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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Do you judge mums who bottle feed?

419 replies

babybrian · 08/04/2010 11:40

I tried to breastfeed, for one reason and another I failed. I am about to start going to baby groups and have worked myself into a bit of a neurotic state.

Tell me, honestly , do you judge mums who bottle feed? My dd is only 8 weeks and I worry people will think I don't love her.

OP posts:
antoinettechigur · 08/04/2010 23:02

Babybrian - thanks for doing the thread.
It is something I worry about too. But you've summed up the reality nicely - we all do/will do our best. Most people don't care and they few that may judge - who cares?

Hope you realise it has been a helpful thread.

TheCrackFox · 08/04/2010 23:04

You tried your best and as we have assertained (sp?) the judgey ones are twats and best avoided.

HuwEdwards · 08/04/2010 23:06

don't give a flying fuck. BF one, didn't the other.

maryz · 08/04/2010 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lutyens · 08/04/2010 23:29

Is there any way to end this thread? It looks to me like wires are getting crossed and we are going very far away from the original question.

SirBoobAlot · 08/04/2010 23:58

Thing is - you will be judged for BF or FF. If you're breastfeeding, you will get comments of "Do it in private". If bottle feeding, "Why aren't you breastfeeding?". You can't win. And it is just the first thing along a huge list of things people feel they have the right to comment and judge on.

So - to be utterly frank - fuck 'em. If your DD is happy and healthy, that is what matters. Otherwise you will just go along in life with your DD worrying and justifying every little thing, and they are only small for such a short time.

Congrats on your DD, enjoy her, enjoy your life together, and screw the rest of the world.

coldtits · 08/04/2010 23:59

To answer the title question - no, I don't care. 99.99% of the population don't either.

seashore · 09/04/2010 00:06

Hi, nope I wouldn't judge, it's hard enough having a newborn, I think every mum needs support, support and more support. But, I would feel it's a bit of a pity if the mum tried and it didn't work out cause the early days are so tough and you just don't need the air of disappointment, it's a raw time.

The one think I might think is, oh, I wonder what the problem was, in case I could have helped.

KAEKAE · 09/04/2010 00:15

No, I don't judge, how can I if I don't know their reasons for bottle feeding? I couldn't BF my son, took two weeks form my milk to come in, I'd had an emergency section and it was detected he had a tongue tie.

With my DD I BF for five weeks, pure agony and then it was dicovered only by chance at a BF clinic that she too had a tongue tie. It was so small it was missed during midwife checks. However, couldn't continue to BF. So....my point is, a baby needs to be fed somehow and I am not really all that fussed on what other people decide to do!

sarah293 · 09/04/2010 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheBossofMe · 09/04/2010 08:58

To all the posters have said that they judge women who didn't even try to breastfeed for reasons such as "its too much hassle", or "its not for them"

Can I just point out that many women feel terrible guilt and a sense of failure about not being able to establish breastfeeding. And its a very personal thing which they may not feel like discussing with all and sundry. So they may tell you they didn't try, or it wasn't for them, rather than entering into what would be for them a painful and intrusive discussion about what they might feel is their own personal failure.

So next time someone says that to you, put your judgey pants away, because it simply may be that they don't want to tell you about how they tried and didn't manage it. I was one of those women....

wukter · 09/04/2010 09:12

18, Riven? Try 3!

EmmieA · 09/04/2010 09:12

No, never. There is a myriad of reasons why women can't/don't BF so who is to know yours? Two close friends of mine couldn't, one because of medication she had to take and the other because the baby couldn't (something to do with mouth which resulted in an op) so people who do judge you can never know your situation. But also, even if someone chooses not too just because they don't like the idea of it then so what, it's their choice. You definately shouldn't worry about it and be confident in your own decision-making.

confusedfirsttimemum · 09/04/2010 10:01

Babybrain- I don't know if you will come back to this thread at any point, but do bear in mind that the number of posts is not what shows you the consensus of opinion. People who feels strongly post again and again and again. Leonie feels particularly strongly because of personal health issues which she believes (I don't know enough about soya to comment) were caused by formula.

Most people have said they wouldn't judge. Others have said that they would for some reasons (e.g. if the reason for not bf was 'it's icky').

When I had my baby a relative said to me "just remember, a mother's place is in the wrong". That has stuck with me. I am still bf 12 month old DD. I BLW and use real nappies. So far, so many MN brownie points, but I'm back at work and DD had (shock horror) quite a lot of chocolate over easter. I also had an epidural during labour. Plenty of people ready to judge me for all those things....

