Teacher says this is normal behaviour for Y1 & 2. I disagree

[Palomiino]

I’m so fed up and sad. We found what we thought was a small, lovely independent school for my dd who is 6. Reception went perfectly. There wasn’t a day she didn’t want to go in.

This year, she has been bullied by two girls in year 2 (they mix the year groups together) . It has made her very anxious to go to school and she clings on to me at drop offs.

Examples of things happening;

Pinching
scratching
pushing
running into her at play time
snatching things off her
manhandling her out of a play area

Every time I complained to the teacher about it, she was saying that it’s normal for 6, 7 and 8 year olds to deliberately hurt each other some times because they’re still learning and sometimes they irritate each other. I disagree! I would expect this behaviour to be gone after nursery.

The head does not want to know about anything. When she took over, last year she didn’t even do a handover speech.

One time, during written communication, I pushed back and said that other children in the class had seen my dd being targeted and had reported it to their parents who told me. The teacher apparently spoke to the bullies that day, who admitted to her that they had deliberately hurt my dd. They were made to write letters of apology, which we still have.

Anyway, this is still going on and I’ve just about had enough. It’s frustrating because my dd has done really well academically this year and she’s very bright. She was so happy last year. Yesterday, dd said that one of the bullies pushed her again in the line. The teachers response was to say to the bully ‘Look at G’s face and tell her you’re sorry’.

This is not working. The children think they can just carry on this behaviour. Another mum told me that last year, three of the girls managed to cut their own hair without the teacher noticing and went home with wonky hair.

Now, in September the bullies are going up into the next class and my dd will be with her peer group and the year below for a year. But then next year we will be back to square 1.

What would you do at this point?

Yes we will need to give notice by the first day of next term in order not to be liable for more than one more term.

What she's telling you it's that it's normal IN THAT SCHOOL for teachers to let children of that age hurt each other.

Do they have a bullying policy? If so use that to complain.

It's a private school - you can vote with your feet and go somewhere else if your child is unhappy.

You say it’s a Christian school a private school has it been inspected by Ofsted? it sounds very very poor. safeguarding is the main responsibility it comes before Everything else. Your child doesn’t have a peer group I would be looking for another school.

Sadly, this sort of behaviour and worse is tolerated in many state schools.

OP, move her. Bullying happens in every school, but it's whether the school acknowledge it and how they deal with it that matters. With a head that doesn't give a shit, you will never get anywhere.

She's y1, y2. You don't need to worry about the work being too easy. You need to worry about your daughter's wellbeing. Is her friend happy in the other school? Are the kids being well looked after? That's much more relevant.

that was then.
this is now.
the problem has not gone away. it’s not been sorted
it needs addressed
force her to take action.

I don't dispute that the behaviour happens I just think most state schools would be much more likely to address it and not pretend there isn't a problem

Read the schools behaviour policy and anti-bullying policy. All conversations go back to that. It's much easier to be factual. They have a duty of care to keep your DC safe (more so if she is SEN)

There should also be a complaint procedure (all complaints have to be shown to ofsted) so follow that if the teacher is not doing anything.

I agree. This isn't good enough.

That would absolutely not be tolerated in my DDs school. The head really pushes the ethos of the school and is key at dictating the pedagogy, with kindness and friendship being the key attributes they foster in infants. She would immediately jump in with both feet if this was raised her her attention, so I do not agree that all heads of private schools are nothing more than a walking bilboard.

Students leaving and year groups being amalgamated would be huge red flags to me that this school is soon to go under, let alone the unchecked bullying issue. Look again at the other schools nearby and have a good chat with their staff to see if you can find a decent fit.

That's not been my experience. The norm is that they don't, and bullying is significantly more likely if a child has SEN.

It’s absolutely not normal. Move her, it won’t get any better when poor behaviour is actually sanctioned.

We had a case of bullying for a span over a year.
It wasnt until I spoke to the head who wasnt fully aware of the behaviour....teacher tried to sort it herself.
I was ready to remove them from the school with the bullying.
Now the problem bully is in a different class and willl never be in the same class again..yet targets my child at break times.
Esculate it fast or remove her.
We had refusing to go to school, anger & upset..it was horrible.

It is always the children with issues...uet he have no idea what or why.
These kids need put in there own school so our children can go back to classes with less intense behaviours...one screams when the noise increases and targets a individual kid..some walk off and do what they like out of class.
We were first told the mum of the delinquent childs mum is really nice...lol

my audhd kids was ok in state primary.
There was some bullying but it was mainly words…
Secondary though is feral!
She can be minding her business but gets targetted.

Secondary the one teachers response was those 2 boys arent close enough to do that.. hmm i think i will believe dd as shes been complaining to me for months - thanks. However they did move her away.
There are 300 in the year and must be 30+ she really doesnt get on with!

it definitely isnt normal except perhaps reception age.

I have found at primary though teachers dont supervise the playground (outs are paid supervisors) and imo its a huge mistake as lots is missed.
in reception age i asked if dd could actually be supervised at breaks as that was where the issues were. But instead they thought i could control her from home!

our primary would absolutely stamp this out, the kids understand there's no need to have hands on each other. they'd be looking at losing play time and would end up with an internal exclusion which means the day spent in the head teachers office. we're just a small state school on a rough estate but she tolerates no nonsense.

I’m sorry that your DD is going through this OP. It’s definitely not normal and reflects really poorly on the school and its values.

I know that your DD is doing really well academically there, but I think it’s bit so important to consider the negative non academic impacts the school is having on her. Having great grades is just not worth it if it comes at the price of her confidence, happiness and wellbeing. These things will stay with her for a long time if she is bullied and are far bigger issues to overcome than lower grades.

The school is showing you its values and priorities and I think it’s important to take a step back and think if this is the place you want your DD.

I would definitely be getting a feel for other schools at the same time as following the school’s complaints procedure.

l’m so sorry your DD is experiencing this.

My anecdotal experience is that private schools are much worse for this than state schools.

My 6 year old was pinched once at state.school, the teacher spoke to us in-depth, apologised and followed up to check that there had been no repeat incident.

All my friends with kids in state have similar experiences of the schools being very on top of bullying.

Not so the private schools..

We had the same experience in a state school

Have I misunderstood? Are you advocating for segregation because you don't believe disabled children have a right to be educated in the same school as children lucky enough not be born or have an acquired disability?

Thanks for your replies. The school is supposed to be a Christian school - what a joke that is.

There is a mum I know whose dd was at the school who has just removed her because of bullying from the same child. she told me that she had meetings with the head where she was told that she was not allowed to cal what was happening to her dd ‘bullying’

She had a younger dd who would also have joined in reception this year. So they’ve lost 2 sets of school fees just like that.

Like I said before, check their Ofsted report or maybe report to Ofsted a school that denies the existence of bullying is a failed school

And there you have it.

Change schools.

It won't change

Independent schools aren’t looked at by Ofsted are they?

OP, research other schools now, move her asap, and you will see how different her experience is at a better run school, state or private.
You're paying what I have to assume is significant money for a sub-par environment. But your money is not enough for them to risk their relationship with the bully's mother, as in their worst case they have to find a new teacher if she strops off. Better (from their perspective) that you go.