I'm 5foot 2 and weigh 14stone 8lb

[TellysAndWellys]

How did this happen. I am so, so ashamed of myself. I used to weigh in 13 stone, then overhauled my whole diet and got down to 9stone 8lb.

But I've put it all back on. And so much more. This is shameful and I cannot believe I have let it get this bad. I've even had to buy some size 20 tops. I have tried slimming world but that didn't really
Work for me. So I'm back to calorie counting. And 5:2. From today. I've got to stop making excuses. I am going on an amazing holiday in January with my 2 best friends and. CAN'T be the size I am now.

I am sick of feeling tired, uncomfortable and just plain shit because of what I eat. I've taken before photos (won't post them as they would scar you forever) and have stuck a photo of myself at my smallest when I still thought I looked fat on the fridge for inspiration. I can do this!!!

736 calories today already 🙈

I wasn’t too bad yesterday but today I’ve had cereal, leftover pasta from last night and a scone with cream and jam!!!!!

Aaaaand it’s fish and chips and champagne (just a sip for me!) tonight as that’s what my relative has decided she wants for her bday!

Disaster day!!!

I've just got back in from a party with ds. Resisted the cakes and had a couple of small sandwiches...then scoffed chippy chips on the walk home. I feel stupidly sick now and fuck of regret 😭

Chippy tea and champagne sounds AMAZING though!

Full** of regret

It’s a new day @TellysAndWellys so don’t beat yourself up.

I was unexpectedly sick again this morning and felt a bit sorry for myself when I got to work. I had two hash browns and later a hot chocolate which was a poor decision!

Off to get some lunch soon and hopefully I’ll be sensible cause I’m off to Wagamama for dinner tonight. Super yummy but not good for the waistline!

How are you doing today?

Evening!

Dinner today was a cheese sandwich on granary bread (I was STARVING!!), a bag of crisps and half a can of pepsi. So not too good. Just about to head home from my parents, jacket potato for tea then I've promised ds we can crack open the Christmas chocolates

Oh no to the sickness!! How are you feeling now? Hash Browns are such a warm, comforting food.

I've just signed up for online dating I have never done anything like this before and you're the only person I've told haha (well you and whoever else is reading this!). I don't think it's for me at all, the thought of anyone knowing I'm on there makes me cringe. But it's getting to xmas and I miss having a boyfriend. I'm giving it one week and I haven't met my Ryan Gosling lookalike soul mate, then I'm deleting my profile!

Oooo @TellysAndWellys that is so exciting!!

I met my DH online! Though I never expected to meet anyone serious that way! I did it cause I was single and living alone and most of my friends were married and I thought I really needed to get out more and meet new people!

I would say don’t take it too seriously, and don’t expect too much from it - just look at us as good fun!

The other thing is, although it’s ALL you have to go on.... try to be open minded despite someone’s profile / pics. I went on several dates and some of the ones that looked great on paper turned out that I had nothing in common with, where as my now DH I didn’t fancy him and his profile was crap and I’ve still no idea how we ended up on a date! I literally remember nearly cancelling and then I decided at the last min I had nothing better to do so might as well go.....!

I’m fine now thank you, Back to normal :-)

Oh wow did you? Yeah I'm not going to take it seriously at all, I've had loads of people message (not a stealth boast, I'm sure they message every new woman In a 50 mile radius). Chatted to a couple but definitely not going to over invest in anything, I've got plans every weekend leading up to xmas then obviously I go away in january so not got a lot of time.

I'm glad you're all back to normal. I have terrible today, cheese on toast for breakfast, went out for dinner with a colleague and had cake (just cake ha) and I've got a headache from hell so I've called chippy on my way home. So all in all not good!

How have you been doing?

This morning i had a slice of toast, a few biscuits, then chicken soup, ham sandwich and cucumber for lunch. Tonight we are having breaded chicken, peas and homemade wedges. Not a great day - too much stodge. I need to cut the carbs and get back to veg-heavy meals and salads. It’s hard when it’s so cold and miserable!!

Carbs are all I want when it's cold! Though they are also all I want when it's red hot as well but they're easier to avoid in the summer with all fruit and fresh salad. Your menu doesn't sound too bad anyway I don't think! But then what do I know, I had cake for dinner!!

