Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

[CottageChicken]

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

[seeker]

Dare I suggest that it is completely impossibly to read other people's minds? You have no idea what they are tutting about, or even if they are tutting at all - they may just have the sort of faces that look like that (there are people whose mouths look like cat's arses even when they are not disapproving of anything at all!)

Why on earth does what you think a random stranger MIGHT be thinking matter?

Oh, and I also find the application of the word Nazi to people who have strong views about disposable nappies rather than to people contemplating genocide deeply offensive.

[seeker]

You do meet some crap people in your life, Riven! Rise above them - they don't matter.

I spent all my breastfeeding years trying to get tutted at so that I could have a go on behalf of all the women without the chutzpah to do it, and never once had anything but smiles, free cups of tea, coos, and once the offer of a first class compartment on the train "so that you can put your feet up, love!"

[gussymooloo]

I FF my first and BF my second, both informed decisions. I dont feel guilty about either choice!

luckly i havent encountered anyone tutting/disapproving of my choices (or that ive noticed)lol.

Some people can be rather over bearing and extreme with their beliefs, not just bf but in general life as well but i would never use the word nazi, its very offensive.

[blueshoes]

Samantha28, it sounds from your research that the OP is a troll or has some kind of split personality or lives parallel lives. Not sure I can bother to respond to her OP any more.

[doulalc]

greatwhiteshark: agree 100%.... The key is to provide the information so that parents can make truly informed choices. Unfortunately, far too many are still given incorrect information and little support.

[pagwatch]

This is now officially a Very Strange Thread.

[TheFallenMadonna]

"Why is the term 'breastfeeding Nazis' used and unchallenged sometimes on MN?"

I don't think I've ever seen it unchallenged on MN.

[RockinSockBunnies]

Well, I suppose I'm a mother who could potentially be described as a 'breastfeeding Nazi' , though I'd prefer to think of myself as someone passionate about breastfeeding and its benefits.

I am a judgemental person in some areas and this is one of them. If I see a baby being bottle-fed, I do feel sorry for that child and wonder whether the mother tried to breastfeed. Perhaps I also glance in a disapproving fashion. Obviously I accept that I don't know everyone's personal circumstances, whether they tried to breastfeed, whether they had any help or support.....

But, it does annoy me when people don't breastfeed. It annoys me even more when people don't even attempt to. People may argue that they thoroughly researched the topic and decided that breastfeeding wasn't for them. But to that, I'd counter that when you have a baby, things no longer revolve around you but around your child.

Similarly, people may say they 'tried' to breastfeed and failed. Again, I sometimes wonder how hard they tried. How much research of the topic they did whilst pregnant? How many breastfeeding counsellors they saw? Whether they tried to pump and feed, rather than move straight onto formula?

Of course, many women tried everything to breastfeed and I feel very sorry for those that were unable to succeed. But for mothers who don't even bother to try...well, it annoys me. Why have a child that you're not going to strive for the best for?

Anyway, you'll see from this post that this is my big judgemental area. I should learn not to judge, to worry about other things and to mind my own business. In the meantime, I'll get off my soapbox.

[LackaDAISYcal]

rockinsockbunnies, I think you are in danger of alienating lots of people as well with your dig at women who have given up BFing for whatever reason. For some there was just no support, or they didn't know how to access that support or perhaps they were guilted into stopping by their HV/DP/family etc.

There is no black and white where beginning BFing and then stopping for whatever reason is concerned, especially if women have stopped before they wanted to because of the problems they encountered. To suggest that such women haven't tried hard enough is arrogant in the extreme...shame on you.

[TheFallenMadonna]

You see, I did breastfeed and yet you managed to annoy me there Rockinsockbunnies.

Do train yourself out of those disapproving looks, because you may be aiming them at one of those women who fall into your 'deserving FFer' category rather than your 'didn't try hard enough' category.

[ABetaDad]

CottageChicken - my wife BF both DS1 and DS2 for 3 - 4 months then I shared 50:50 night and day FF and everything else too. We planned it before hand and it worked out fine. We made our informed choice like you and no one has the right to tut at you or judge.

Glad I did it. Tiring of course but I enjoyed it. Good for your DP for wanting to get involved.

DS1 had ear infections but DS2 did not.

[pagwatch]

well I suppose Rockinsocks did make the op seem less unreasonable...

[Lulumama]

what a horrble post, but at least you admit you are judgemental

when i could not breastfeed DD, and this was beore i was a doula, i had no idea where to get help, i had not discovered MN

i asked the MW for help and she told me itwoulld be hard to get DD on the breast after 4 days on a bottle, that was the sum total of her advice

no-one saat with me to show me how to latch her on,no one advised expressing and feeding her EBM, no-one told me about NCT, LLL or other breastfeeding supportes,peer supporters or breast feeding cafes

so feck off with your sniffy disapproval and did not try hard enough

channle some of your energies into doing something positive like a peer supporter

[RockinSockBunnies]

But, LackaDAISYcal, why don't women know how to access support?

I was a teenaged, single mother when I had DD. Nonetheless, I read up on breastfeeding, joined the NCT, went to a breastfeeding support group whilst pregnant, had no qualms in contradicting the HV when she gave me inaccurate information and did everything in my power to breastfeed DD (and breastfed her for 2.5 yrs)

I met other mothers at the breastfeeding support group who had had premature babies, terrible problems, very little support but who battled away to make sure they tried everything to feed their child.

I really don't understand why, then, other women give up within days, don't know the facts, don't try and access support, passively listen to what their HV says and turn to formula so readily. Or, why women don't even attempt to breastfeed.

