Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

[CottageChicken]

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

Bum. I meant, on a forum I would mention issues. I wouldn't question an individual on them.

No me neither.

I have several good friends who have not bf at all. I bf all three of mine and have never really used formula.

I feel really proud that my friends feel relaxed to talk to me about feeding their babies and that they feel confident that they have my support.

Yeah, that's true (the cancer and diabetes thing). The risks are still v small for each individual though.

'There will also be children out there with diabetes and women with breastcancer who would have escaped this fate if they had been breastfed/had breastfed.' really?

Yes.

This is what the medical research tells us.

I get peer pressure the other way - my closest parent friends think I'm nuts to b/f. To them I emphasize the aspects of bfing that benefit me - cancer, weight loss, not getting up in the night (I cosleep too) because I'd feel right po-faced to bring up the bens to the child when theirs (my beloved -by me and them - goddaughter) was ff.

standandeliver -

There aren't many things or many people able to rile me on MN, but you have just succeeded with yourdeeply patronising and offensive attitude.

'Well - that's probably a reflection of the fact that you think breastfeeding is largely irrelevant to babies - that they don't care or are much affected by how they are fed.

I beg your pardon? I care very much about how my babies are fed. I did breastfeed my babies. Did you actually read my post? OK, so I didn't do it for very long. Are you including babies who weren't breastfed for a specificed length of time on your list of 'people to feel sorry for' now? Barmy.

'And with respect - you do have a vested emotional interest in trivialising the benefits of breastfeeding.'

Actually, NO, I am totally comfortable with my own decisions and have squared how things happened with me and my experience of breastfeeding with myself.
You, on the other hand, obviously have some sort of vested interest in putting others down in order to make yourself feel good. I can think of no other reason for why would you be so quick to alienate other women with your attitude. What do you want? A pat on the back and a Good Mother badge?

What exactly are you trying to achieve, anyway? Your attitude does nothing to help or support breastfeeding mothers who may be having a hard time, or to encourage reluctant women to give it a try. So...well done you! Not.

There are stats that show that FF children are more likely to develop Type 2 diabetes in later life I think@Riven.

You know, giving people the facts so that they are better able to make an informed choice - I am all for it. Scare mongering and guilt tripping and patronisng women into breastfeeding? Well, it hasn't worked has it?

If, then, MrsMattie, you're totally comfortable with your own decisions, then why are you so riled?

I think standanddeliver is pointing things out from a legitimate perspective and one that isn't often considered, namely the baby's, rather than the mother's.

Anyway, in the greater scheme of things, what does anyone try to achieve by judging others? It's something that people do on a day-to-day basis about all areas of others' lives, be it the wallpaper they choose for their dining room or the way they parent their children.

Oh dear it dosent look a good future then for my ff children does it.

"The risks are still v small for each individual though"

Well - that is a matter of individual perception.

My risk is reduced by around 30% according to one study, because I bf for five years.

To me that's not trivial.

I think Type 1 in childhood and maybe Type 2 later linked to less likely to be obese, Riven. But if someone's risk of diabetes is, say, 1 in 1000, you can double that risk and still only one in 500 will be affected. Stand, I don't say this is trivial, I say it's still small, because ffing does not mean that your child will get diabetes or you will get cancer, and bfing does not mean you won't.

I fail to see why mothers are so judgemental of other mothers-I can only think it is because they feel insecure.
I think that people should try and breastfeed, but not if it is going to make them unhappy.
I can see why people give up I had no problems with DC 2&3 because I had done it before, but it was incredibly difficult the first time made worse by the fact that I felt that I should be able to do it instinctively. I only got it because I was in hospital for quite a while with staff to help each time-had I gone straight home or had a home birth I think I would have failed. It would have been upsetting enough without people tutting.
I also had several bouts of mastitis which is horrible and makes you feel unable to cope with the simplest thing.
When you see another woman bottle feeding you have no idea of her personal circumstances and it is cruel to make assumptions.

The ideal is to get all women breastfeeeding-it isn't going to be achieved by tutting, disapproving looks or crass comments.

Also, I think the breast cancer benefits (and other female cancers) refers to pre-menopausal occurence. This is also thought to have strong hereditary factors (breast is, anyway).

Why am I so riled?

Because, as I'm sure you are aware, breastfeeding is an emotive issue.

Because I genuinely do care about women and their experiences.

Because I empathise with the complexities of making this sort of decision.

Because having had such a difficult time with breastfeeding myself, I empathise and sympathise with women who have had a tough time of it, or who may feel scared or unsure about trying it.

Because I can honestly see NO POINT in offering other women's perfectly happy, healthy children your pity. Pity? Try practical support or advice or help if you are really so concerned, I say.

And what if I didn't feel comfortable with my decision? What then? Does it matter if I don't breastfeed guiltily or don't breastfeed gleefully? What a twisted way of looking at things.

MrsMattie - I didn't say you didn't care. I said it seemed to me from what you said that you feel it hasn't made much difference to your children. And made the assumption that you don't feel it matters to them very much. I don't know how else you expect the comment - "I feel sorry for people who think that way, as they obviously have very little in their lives to worry about" to be interpreted, other than as evidence you think that how a baby is fed is not very important in the short or the long term, except in so far as how the mother feels about it.

And I haven't put you down. As I said earlier - we do the best we can. And I'm sorry that bf was such a horrible experience for you.

I made no such assumption. I criticised you for offering your pity because I thought it was a crass and patronising thing to say. I'm glad you breastfed so successfully for so long. Great for you and your babies. But please - save your pity for those who need it.

rockinsockbunnies - you admit you have a problem with being judgemental.

Here's a tip: go and express your angst about this in private, perhaps to a diary, or a good friend.

You see, writing about your judegements on a public talkboard make the work of people like me and others a lot harder.... supporting breastfeeding with a degree of understanding of the emotional and psychological context and not judging anyone for their personal circumstances or choices is undermined when posts like yours come along.

It pisses me off, to be honest.

"Because I can honestly see NO POINT in offering other women's perfectly happy, healthy children your pity"

Who is 'offering' pity?

Actually I do offer support and encouragement in RL - but that's partly because I feel pity for both mums and babies who are missing out. I can't help feeling like this. Sorry if it offends you. It wouldn' occur to me to communicate my feelings about this because when you are offering support your feelings are irrelevant to their situation.

I choose to bottle feed my second dd from the start and never breast feed her. I was never ever looked at in an odd way and no one ever^^ questioned my choice, either on the street in an eatery or a midwife or HV

"I reckon a shit diet wipes out any advantages of BF to be honest"

Actually the research suggests that giving children optimal nutrition in infancy may have a protective effect against poor diets in later life.

i feel sorry for all the mothers, myself included, who needed up to date, immediate and easy to access breastfeeding help. i also feel a degree of anger about it all. i am now,due to my work and time on MN a million times more educated about breastfeeding, and although my children did not have the benefit of that knowledge, my clients do, my childrens' children will hopefully have it to.

far more productive than sneering and sitting in judgement on parents who use formula

judge teh MWS, HVs, HCPs etc whose first piece of advice is 'top up with formula'.

judge those that give wrong, outdated adn counter productive advice, but don;t judge teh women and dont feel sorry for the babies. that is patronising bullshit

neither me nor my children want anyones pity