Boomer generation on car seat safety

[BeccB]

I’m growing increasingly frustrated and angry at both my parents and my ex’s mother at their stubbornness and self righteousness over car seat safety!

I’ve decided to keep my 18 month old DS rear facing for as long as possible based on recent evidence of its increased safety for children’s spines and necks in a crash. I purchased an extended rear facing car seat with a 360 degree swivel base so when DS gets to be an uncomfortable age rear facing (hopefully 4) I can also forward face eventually… first of all my mum has none stop complained about the ‘absurd size’ of the car seat and how it takes up her leg room in the passenger seat of my car because the front seat has to be so far forward (she’s about 5ft!!). There are some days when I am working that my mum and dad look after DS (their choice) and they request the car seat be put in their car so they can take him out. I have given my father a demonstration many times on how to securely strap him into his car seat, such as slacking the straps, clicking them in and then tightening them again but he just feigns paying attention and always complains that I do them too tight and he can’t open them after (a load of rubbish because I can with no problem) so I’ve found a few times they bring DS back and the straps are reallllly slack and also last week that they decided to forward face him to save leg room in the front.

My ex MIL is the same! She always comments on how he needs a jacket on in his car seat and I’ve explained so many times that puffy jackets aren’t safe because the air compresses in an impact and means the straps are slack. No matter how many times I explained she’s always asked why he’s not wearing a coat even though he’d be covered with a blanket and I’d hand her a coat to put on him when he got out.

I constantly get frustrated and ask them why they put their stubbornness above their grandson’s safety and their response is “it’s all overkill these days”, “we didn’t have to do this with you and you survived” and even the audacious “we’re not going to crash you’re being paranoid”.

I just think if it was me in 30 years time and there was an all singing all dancing car seat that could lessen my grandchild’s chance of injury or death in an accident I would be so pleased that it existed and there’s no way I’d be so dismissive of it just because “I didn’t have it in my generation”. I’ve heard from a few friends with children that their boomer parents also have this mentality and I just wonder why and how everyone else deals with it?? I could scream! 😅

Ita survivors bias in a lot of cases. Just a few things to note about car seat safety in case you arent aware and arguments to help you rear face.

360 car seats are usually a lot bigger than seats that just rear face such as axkid, avionaut, besafe. Also, they have less legroom (not needed to be safe but I imagine it will be the next complaint to forward face)

Forward facing will not save space as you need a survival gap of 55cm (I think?) Otherwise they will hit the seat in front in an accident.

I know you said you hope to rear face to age 4, but depending on the size of your child, you may not reach it. Also, the limits forward facing are the same as rear facing for many seats and usually transfer to seatbelt after they reach the rear facing limit.

I bought a rearfacing only car seat for this reason. In my mind, if the people looking after your child can't respect your wishes for something as simple as this, then they don't deserve to look after your child.

Aren’t I just! 😅 thank you for your advice that’s actually a really good idea to buy another car seat that they can at least use well! A large part of it might be that they can’t be bothered getting their head around the various buttons and levers of the thing there’s so many! 😅
Yeah it’s not just the car seat there are other areas like food etc. DS is a fussy eater and there have been various occasions where I’ve gone to great effort and expense to make ‘hidden veg’ meals etc and they say I’m wasting my time and to just give him chips that he likes because that’s all that we had and we turned out alright, stuff like that 😅 I get that in one way they’re basically saying “don’t worry about it” but I’m just doing my best… to do my best by him. I’m not by any means an overbearing mother. I don’t tell them what to feed him when he’s with them, I allow him sweets etc

It’s probably the pressure on our generation to be a ‘perfect parent’ with all the social media influence etc that they can’t relate to because it was much more relaxed in the 80s/90s but with regards to car seat safety I think that’s definitely a pressure that needs to be acted upon.

Sorry, but no sympathy here given your sweeping statement accusing a whole nation of people of a certain age with having no sense over car safety. Speak for your own feckless lot (all THREE of them), but don’t tar us all with the same brush.

Ok I hear you.

I agree with @Beetham . If they are not using the car seat properly then you are better off buying them or getting them to buy a decent FF high backed booster car seat. My own parents have a britax romer for DD who is 4 and very tall (I bought it for them). They are so much better with it and use it properly as it isofixed in and then they use the seatbelt across DD through the guides with the pad on near her neck. hey were also much better with the harness on the britax romer than my old swivel seat that RF -no idea why but it seemed to work better for them.

I wouldn’t let them have him unsupervised again. The risk of decapitation in an accident or spinal cord injury from impact is too high in this age range because of his head being so big compared to the rest of him is just too high for me to consider it.

I had a patient who was a retired road worker resurfacing the motorway and he’d seen a baby whose head had come off after an accident. Even on a 30 mph road you can’t guarantee someone won’t collide with you at high speed and I believe the two speeds combine during impact as the energy collides and goes through the car. So the baby could have over 100mph impact to survive which is a big ask.

My parents are boomers (bite me) and their peers though they were being OTT fitting a rear facing seat belt for me in the 80’s. The attitudes haven’t changed it’s seems either.

Ah really?! I’ll look into that model for them. Thank you so much for your constructive advice 🙂

I hate the fact that "boomer" has become pejorative. It wasn't pejorative when we baby boomers were young. But now that we are old, it's a negative because being old is viewed as a negative in today's world. Just another example of pervasive ageism in society and on MN.

It was ever thus. And for you younger folks on this thread, as long as we tolerate this type of casual and not so casual ageism, your time for being on the receiving end of ageist insults will come.

And thanks to those of any generation who have called out the ageism on this thread.

I'm not a boomer, just pointing out to OP that it's not the term that's annoying, it's the attitude that everyone of the same generation is the same.

