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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

343 replies

CottageChicken · 26/04/2009 05:27

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

OP posts:
RockinSockBunnies · 26/04/2009 17:48

Tiktok - with all due respect, with this being a public forum and the OP starting a contentious thread, I feel I have the right to respond with my views, as all the other posters do. Furthermore, I doubt that my posts are going to have any significant impact on breastfeeding rates in this country.

standanddeliver · 26/04/2009 17:48

No - I feel sorry for older children who are fed primarily on cruddy processed food. Don't you feel sorry for them too?

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 26/04/2009 17:49

I don't understand women who choose not to b/f before even trying but as far as I'm concerned it is their decision and I would never sneer or tut at them (I save that for women who wear blue jeans and black boots)

sarah293 · 26/04/2009 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

foxytocin · 26/04/2009 17:52

i was thinking earlier it may be time to give this link an airing but thought, 'nah' it will just get ignored lost in the back and forth.

expatinscotland · 26/04/2009 17:53

I tried it with all three of mine, but it only worked for DD2.

'I feel sorry for all the mothers, myself included, who needed up to date, immediate and easy to access breastfeeding help.'

This was the case for me with my eldest and youngest. I needed serious in-person help, it wasn't there and no way could I afford to buy it privately. So I bf'd for a couple of days each and then went onto bottles.

C'est la vie!

Ivykaty44 · 26/04/2009 17:54

Riven - they may make bad choices in their teens but they will remember the good choices in their tweenties if you have shown them the good choices in the first ten years

MrsMattie · 26/04/2009 17:56

Formula isn't lard fried in hydrogenated fat, though, is it? It's inferior to breast milk, yes, but it is a very sophisticated substitute and one that babies can thrive and flourish on.

Look, I don't argue against the statistics that show that breast milk is best. I believe that breast is best (I always assumed I would breastfeed my babies, that it would be easy and natural and fine). However, I live in the real, imperfect world where people aren't always able, or don't feel able - for a multitude of reasons - to make the best choice every time. I don't think that means they are failing their babies. I am all for trying to raise the rates of bf-ing in this country, which are weirdly low, let's face it. But I do not think - in fact I know - that attacking women for not breastfeeding doesn't work. It doesn't.

foxytocin · 26/04/2009 17:56

like Libra, i sneer at women who wear white linen trousers (no lining) with thongs.

hideous. the only way they may get away with it is without jiggly bum cheeks but never seen one w/out jiggly cheeks either.

tiktok · 26/04/2009 17:56

rockinsockbunnies, no one disputes your right to express your views...I am not suggesting legal silencing

I am suggesting, strongly, that you think about the effect your 'views' (which are not really 'views', are they? They are no more than judgmental responses) have on the real people who read these boards.

You know - real people with real lives? Like people who feel bad about their feeding experience, or people like me who work hard to make life easier for women faced with feeding experiences?

No, your posts will have no impact on bf rates - that's not why I am criticising your responses. I am criticising you because of the (non-statistically significant) effect you have on the real people.

If you have difficulty in stopping yourself from being judgemental, I suppose we could patiently wait until you have matured, or gained some life knowledge, or alternatively, we could ask you to be quiet.

That's what I did.

standanddeliver · 26/04/2009 17:57

Well Riven, I come from an extended family where 6 of the 12 grandchildren children are obese, where one of my BIL's is crippled by heart disease at 46, where a neice has had cancer at 26, where one SIL has type one diabetes, where another has type two diabetes.... my husband has hypertension, my FIL has had a stroke and my MIL has type two diabetes.

My personal worry is that we are set for an explosion of cancers related to obesity and poor diet in this country. At the moment £1 in every £10 spent by the NHS is spent on diabetes related illnesses, and that's set to increase. I take my children's diets and health VERY seriously, as well as my own, because I see the heart-ache illhealth has caused in my own family. If there's anything I can do to protect my children I'll do it. Once they are out from under my roof or are old enough to make their own choices then there's nothing more I can do. But while I can make a difference to their health by helping them make good food choices I will.

tiktok · 26/04/2009 17:58

legal silencing = illegal silencing

RockinSockBunnies · 26/04/2009 18:11

Tiktok, I'm guessing that people have a fair idea of what kind of things will be said on a thread like this. If they don't like what's being said, they can hide the thread. Mumsnet can be a fairly judgemental place and a place where different views can be expressed, which is simply what I'm doing.

expatinscotland · 26/04/2009 18:11

'My personal worry is that we are set for an explosion of cancers related to obesity and poor diet in this country.'

That's one way round the pension crisis.

expatinscotland · 26/04/2009 18:11

'My personal worry is that we are set for an explosion of cancers related to obesity and poor diet in this country.'

That's one way round the pension crisis.

standanddeliver · 26/04/2009 18:28

"That's one way round the pension crisis".

This thought has crossed my mind at times too....

Pass the chips!

"However, I live in the real, imperfect world where people aren't always able, or don't feel able - for a multitude of reasons - to make the best choice every time".

