Teacher says this is normal behaviour for Y1 & 2. I disagree

[Palomiino]

I’m so fed up and sad. We found what we thought was a small, lovely independent school for my dd who is 6. Reception went perfectly. There wasn’t a day she didn’t want to go in.

This year, she has been bullied by two girls in year 2 (they mix the year groups together) . It has made her very anxious to go to school and she clings on to me at drop offs.

Examples of things happening;

Pinching
scratching
pushing
running into her at play time
snatching things off her
manhandling her out of a play area

Every time I complained to the teacher about it, she was saying that it’s normal for 6, 7 and 8 year olds to deliberately hurt each other some times because they’re still learning and sometimes they irritate each other. I disagree! I would expect this behaviour to be gone after nursery.

The head does not want to know about anything. When she took over, last year she didn’t even do a handover speech.

One time, during written communication, I pushed back and said that other children in the class had seen my dd being targeted and had reported it to their parents who told me. The teacher apparently spoke to the bullies that day, who admitted to her that they had deliberately hurt my dd. They were made to write letters of apology, which we still have.

Anyway, this is still going on and I’ve just about had enough. It’s frustrating because my dd has done really well academically this year and she’s very bright. She was so happy last year. Yesterday, dd said that one of the bullies pushed her again in the line. The teachers response was to say to the bully ‘Look at G’s face and tell her you’re sorry’.

This is not working. The children think they can just carry on this behaviour. Another mum told me that last year, three of the girls managed to cut their own hair without the teacher noticing and went home with wonky hair.

Now, in September the bullies are going up into the next class and my dd will be with her peer group and the year below for a year. But then next year we will be back to square 1.

What would you do at this point?

I wouldn’t send her back tbh. Let her leave now, it sounds beyond awful.

Yes, I have older children who’ve been in a range of schools (both private and state) and bullying was never a problem for any of them. Or rather, whenever something started up, it was nipped in the bud asap.

So it’s not that I’m worried about bullying elsewhere. It’s more that moving somewhere else might simply cause more, different problems.

@Onmytod24 i disagree being home educated does not equal “no friends” there are plenty of opportunities with daytime and after school time clubs to socialise and meet friends. Often HE young people have more of a range of social opportunities than those in MS school plus ability to socialise & explore other countries as it’s a lot cheaper. I do have an older child who did MS education to a high level yet my youngest has more friends than the oldest who has not maintained contact with any of her “school friends” but has friends from her sports training instead

Fucking hell. That’s appalling. We’re at a standard London primary and when there was a slight whiff of bullying - not physical but leaving of some girls out - the welfare lead and teacher were straight in there holding ‘circle times’ on friendship and smaller workshops with the pupils. It never happened again after that and they all rub along together, even when they fall out. The last bit is the natural bit. Scratching, leaving out, pinching etc is absolute bullying and the school sounds terrible.

Her welfare and mental health is a million times more important than academic achievements at 6yrs old. It will affect her entire life.

I agree @Shareadog. I’m not sending her back there. I’m going to make a formal complaint to the school as well.

I will say not all state primaries have 30 kids in a class and many are very good with SEN, my son's school is fantastic, he is on the pathway for an assessment and the provision they have already put in place has been excellent, and classes are smaller than that. This behaviour would also not be tolerated. I don't know what the state schools are like in your area obviously but I wouldn't rule them out generally.

You don't say whereabouts you are. State primary schools are often very good./excellent. My dgd is in a poor area of London but the schools are all rated outstanding. She loves going to school. You name it they offer it. All free.

I would look into your local state primary. Pay for next term ( as you have to) but get her into another school for next term.

We are in the midlands.

I had a meeting with the head and I was very clear with her that I am not happy with the consequences the school are putting in place for the bullying. She seemed a bit PA and sort of suggested I’m not trusting the school enough to look after my dd because staff are telling me they can’t see bullying happening and why don’t I believe them sort of thing.

I told the head that I’m sure nobody is lying but that staff can’t see everything and that it happens in the cloakroom and at playtime. She agreed that this was the case and that she accepted dd had been harmed but she questioned whether dd is ruminating about previous incidents rather than new ones occurring. This will be what the SENCO has told her. Dd does ruminate but I am sure she is not imagining the physical bullying incidents. I reminded the head that the reason I had complained again was because the day after the last meeting I had about DD’s OT needs, where it was mentioned by the teacher that dd is safe at school, she was shoved again the very next day and the only consequence was for the child to again be told to say sorry.

The head teacher agreed with me that the parents of the children doing this should be told. I mentioned to her that if my dd was doing this to others, I would want to know and I would want to be talking to her about it at home and telling her it must stop.

Her only other suggestion was a home school diary but we already have that. She said that she would put what we talked about in writing. I’ve not received that yet. The school term has ended.

I received dd’s school report which says that her behaviour at school is very good, that she is kind and caring, contributes very well to class discussions and is a valued member of the community who people like having in the class.

I didn’t feel very reassured and this is the problem. Dd hasn’t been back to school and now the term has ended and she hasn’t asked me about going back like she did last year.

@Palomiino What does the schools anti bullying policy say the school will do. Nowhere do you say the head is talking to the dc, just their parents. She should talk to dc first.

So what has the school done to believe her, act on the bullying and support dc? It’s a bit light on how they do that, but usually talking to dc involved is a first step.

You need to get this post amended because it full names the DSL. From that information the school could be identified in real life.

Well, either way they are not following their own bullying policy which says that victims will be believed and bullying will not be tolerated.

The school bring it back to DD’s autism and say that she’s ruminating on past events that have been dealt with and new ones are not occurring (or should not be). But I pointed out they can’t see everything. And she agreed.

Now, dd does ruminate but I believe her when she reports new incidents. I also asked the head if dd is ruminating in lessons to which she responded that no she never does because she is enjoying engaging with the lessons.