Agree with this. And wait your child is 4 and at school. My grandaughter’s class are about to do a 20 mile trip to the Panto, in a mini bus with normal seat belts!! My Dd is the only parent who’s stated she will take her child herself as she doesn’t think the seat belts are safe for a small 4 year old. I agree with her and I’m almost a boomer!

We had the same nightmare with car seat safety (and basically any element of modern parenting) with my mum, and other grandparents to a degree but less as they have overall been around less.

Lost count of the number of arguments over the early years regarding the loose straps, and thoughtless comments about their poor cramped legs and endless whinging about ‘no space in the front’. I was not able to stay calm as it’s just so frustrating but eventually my mum has realised I’m not backing down and that there’s genuine safety advice to be listened to, and 95% of the time I’m happy the straps are tight enough now and she has invested in really good extended rear car seats for both my kids, and these stay in her car.

We’ve also had tons eye rolling and snide comments/unsolicited advice and judgement about gentle parenting, breastfeeding beyond around 6 months, baby-led weaning, co-sleeping/bed sharing. She can’t even stand that we let the kids fall asleep before we leave the room (“waste of time, only have yourself to blame that you’re burnt out and exhausted”)
I have found motherhood hard but honestly one of the very worst bits has been my mother’s attitude and judgement and it’s done nothing good for my relationship with her. I will never behave like this as a grandparent and if I ever get tempted to (say if there’s some new advice that seems crazy to me) then I’m really going to try remember how it made me feel

Ok I hear you.

Im lucky that my ‘boomer’ in-laws and dad just accepted the rear facing car seats I bought them. (We don’t drive ourselves and anything over baby carrier size is too difficult to lift on and off a train when visiting so needed to get one for each car)

My DD is currently 4 and in a Swedish plus tested Axikid Minikid. We did originally get a swivel one that turns to a high back booster but my DD was big for her age and we’d of had to forward face her too early in it so got an interim seat. She will hopefully stay rear facing till 5/6 but it will depend on her height and weight

Unfortunately, car seats are very expensive and we are not made of money so this is a big expense for us but it’s worth every penny to increase the chance of DD surviving in an accident.

Where I disagree is on the generational point. There is still a big lack of knowledge around car seats and many, even very switched on friends I know, turn their kids forward facing early as they think the kid is more comfortable. When I pass cara I see loads of dodgy seats put in incorrect and even kids sat in front seat without even an adult seatbelt on while all adults in the car have them on.

I think the law needs to change to keep kids in car seats longer and rear facing longer. And there needs to be more education. The sale of those fake, seats from China should also be banned.

Don’t let your child in their car if they can’t follow current safety guidelines.

So you condemn a whole generation on the basis that your parents/ILs are stupid?
You'll be claiming next that we are all to blame for the house price rises.....

It’s probably the pressure on our generation to be a ‘perfect parent’ with all the social media influence etc that they can’t relate to because it was much more relaxed in the 80s/90s but with regards to car seat safety I think that’s definitely a pressure that needs to be acted upon. @BeccB

What you’re missing is that things change for every single generation. When I had my dds in the 1990s I had my Mum and MIL telling me to stop fussing about BF, to dip a dummy in whiskey when they’re teething (!!!) and to ignore the “back to sleep” campaign as babies “sleep better on their tummy(!!!)”.

I jusy chose to smile and nod and get on with my own ideas as it was my baby.
When your child has dc there will be things you don’t understand, find difficult to do physically, plus it’s hard work looking after a toddler in your 60s/70s. Try to work with your parents to find an answer that suits everyone rather than being exasperated with them.

Well yes, that is what I'd call people that not only ignore safety advice but the parents' wishes for their child's safety.

If they think it’s you being neurotic would they respond if you sent them official guidance.
This case has always stayed with me. Child in incorrect seat in a car accident. Mum 25% to blame. Seeing your name on court papers blaming you for toddler’s life changing injuries because you cba restraining them correctly is unthinkable.
www.lexology.com/library/detail.aspx?g=0dc93eff-ac7b-4c3e-b7d4-b23985cc3442

I encourage people to report this thread for ageism.

I'm always torn between amusement and bafflement by how the majority of posters on MN seem to know the oldest, frailest 60-somethings on earth.

I agree with the other posters, OP. It's a your family problem. In your shoes, I wouldn't have them looking after my child.

It’s probably the pressure on our generation to be a ‘perfect parent’ with all the social media influence etc that they can’t relate to because it was much more relaxed in the 80s/90s but with regards to car seat safety I think that’s definitely a pressure that needs to be acted upon.

Maybe dependent on your social circles and area, but my kids were late nineties/early 2000s. We were living in New York and I can assure you that the pressure to have a perfect pregnancy, pre-conception through completely un-medicated birth (no gas and air in the US) to breastfeeding to active listening to the perfect car seat, perfect pre-school, etc. etc. was at fever pitch. Parenting was, at least in my experience, not remotely relaxed.

It’s probably the pressure on our generation to be a ‘perfect parent’ with all the social media influence etc that they can’t relate to because it was much more relaxed in the 80s/90s but with regards to car seat safety I think that’s definitely a pressure that needs to be acted upon.

Christ the pressure in the 90’s was horrible.

Lost me at ‘boomer’ too.
I take advice from my son and DIL and follow their knowledge which will be more up to date than mine. I also wait to be asked for advice.
It’s called mutual respect.

You’re being completely ridiculous and unnecessarily ageist.

Who do you think invented child car seats and other safety devices that you take for granted these days??

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Some people are big on safety and some aren't it's nothing to do with age. Some parents seem to think it's fine having a toddler sitting on their mum's knee in the front seat. Your parents are rubbish at following the proper safety procedures that is their personal problem nothing to do with other people their age.

Not sure if you are trying to make excuses for your parents or just being bloody rude to all the conscientious grandparents out there.