Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Camping

Our UK Camping forum has all the information you need on finding the right equipment for your tent or caravan.

Original poster

Tent shagging etiquette

139 replies

Canvas · 09/07/2016 23:13

Erm, yes. 2 weeks coming up in a tent. DCs in pup tent. Family in tents nearby. Does this mean 2 weeks of celibacy? Even if super quiet, the possibility that my mother in law might hear or even just suspect fills me with horror. What is the etiquette?

OP posts:
Original poster
Canvas · 09/07/2016 23:53

Gertrude are you just looking for a piece of the action with that offer?

OP posts:
Original poster
Canvas · 09/07/2016 23:54

Coffee's post about sheep noises brought back a freaky yet hilarious memory from a long-ago tropical holiday involving an overly vocal voyeuristic monkey.

OP posts:
GarlicStake · 09/07/2016 23:58

I'm afflicted as JackieAndHyde - also camping-averse & celibate, so the noisy woman you hear is NOT me.

I must have inherited my lack of talent for the silent shag: I spent many childhood nights awake, trying not to barf or giggle at my parents' muffled rumpy pumpy. I thought moving myself into a small tent further away would help - it did, but then I was treated to the (sometimes not muffled) rumpy pumpy sounds of strangers.

Camping's a ridiculous hobby, I swear!

Rainbow · 09/07/2016 23:59

Showers were empty early in the morning and late at night. Still need to be quiet but running water covers some noise x

GertrudeSmellsDivine · 10/07/2016 00:01

I've got my own camping action sorry OP. And after 30 years' practice, he's like a ninja at it Grin

MonkeysWAGMug · 10/07/2016 00:02

OP, thanks for this thread.
I've never been camping and never intend to so I have no advice.
In fact I'm with Harlett and hotels Grin
But as I said thanks for the thread, it's the type of MN thread I thoroughly enjoy and a refreshing change from the threads we've been seeing here lately.
Hope you find a comfortable resolution Grin

GarlicStake · 10/07/2016 00:03

an overly vocal voyeuristic monkey. Grin You don't get many of those to a holiday.

I once woke up in my small tent to find a goat looming over me. That was a surprise. It had eaten through the door flap, and had started on my rucksack.

Showers sound good, pink! This is what campers need to do, clearly - only visit camp sites with fully enclosed, high-power showers :)

MonkeysWAGMug · 10/07/2016 00:03

Tell us about the monkey OP!

Original poster
Canvas · 10/07/2016 00:04

We have another trip planned sans pup tent or in-laws, but with kids in tent. That is just a straight-out no. (But a weekend, so easier to remain resolute. Also in England, so...)

OP posts:
Original poster
Canvas · 10/07/2016 00:06

I need to qualify that the monkey was neither camping nor actively participating, though his noises were somewhat enthusiastic. He (bit of a sexist assumption there) was on the balcony, watching. With a glimmer of enjoyment in his creepy little primate eyes.

OP posts:
Flumpnugget · 10/07/2016 00:07

Take shedloads of ear plugs (wax or silicone are best) and offer them out, insisting that otherwise, your DH's snoring will keep everybody awake.

Play music quietly, just in case. Bang away.

Original poster
Canvas · 10/07/2016 00:08

Thanks Monkeys (slightly perturbed by your name given recent disclosures. You don't happen to live on the coast of an Afican country do you?)

OP posts:
Original poster
Canvas · 10/07/2016 00:09

Showers though, eww! Imagine if everyone used them for shagging.

Oh Christ, now I won't be able to shower for 2 weeks. Thanks for that. Grin

OP posts:
DamsonGinIsMyThing · 10/07/2016 00:10

You wanna try getting laid on the wooden floor of a not at all glam and more just a shed with a single plug socket it in glamping lodge with a sleeping five year old 5 feet away.

Original poster
Canvas · 10/07/2016 00:14

No, I really don't.

(Did it have its own shower though?)

OP posts:
DamsonGinIsMyThing · 10/07/2016 00:16

Nope. Communal block. Although they were super clean and had the radio piped in!

Pinkheart5915 · 10/07/2016 00:17

damson I've done the getting laid on wooden floor in what they advertise as a glamping thing but that was pre ds so didn't have to worry about a child.

Original poster
Canvas · 10/07/2016 00:17

I wonder if they put the radio there for exactly this purpose? No wonder they have to clean often.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 10/07/2016 00:17

Your first mistake is going camping...for two weeks. Are you mad?

Pinkheart5915 · 10/07/2016 00:19

My camping shower block had radio piped in perfect for shower sex it was fun

Sparklesilverglitter · 10/07/2016 00:20

My calming shower had radio too.

Nothing wrong with a bit of shower block sex OP, very enjoyable

BengalCatMum · 10/07/2016 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DamsonGinIsMyThing · 10/07/2016 00:21

pink it was the stealthiest and most uncomfortable shag I've ever had. Would have tried the shower by we didn't have anyone to watch the five year old and we couldn't take her in there with us!

Ilovetorrentialrain · 10/07/2016 00:21

I'm not sure even Bear Grylls would handle tenting for two weeks. That is one long, long time to be sleeping on the ground.

Sorry I'm not helping. I can only repeat PPs advice of defo no lights on and watch for the noisy air bed scenario. Oh and good luck!

Sparklesilverglitter · 10/07/2016 00:22

2 weeks blimey OP have you thought abou this? 2 weeks in a tent Shock