Boomer generation on car seat safety

[BeccB]

I’m growing increasingly frustrated and angry at both my parents and my ex’s mother at their stubbornness and self righteousness over car seat safety!

I’ve decided to keep my 18 month old DS rear facing for as long as possible based on recent evidence of its increased safety for children’s spines and necks in a crash. I purchased an extended rear facing car seat with a 360 degree swivel base so when DS gets to be an uncomfortable age rear facing (hopefully 4) I can also forward face eventually… first of all my mum has none stop complained about the ‘absurd size’ of the car seat and how it takes up her leg room in the passenger seat of my car because the front seat has to be so far forward (she’s about 5ft!!). There are some days when I am working that my mum and dad look after DS (their choice) and they request the car seat be put in their car so they can take him out. I have given my father a demonstration many times on how to securely strap him into his car seat, such as slacking the straps, clicking them in and then tightening them again but he just feigns paying attention and always complains that I do them too tight and he can’t open them after (a load of rubbish because I can with no problem) so I’ve found a few times they bring DS back and the straps are reallllly slack and also last week that they decided to forward face him to save leg room in the front.

My ex MIL is the same! She always comments on how he needs a jacket on in his car seat and I’ve explained so many times that puffy jackets aren’t safe because the air compresses in an impact and means the straps are slack. No matter how many times I explained she’s always asked why he’s not wearing a coat even though he’d be covered with a blanket and I’d hand her a coat to put on him when he got out.

I constantly get frustrated and ask them why they put their stubbornness above their grandson’s safety and their response is “it’s all overkill these days”, “we didn’t have to do this with you and you survived” and even the audacious “we’re not going to crash you’re being paranoid”.

I just think if it was me in 30 years time and there was an all singing all dancing car seat that could lessen my grandchild’s chance of injury or death in an accident I would be so pleased that it existed and there’s no way I’d be so dismissive of it just because “I didn’t have it in my generation”. I’ve heard from a few friends with children that their boomer parents also have this mentality and I just wonder why and how everyone else deals with it?? I could scream! 😅

So ignorant. It’s your relatives, not the rest of us.

I'm what you would call a boomer. I babysit a neighbour's child and I noticed that the child seat wasn't being used properly so I politely mentioned it and the young parents were grateful to me for pointing it out.
How's that for a boomer?
Maybe your boomer relatives are fed up of your patronising attitude.

Thank you. Yes I agree I’ve tried getting them to watch YouTube videos but they’re very much eyeroll towards it and don’t humour me. I feel like if someone else was to tell them they’d take it in more because they just disregard me as being an overbearing mother or too much ‘gentle parenting’ 😅 I love my parents to bits they are the most amazing parents and grandparents but it just makes it even more frustrating that they have to be so stubborn about this.

That’s great. It’s refreshing to hear about it the other way round and props to you for putting them right. No offence meant, just asking for others’ experiences.

Just to add, I'm not sure when car seats first became a legal requirement but although I am just about a 'boomer', they were certainly legally required when my children were small in the 90s and 00s. I think you have to be quite a lot older than 60 to find them new-fangled.

It was actually my parents, not me, who were happy to have children pinging about at liberty in the back seat.

There’s no ageism intended here. If you’ve taken it that way I sincerely apologise.

Boomer gen...how crass andrude

That’s good to know thank you. Mine are a similar age. Gosh yeah that’s shocking from your SIL!! 😳

I experienced similar from my own parents with my first DD who are in the younger end of the age bracket your parents are in. I don't have any issues with younger DD. In my parents case I think it was more overwhelm and frustration (of their own aging bodies). Things have changed dramatically over the years, even between my oldest DD and my youngest things have changed.

When I had DD4, my mum proudly retrieved my old Fisher Price 1990s car seat out of the loft explaining it was top of the range (it was for the 90s). When I explained car seat safety has come a very long way since the early 1990s she was not happy. She told me that they were very car seat safety conscious,my dad had gone out and bought the rear seatbelt pack to fit in their car so me and my brother had seatbelts, not like Tom, Dick and Harry next door who were riding in the back of their parents car without seatbelts because old cars didn't come with reae seatbelts and if you wanted them you had to fit them yourself or get someone to fit them. Thing is, she knew how to use my 1990s car seat, she had both me and my brother in it. The car seat fastened in with the normal seatbelt between 2 bars. The clips were normal clips and then there was a bumper bar that went down. The seat forward faced so leg room at the front wasn't impacted. You could see the babies face because they faced forward. And don't even get me started on the baby goes on the back seat in the bassinet memories. They moaned about the isofix - in reality their finger strength and dexterity (early arthritis) meant fitting with isofix was hard. They moaned about the top tether, it takes time and needs to be tight and that's hard with aging bodies. The car seat is bulky so you need to pull the seat forward making getting in and out the car for them more difficult. They found it harder to get toddler in and out the car seat rear facing more difficult due to their age and also DDs resistance to the car seat. The straps were always loser than I would have liked because they couldn't quite access the button that loosen the straps and so they would loosen the straps of the car seat in their house (then have to refit the car seat) it would be a team effort, then once they got it loose DD would go in, there would be screaming and fighting and "how do you tighten this strap - pull it" DD would scream, now it's too tight "how do I loosen it?" It used to take my parents a good 15 minutes (on a good day) to get DD4 in the car seat with 2 of them.

