Do you judge mums who bottle feed?

[babybrian]

I tried to breastfeed, for one reason and another I failed. I am about to start going to baby groups and have worked myself into a bit of a neurotic state.

Tell me, honestly , do you judge mums who bottle feed? My dd is only 8 weeks and I worry people will think I don't love her.

No - I FF both my little ones - I'm one of those mums who didn't even try to BF my 2nd one. Wasn't interested, I knew it wasn't for me.
1st DD was put on the bottle by the nurses 10 hours after being born as she wasn't taking anything and it was over 30 degrees so was getting dehydrated. Never looked back.

It shouldn't matter whether you BF or FF, for some people BF is just such a hideous thought that FF is the only way forward.

So no, I wouldn't judge you at all.

In answer to the OP, I don't judge but I do feel sad when I see a tiny baby being bottle fed purely because there is often a sad mother feeling like a failure or one who has been failed in the support she needed or because in an ideal world every woman who wants to breastfeed would be able to do so successfully.

I think it's a shame but at the end of the day, it doesn't always work out or people just don't want to do it so [shrug] For me it was a happy, positive experience which is why I feel a little sad. it never makes me have any bad feeling towards the mother.

titty, I don't understand your need to enter such a lenghty post extolling the virtues of BF, emphasising the amazing bond only BF can give.

This thread is about how women who FF feel judged, with much discussion of the fact that some women can't BF, no matter how much they want to. If you had to expland your position, maybe you could have done so more briefly, less.. smugly? Perhaps you don't understand how having people wax lyrical about the unique wonders of BF is like salt in the wound of many who can't BF. Surely things are better when women support each other?

"or some people BF is just such a hideous thought that FF is the only way forward"

... or perhaps expert counselling, which is what you'd be offered if you were phobic about engaging in any other normal physiological function, like eating, walking, shitting or having sex.

I failed (hate that term but true) to BF DS1 - I was devastated. However, I went on to sucessfully BF DS2. TBH the bond with both my boys is/was completely the same.

I wouldn't judge someone who chose not to BF, there may well be some upsetting back stroy to it.

As for the women who do judge they are just competitive mothers - they will compare whose baby walks/talks first; which reading stage in reception they are on; what GCSE results they got; university etc. These types of women are best avoided as they are twats.

I'm another one who didn't manage to bf ds. Pg again and hope to make it work this time - I have mn and a lot more knowledge this time as well as bfing friends who can help out.

I never judge ff parents. I know how hard it can be when you get insuufficient support.

I have to say though that before I knew how hard it could be I did judge. Not like the op says that they don;t love the child - no way would i have thought that - just wondered why. Then I found out why!

Leonie- could you tell me a bit more about hypothyroidism and BF? I had no idea there was a link, and it may explain a lot...

Going back to the Op. My answer is no - never. I am someone who did breast feed. I don't care how other people feed their babies as long as the babies get nutrition and are well looked after.

Babybrian-- Do what ever is right for you.

Leonie, I tested negative for PCOS. Didn't realise there was a link with hypothyroidism? Never been tested for it.

No- I don't know what's in the bottle. Whether it's breastmilk or formula doesn't matter as long as baby is being fed.

The only time I do judge is when I see a small baby with muslins and bibs built up around it's chin and the bottle just shoved in and balanced in it's mouth as the person in charge of it is just sending text messages or walks away fron the pram to pick something off an arm.
Then I get cross.

Thank you Leonie, very interesting.

I don't think tittybangbang was being smug or rubbing salt in the wound. She was asked to expand and did, very eloquently.

That is why I feel sad because I wanted to experience the feelings she has. Some women who have to have caesereans probably feel the same.

However, I am sat here now cuddling my sleepy, milky (albeit formula!) baby and life doesn't get much better.

Sorry, I started this thread in an emotional moment, didn't want to stir up a hornet's nest. I feel much better from the opinions I've had

It's so unfair to judge without knowing the whole situation.

I can't see the difference between judging FFers and for example judging people who had pain relief in labour. You would be much less likely to judge someone who had an epidural or a cs (without knowing the facts) and judge them for taking the easy option, or for not trying hard enough.

So why judge a FF mother when you don't know the facts?

For the record, I bf DD for a year (she wanted to stop - not me!) and I am as pro-bf as it comes. Then I had DS and he totally refused to feed. He just wanted to sleep all the time, he would feed for just minutes, and lost a huge amount of weight in the first 6weeks, until I 'gave up' and topped him up with formula.

Anyone who judged me for giving formula may not have known that he had health problems at the time, or that I was bfing him 8-10 times a day (waking him every 2 hours throughout the night), and topping up each feed with formula to try and get him to gain just a little bit of weight. Until a person knows the full facts (which they probably never will) then they should stop judging.

Haven't read the whole of this thread but the honest answer to the OP's question is 'yes', I do. If I see a very young baby being FF I feel quietly appalled and think that the mother either didn't try to BF or else didn't try hard enough.

I am on levothyroxine after fighting to get a diagnosis of hypothyroidism. My DD is 17mo now, but I was unable to BF. It sounds like you really know your stuff, and I don't want to hijack this thread, but I am still really overweight and feeling very tired after a brief flourish of energy and weight loss when I started the treatment 4 months ago.

What you are saying about diabetes and obesity is really interesting- would you mind if I picked your brains on this sometime?

I guess I did ask for honesty!

Maybe if you ddo judge try to hold inyour mind that you don't always know the full story.

But thanks for not pulling punches. That is why it's better to ask advice online sometimes as people just won't tell you in real life.

quietly appalled?

get over yourself

LeonieDelt, that's interesting. I didn't take in everything you said as I've had a long day and my brain has shut down . Will have a look at your link tomorrow, thanks for that.

Merle, please read the whole thread and feel free to come back and expand on your statement.

lutyens, feel for you - there's a lot more to it all than milk.

I wouldn't judge on bf/ff , but would judge on how mums treat their children.

I do not judge people who I see ff but then I ff my two as breast feeding didnt work out for various reasons which Im not going to go into.

I did feel paranoid when buying the milk, it bothered me that strangers might judge me for not bf so I know where you're coming from.

Interestingly I had to buy a jar of baby food recently for the first time as we were going away for the weekend and felt I could be judged buying that too so maybe I just need to get a grip?

My DH thinks I'm a bit bonkers for feeling this way...

Baileysismyfriend I always want the tin of formula to come through the check out quick so I can hide it in the bag! We do need to get a grip don't we?