I appreciate things aren't always black and white, but, like I said, this is my one major area of being judgemental. It's something I vent about, get on my soapbox about and probably alienate people in the process....

[purepurple]

rockinsockbunnies, I wouldn't be so rude to call you a breast feeding nazi, but you run close second
i did not breast feed because i didn't want to.
DH wanted to be involvd from day 1 and he was.
I was never made to feel as if i had made the wrong decision by anyone, until i read your post
There are things i feel strongly about too, for instance I would never put a baby in a nursery, and I work in one, but I would never judge anyone else for doing it.

[Lulumama]

gosh, i can feel the empathy rolling of your post

i asked for help

it was not given

i had a baby in my lap, my breasts leaking milk, and i was crying. Dh was on the laptop trying to find info,and i was trying to read out of a bookto get her latched on

i tried instinctively, to feed her in the bath

i still regret that i did not breastfeed her and posts like your piss me off a lot

i thought, naively, my MW would help, and when she didn't. i didnot know where to turn. mybaby needed feeding so i bottlefed

[TheFallenMadonna]

Actually, you give very little impression at all of knowing things aren't black and white. I think you are just as ignorant of the factors influencing decisions to start or continue breastfeeding as you accuse other women of being frankly.

And if you think this is in any way a positive contribution to supporting breastfeeding among any but a fairly niche group then you are mistaken.

[Lulumama]

at a vunerable and hormonal tiem, ie hours or days after childbirth, women don't have hte energy or determiantion to get hold ofsupport

helplines are often staffed by volunteers who might not answer immediately

women cant afford a private lactation consultant

breastfeeding cafes aren't open at weekends

so what do you do??

[jellybeans]

rockinsockbunnies, I gave up bf with my older DC. At about 2 weeks old the HV told me to get formula as DD 'wasn't thriving' and 'was too big'. I was very young and trusted the HV, this was 13 years ago and none of my friends/family bf, NO ONE encouraged me at all. My next baby, I just changed to ff at 6 weeks as was feeding all the time and people told me 'ff easier etc etc'. Ff didn't help and I really regretted giving up, it was too late to go back. With my twins, I almost died during the birth, I managed 5 or 6 weeks but then gave up. I was feeding all round the clock and had 2 other kids and severe anaemia so have no guilt in that situation. Feeding twins is VERY hard.

I do wish I had fed for longer, though. I am so glad I tried at all. I would hate to be judged (by you or someone else who feels simelar) for doing what I thought best at the time. I really thought ff was fine at the time and still feel they have done OK on it although agree bf is best and I have managed to still be bfeeding DS at 24 weeks. I am much more clued up about bf now and had more support this time around (big age gap) hospitals seem much more bf friendly now. Also, the literature etc and bf groups/helplines, also MN have encouraged me to go on despite at times very hard bf issues.

[pagwatch]

RockinSock
I guess my question back to you would be what exactly are you trying to achive?
If you wish more babies to be breastfed then get involved ( or if you are already -do more) in BFing support. Wax lyrical aboutthe benfits, be evangelical in your beliefs. THAT would be positive

What do you achieve when you are rude about people who don't or can't. Absoloutely Nothing.

It is pointless and actually pretty egotistical. You negate the points in which you believe by being a bully about it.
I genuinely admire your passion - really I do. But your methods are not helpful

[standanddeliver]

Round here about 15% of women don't put their baby to the breast ever.

And the majority of women are not bf by the time their babies are a month old. So you're not alone.

Am very interested to know what you read that helped you make up your mind. It's quite hard to find good quality, evidence based information on this subject in parenting books - you tend to have t search it out in specialist texts. I make a point of trawling through new parenting manuals to see what information they give on feeding choices. In my experience they're full of utter twaddle, particularly on the subject of bottlefeeding.

Personally I didn't know enough to make an informed choice until I'd already bf my first child. I would say it took me several years of reading before I really started to get a handle on the developmental and wider health issues that underpin this choice - and from reading books like 'The Politics of Breastfeeding', 'Breastfeeding Matters', specialist midwifery texts and big studies like the DOH Infant Feeding Survey etc. Not really books/material that would be obvious reading for the average new mums.

Als think that when you reject bf without having experienced it, you're rejecting something you can't truly understand. It's like your feelings about having children before you've experienced it. Other people can tell you how they feel, but you really have no idea until you have your own what you would have missed if you hadn't gone down that road. I also think it's the case that when we come to consider this issue we are almost never encouraged to think of it from the point of view of the baby - except in a very superficial way in relation to the health issues. For example, it never really crossed my mind that there was anything questionable about a baby having freeze dried, reconstituted food as its sole source of sustenance for the first few months - something that I now have quite strong feelings about. As my children have got older I have made a real effort to feed them on fresh foods with a variety of flavours. I don't now see why infants are the only group in society who are deemed not to deserve fresh food. Sorry if that offends, but this is something that I've thought about quite a bit in the past. This is not a concern I'ver ever seen discussed in any baby magazine or book

[RockinSockBunnies]

Well, I figured that I'd be flamed by all for my frank views, so no surprises there! But I still stand by my POV.

Purepurple - feel free to call me a breastfeeding Nazi - as I said, it's my one very blinkered area that I've always felt extremely strongly about. Feel free to judge me too, for my lack of empathy. But I still cannot understand why anyone would choose to do something that, on the evidence, is second best for their child, without even trying to do something that has so many proven benefits.

[pagwatch]

Rockinsock

You haven't been flamed.
People have explained why your position is insensitive.I tried to explain why I think it is counter-productive

But easier to just dismiss the comments made as flaming I guess....