Today marks the start of the one month of the year where I as social as the average person rather then the social hermit I am for the first 11 months. Work meal/night out tonight, weekend away with uni friends tomorrow. Anyway Christmas meal with an old friend one night next week, probably Tuesday. Another works night out next Friday which consists of a 4 course meal then a disco. Weekend after a weekend in Manchester when enough alcohol to see me through till march will be drunk. Weekend after that, visit to Santa with ds then it's show time and the big man arrives. I have already cracked and opened tub of chocolates but they're only Heroes and I'm not the biggest fan which I why I gave them to ds and kept the quality street for myself. All just feels absolutely impossible but going to try and be as good as can be during the week (starting Monday ha).

Just got
In from my Christmas night out with work.
I ate 3
Bags of crisps, a McDonald's and a curry yesterday/ today!!! Going to weigh myself in a few hours
Online dating is going rubbish, I think I'm going to delete it :( hope
All is well @iampert

I'm roughly the same height and weight. Not sure because someone borrowed my scales and didn't bring them back.
I went from 29 stone down to 10 stone which put me in size 14. None of which fit me anymore. I'm back in size 18s and 20s and I'm so pissed off and angry at myself and I can't seem to get myself back in the right headspace and attitude to get back on track

Morning @TellysAndWellys, how’s the hangover?! I hope you had a good time!

What happened with the dating?! It can’t be rubbish already!!

Yesterday we went out for a curry and I didn’t think I’d eaten too much but by the time we got home I was SO bloated. I was the size of a house. Massive massive fat belly! This morning it’s fine back to normal but I’ve gained a pound on the scales (booooo) and my belly is looking very podgy :-(

Today we are going to the in laws for a light lunch and then a family dinner tonight for a relative’s birthday. It’s a grazing board type thing tonight with cold meats, cheeses etc so that’s always tricky cause I always eat more than. I realise!!

And try not to be too mad with yourself @SallyVating, we’ve all done it where we’ve slimmed down and it’s crept back on. It’s do much harder shaking it off than putting it on!!

Oh it's terrible @Iampert! Trains are all delayed and I'm sat in the corner of the station with sunglasses on, a big bottle of water and a coffee just praying I'm not sick (again ) weighed myself on the way to the station though and by some miracle, I've lost 2 pounds. How I do not know, must have been all the times I was sick last night/ this morning. I can't Handle my drink.

I'm just not sure it's for me. I'm going give it a bit of a chance but like I say, don't think it's my thing. Most of the profiles I've seen are obviosuly just married men looking for some fun on the side. But i'll give it a go for a little bit, got to have something to keep me entertained on the journey!!

Oooo it's so hard with the grazing boards because you just nibble and nibble and it doesn't feel like you're eating that much. Maybe try to stick to the meats and just a bit of cheese?

Welcome Sally!! It is so so hard, dieting is the easy part if anything, keeping it off once you've reached your 'goal' is a life time commitment :(

Oh @TellysAndWellys!!! Poor you!! It’s a while since I’ve had a hangover that bad but they are unbearable!! Thankfully I can handle my wine pretty well - it’s if I drink spirits or other things it all goes wrong!! Mind you perhaps by the time I can drink again I might have lost my tolerance!

Well done on the 2lbs though - that’s a nice silver lining!

I am feeling really depressed today cause I loo so huge. It’s all just fat as well - no bump at all but I am hating the feeling of tight waistbands so I bought some maternity trousers. They are super comfy except my hips are so massive (they have a very generous layer of fat) and of course the stretchy band does nothing to hold that fat in so I look as wide as a bus!

I don’t know what I’m going to do - normally when I wear a dress I wear a control bodysuit underneath to hold my hips and yummy in and I’m not gonna be able to wear that so what am I gonna dooooooo! Both trousers and dresses now look awful :-(

I survived the train! It was absolutely packed to the rafters so I had to sit on the floor but I had a brilliant weekend. I ate and drank too much which is unlike me, and I've just got back and had a bag of chips but I've loved it.

Chatting to someone nice on online dating, he seems relatively Normal but he's probably talking to 50000 women, has 4 wives and 22 children. So all in all it's been good!

