Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

[CottageChicken]

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

I didn't call you stupid. I said your comparison was daft and you were daft for using it...sorry, that does rather sound as if I was calling you daft, whoops. I am sure you are not daft generally.

No one has said feeding is the be-all and end-all of infant health - in fact I have spelled it out that it is not.

You invite me to pick another analogy. I don't need to. Formula feeding increases the risks of adverse health effects. These are impossible to predict in individuals. Feeding is socially, psychologically and culturally mediated, and is more than a question of individual choice, as choice itself may be mediated by these aspects. On a public health level, this matters - we should be removing barriers to breastfeeding, so women can have a genuine choice.

No one should judge women for their feeding decisions, because they risk causing distress...given that feeding is already a potentially emotional issue.

Your point is that we should not judge women because feeding is not a big deal anyway.

BTW, hittingthebottle, I also find arguments along the lines of 'surely every mother wants the best for her baby?' hugely offensive and naive and judgemental.

But the answer to them is not to make up spuroious comparisons between car accidents and formula.....

Following on from what barnsleybelle said, I don't think it is ridiculous to feel more ashamed of bottle feeding than smoking. Choosing to smoke has long term health implication for the decision maker (with the exception of passive smoking). Choosing to bottle feed has long term health benefits for the infant.

It seems that the mother's preferences or fathers wish to be able to feed their child are often put above what is best for the baby.

Late in the day to respond to rockinsocks post I know ut just been reading this thread and this made me so LIVID. How dare you go round 'being annoyed' at other people's circumstances. I don't agree with OP's original terminology but I know what she is trying to describe. It is this sort of opinionated militant women making other women feel bad for not breastfeeding. I was determined to breastfeed and did my absolute best. I saw several counsellors, joined a support group, read up on the issue, took herbal supplements and teas recommended to increase my milk, spent days on end doing skin to skin with my baby and despite everything I did not produce enough milk to fee my baby. I stupidly listened to the pro-breastfeeding lobby and continued to exclusively breastfeed my baby as she dropped through the centiles. One day when changing her for her bath, I realised how prominent her ribs were - she was failing to thrive and in pressuring myself to do the right thing and continue to breatfeed I had put my baby at risk. So should I be shot at dawn and looked down upon for supplementing with formula??? According to you, you would see me out and about ff and make all manner of judgements about me - you wouldn't have a clue of the heartbreak I had been through or the danger I had put my child in in persisting with exclusive bf. Since I made that decision she has been like a different baby - she is satisfied and takes naps in the day and is so much happier. My guilt is that I didn't supplement sooner - when will the staunch pro-breastfeeders accept that it down't work out for everyone and it is not 'best' in every scenario. I exclusiveley bf for 14 weeks btw.

"I don't think it is ridiculous to feel more ashamed of bottle feeding than smoking. Choosing to smoke has long term health implication for the decision maker (with the exception of passive smoking). Choosing to bottle feed has long term health benefits for the infant."

... even though everyone knows that children of smokers are more likely to smoke themselves?

Hey Cottage Chicken - I have only just joined Mumsnet, and to be honest haven't read all the posts but I didn't breast feed, and like your good self researched it and knew bf wasn't for me. DD is now 2.5 years and is very healthy. Also she slept through the night after 8 weeks and I'm talking 9pm-7.30am)!!! SO yey to all those parents out there bottle feeding

dol1y...no one can 'make' you feel bad without your permission! You know there is no reason for you to feel bad about using formula - you may feel sad, or disappointed, or angry that things progressed without the right sort of help being on offer to you, but there is no reason to feel bad (especially as your baby was excl bf for quite a bit longer than most babies).

I am a 'staunch' supporter of bf. People like me and my colleagues do not look down on people for ff, and we know it does not work out for everyone. There are a tiny handful of bf supporters who are naive and judgemental...don't tar everyone with the same brush!

I didn't mean people who could bf, I meant people who decide not to like my friend who decided to ff because she couldn't "be arsed" to bf. I think thats very sad.

I think though the problem Hulla is the people likely to be upset by your opinions/comments are those who have tried and failed rather than those who 'couldn't be arsed'.

Tiktok if you feel bad about something yourself it does make you hypersensitive about it. I agree though that few people are judgemental in reality, however there are a few on here who are for whatever reason.

FWIW I'm not judgemental about smokers either even though my previous post may suggest otherwise

hilarous thread continues, I see.

Dolly I totally empathise with you. At the end of the day you have to do the best you can in that situation for your baby even if it is formula. It is horrid to see your child suffering and you want to take that away, who is anyone to judge if they have not walked in your shoes.

It seems to me that you sought all the support you could but that it was just not happening for you. Like you I did not produce enough milk and eventually dried up and it was not enough to sustain my baby and her weight was dropping fast. I believe that if you have not got it there, no amount of support will help. I dont know if research has been done to see if biopsychosocial factors can affect breastmilk production, i would love to do a study on it myself. My mum did not procuce enough milk, nor did her sister or her mother so had to rely on formula and insufficent stuff available at that time.

Dont be sad dolly 14 weeks is great, i only managed 2 weeks.

I would love to bf the next time round and will do research on support to help and will really try hard, even pumping electrically to help supply if needed, but if i have the same problem i will not hesitate to use formula again.

people who could not* bf

piglet, tbh, I don't think pumping electronically actually helps with supply unless for some reason the baby can't suck efficiently. Most babies are more efficient than pumps. I pump at work when my LO's are under a year old and I find that my supply drops during the week and picks up at the weekends after I have exclusively fed the baby. They are good for when you are away from baby but when with baby feeding works better.
All you can do is give it your best shot and get as much help as you can. And every drop of breastmilk counts.

Thanks chip, i am willing to try anything, anyway i would like to express as well so that dh can feed too sometimes if i am out or busy.

Do people really care how others feed their babies? I do have a slight judgement when I see a tiny baby being bottle fed, it just looks wrong to me and I don't understand it. I never would show my disappointment or pretend to know the reasons for their choice and feel all women should be supported in their choice. I can't help thinking most women 'choose' to ff because they are not informed. My cousin was told her milk was 'skimmed', another that her breasts were too small. The fact that they repeated these ridiculous ideas means that they think they are valid. BF should be the natural choice, but not the only choice.

Ok, I have debated whether or not but my comment has been on my mind since I posted so I'm afraid I have to.

I would like to take back my comment. It makes me sound like a cold, judgemental bitch with a grudge against ff. I don't.

My dd was mixed fed in the early weeks, to start with because I expressed in the late evening and got nothing and decided her colicky cries were because I didn't have any milk (I now know that isn't true). Then occassionally I would be so exhausted I would just beg my dh to give her a bottle of formula and let me sleep. So my earlier comment also makes me a hypocrite.

I also now know that mix feeding dd before bf was established was a real risk to my supply. I didn't know that then and I am lucky that I got support to help me get back to ebf. If I hadn't managed it though I would have had to ff.

So I really do apologise if my comment offended anyone. I'll try to think before I post in future!

*whether or not to revive this thread

Not sure how that happened...must preview before posting.