I suppose this is where we differ in perspective. I don't see ff as the 'good enough' norm, with bf as some 'ideal' towards which we strive if we can. To me bf is the biologically normal way to feed a baby. It's not 'best', it doesn't give a baby 'extra' immunity, or 'boost' a baby's health, and that's why I can't be complacent about our bf rates in this country. I don't think it's 'good enough' that most babies in this country aren't being fed the biologically normal way - especially as most mothers want to breastfeed, and are prevented from doing so in the way they want by poor care.

Not blaming parents for the lack of breastfeeding by the way - our society's reliance on formula is the way our culture and our maternity care have made it. We're all just swept along with it trying to do the best we can.

But please stop saying that I am 'attacking' you or anyone else. Saying you feel sorry for babies who haven't been breastfed is not a criticism of mothers who can't or don't want to breastfeed.

sarah293 · 26/04/2009 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsMattie · 26/04/2009 18:40

I agree with almost everything you have just said in your last post@standanddeliver. Very different tone to the post I originally responded to, though, which certainly did come across as attacking. But agreed on your main point - that bf-ing is the norm, or at least, should be the norm. In order for that to happen, though, I do think that the needs of women have to be considered and supported equally to those of the child. Women are the ones who feed, after all, not just a pair of floating breasts. We live in a society where the demands and expectations placed upon women are huge, and it isn't helpful to make breastfeeding just one more stick to beat us with.

tiktok · 26/04/2009 18:46

rockinsockbinnie, you ay:

"If they don't like what's being said, they can hide the thread. Mumsnet can be a fairly judgemental place and a place where different views can be expressed, which is simply what I'm doing."

Oh, well, that's all right, then

However, you clearly think 'views' is synonymous with 'judgemental witterings'.

In addition, you also think that people who are hurt or others who feel their supportive work is undermined should simply hide the thread rather than challenge you on your closed and thoughtless twattishness....lovely!

RockinSockBunnies · 26/04/2009 18:52

Tiktok - Feel free to challenge me by all means, as many posters have been doing. But asking me to stop posting because you don't agree with me doesn't appear justified IMO.

Also, where is the line to be drawn between a view and a judgement? This thread is bound to be contentious, as have many others in a similar vein. It'd be somewhat dull if no-one posted their opinions/judgements/views for fear that others may not like them. As I've reiterated, this is an area that I hold very strong views about. No doubt other people have strong views on other subjects which I might not like. I can challenge them or ignore them, but I wouldn't ask them to stop posting.

LackaDAISYcal · 26/04/2009 18:53

I sometimes think it's a pity you can't press "hide poster" rather than hide thread!

pmsl expat

RockinSockBunnies · 26/04/2009 18:54

I agree wholeheartedly LackaDAISYcal!

blueshoes · 26/04/2009 18:55

rockinsocks, do you know the meaning of 'own goal' or 'shooting yourself in the foot'?

Judge, if it makes you feel better, and damn others' feelings. You are the last person I'd want championing the cause of bf-ing.

gussymooloo · 26/04/2009 19:12

Unfortunately during our kids lives we do things which arent always seen as doing the "right" thing, be it milk feeding, weaning, nursery, school, discipline....

one thing is certain there will be another woman there to judge you thou...

it makes me sad that we cant actual accept that we make different decisions, based on our information/situation at the time, we all want whats best for our kids best sometimes opinions differ about what that is.

Maria2007 · 26/04/2009 19:22

Oh god, here we go again. How predictable that this thread has gone this way. And how sad.

To the OP: See, the way things are going on this thread kind of disproves your point. One person who is a bf fanatic (I refuse to use your own term)- RockinSockBunnies came on this thread & she's been immediately flamed by almost everyone else, including people like Tiktok who are extremely interested in bf & work in the field. So who are these bf fanatics you are talking about, may I ask? I seriously wonder. Have you had an unpleasant experience? Oh I think I know what's happened. RockinSockBunnies was probably sitting next to you at a cafe, when you were bottlefeeding, and she gave you one of her judgmental stares. She probably tut-tutted too. Loudly. Oh and by the way. There was recently another thread, here on the bf threads, about a bf mother who judged a bottlefeeding mother (a stranger to her) by saying something obnoxious like 'oh, you're not feeding the baby yourself'?' The OP in that thread was really supported by everyone here on MN- including us breastfeeders. Everyone was angry on her behalf about the sanctimonious, holier than though bf mother who happened to judge her that way. By the way. To everyone who read that thread. We now have solved the puzzle of who that woman was. It was probably RockinSockBunnies again!!

RockinSockBunnies: I have to laugh. You know- you're deluding yourself. You're not really interested in bf at all. BF is just your chosen field in which you can express what you really want to show all of us- what a superior mother you are. Well congratulations. You've bf your baby (or babies). Great. Well done you. Is that what you want to hear? How great you are? OK then great. As I said, congratulations for your achievement. Now can you please piss off & let us normal people who choose not to be so sanctimonious, judgmental & offensive live our lives in peace?
Oh. And by the way: here's something to think about. Admitting that you're judgmental & rude does not make you appear less so. It just makes you appear slightly stupid for not doing all you can to be less judgmental & rude. Do you actually enjoy being judgmental & rude? Is that it?

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