Do you judge mums who bottle feed?

[babybrian]

I tried to breastfeed, for one reason and another I failed. I am about to start going to baby groups and have worked myself into a bit of a neurotic state.

Tell me, honestly , do you judge mums who bottle feed? My dd is only 8 weeks and I worry people will think I don't love her.

i was just about to say what a brilliant piece of writing brollyflower posted a link to, before i saw your incredibly vitriolic post. why are you so angry?

I am not in the least bit angry. Just terribly bored with your anti ff vitriol.

As for being rude, I think your attitude to ff is rude. And as you can see from other posts, others agree.

The link has some very good points, about being prepared in advance for what setbacks might arise, for example. However, the experience described of being in hospital couldn't be further from my own experience in UK. Was I just lucky? People bent over backwards to help. I can't - don't want to - believe that this is the norm in US hospitals.

I felt the same! My DS didn't thrive and I had to bottle feed. I felt very self concious, but it was partly my own dreams/ambitions judging myself through what I thought others were thinking.
I did manage to breast feed both my daughters, and had a few people who had problems with that.
Explain if you need to, but really most people won't notice. It also becomes more usual the older your child is.
Maybe talk to the baby group leader before you go to your first one, and get them to support you. It will be fine, and you need to get out to stay sane.

Yep same as where I worked Titty- they discuss to all parents how breastmilk is used as part of medical treatment. That is however when mothers are happy to do so. The importance of their baby receiving breastmilk is constantly emphasised yet of course there will always be some who refuse, in this case donor milk is offered and formula as a very last resort.

It seems NICU's/SCBU's promotion of the importance of bf is way ahead of normal maternity units and I think if it was promoted in the same way and the benefits emphasised as much more people would at least be prepared to try.

However some people try, they fail and for whatever reason they feel they cannot breastfeed they certainly dont deserve judgement or pity.

From a mum who does breast feed. I go to baby groups and I would say the majority of the mums don't breast feed so I am in a minority so don't worry, get out there.

Do I judge? I myself nearly gave up breast feeding as I was in so much pain. Thank goodness I turned a corner and everything is fine. I don't blame anyone for making the decision to stop. Some mums just can't and thats the way it goes. You have to do the best you can.

missmoopy, well if others agree then i must be being rude .

i will say it one last time in a futile attempt to get you to understand where i am coming from. women need to know that formula is not 'like breastmilk' as is the belief in some people's eyes. otherwise we are doing them a great disservice, like the cambodian women who didn't breastfeed because they were sold coffeemate with pictures of cute breastfeeding bears on the tins. they thought it was breastmilk . when i think about this issue, it is the global picture i am mostly thinking about.

actually, i am not going to continue. read my earlier posts if you want to know who i judge and where my vitriol is aimed... particularly the one i posted on Tue 13-Apr-10 at 21:21:04.

"Ruby: do you understand the difference between a relative risk and absolute risk?

I suspect not.

a 33% increase can be tiny: if the background risk is 1 case in 10,000 - then a 33% increase in this risk takes it to 1.33 cases in 10,000

"

per one baby. Multiply by a whole population and all of a sudden this "small increase in risk" equates to whole, real people. Which is why this is a public health issue.

missmoopy - I've got very good self-esteem thank you. Partly bolstered by my sense of self-sufficiency in having managed 5 years of bf, despite lots of challenges and at times poor physical health.

"stop quoting supposed "medical facts""

With respect - I think it needs pointing out that these 'supposed' medical facts are there in black and white in NHS literature, current textbooks published by the Royal College of Midwives, and in UNICEF and World Health Organisation literature.

You find it hard to accept the concept that artificial feeding is associated with higher rates of ill-health - despite the notion being common currency among health professionals whose business it is to educate mothers about infant feeding.

Why might this be? When the evidence is there for everyone to see? What makes it impossible for you to accept this, and makes you feel compelled to direct personal abuse at those of us who refer to it?

sorry, just realised my "per one baby" made no sense at all. Rest still stands though, small increase in risk for the individual means more cases on a population level.

the risk is still slight though.

waits for whole debate to flare up again

I will give an honest expresion on how I feel about it.
The women who I've met who bottlefed did seem to do it by choice, usually so DP can help with feeds, or simply because bottles are the done thing.
On mumsnet however there are more women saying they actually wanted to breastfeed originally. So it now leaves me unsure, why most babies are bottlefed, because they're mothers chose to, or had to.
I don't belive that over three quarters of women (with 5,6 month olds) are unable.
Therefor it must be largely due to choice.
Why are women choosing to bottlefeed?
I worry it's because they're embarrased about being out for example and having to hide away to attend their baby.
This is one reason why I think it's important for me to breastfeed in public and try to help normalise it so other women have the confidence to do so and it's seen as normal, rather that bottles being the norm.

