Boomer generation on car seat safety

[BeccB]

I’m growing increasingly frustrated and angry at both my parents and my ex’s mother at their stubbornness and self righteousness over car seat safety!

I’ve decided to keep my 18 month old DS rear facing for as long as possible based on recent evidence of its increased safety for children’s spines and necks in a crash. I purchased an extended rear facing car seat with a 360 degree swivel base so when DS gets to be an uncomfortable age rear facing (hopefully 4) I can also forward face eventually… first of all my mum has none stop complained about the ‘absurd size’ of the car seat and how it takes up her leg room in the passenger seat of my car because the front seat has to be so far forward (she’s about 5ft!!). There are some days when I am working that my mum and dad look after DS (their choice) and they request the car seat be put in their car so they can take him out. I have given my father a demonstration many times on how to securely strap him into his car seat, such as slacking the straps, clicking them in and then tightening them again but he just feigns paying attention and always complains that I do them too tight and he can’t open them after (a load of rubbish because I can with no problem) so I’ve found a few times they bring DS back and the straps are reallllly slack and also last week that they decided to forward face him to save leg room in the front.

My ex MIL is the same! She always comments on how he needs a jacket on in his car seat and I’ve explained so many times that puffy jackets aren’t safe because the air compresses in an impact and means the straps are slack. No matter how many times I explained she’s always asked why he’s not wearing a coat even though he’d be covered with a blanket and I’d hand her a coat to put on him when he got out.

I constantly get frustrated and ask them why they put their stubbornness above their grandson’s safety and their response is “it’s all overkill these days”, “we didn’t have to do this with you and you survived” and even the audacious “we’re not going to crash you’re being paranoid”.

I just think if it was me in 30 years time and there was an all singing all dancing car seat that could lessen my grandchild’s chance of injury or death in an accident I would be so pleased that it existed and there’s no way I’d be so dismissive of it just because “I didn’t have it in my generation”. I’ve heard from a few friends with children that their boomer parents also have this mentality and I just wonder why and how everyone else deals with it?? I could scream! 😅

Boomer GP here. I do exactly what my GC’s parents want. Why wouldn’t I? I think that I am much more representative of my generation than OP’s frankly ignorant parents and resent the ageism so please stop already.

honestly we were worried that the belts would crush the child or restrict breathing and be very uncomfortable. We could imagine the child's delicate bones being distorted or cracked by the pressure.

This is so strange as a concern. You couldn't possibly tighten a car seat strap by hand to the degree that it would suffocate a child or crack their bones yet the forces if you were (God forbid) to be in an accident are extremely violent even at low speeds, and can easily break bones if a passenger is not adequately restrained. The job of a child seat is basically to hold the child securely if you were to be in an accident and they do work very well for this purpose, but they work best when they are adjusted properly.

A car seat is basically a child's seatbelt. If you wouldn't dream of travelling without having them use a seatbelt, you should take the time to learn to use the child seat properly.

Discomfort I can understand as a worry but you don't need to make them so tight they are uncomfortable. Most car seats these days also come with soft coverings on the straps which helps prevent them rubbing. They are very well designed and shouldn't be uncomfortable, but should be snug for safety.

A useful thing to keep in mind is that a car crash is not dissimilar in physics to being suddenly dangled out of an upstairs window, with the front of the car facing the ground. If you were going to lower a child out of a window, let's say to escape a fire or something, you'd want them ideally to be contained in some kind of cradle or stretcher, underneath them. That is how a rear facing seat works. If they had to be suspended from a harness instead, then you'd want it to be completely snug to their body with no chance at all for them to slip out. That's how tight you need to make the straps in a forward facing seat.

Honestly the way I deal with it is they never drive my child, they never look after my child.

It's not generational, it's them as individuals. My parents and PIL are all born in the 40s and 50s and became grandparents in 2015/16. None of them had any interest in not following updated safety advice. Wasn't an issue at all.

Don't leave your child with them anymore, it's such a bare minimum thing to prevent death or catastrophic injury and they refuse to do it.

I hear you OP, I always get told that kids were fine to be sat in the front in the 80s!! But I expect I won’t be up to speed with the latest advice if I am a grandma one day.

YABU to use the word boomer to describe them as it’s an insult especially as they are looking after your child for free!!

What I would say is that some many (not all) older people sometimes do find they struggle more to learn new things, and also struggle with dexterity.

