Cancer corkers - the crap things people say

[PaperbackWrighter]

I don't want to diss my lovely friends, family and acquaintances (too much!!) but I've collected a fair few cancer corkers in only about 7 weeks since diagnosis with breast cancer!! Wondering what others have heard... Here, I'll start us off...

[Friend week after my breast cancer diagnosis] "I'm doing the Zoe app and I've been reading about bowel cancer - weight loss is a major symptom. I think you need to get tested for bowel cancer too."

"Oh you poor thing. My partner died of lung cancer." [I have breast cancer!]

Day after MRI. "Haven't heard anything so assume no news isn't necessarily good news?"

"Stay positive." "Keep strong." "Take one day at a time."

I'm a grumpy old git but I had to get it out!!!

Oh I’ve had some corkers

“a friend of mine died of breast cancer “ cheers 🙄

”it’s only breast cancer , it’s so treatable “ great .. you have the treatment then

“oh it’s probably early , you’ll be fine “ wow glad you see inside my body and see what all the specialists can’t ! Grrrr

Oh and the classic .. “you’ll be fine , you’re a fighter ! “

no im not .. I don’t get to dictate the outcome

'So you'll be getting a boob job on the NHS!'

'my Spidey senses say you're going to be fine' (incurable brain cancer, dunno how long I've got, could be years, but it's not one to be glib about)

'but you're alright' (radiation somnolence, my mother telling me how I feel)

'sounds fun!' constant visual disturbances following surgery

'have you tried mindfulness ' fuck off

'i tried it for family stress and it worked'

'you could try a more spiritual approach'

'must be nice having the time out'

'brain tumour? I know someone who's in the hospice with that. Terminal. I'm off on holiday next week...'

I wish I didn't have to worry about my hair and could just wear a wig.

This was from my mother.

I can relate @PaperbackWrighter , I hated being told how I should think.The ‘you have to stay positive’ comments were the worse. When you’ve just been told you have cancer, where’s the positive in that?

To be fair, I think many people are scared shitless by the word cancer and they have no idea what to say. I told a friend of mine and she didn’t speak to me for six months.

Most people just want to say something positive to 'cheer you up'! Some make a joke because they have no idea what to say. The ones who say I know someone who died or is dying from that need a good smack.

The best one so far has been
“so ? I’ve got stage 4 lymphoma “. That beauty was from my mother

Yes sadly some people are terrified by the word and the. Go into avoidance mode

Holy fuck how thick/insensitive could someone be to say that.

A while after cancer recovery, my mum who was suffering from aches said "Don't get old". Didn't understand why I said that I was relieved to be able to.

OMG, what is wrong with some people? How about "I'm sorry to hear about that" or similar.

NC as I complained a lot at the time:

MIL
‘its only chemo” … well yes, but I have already had surgery and will also be having radiation, and it’s a LOT of chemo

” my friend has just been diagnosed - but hers is real cancer - unlike my namby - pamby blood cancer then ?

’ Your hair looks so nice these days ‘ - because it’s a wig bitch

The volunteers in our local cancer support hub when I went in looking for advice on head coverings ‘ just put a pair of knickers on your head. M&S do some nice ones’

Man that was cathartic - and I am in remission now !

'You'll never cope. You'll have to retire."

from my younger and positively gleeful colleague.

@Knittedfairies2 Jeeze, that needs to go in a book of Cancer Corkers!! Dickheads!!!!

Bloody hell!!! 🙈

Not me, but my aunt.

Keep positive

That sounds positive then...

Prognosis sounds good

IT'S CANCER FFS, NOT A BROKEN NAIL. Stop minimising it!!!!!!

You need to listen to your body (my aunt loves her job - telling her to rest is like asking her to cut off her leg, makes her depressed)

Primary BC :
"You are stoic"
" What's your prognosis?"
" You look so well"
" You are a fighter"
" You suit short hair"

Secondary BC 14 years on. Now treatable but incurable:

" What's your prognosis"
" Why do still have hair?"
" You look well"
" Keep fighting "
" Stay positive "

Me: Fuck right off! I do NOT suit short hair ( as you well know!) When I've hdd as my crystal ball through the post, I'll tell you how long I've got. I have looked like total shite for best part of-the year. I have my hair because my medication doesn't cause hair loss. I wasn't aware i was in a battle with cancer. I am fighting nothing. Just trying to live ( thanks!! 🙈🙂

The nurse who was in the room when I was given my breast cancer diagnosis, said "Of all of the breast cancers, yours in the best one to have".
I thought "Wtf"? In hindsight she was right, as I had NICIS fortunately caught in time. Granted I had to have a mastectomy, but no chemo, radiotherapy not even Tamoxifen.
That was 20 odd years ago, but I can still remember my reaction!

Why’s your hair curly? Never used to be!

I don't remember anyone saying anything, in fact a distinct lack of saying things just awkward silence with the subject swiftly changing.

Doctors/Nurses said a lot of stupid things about infertility and my MMC though.

Not me but my friend got this corker from another "friend"...."your diagnosis is having a terrible impact on my mental health. I don't think I can cope with it"

I'm stage 4. Pearls of wisdom have included:

"Oh you'll be ok studies are showing now that you can get rid of that by eating more greens like broccoli."

"Just you stay positive. You know the laws of attraction say if you put positive vibes out there you'll get them back. Just ask for your cancer to go"

Fuck off, fuck off and keep on fucking off won't you!!!

"BC is really treatable these days"

(I now know two school mums on end of life care, one of whom had the same as me.)

Also, treatable with anti hormone drugs that make you feel shite.

Oh yes. The drugs which keep on giving! Good old hormone fucking blockers!!! They are brutal!