I admit I do feel a bit disappointed when I see a baby with a bottle, but I consciously try to remember that I don't know the situation, that bottle could have saved baby's life, mum's sanity, etc etc

A slight increase in risk equates to some real people in a whole population

NB:
i dislike seeing baby animals with bottles also, so I'm a bit of a nature freak

mumtotwoboys you are right i think that alot of women "choose" bottle over breast as it is normalised and people worry about being out and about.
they were big factors in my personal decision.that combined with the fact that with my first and second children i was never spoken to about the benefits of breastfeeding.not once.my first was born abroad and was taken from me straight after birth for checks and not returned for half an hour....i was on a drip as was standard and not allowed to move...baby was dumped by my side for another hour until i was moved to the ward.These are not all excuses as i just didnt want to do it,i didnt know the importance of it,MIL did it,even my mum who BF 5 of us and FF 1 told me FF was alot easier,better etc,
Baby 2 born in UK,MW never once spoke to me about why i should BF but i knew i wanted to at least try so baby was latched on straight after birth...was then transferred to single room and left to get on with it....tried and tried baby wouldnt latch i was getting more upset and frustrated i still didnt know what to do,whether i wanted to do it,didnt know formula had downsides just assumed breast was better but that was it,
I asked for a bottle and it was given.

I have since delved deeper into it all which admittedley i shouldve done before and i have never felt guilt like it,i feel like a bad mother..i cant stop crying...
I know if i had another i would try very very hard to BF....
I dont know if i feel this way because i know i made the wrong choice or if because alot of things i have read such as these type of threads are full of such awful things

sorry i am rambling now

anyway,ignore that...as tittybangbang pointed out earlier on in the thread this is not all about me so apologies!

No, your example is really helpful and is probably similar to why and how most women bottle feed, although you seem concerned about it to the point of being guilty, whereas others would probably shrug, avoid it, or get defensive.
If you're a bad mother then so are most british women, so don'be silly. You do your best as any mother would, plenty of women who breastfeed are probably lacking in other areas, not the be all and end all.

I too, was with the opinion that 'formula is made just about as good as breastmilk these days' it's only very recently that we're being told this isn't the case. We listen to older women and in their day formula was marketed to be 'the best'. There's lots of confusing and conflicting messages around it.

I feel a bit bad for taking every pain releif available during my first births and now I've just found out it would ptobably hav been better to do it naturally.
Of you have another i hope you get to breastfeed
don't feel guilty for not having known a, b, and c!!

It's a women's choice whether they breast feed or use formula. It's nobody elses business. If someone makes a judgement on what somebody else has chosen then I think they are probably the sort of person who likes to put down another person to make them feel better.

When does an adult ever mention "oh by the way I was breast/formula fed as a baby" in conversation. Or "I'm not close to my mum because I wasn't breast fed". I think the whole fomula/breast debate is totally unnecessary. A happy baby is what is important, along with a Mum who is content with her choice.

I agree with Journey. Moreover I think it is antifeminist for women to go around forcing their views on the merits of breast feeding on new mothers or parading their mammoth breast feeding ability as though it makes them superior mothers.

Some women opt to bottle feed because they can't breast feed or it doesn't work for them. I found the pain and injury of breast feeding totally unsustainable. I had milk but I felt I couldn't continue. Other women just don't want to. So what. Why is it that when it comes to breast feeding the whole 'it's my body it's my choice' mentality goes out the window?

I was amazed to read in Vicky Iovine's book on motherhood that some women persevere with breast feeding by taking prescription medication before feeding to ease the pain! How misguided is that!

I have been up to now posting about the anti formula stance on this debate, however I did see something yesterday that REALLY upset me and I definitely did judge...

Two women standing up a bus stop with a tiny baby girl, probably only about 4 weeks at the most, one literally smoking all over the baby and the other standing with the bottle shoved in the poor wee thing's mouth. I was quite shocked and upset at that, the smoking and the standing up at a crowded bus stop feeding.

This is your baby, your life as long as you look after baby to the best of your abilities, given your personal circumstances (dont mean money, mean support, friends with/without kids, family around or not etc) then thats its up to you. What works best for you and baby.

I exclusively bf ds, then bf and bb dds.

You should believe in your own right to decide whats best for you and your family and not feel guilty whatever choice you make. There is no rule book. You will make mistakes along the way but just try to do your best.

imho

Why is taking medication to ease breastfeeding pain misguided? I think it's a good idea, it can be very painful at first.

'Why is the woman's choice being questioned?'
Probably similar to why their choice is questioned in the abortion debate, their choice affects another human being.
I'm very pro-choice, but I DO feel uneasy with late term abotion (not that it sould be any of my business) and I do feel a bit saddened (not blamesome) at most children being bottlefed.
Still pro-choice on both matters, but definately pro-information too

That's a good point MOTB, that it's the woman's choice but it affects another person.

"some women persevere with breast feeding by taking prescription medication before feeding to ease the pain"

i think this is a good idea too. not sure which medication you are talking about, but tbh i was pretty thankful for the pain meds from emcs as they dulled the searing pain that i felt with the cracks caused by a dodgy latch / DS's slight tongue tie.

i find it quite strange that women are vigorously encouraged to enjoy a healthy pregnancy but are not particularly encouraged to breastfeed, indeed sometimes their attempts are actually sabotaged .