Fixed that for you @MyCatPrefersPeaches

Honest, stop with the ageism.

If you want endorsement for these ridiculous contraptions, there is a whole subject section on this with advice from people who literally think about nothing else but this and dont seem to ever go out or talk about anything else. No need to be so nasty about people who dont live and breathe car seats and have other life experience.

I stand corrected this is in car seats so you will be cared for well.

There are no other posts by @BeccB . What a surprise!

Got to love a bit of casual ageism.

My DP were incredibly anxious to get car safety right when their first GC was born. They were really keen to make sure they had everything right and practised with my sister until everyone was happy they knew what they were doing.

But yeah, all "boomers" don't give a shit about care seat safety.

I had the same attitude from SIL regarding car seats and cutting up grapes etc. Along with wonderful parenting advice about how she'd let her kids stay up in front of the TV and let them fall asleep in front of it every night (couldn't understand why I had implemented a bedtime routine from 4 weeks old).

She was never allowed to look after my child.

An underrated advantage of not living close to parents is that you don't have to deal with their opinions about childrearing. But it's not generational, it's personality. My silent gen parents and PILs varied in their attitudes, e.g. MIL and DDad were consistently supportive, DM would have the odd 'oh that's different', whereas FIL was outspokenly horrified if we did anything he disapproved of, e.g. he though we were wrong to put our children to sleep on their backs because according to him they'd end up with a strange shaped head. I just told him that I'd rather a stranged shaped head than dead because of cot death so got huffed and puffed at about that. He was not the kind of man who could cope with women having their own opinions. But that was personality rather than age. Your boomer parents will remember Anne Diamond's back to sleep campaign in the early 90s so at least you won't have to worry about that.

Stop with the ageism.
We bought the same car seats for our grandchildren as their parents bought.
We also purchased a new car, with an excellent safety rating, when we first became grandparents.

Just find other childcare if you aren't happy, no need to write a long episode of nasty ageist rants.

I hear you OP, I have the same issue with my mum and step father. He's more obviously vocal about the 'overkill' but I know my mum is complaining out of earshot.

Actually I feel the challenge extends in to other areas too, like if I have a boundary around my child (whether that's his food, safety, sleep, whatever), if its different to how they did it, they seem to take it as a personal affront to their own decisions as parents.

Also, eyerolling massively at the 'ageism' whinging around the term Boomers and think you'rebeing given a ridiculously hard time OP. I just think it's quite funny that 'ageism' isn't thrown around on threads where people are complaining about managing GenZ (if I'm allowed to say that). It's a generational difference, there's a pattern of different attitudes and OP is calling it out- she's not saying everyone from that generation is the same. Just because your 60 year old mum is cool with it, doesn't mean she's wrong.

It's also my mother (who is a boomer). She complained about it being rear facing, about me wanting to give hery seat rather than use the one she got free. All sorts.

Was really annoying. Especially as I'd bought a super safe, super compact seat which took up less room than the forward facing one.

I'm a boomer and shall do what dil wants vis a vis car seats/safety when the baby comes.

As a ghastly boomer, DH and I are also in a position to help the dc out and pay the school fees. Won't happen if they turn on us and become ageist.

I don't know why you bother to even see your parents since you obviously hate them so much.

I don’t think there’s anything nasty about it. I’m just expressing my frustration and asking if people have experienced the same and how they get around it. Also I don’t need other childcare thank you. I’ve quite clearly stated it’s their choice to have DS on a weekend. Have a good day.

I’m with you on the eye rolling.

Maybe after one person said they felt “boomer” was being used as an ageist insult that was enough and we could move on?

OPs parents ARE the boomer generation. That’s just fact. Not an insult. She is also talking about her experience with the 3 boomer generation adults that she personally knows and is asking if this is common. That’s all.

I’d love to see this kind of anti-ageism enthusiasm on every thread about “kids these days” and “gentle parenting” or “iPad parents” which are very clearly aimed at a generation of parents.

Why don't you just tell them you don't want them to have DS and be done with it then

They are hardly “ridiculous contraptions”. Care seats are a legal requirement and have been for some time 🙄

This is an individual behaviour thing, not a generation thing.

Both grandparents in our case approach to car seats is tell us what to do and we’ll do it.

I do see us in having a role in helping them understand, address their other concerns eg on getting cold with other current solutions.

Also, it’s important to recognise that buckles can be difficult with less strong hands. At a practical level, rather than demonstrate - stand next to and advise while they do.