation that have this stubbornness around modern parenting. I wouldn’t be offended by being called a millennial and admit we have a lot of misgivings in our generation too 😅

My parents are mid-70s and pretty good with car seat safety - the odd bit of confusion over the straps, but that's only because they didn't use the car seat much and they do take a bit of getting used to.

My issue was my definitely-not-Boomer SIL, who insisted it was 'fine' to hold a baby for 'short journeys' and not bother with a car seat.

This. Ageism is ignorant and unpleasant.

If you aren’t happy just don’t have him going out with them.
By saying boomers I assume they are quite elderly. What you don’t appreciate when you are younger is just how much flexibility and mobility you lose as you age. Just because your fingers are nimble doesn’t mean they are. If seat is too far forwards your mum may struggle to get in and out or may not be able to reach for seatbelt. It may also impair drivers vision if she’s sat too far forwards.
If they want to see grandchild alone drop him off and pick up.

I didn’t realise ‘boomer’ was an ageist term.

It's not the term that's ageist, it's you tarring an entire generation with the same brush based on two examples.

I just use it because it does seem to be that particular generation that have this stubbornness around modern parenting.
Does being a millennial make it difficult to think?

Yep its a 'boomer' thing.

My mid 60s parents and in laws are like this my mid 90s grandparents are pro what they view as progress (such as better car seats).

I basically told my mum her views were old fashined and she soon shut up (she doesnt think shes that old).

Thank you. I just wanted to open a conversation about this particular generation with car seat safety as it’s a trend I’ve noticed amongst friends with parents the same age. It’s lovely to hear of grandparents that are respectful or parents wishes of car seat safety so thank you for your comment.

I couldn’t care less about being called a millennial or insulted for it pal. Do You have anything constructive to add to the conversation?

Okay. Granted. Maybe the headline could have been better thought out. I just wanted to open up a conversation to see if other people with parents in this generation experienced the same… to see if it WAS a generational trend. Sorry for any insult caused.

I'm 62 and so technically I'm a boomer, although it feels more like my parents' generation to me (since its date range covers such a vast period with such huge demographic change).

Anyway, my husband was born just after the boomer cut-off and it is amazing how much his attitude to car seats differs from mine. He is all for using the latest tech to minimise the death and injury of young children in car crashes. But I just want to let children rattle around in the car like balls in a pinball machine in the event of an impact, as god and Newtonian physics intended.

Yes, I know it will hurt them. But I can't help it because of the date of my birth. I am stupid and selfish because I am a boomer, just like how I am unpredictable and aloof on account of being an Aquarius.

Then refer to that generation as some of my friends and me have parents whonare over 60. The term "Boomer" has become pejorative.

re the poster who said we do what our children ask,
We do too, despite being those hated old boomers-I never say “ back in the day”. It’s a privilege and pleasure to look after grandchildren and we always follow current guidelines and requests from parents.
Please don’t say it’s boomers, it’s irresponsible people who could be any age.
Im not saying I privately agree with everything but I’d never go against the parents routines and requests.
(Obviously there may be times when I use my initiative if something arises, as my children would all understand and expect of me)

Thank you. This is the sort of thing I wanted to hear from people - their experiences that may be different to mine. Thank you for your constructive comment.

Is it a Boomer thing? Or a 'your parents' thing? My parents are from the boomer generation and as kids (early '70s) my parents used baby seats, and my father fitted child restraints to the rear of their cars way before they became compulsory. Britax seatbelts strapped us in until we could wear a shoulder inertia reel belt, and before they were standard in the cars he'd fit them too.

Even his company cars had rear seatbelts fitted by his employer before they were a legal requirement, which heavily implies that culturally that it was the norm in the '70s and 80's in certain sectors of society for child safety in cars to be taken seriously.

Don't pal me mate.

Okay. Noted. I did not know it was so offensive until this thread 😅

Not sure why you're getting such a hard time OP...clearly generation descriptions are triggering here. It's obviously not all people in that age group and you are unlucky to have 3 grandparents with that attitude but I do feel for you. It's incredibly frustrating!
Luckily my DM (boomer) is on board with any and all rules regarding safety for my toddler and she even follows his exact routine that I do with him so he's really comfortable with her when she looks after him.
My OH (Gen X) on the other hand thinks DS (2) legs are crushed because of rear facing, thinks he must hate it because he 'can't see out the windows', doesn't understand why his jacket needs to come off in the car even though he's a very intelligent engineer who clearly understands physics.
He would have him on a quad/dirt bike if he could...he just seems to have a 'it won't happen to me' attitude when it comes to risky things. Thankfully he does actually (grudgingly) listen to me and I sent him various youtube videos of crash tests to reinforce the point (rear facing vs front facing and loose straps etc). Could you show them those videos? Send them links to research if they prefer reading to videos? 30 years ago there was a hell of a lot less traffic on the road but proportionally higher fatalities/casualties...they can't argue that increased safety standards are not working.
Not sure if it would go down well but surely it would be better than them not being able to take their grandchild out in the car.

Car seat safety is something that you can't compromise on so you just need to make it clear that they must adhere to your method or you can't allow your dc in their car. However millions of babies have been raised safely before yours, some of them by your parents/pil so try not to be too preachy about it.

This is what I wanted to discuss ultimately if it’s a generational thing or individual. That’s really interesting to know and good on your father for being so forward thinking!

You do realise that everyone who turned 60 this year is Generation X.Many are already Grandparents ,We grew up with safety belts and put our own kids into car seats rear facing and put helmets on their heads .We did not decend from the Arc.

My boomer parents have completely embraced modern car seat safety and have a Swedish plus tested extended rear facing car seat permanently installed in their car for whenever they have my 4 year old, and are very judicious about doing it up properly. It’s not that whole generation.

Yeah I think you were hoping that other parents would reply with their thoughts, instead you had all the Boomers (gransnet) chipping in.

Yep same here with both sets of parents! "He's so squashed, his legs are bent, there's no room". Since he was about 18months. Yet even at nearly 3 he's absolutely fine with me, never complains he's uncomfortable, even naps in the car so it can't be that bad! I've explained it's based on height and he's within the height limits so he's not getting a new seat yet!

I get your frustration but the flip side is that these seats are huge and bringing the passenger seat really far forward isn’t safe either, the car seat needs to be able to fit in the car too. I also think that having to slacken and tighten every time leaves too much room for error, a design flaw. Your seat seems very complicated compared to my dc’s seats which were very safe and proven as dc1 was in a 60mph crash without any injuries.