Cancer corkers - the crap things people say

[PaperbackWrighter]

I don't want to diss my lovely friends, family and acquaintances (too much!!) but I've collected a fair few cancer corkers in only about 7 weeks since diagnosis with breast cancer!! Wondering what others have heard... Here, I'll start us off...

[Friend week after my breast cancer diagnosis] "I'm doing the Zoe app and I've been reading about bowel cancer - weight loss is a major symptom. I think you need to get tested for bowel cancer too."

"Oh you poor thing. My partner died of lung cancer." [I have breast cancer!]

Day after MRI. "Haven't heard anything so assume no news isn't necessarily good news?"

"Stay positive." "Keep strong." "Take one day at a time."

I'm a grumpy old git but I had to get it out!!!

Oh I didn’t mind. Mostly people aren’t sure what to say. Didn’t really matter (to me) tbh, I had other things to worry about.

They did offer me ‘a free boob job’ afterwards. Result! But actually I didn’t want it, I’d been in doctor’s hands enough.

But everyone’s different.

I'm getting very tired of people saying things like "Well, it can't be anything too serious or they would have called you."

We have known since 14 June that DH has prostate cancer, but it is still not properly staged or graded and we have no treatment plan. The hospital won't engage with us at all over the delays, our designated specialist nurse is MIA and the only way we get anything out of the hospital is to chase them persistently, although the staff are not above lying to us when we do.

I am beside myself with worry and fear having now he's been in the system for over four months and there are no words of comfort, especially meaningless ones!

@NorthernDancer
Have you complained to PALS at the hospital?
If you haven’t so far, you might get some answers that way.

Yes, similar to my OH's chemotherapy which he was due to start in March 2020, the first day of treatment actually being the first day of lockdown. He got a curt phone call on the morning saying it was cancelled and they'd be in touch. It wasn't until August that the treatment actually started as they'd forgotten about him. That was despite him calling at least weekly to ask about the re-arranged dates and either getting no reply, no reply to answerphone messages he left, or being fobbed off by a receptionist saying someone would call him back.

There really isn't an urgency within the NHS, however serious the condition.

Said to me by a work colleague about my mum-in-law with stage 4 cancer - "How old is she?" I told her she was 76. "Oh, that's only 10 years older than me. She'll be fine!"

WTF? My lovely MIL died 3 months later.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your lovely MIL. What a crass comment from your colleague.

I had a stonker on Sunday. My friend who I hadn't seen since having breast cancer last year, was asking questions about the lumpectomy surgery. I was happy to answer. She asked if I'd had any reconstructive surgery and I said not really, but as I had 4 tumours they had to shift things round a little and has actually made it much more pert. Ah, she said, laughing, are you secretly hoping for a few lumps in the other boob then?

Funnily enough, no.

😡

@NorthernDancer Is this University Hospital Coventry and Warwickshire?

Thank you. And yes, the colleague's comment was crass/totally clueless/both! I also found it dismissive which was hurtful as l was letting her know l would need time off at some point to care for my terminally ill MIL as she was getting more and more unwell. To tell me she would be fine due to her age was crazy and l felt like she was just saying words, any words, as she felt awkward.

Sorry about your friend's comment - what a ridiculous thing to say. People either seem utterly stuck for what to say, or their mouths run away with them and they say lots of unhelpful/insensitive things.

Yes I think you're right - mouths just run away with them or completely stuck. Sometimes a mix of both. Bloody people! I'd always been a people person before cancer - now I prefer dogs!