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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Do you judge mums who bottle feed?

419 replies

babybrian · 08/04/2010 11:40

I tried to breastfeed, for one reason and another I failed. I am about to start going to baby groups and have worked myself into a bit of a neurotic state.

Tell me, honestly , do you judge mums who bottle feed? My dd is only 8 weeks and I worry people will think I don't love her.

OP posts:
Shaz10 · 08/04/2010 22:04

Well then you of all people should know how pointless and dangerous it is to judge other people's decisions.

ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:06

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Shaz10 · 08/04/2010 22:07

You are. You've just given us a reason not to judge for using jars (which I'm not, I was just being mischievous) yet you are doing the same thing re FF. You have absolutely no right to judge other decisions, especially considering you are in a similar position.

ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:11

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fulltimeworkingmum · 08/04/2010 22:11

I know it is a dreadful cliche but" Happy Mums make Happy Babies"
Breastfeeding is not for everyone. Some people manage it for a short time. Others do it until their children have teeth! If you want to express and feed with a bottle, then that is great. If you do not want to breatfeed then that is fine too. This is the 21st Century - your little one will be fine. Far better that he/she is combination/ bottle-fed by a happy, confident mum than breast-fed by a post-natally depressed control freak.
Please note that these opinions are personal and are not directed at anyone or any organisation in particular.
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Abundantia · 08/04/2010 22:11

Nice try at what? I'm just trying to discuss it. I'm just surprised that as you're asking why women would choose less than the best for their childrens' food, that you are also saying you use jars and not cooking fresh food.

ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:14

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Fibilou · 08/04/2010 22:17

"Just because you decided the pain was worth it doesn't mean that everyone else has to do it. "

This is exactly the sort of attitude that I would judge - why would you not be prepared to put up with some pain to give your child the best start in life ? And before you start bleating on that formula is "as good as breastmilk" we all know that is not true

Fibilou · 08/04/2010 22:18

And "parenting choices" ? Shame the poor babies don't get a choice before their mothers give up because it was too hard

ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:19

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Shaz10 · 08/04/2010 22:21

LeonieDelt And others, do you think these women who 'don't try' or 'can't be arsed' are necessarily telling the whole truth? Or maybe they are sad about their decision and are trying to put a brave face on it with the 'can't be arsed' line. Or is it like when I told everyone I was 'too posh to push', because it was nobody's business except mine what was going on with my insides?

It's amazing what goes on under the surface. And unless you're my husband or my doctor (or on mumsnet !) you'd never know what happened to me. All I'd say was "I bottle feed" and "I was too posh to push". Same with millions of other women out there.

ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:21

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elkiedee · 08/04/2010 22:21

I haven't read the whole thread but with DS1 I failed to bf at a week and I never came to terms with it. I think that of all the people I met no one judged me more harshly than me. DS1 ended up in hospital and I felt terribly judged there but no one really understood why I minded so much about not bf him.

At some baby groups you'll find most people FF, at others there'll be a mixture. You're unlikely to be the only one.

I certainly don't judge whether any mum loves her baby by feeding method.

But do venture out to the baby groups and don't let worries over feeding methods put you off.

And come back and let us know how the baby groups go!

jellybeans · 08/04/2010 22:22

My DS still has some jars too (mostly stage 2), 17 months, for simelar reasons and also he has to have meds in purreed apple but he does now eat some normal stuff and eats homemade too. I sympathise with the vomitting and gagging, we're the same (DS has bad reflux).

ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:24

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ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:25

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MaisietheMorningsideCat · 08/04/2010 22:27

I think I do judge if someone chooses to FF - sorry. What babies get in the first few months is so important, but we seem to have been persuaded by the formula manufacturers that it's not. I do get frustrated that there isn't the help to BF from midwives at the start - I think there are probably women who wanted to BF but just didn't get the help they needed to get started, and then bowed to pressure from staff on the wards, their families, friends, husbands, partners etc. I also get really cross at the attitude that breasts are for sex, BF makes them go saggy and it's not as convenient as FF - wrong on every level.

ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:29

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Original poster
babybrian · 08/04/2010 22:35

*Shaz: "Just because you decided the pain was worth it doesn't mean that everyone else has to do it. "

But why shouldnt they? Why would a mother decide that pain isnt worth tolerating to give her child the vastly superior food?*

I am not going topay you any attention at all now. I started this thread for opinions.

I have yours now loud and clear

Go and bang your drum elsewhere

Other people have voiced opinions from both sides without being strident or callous

You are not being helpful, merely smug

OP posts:
Original poster
babybrian · 08/04/2010 22:36

Sorry my bold didn't work

That was to leoniedelt

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ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:37

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Original poster
babybrian · 08/04/2010 22:41

See - I am bloody great at giving birth. BFing - not so much.

Play to your strengths - don't be so smug to assume just because something worked for you it will for others,

FFs - if I'd told you to push harder could you have?

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ArthurPewty · 08/04/2010 22:43

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Original poster
babybrian · 08/04/2010 22:46

Sorry.

I wish I'd never even asked tbh.

It was a moment of weakness and self doubt.

I love my baby, I know you love yours too.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

About giving birth/feeding/nappies/weaning/pottytraining/school etc....

We all love our babies and are all doing the best we can do.

Sorry LeonieDelt.

Will leave this thread now.

Thanks for all the opinions x

OP posts:
lotster · 08/04/2010 22:59

Hey Babybrian - these threads always go apeshit after the first batch of sensible posts I'm afraid. Tubthumping as you say or sometimes just catfighting!!

Glad you got what you wanted early on - if you care enough to start this thread I would think you clearly care for your child. Don't worry too much now. There are plenty of other things you can do to help your LO get a good start in life (organic meat, fresh veggies, lots of love and cuddles, good oral hygiene when the teeth come !)

There are so many factors that affect whether women BF/continue to do so.
With my first baby a combination of vicious breast thrush / damage from the birth and subsequent painkillers and ops / PND put paid to it earlier than I would have liked. 2nd time round I had a planned C/S and the birth and the feeding went dreamily for 5.5 months. Then my milk stopped very suddenly. I was gutted as I felt this was my 'second chance' to do it right.
We will always find a way to feel guilty and beat ourselves up. If you know in your own heart that you did your best, then in the words of a couple of my fellow mumsnetters, "Fuck the naysayers love!".