Enjoy your baby. Everyone said to me when DD was born 'oooh, it goes so fast'. I didn't believe them....

SheWillBeLoved · 09/04/2010 10:22

I do a little bit, and I FF DD now. Tried desperately to BF her, had lots of support, no issues physically with her or me that would prevent it, it just didn't happen. I expressed day and night for a month, before it was just too exhausting and switched to formula.

So now, whenever I see a BF baby - I smile to myself, but also feel a little envious. For example I was in town a few weeks ago, walked past the food court, and saw a teenage mum breastfeeding. I thought "Wow " but also "She's so young, even she could do it, I couldn't".

Then I see someone bottle feeding, and wonder if they even tried, or if it all went horribly tits up for them too.

I would never think that they were doing wrong by their baby should they choose to FF though. As long as it is getting fed and looked after, then that's all that matters to me.

Hulababy · 09/04/2010 10:26

No, of course I don't. Why would I?

Seriously, anyone who judges another mum because of the way they decide to give theirr baby milk, needs to think a little more about themselves and the type of person they are - rather than the type of person the other mum is.

You have no idea of why a baby is being fed in another way, and it is not any of your business on the whole anyway.

How about a really radical idea - how about mus just support one another to do the best for their own babies instead? Hmm.

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/04/2010 10:49

I would not judge anyone for bottlefeeding. If they chose to bottlefeed from birth without even trying breastfeeding, or resport to the bottle after trying to breastfeed, it means nothing to me. Do what you want to do. It doesn't mean you love your baby any less.

The silliness that surrounds BF/FF is ridiculous. If you BF your baby for 2 years, it is not the Motherhood Get Out fof Jail free card. It does not mean you are a brilliant mother and your baby's life will be perfect.

To be honest when your babies are older you realise it doesn't bloody well matter how you fed them for the first months of their life, and that when they were babies was easy. Far more pressing and real problem rear their head when theuy are older, which matter far more than how they were fed when they were tiny.

(as someone who BF very happliy for 3 months, went back to work and gaVE DD formula from then on)

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/04/2010 10:50

Oh bollocks I posted all that diatribe and then see Riven and Wukter put it far mnore succinctly a couple of posts up the thread.

sarah293 · 09/04/2010 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Merle · 09/04/2010 15:32

Have come back on here to have a look (I have a busy life) and I find people being rude about me. Excellent. This has never happened to me before.

The OP asked the question. The answer was either going to be 'yes' or 'no' and we were asked to be honest. I was.

I wouldn't think she didn't love her baby, though.

StealthPolarBear · 09/04/2010 19:19

"If you BF your baby for 2 years, it is not the Motherhood Get Out fof Jail free card. It does not mean you are a brilliant mother and your baby's life will be perfect. "
Oh now you tell me

scottishmummy · 09/04/2010 19:27

hell no and nor should anyone.unfortunately some do

whensmydayoff · 09/04/2010 21:10

I do, I hate them.

I watch enviously as they sit there all relaxed and their baby downs a bottle in minutes while I sit with my 4 mitchelin tyres and saggy boobs on display and a refluxy baby screaming and pulling off the breast and wonder why the hell I didn't keep the odd bottle up incase I got to this stage - wanting to give up but can't.

Seriously though.....if anyone is that judgemental would you want to know them anyway, they'd have to be a bit sad lets face it. x

RecycledIcicle · 09/04/2010 21:21

I wouldn't judge. Wouldn't even enter my mind to think about it tbh. Either way is fine

Meandacat · 10/04/2010 05:54

I haven't had time to read this whole thread - only a few pages. So maybe this has been mentioned already...

But as an aside, do any other bottle-feeding mums feel fed up/insulted by the many mentions in books etc about mothers who "choose to bottle feed". I don't feel like a chose - not in the strict sense. I had a new baby that was constantly losing weight and my milk just didn't seem to be coming through. I was going demented in hospital with the stress of trying (baby was also a v. reluctant feeder but no wonder when I was producing so little) and in the end, the only way out for both me and my DD was to switch completely to the bottle. (Though I often wonder if things would have been different if I could have been allowed to persevere at home instead).

But anyway, I feel lumped in with those who don't even bother giving BF a go. I tried and it didn't work and it still pains me.