We as parents do it day in and out, we are used to the straps, the buckles, the technique of getting a car seat resisting toddler into a rear facing seat, which button to swivel the seat, how to pull the strap tight, we know how tight to pull the strap, we know not to put coats on and it's habit for us. It takes us a couple of mins to get our own child in a car. Some parents are used to traveling in the car with coats on and taking a coat off in the car isn't a thing. My parents are in a routine with it now, and now know how to use their car seat so it's not so much of a trauma for them so less moaning. They can't wait for the booster seat phase as they know how to use those as me and my brother had those from 2 😅. Just think how much faffing about and worry we had when bringing our newborns home the first time in the new car seat, when we were still working out how to use the seat and strap them in and for some grandparents it is like this every time for them as they don't use the car seat often enough.

My mum is still having trauma with my perfect prep machine - DD2 is 9 weeks old and she absolutely despises the thing and cannot possibly understand why I don't make up all bottles in a morning and leave them stood on the side (not the fridge) all day ready to use.

Car seats in the 90s, yes. I think the issue is more to do with the extended rear facing debate now and also the size of car seats with all the extra padding etc now they are cumbersome I must admit but it’s all for a good reason.

I’d suggest it’s individual rather than generational.

You only need to look at the most widely available car seats in high street shops to see what is the most common purchase. That stock matches demand. ERF are still a relatively specialist purchase.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It is definitely a factor with the arthritis and dexterity etc I can understand that. Like my DF has said before it’s difficult to do the straps up when they’re so tight so I’ve shown him how to loosen them and then tighten them when DS is in but he’ll just loosen them and not tighten them again because doesn’t de wit as an issue and also with the car seats being a swivel base you can choose to rear or forward face and they’ve been doing forward without me knowing. I do get it from an ageing point of view they’re clearly frustrated at their own abilities aswell but it’s she attitude towards it that’s frustrates me. I’ve never patronised or shouted at them or been nasty about it I just don’t know how to get across how important it is to me and to put my mind at rest when DS is not with me.

Apologies. As I’ve stated many times throughout this thread I was not aware it was offensive to label a generation. No offence meant.

Yours sincerely, a millennial :)

Boomer? How fucking insulting - you're claiming ignorance there, so what, you thought it was a term of endearment?

Both my 'boomer' parents are very careful about car safety, as are my aunts and uncles with their grandchildchilren.

Just because your parents to are know-it-all arseholes, doesnt mean everyone else's are!

I’m 5ft 2 and absolutely cannot sit in the front passenger seat when my granddaughter rear facing seat is in the back of our car (a mini countryman, so not a small car), I’m literally inches from the windscreen! So I completely get what your MIL is saying.
Maybe try to have a bit of sympathy for her fear of hitting the windscreen in her car rather than moaning about her fears for her own safety!!

Didn’t I just! 😅

@IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken, I'm not from the baby boomer age group. I'm objecting because the thread title was objectionable.

Blimey OP you're being given a very hard time on this thread! 😂

Is it just car seats that are the issue or is it listening to your advice/wishes in general? If its just the car seat I would consider meeting them half way, personally I'd rather buy (or ask them to buy) another car seat for them to use. A properly used but less safe car seat is miles better than a top safety rated but poorly used one. Also buy a car blanket to go over the straps so shes not in a coat? I cringed when you said they didn't tighten it- that's terrifying, in a crash she would be ejected from the seat.

My parents (mid-late 60s) don't take advice well at all when it comes to grandchildren. They will regularly tell me that I was fine when I was a baby.

I choose to not sweat the small stuff e.g. more tv time than I would allow. But the big stuff is non negotiable, I absolutely wouldn't allow her in the car with them unless I was confident e.g. don't leave a car seat so they must stay at home with her, or meet them at a soft play? Tbh it all came to a head for my parents when they disregarded some advice I gave about my youngest and it went really wrong. Youngest wasn't harmed but was incredibly upset, as were my parents. Youngest has a serious and life limiting condition and they really scared themselves. They haven't done it since and I'm sure they won't in the future.

Quite ironic that you’re accusing me of being insulting and then proceed to call my parents aresholes. My parents are NOT arseholes at all and I’ve never stated such a thing. I’m expressing frustration over our differing attitudes towards car safety.

You've upset the baby boomers OP!

My experience has been the same. MIL is horrified by our extended rear facing seat. Apparently our toddler will be bored, break his legs in an accident, bullied as he gets older... Everytime I explain how much safer they are.

Basically, if you’re not happy with how the grandparents look after your son, then you’ll need to find alternative childcare. You say it’s ’their choice’ - did you have no say in the matter?
BTW - advances in car safety design combined with lower speed limits have resulted in far better outcomes for passengers when a car is involved in a collision. However, car seat manufacturers have to continually get the message across that their new improved designs are far superior and safer than last year’s designs and parents that aren’t buying their extremely expensive products are somehow neglectful. It’s a bit of a con and plays on parents fears, as a means of making huge profits. The only way to guarantee absolute safety when travelling in a car is to not actually get in it at all.

I drive past 3 primary schools on the way to and back from work. Huge numbers of parents are bundling preschoolers and primary in cars with no seats or belts even. Kids climbing all over cars. What are parents primarily in their 20s/30s called?

Do you realise that one day you will also be in your 60s and if you’re lucky a grandparent? The arrogance of children of ‘boomers’ knows no limits today.

My parents are far more careful about car seat safety than DH is. I don't believe this is a generational thing - at least not in my personal experience.

I really dislike the term Boomer, which is very rarely used in a positive context.

I think if it’s a safety issue you are fine to say don’t go out in car. They’ll have free bus passes and could take him on bus, toddlers usually love buses.
The suggestion to buy a seat they like and can use is a good one if they need to be out and about in car. A seat slightly less well rated but used properly is better than one not used properly.