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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Do you judge mums who bottle feed?

419 replies

babybrian · 08/04/2010 11:40

I tried to breastfeed, for one reason and another I failed. I am about to start going to baby groups and have worked myself into a bit of a neurotic state.

Tell me, honestly , do you judge mums who bottle feed? My dd is only 8 weeks and I worry people will think I don't love her.

OP posts:
stressheaderic · 08/04/2010 12:56

As someone said above, you'll probably be in the majority at the baby group. It too appears to me that Mumsnet is a predominantly breastfeeding gang...but it is not indicative of the UK as a whole.

I bottlefeed too, my DD1 is 7 weeks and I have had a few judgey looks, but also a fair few relieved looks when I've been somewhere, for example, when I took her into my work, and she was getting hungry, so I got her bottle out, cue looks of relief that I wasn't whipping a boob out (not that there is anything wrong at all with folk who do).

At 8 weeks, you may be in the company of some mums who did it for a short while and have now switched, I know a few mums who lasted a month or two, which was better than nothing.

becksydee · 08/04/2010 13:03

i only judge if it's nesquick in the bottle (and yes, i have seen this irl ...)

as lots of people have already said, you'll probably be in the majority at baby groups etc. i doubt anyone will bat an eyelid.

congrats on your new baby

startagain · 08/04/2010 13:03

I BF for 7/8 months, and I only BF DS once in public. I was just not comfortable, felt like the world was staring at me. Expressed a lot in the evening. And he took formula too in emergency. He wasn't fussy! So whenever I was out he was feeding from a bottle. Never felt judged.

MrsWeasley · 08/04/2010 13:05

No I don't judge because I have been there! I wanted to breast feed and didnt ever think I wouldn't but I couldn't. I was heartbroken and didnt want to go out in case people thought I was a bad mother.

intravenouscoffee · 08/04/2010 13:05

I think we all have something that we suspect other mums will judge us for. Especially with PFBs. I was convinced everyone judged me for giving my DD a dummy until a friend remarked jealously that she'd have given her right arm for her baby to take one instead of spitting it across the room.

The friend was meanwhile worrying that everyone judged her for bottle feeding after 2 months of horrendous BF. Hadn't occurred to me to judge her as I was too busy worrying about the dummy.

Hope you enjoy baby groups, they were a life line for me.

Shaz10 · 08/04/2010 13:08

sunshiney Not that I want to turn this into one of 'those' threads but some physical problems go wayyyy beyond "sore nipples etc". My massive and continually recurring abscess was physical but only a barrier to breastfeeding if I wanted to breastfeed anywhere but a hospital bed.

waitingforbedtime · 08/04/2010 13:14

I do judge a little bit but more when people dont try and there's no 'good' reason. My sil has recently had a baby and is ff which is fine apart from my mil saying 'oh well he's sleeping through almost, only 3 weeks, one bottle at 2am that's it, such a routine - he's breastfed though of course' as if I was some weirdo masochistic mother for breastfeeding and 'causing' ds to be sporadic at feeding and a terrible sleeper.

I do totally admire people who try though even if they dont manage to continue. I only bf exclusively for 3 m - it was soooooooooooo hard and in the end ds was dehydrated - I was broken hearted.

maryz · 08/04/2010 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamasparkle · 08/04/2010 13:15

No way would I judge...please don't worry - and I am a BFing mum.You sound like a great mum. Don't let the extreme attitudes of some people on here bother you. There is so much more to being a mum than breast or bottlefeeding.

You wonder sometimes about some of the loonies on here who post ad nauseam about the evils of formula, how they have time to actually look after their kids they're so busy posting on mumsnet!

Congrats on your DD, and enjoy baby group.x

rocknstroll · 08/04/2010 13:17

I wouldn't think you didn't love her, but I would judge you, yes.

thedollshouse · 08/04/2010 13:18

I don't judge. I don't judge those who set out to bottle feed from the start either. However I do admit to judging those who only ever feed their babies food from jars and those who allow their 1 year olds to drink coke so I suppose I am a hypocrite.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/04/2010 13:20

To all those who think people "don't try"..my DD couldn't latch on, tried for 4 months (she has undiagnosed low muscle tone) and I expressed all her milk for a year...so people might well be trying even though you can't see it - i just looked like anyone else who "didn't try"!!!