Can you wear a body suit a size bigger to give you a bit more breathing room. I was already fat when I got pregnant but people who are smaller then me said about 12-16 weeks, before a bump is properly formed, you're in the awkward 'are they pregnant or just fat stage' so hopefully this feeling will be temporary then once you have a proper bump, you'll feel a lot better. I LOVED having a bump because I could wear tight
Tops without having a wobbly Belly. It was the most toned my stomach has ever been 😂

Well just make sure you’re chatting to lots of men too!! Hehe.

Roll on the bump then, I have never felt so disgusting as I do now! I caught sight of myself sitting down in a mirror yesterday and honestly, I look enormous; with a great big spare tyre round my middle. (Think tractor tyre instead of car or bike!!).

I’ve now put on 2lbs again so my naughty food on the weekend has caught up with me. I had melon, blueberries and a yogurt for breakfast but I will have to eat something else in an hour or so or I’ll start feeling really sick again, sigh!

Yeah I'm chatting to a few, I never realised how fussy I am though! But it's good, I like it but I've just got to work on the whole 'not being an anxious weirdo proposing marriage' thing 😂😂 also, at what point do you suggest meeting. I've done the whole chatting for weeks but never comes of it in real life, I'd rather just have a coffee and get it out the way. But do I have to wait for them, is there somekind of minimum time frame? It's hard haha

Yes honestly, this is the awkward stage and once the bump comes you'll be embracing it. What about trying some crackers with a bit of cheese? Or is that wildly unhealthy and shows exactly why I am so over weight

Well I have to confess I never suggested meeting and always left that to the man. I kinda never wanted to seem to keen and would rather they were doing the chasing so that I knew they were really interested. My only other tip is if you can go for a drink drink / pub (even if you’re driving so can only have one) rather than a coffee type place, somehow it’s easier!

I caved and had a slice of toast mid morning, but at least it was whole meal!

Lunch was half an individual cheesy tartlet thing (damn you and al your temptations Waitrose!!) with roast butternut squash and salad. My mum is having some work done on her house and is staying for three days and has turned up with a toffee meringue for an afternoon treat! Aaaaah!! Tonight I’m doing us all a chilli with lots of extra veg in and brown rice. Hopefully will take some leftovers to work for lunch so that I don’t end up eating toast for brekky and sandwich for lunch!

How’s your day going!

Yeah I've always been the more proactive one in relationships, suggesting we meet and things but not sure if that's the wrong thing. See, I'm already stressing! This is why I'm
Going to be alone forever, I can never relax.

Days not going too well. Still slightly hungover from a full on weekend so had a cheese toastie for dinner then I've had half a large dominos for tea. So by not too well I mean absolutely horrendous 🙈

Oh well, hopefully you’ll feel better tomorrow! Dominos sounds nice!

I am feeling quite pleased as managed to stick to a reasonable portion of chilli and only had a little bit of rice. (I did have a spoon of grated cheese and a big dollop of soured cream on the top but shhh). I managed to resist a second helping even though I quite fancied a bit more, yay to willpower today!

Well someone has asked me out for a drink! Not too sure yet but why not i suppose! I'll try not to mention the online dating too much, don't want this to be 'hi I'm fat please help also help me find a husband'😂

Brilliant!! Feels so good to be able to enjoy nice tasty food but not over indulge. I won't tell a soul about the cheese and sour cream, it's our little secret. You should be proud of your willpower!

Oo @TellysAndWellys that is exciting! You have nothing to lose by going, even if you think nothing will come of it. It’s nice to meet new people. Just make sure you stay safe and someone knows where you are!

Haha thank you, it was yummy. I’ve got some in a little food thermos for my lunch today.

Feeling a bit crap today as I couldn’t do my work trousers up so having to wear this horrible old stretchy skirt which is too short really, and looks scruffy. I seem to have just got wider, so much fat on my hips, I look hideous! And the maternity jeans look dreadful too. I think I will have to hibernate until May! I want a bump to compensate for being so fat!!

Oops, just bought myself a hot chocolate from the Costa at work. I dread to think the calories. I ordered it with skimmed milk, as if that makes it all ok!! 😂