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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Do you judge mums who bottle feed?

419 replies

babybrian · 08/04/2010 11:40

I tried to breastfeed, for one reason and another I failed. I am about to start going to baby groups and have worked myself into a bit of a neurotic state.

Tell me, honestly , do you judge mums who bottle feed? My dd is only 8 weeks and I worry people will think I don't love her.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2010 13:41

the more involved i've become with breastfeeding and the more i hang around MN the less I judge (although in fairness, before all this I'd never even considered the issue )
I have a group of friends, we all meet up regularly. 2ish years ago there were only 2 of us with young babies. I bf, she did for 2 weeks before stopping. I was the only one who knew what she was talking about when she said how hard it was and why she stopped, and she was the only one who understood why i seemed to be feeding ds all the time (instead of every 3 or 4 hours as the others seemed to imagine). So although we both had different feeding methods we were the only ones who understood the difficulties the other was having

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2010 13:42

oh and in general terms i'm judgey - juice in bottles, weaning tiny babies etc. Just making the point i'm no saint!

skidoodly · 08/04/2010 13:47

But StealthPol even in your judgiest moments I bet you don't think that mothers who wean early don't love their babies, do you?

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2010 13:52

erm....no, don't think so. I just wonder why anyone would do such a thing.
BTW I'm not talking about 16/17w+. While I wouldn't do it myself, I accept it happens. I'm talking about showelling food into the mouth of a baby who can't turn his head away.

About the juice thing - is there anything a baby would have in a bottle that would look like apple juice but not be iyswim? Assuming not, this was what was being given to a baby who looked about 3 or 4 weeks.

Longtalljosie · 08/04/2010 14:14

No no no I don't. And I do judge people who judge, iyswim. How dare they? They clearly don't know very much about the range of breastfeeding experiences people have...

trellism · 08/04/2010 14:15

You know those milkshake places that pulverise mars bars or whatever?

I saw a baby on the bus being fed one of those.

There's much better things to be judgey about than a baby being given a bottle. fgs, I wish my baby would drink from a bottle.

gingerbaby · 08/04/2010 14:15

I judge, I don't mean to but I was one of those that had awful problems but I'm still managing to be breast feeding at 8 months. (He is my first which makes it a lot easier.)

I felt judged for BF by my in laws who were all FFers and thought I was some kind of freak cos DS was on me ALL THE TIME. The comments I had from them were discusting, ranging from me not having enough milk to satisfy him to me 'getting a kick out of it', which they meant in a sexual way.

I know this has no baring particularly on your situation but as others have said it does often work both ways, and by nature we do judge. Some more so than others!

I think you are very brave and facing your fears, he'll get a lot out of going to baby groups with you, and so will you. Of course you love him!

skidoodly · 08/04/2010 14:16

I think SWMNBN suggests giving diluted juice from around that age.

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2010 14:21

really?? i wonder why!

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2010 14:24

just had a look on her website, but you have to be a member to see lots of it.
I notice she says she's updated the book to fall into "wean at 6 months" guidelines, but has still included a chapter on how to wean at 4 months, as she's not convinced many babies can make it to 6 months on milk alone

wukter · 08/04/2010 14:25

gingerbaby at the comments froom from your IL's.

Undercovamutha · 08/04/2010 14:29

The only times I would judge about feeding, is either if you see a baby being fed something completely inappropriate in a bottle (and I have seen 4/5mo having fizzy drinks out of a baby bottle) and I can't help feeling a bit judgy when an expectant mother says something along the lines of 'I couldn't stand bf, it's disgusting!'.

I bf 2 DCs(although DS was mix-fed from 6wo) and have never judged anyone I met who was ff. Tbh I presume that either they have had a horrenous experience trying to bf and couldn't carry on, or that they are giving their baby ebm.

And IME, as a parent you always feel like people are judging you for something, so its as good a time as any to face up to it!

tittybangbang · 08/04/2010 14:31

No - I feel sad that she hasn't been able to feed her baby the way she wanted to, or that she has been persuaded that bottle feeding is better for her and her baby, when she has no real understanding of what trouble free breastfeeding could be like.