IndiMamaJones · 08/04/2010 13:21

rocknstroll How would you judge her?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/04/2010 13:23

I judge people who judge others parenting to be somewhat lacking in things to do, tbh.

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 08/04/2010 13:25

No way, I don't.

Judging says more about the judger than the person being judged anyway so hold you head up high!

stressheaderic · 08/04/2010 13:26

We all judge really though, whether it be about bf-ing or other matters, it's human nature.
I judge when I see tiny babies wearing mini Nike trainers, fashiony clothes, hairbands, being out and about in a carseat on a pram frame when it would be much comfier for them in the actual pram, shaved heads on toddler boys....I could go on...the point is, I'd never pass comment or make anyone feel uncomfortable about their choices, as that is exactly what they are, choices. And I'm not the kind of person who enjoys foisting their opinions on others to make people feel awkward (but I know a few people who are like that in RL).

gingerkirsty · 08/04/2010 13:27

@ Bucharest these stats fom 2005 are the most up to date I can find - does anyone know of more recent data?

OP this shows that 5 years ago "Overall, only 35 per cent of UK babies are being exclusively breastfed at one week, 21 per cent at six weeks, 7 per cent at four months and 3 per cent at five months."

Even if rates have risen significantly since then, you will certainly not be the only FF mum in the group!

rocknstroll · 08/04/2010 13:28

If i thought about it for longer than 2 seconds, I'd probably be reasonable and think there was an explanation, like problems latching on, working mum expressing milk etc, so I suppose I wouldn't judge for long, if that makes sense! But I do raise my eyebrows when I see tiny babies being bottle fed and allow myself a moment of holier than thou judgery. It's not nice, it's not pretty, but I am telling the truth!

Shaz10 · 08/04/2010 13:28

My god, I do loads of those things stressheaderic! I'm feeling bad now.

olivo · 08/04/2010 13:28

really interested to read this, as i was wondering the same thing. I have just moved DD2 onto 2 bottles a day as i am going back towork next week. people trying to help me have encouraged me to express but i will not be able to as i work in a scholl and have no time or place to myself all day. i have been wondering if the people suggesting the expressing are judging me, although rationally, i know they are trying to help.

BTW, i have never judged anyone bottle feeding myself, although i am sometimes curious as to why some people make the decision before they have had the baby.

Alouiseg · 08/04/2010 13:28

While I was breastfeeding I was very judgy of ff, I bfed for 9 months with both dc's and during that time i was horrified that not everybody breastfed their dc's.

Now my dc's are nearly teenagers i couldn't care less how people feed their babies, as long as they are being properly looked after. What I really object to is early weaning, probably because the only people i have known to do it are overweight and i feel that they are obsessing about food.

bobblehat · 08/04/2010 13:30

I really feel for you, you could be decscribing me 8 years ago.

I tried and tried to bf ds 1, but for whatever reason he just wouldn't. I spent so much time feeling so awful about it that I don't really remember the first few weeks.

Really, people aren't judging you, and they're certainly not thinking you don't love your dd. I'm sure you won't be the only one ffing at a baby group.

MrsJohnDeere · 08/04/2010 13:32

No, I couldn't give a monkeys, but then I did ff ds1 from 12 weeks and ds2 from 3 days. I am a bit judgey of mothers feeding juice in bottles to tiny babies, but that's a very different matter.

But, I felt I was being judged when I bottle fed ds1. I tried to time feeds so that I wouldn't have to do it at toddler groups if at all possible. Most of it was probably in my head, but there were a couple of people I knew strongly disapporoved of bottle feeding. I live in an area where breastfeeding is very much the norm though.

By the time ds2 came along I honestly couldn't have cared less what anyone thought (and knew who the 'judgey' people were and could avoid them ).

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/04/2010 13:33

Seriously, if someone is really judging you, then they are obviously not that great a person so I wouldn't care what they thought, tbh...have learned this the hard way having a DD with SN.

skidoodly · 08/04/2010 13:35

Nobody will think you don't love your baby because of how you feed her.

You do know how silly that sounds, don't you?

Like some of the others, I might wonder why a mother wasn't breastfeeding but I would never judge, particularly since there are plenty of good reasons that it wouldn't be fair to judge harshly even if I were minded to.

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