Teacher says this is normal behaviour for Y1 & 2. I disagree

[Palomiino]

I’m so fed up and sad. We found what we thought was a small, lovely independent school for my dd who is 6. Reception went perfectly. There wasn’t a day she didn’t want to go in.

This year, she has been bullied by two girls in year 2 (they mix the year groups together) . It has made her very anxious to go to school and she clings on to me at drop offs.

Examples of things happening;

Pinching
scratching
pushing
running into her at play time
snatching things off her
manhandling her out of a play area

Every time I complained to the teacher about it, she was saying that it’s normal for 6, 7 and 8 year olds to deliberately hurt each other some times because they’re still learning and sometimes they irritate each other. I disagree! I would expect this behaviour to be gone after nursery.

The head does not want to know about anything. When she took over, last year she didn’t even do a handover speech.

One time, during written communication, I pushed back and said that other children in the class had seen my dd being targeted and had reported it to their parents who told me. The teacher apparently spoke to the bullies that day, who admitted to her that they had deliberately hurt my dd. They were made to write letters of apology, which we still have.

Anyway, this is still going on and I’ve just about had enough. It’s frustrating because my dd has done really well academically this year and she’s very bright. She was so happy last year. Yesterday, dd said that one of the bullies pushed her again in the line. The teachers response was to say to the bully ‘Look at G’s face and tell her you’re sorry’.

This is not working. The children think they can just carry on this behaviour. Another mum told me that last year, three of the girls managed to cut their own hair without the teacher noticing and went home with wonky hair.

Now, in September the bullies are going up into the next class and my dd will be with her peer group and the year below for a year. But then next year we will be back to square 1.

What would you do at this point?

@99bottlesofkombucha It’s a private school isn’t it? No Ofsted. No accountability. These schools cover these things up because they are only afraid of parents removing dc en masse. One or two gojng doesn’t worry them. Therefore silence is a good tactic for the school and of course displays incompetence. However many private school heads are there for PR and recruiting dc. They don’t get involved in actual teaching or ensuring policies are followed! Governors are just about finance. A complaints policy is often whitewash.

If my dd leaves, year 2 at the school will now be only 3 boys and no girls at all. I know another parent who is a year ahead of us with this process, so to speak. Her daughter has been assessed as having PTSD caused by the bullying she suffered (by the same children). She has an ongoing complaint with the governors.

This school sounds terrible. If all the girls are leaving due to bullying then ypur DD will be the only "mark" left for the bullies.
Frankly this school does not sound good or viable financially. I'd take her out without hésitation

The ISI inspects independent schools, not Ofsted. I don’t think you will receive anything in writing, OP.

I would take your daughter away from that toxic place.

I can’t bring myself to send her back there for a single day.

That’s a good decision. Tell her now.

I’ve told her she won’t be going back. I can honestly say that one year ago, I’d never have believed anyone who told me we’d be in this position, now.

She used to love the school so much and was sad to be on holiday. Now, if I ask her if she wants to go back in September, her reply is ‘absolutely not’.

@Palomiino 3 dc??? Why are you even there? It’s not viable financially. Won’t dd want better sport, music and drama going forward, never mind more friends! It’s really too small and not a good choice for a broad education. Why would you be ok with her being the only girl?

Yes I agree it’s not viable. I think they must receive a lot of donations from the church.

Dd isn’t going back.

@Palomiino Usually churches give nothing to schools - well state ones they don’t! They just don’t have the money!

It’s not a state school, though. I looked at their accounts on company house and their incomings are slightly exceeding their outgoings. They must be getting money from somewhere 🤷🏻‍♀️

As I say, though, a lot of children have left. Some left with the VAT increase, but more have gone for other reasons.

@Palomiino I’m still surprised a church can keep any school going. It might be money from investments but you can easily work out fee income with low numbers of dc. They might be in church premises and pay no costs for that? Is every extra stripped out? No maintenance of playing fields, art studio, classrooms etc? They might have it all paid for so just pay staff but below 10 in a year group is seriously low and barely pays for a teacher. My DD went to a prep with 400 dc and now it’s 350 so I am sure they are finding things tough financially.

@Palomiino I really do think you’ll be glad you’ve made the decision. As I said upthread, I’ve been where you are and it’s a daunting prospect to move a child from the only school she’s ever known. But, if you think about it the other way round, the bar is so low now that almost anywhere else is bound to be better. Look around for what else is available. We were very honest about why we were moving and what our DD had been through and found that really helped when exploring those issues with other schools.

Also - do not let them sting you for a term’s fees in lieu of notice. Dig out the T&Cs - there’ll be some contractual obligation to you and you can say they have failed to meet that by failing in their safeguarding obligations towards your daughter. She is no longer safe in their care and so you are removing her with immediate effect. Not, I suspect, an argument they will be keen to have and risk going public….

Wishing you and your DD the very best.

Thank you so much. We are definitely not just going to hand over a term’s fees. I really believed that this was the best school for dd but since February, her behaviour has become clingy, angry, volatile and sad. Interesting that this coincided with the last child that was being bullied, leaving.

I will be composing a complaint to the governors now.

You know what? I have 3 children who are now young adults who have all been to range of state and private schools and I have never ever felt the need to make a formal complaint about a school before.