I feel sorry for ff mums and their babies because I feel they're unnecessarily missing out on something that could have given them both a lot of satisfaction. I know bottle feeding mothers don't want my pity, but that doesn't stop me feeling it (though I wouldn't express it to them).

mistressploppy · 08/04/2010 14:39

Whomovedmychocolate!!

Yes, luckily no-one can see DSs Pampers to comment on them...

RunningOutOfIdeas · 08/04/2010 14:41

I was advised by my GP to give DD diluted juice from 6 weeks old when she became constipated due to medication she was on. So there can be a sensible reason for giving juice, but it should be rare.

I would not judge any one for ff or bf, whatever the age of the baby. I bf DD for 3 months and it was hell. There were no physical problems with her feeding, in fact it was easy. However I seemed to have excessive levels of hormones raging in me and felt like I was living in a fog the whole time. When I stopped feeding her it felt like the world became clearer and a weight lifted from me. So I think you can never know why some one chooses not to bf because you might never have experienced the problems they have.

I also had to wean DD at 15 weeks. So I would be cautious about judging early weaning too. I was not shovelling food into a baby who could not turn her head away. The second meal I gave her, she grabbed the spoon from my hands and put it in her mouth because I had paused in feeding her to talk to my mum.

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2010 14:43

thank you runningout - so there may have been a 'good' reason for it.
Though tbh I can't think of a bad reason - how would it be easier than giving milk anyway??

usualsuspect · 08/04/2010 14:43

No I wouldn't judge ..wouldn't feel pity either...how patronising is that?

darcymum · 08/04/2010 14:54

No I don't judge, even if she is bottle feeding out of choice, I do feel a little bit smug though (shame on me) if I am breast feeding my baby.

Dont feel bad, you can't win feeding your baby, somebody will always find a problem with it whatever you choose.

Lotsofchooks · 08/04/2010 14:56

But how can you judge or pass comment when you don't know people's circumstances?

We foster a baby who is 4 months old, whom we have had since birth, obviously we FF, so if you saw us out and it was feed time, I am young enough for this to be my birth child so for all intents and purposes, to a stranger, I would look like I was the birth mother.

Abundantia · 08/04/2010 15:01

Whether they bf or ff, they're all mums to me. What's more important to me is what sort of person they are - and I'd be more likely to think less of the sort of person who judges you for ff.

"I know bottle feeding mothers don't want my pity, but that doesn't stop me feeling it (though I wouldn't express it to them)". But you just did Titty! The health benefits aside, what is it you feel ff's are missing out on?

cupofcoffee · 08/04/2010 15:06

I would not judge someone who was FFing their baby. If it was a close friend or relative I might ask them about it as a topic of conversation (I'm talking about the same people with whom I would share intimate details of childbirth experiences with and discuss my own parenting issues with). If someone I hardly knew I would not even raise the topic and only discuss if they raised it.
It most certainly would not enter my mind that someone who was FFing did not love their baby.

Original poster
babybrian · 08/04/2010 15:11

at how many reponses there are now!

I feel a litle more rational now and yes, I have realised how daft it sounds thinking people may think I don't love her because of how I'm feeding her

I know that in 10 years time I won't give it a passing thought, but at the moment my world seems to have shrunk to this tiny person and every little issue seems magnified - don't start me on the reusable nappies debate ...

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to post their opinions

OP posts:
confusedfirsttimemum · 08/04/2010 15:36

I judge people who do that "oooh, it's so disgusting, boobs are for sex" thing. Tiny minority though. I don't judge people who have tried and failed, or whose circumstances I don't know.

I feel fully entitled to judge when I see tiny babies with bottles of Ribena and judge away!

Longtalljosie · 08/04/2010 15:55

Oh yeah - people who say boobs are just for sex, that breastfeeding is disgusting, or who compare BF in public to to defecating in public, them I judge. I judge them to be deeply, irredeemably stupid.

birdsandblossoms · 08/04/2010 16:04

threads like this do nothing but cause bad feeling

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