Cancer corkers - the crap things people say

[PaperbackWrighter]

I don't want to diss my lovely friends, family and acquaintances (too much!!) but I've collected a fair few cancer corkers in only about 7 weeks since diagnosis with breast cancer!! Wondering what others have heard... Here, I'll start us off...

[Friend week after my breast cancer diagnosis] "I'm doing the Zoe app and I've been reading about bowel cancer - weight loss is a major symptom. I think you need to get tested for bowel cancer too."

"Oh you poor thing. My partner died of lung cancer." [I have breast cancer!]

Day after MRI. "Haven't heard anything so assume no news isn't necessarily good news?"

"Stay positive." "Keep strong." "Take one day at a time."

I'm a grumpy old git but I had to get it out!!!

@Enigma52 Thank you. I’ll be ok. Same to you 💐

Whenever anyone says anything stupid (“if I could have a cancer, it would be breast cancer” - from the (male) GP” and “yeah my mum had breast cancer, then she died” or “if it’s in your lymph nodes, that’s it!” (my mum) ) I say

“1 in 2! The statistics are one in two. So who’s turn is it next then?”

My sister in law on hearing my treatment plan for breast cancer “why don’t you just have a mastectomy?” Well, because that is not what my oncologist has recommended! She is forever on Dr Google telling me what I should be demanding 🙄

Wow ! This thread is a corker !!!
some of these comments have made me laugh out loud and some have just been horrendous.

I’m a week into diagnosis and I’ve had a couple of the generic ‘You’re so brave’ etc but my best ones so far come from my DB who would move mountains for me and my family, he has the best intentions but sometimes just lands badly.

We’ll have your Wimbledon tickets if you can’t go ! (Likely to be midway through radiotherapy at the time)

Let’s book some Friday’s off and play some really good golf courses over the summer (to DH who literally doesn’t know his arse from his elbow at the minute, trying to run his business and keep everything afloat at home)

I hate this! When I had chemo my Dad kept saying I should challenge the oncologist and ask them about x y z. I didn’t even see an oncologist after my consent appt until I finished chemo!

'You just need to be the person you were before cancer; he loved THAT person'.... said a close family member when I disclosed my DH and I were having some issues after 2 years of aggressive treatment (we're completely fine now)...

Also, 'you need to stop eating sugar because sugar causes cancer'.... when my oncologist was desperate for me to eat anything, even just kitkats!

There were many more; frankly one of the tiring things about having cancer was dealing with everyone else's emotions and thoughts about MY cancer!

Wait until you have two different incurable cancers! The “ beat it/ brave/ strong/ positive ( well meaning but fucking annoying )comments, never stop! 🙈

I am tired of the ‘ you’re so strong/ have such a strong Faith comments/ so brave comments ‘

Seriously?? I thought we were having coffee - lighten up!!

I got told about someone they knew who had “serious cancer”. While mine had me in fits of laughter did it?!

I get told how lovely my hair is. I’ve got chemo curls after a lifetime of straight hair. When I look in the mirror I see someone who had cancer, not someone who had a perm.

@FriendlyGreenAlien

I kept my hair because cold capping was successful for me. I still hate it. I told people I had cancer that I wouldn't have done because I expected to lose it. The cold cap process disgusted me. People didn't treat me like I had cancer because I didn't look like a tropical cancer patient. Etc etc. Sometimes I want pull it out.

DH explained to MIL I was going to have surgery to remove a tumour on a certain date. Her response was " I can't help with the kids as I'm going to the theatre that night." Funnily enough I haven't spent a lot of time with her since then...

I find the ‘ you can fight it/ beat it’ comments the most irritating as there is the suggestion that you have some control over this disease and if you don’t pull through it’s because you didn’t fight hard enough 🤬
i can forgive most of the other thoughtless and tactless remarks but I do have to challenge this if it’s said to me.

@Toptotoe @Enigma53 I agree. Ultimately you can’t actually fight cancer. If the treatments don’t work the darn thing just grows. It’s got nothing to do with how hard we fight it ourselves - it wouldn’t be such a devastating diagnosis if it was that easy.

I do recognise that a separate underlying diagnosis to cancer might make it harder to endure the treatments.

The treatments weaken us too. How many fronts are we to fight on.

I think some people seem to think my having cancer makes them immune from having it. Laws of probability- if I have it and they know me and it’s 1 in two - then they’re safe. 🤣 No one is safe. Life is a terminal diagnosis!

Im tired of the comments too. It’s even more exhausting than having cancer- managing other people’s emotions and comments

So many naff comments , A friend on hearing completed Chemo x 6 "Oh well,you can put all that behind you now" Er no!, 2 years of quarterly checks then 3 years of 6 monthly. Another one Oh our cleaner has that ,it's no big deal! Honestly I dont know whether to laugh or cry sometimes !

If one more person tells me how “lovely” my hair is I’m going to scream. I had long blonde straight hair before chemo. Now I have short dark curly hair. The hairdresser put some blonde highlights in but it’s still predominantly dark and looks horrendous. When I look in the mirror I don’t recognise myself.

I think you're being a bit harsh. People are clumsy because they don't know what to say. I'm in remission from BC so I know the kind of daft things they say.

Being in remission makes some of the daft things easier to tolerate.
Actually being Stage 4 and running out of options - then being told how well you look etc - is very difficult

Totally agree with @RedRosesPinkLilies
Being in remission and dealing with the comments, is far easier than being stage 4, with a rare cancer, offering few treatment options.

Get out in the sun, get yourself a tan. A month after having melanoma removed and awaiting possible further treatment!

I got a great one the other day - friend who has avoided me for 10 months after I told him I'd had BC and was about to start radiotherapy (he sent a few words, oh sorry to hear, then complete radio silence, wasn't interested in engaging with it). Messaged me the other day 'Hey, how are you, did you get over your health issues?'.

He got the radio silence this time!

I get the same with my husband. But I seen him on the school run and he looked great. Yes he was having a good day 🙈.

I got told my hair looked fantastic this weekend. Just like George Michael!
I've gone from long straight blond hair to an 80s permed male pop star. Thanks!

I had a friend liken my newly diagnosed advanced cancer to his employment issue. Im happy to give a lot of leeway to people who may say the wrong thing because 99% of the time I know their intention was pure, but the above was so inappropriate it was almost laughable!

It’s when people say “well none of us know when we are going we could get run over tomorrow” yes it’s true but I’ve been given the heads up! Could be sooner than the time it takes for you to be run over by a bus!

Agree! And how many people actually get run over by a bus?!? Few I imagine. Bloody stupid saying imo.