Struggling with likely inoperable cancer diagnosis while waiting for confirmation

[EmeraldJeanie]

I'm struggling. My husband is in hospital and been told after MRI likely inoperable cancer. If confirmed (biopsy Tuesday and they seem certain) then week til confirmation of something they are sure about and then chemo/ palliative care. Also procedure on Monday before biopsy Tuesday.
He looks the fittest man on the ward. He walked 15,000 steps round the hospital grounds yesterday. He is masking for our boys - sixth form and university age but talking about finances/ dignitas with me.
I am signed off work with stress. We are both late 50s.
This is all rather outing for anyone who knows me but perhaps that doesn't matter.
I need to buck up. I am losing weight and slim anyway. This limbo awful and yet knowing for sure will be awful too.

Oh my, I’m so so sorry. Wishing you all the strength in the world at this time.

I dont have the words. How cruel life is. I’m so so sorry x

Im so sorry, I hope you have a lot of support. I've been having grief councilling at our local hospice and it seems to help. I was surprised by how hard the loss has hit me as we had 21/2 years to come to terms with it. Lots of self care, even if that is sitting and staring at the garden, I like watching the birds go in the birdbath.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen 🙏

I am sorry for your loss. I hope you are surrounded by love and support.

So very sorry for all you've been through and for your terrible loss. I hope your children and family are supporting you through this next stage.

I'm sorry for your loss. I express that by looking for a way to help. The Tell Us Once service can make a difficult time marginally less difficult. https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once

Once the death is registered get several copies of the death certificate as it can reduce the time taken to deal with pensions and other financial matters. Hopefully your husband had a will and if you didnt have joint accounts he had time to transfer funds to your accounts.

If your children have had to take exams during this time their school may notify exam boards for consideration of this in marking. They should do this but your children can check, keeping them busy will help them.

Take any offers of help you can get and make sure you eat and stay hydrated.

@EmeraldJeanie what an absolute shock you have had, I am so very sorry. Hold your children close. The many good years will outweigh this awful month, but not immediately. Be kind to yourself. Feel the feelings - all of them - you are still here and will find a new normal. It's not the life you were expecting or planning we know.

I'm so sorry for your loss 💔

Terrifying and heartbreaking.
please take care of yourself. You’ll need to be strong for your sons if it’s not good news.
if you can’t eat take vitamin and mineral tablets. B complex are good for the nervous system.
but remember, miracles do happen.
Deep breaths xxx

I'm so sorry for you and your sons.

Oh no. I just posted. I didn’t see the last updates. I’m so sad for you and your sons. So so sorry. Just keep breathing

I am so very sorry for your loss EmeraldJeanie.
You and your boys are in my thoughts.

So sorry….

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 3months ago at a similar age and what sounds like a similar health journey to your DH. Life is so unfair. You will be in shock for a long while , you didn’t have chance to get your head round any piece of bad news before the next one came along. Sending you peace and love xx

So sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry sorry for your loss, such a whirlwind of shock. I hope you have support in real life darling.

High calorie drinks are available in the pharmacy if you're still finding it difficult to eat. Or protein shakes.

Look after yourself xx

So sorry for your loss

I am so sorry for your loss xx

I'm so sorry. There has been some good advice on here.. Remember the good times you had together, and know that others are thinking of you and sending love.

Sending hugs to you OP. So sorry for your loss.

Sending you gentle hugs from across the sea. I’m so sorry for your sad loss and keep posting if you need any support from a stranger. We’re listening and thinking of you and your lovely boys. xx

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers

So sorry for your loss, and for your children, and for your DH dying relatively young

Sharing in case it's helpful - my Dad died after a very short illness. At the time, it felt brutal as it was so sudden. With hindsight, a few years down the road, it gives me comfort that it was quick. My perspective now is quite different now to how I felt at the time

I’m so very sorry for your dreadful loss.

So sorry for your loss, OP. 💐