Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

[CottageChicken]

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

I am very pro breast feeding and although I wouldn't push my views uninvited onto anyone who chose not to, I would put forward my side of the argument very strongly to anyone who wanted to debate it.

You have posted on a website your views and asked if anyone else decided the same without a mildly inflamatory title. You also state that you are happy with your choice, but what are you hoping for by posting? To share experience with other ffers or affirmation that you did the right thing. It sounds like the choice is right for you.

I don't agree with your choice. I am not offended by the term bf nazi, I am proud to be very pro breastfeeding and if anyone asked me my opinion I would very strongly state my case because thats what I believe is right.

Its ok to believe in your opinions isn't it?

Nazi

I am so sorry that OP and Riven have experience negative looks and tutting from other women, that sounds very upsetting to deal with especially as a new mum.

However unless all these women were currently breastfeeding whilst carrying a National Socialist German Workers' Party Flag, it is innaccurate and insulting to use such a phrase.

For all we know these tutting women, might be fully supportive of formula and may just thinking of something else entirely nothing to do with you at all. (Or if a Mumsnet mum judging you on something else instead. Greg Sausage rolls anyone )

I think plenty of people choose to bottle feed, esp if they are fortunate enough to have a DP/DH who is sharing the feeds.

Breastfeeding is an emotive subject because it is seen as a "bonding" experience. I would have been gutted if I couldnt have BF my DD but informed choice is incredibly important IMO, and if you choose to FF that is your right.
Surely happier mum = happier baby?

I sort of knew that i would bottle fed ds, as i found breast feeding very painful with dd1 and only managed a week before switching to bottle feeding.

And dd2 was horrible fed as she hated both breast and bottle feeding and i had to battle with her to get her to have 5oz milk every 4hrs until she was weaned at 20wks (with advice from dr and hv).

With my last pg i decided to try again with breast feeding but i was not going to stress if i couldn't. Which as i produced no milk what soever this time i had no choice but to bottlefed.

And as for illnesses apart from the odd cold both dd1 & 2 have only had chicken pox are both very healthy which to me is important as i have many allergies and wouldn't want them to have.

I have never, ever come across anyone anywhere criticising a formula feeding mum. i have been around young babies for 3 and a half years, have breastfed two for 6-8 months and then switched to formula, but really, i have never ever met these bfeeding nazis that are so often referred to on MN. could it be just a projection of some deep seated guilt that you're feeling at non bfeeding?

as for choosing not to bf, well, i'll be honest, it's a choice i don't understand- but it's your choice, and if you're happy with it, i am happy too. and i think 95% of women feel this way

And Riven, to hear of just one more stupid prejudice you have had to deal with.

Of course you aren't, and neither are you the first woman to sucker people in with a juicy thread title and then be really offensive.

It's great you did your research and came up with the idea that BFing wasn't right for YOU (I doubt for one second that your DC had a say in the matter )

I have both FF and then BF and have NEVER come up against any disapproving stares or comments and people making sweeping assumptions about my DC's health. I think perhaps you have either been unfortunate, or so loudly defensive of your decision that people have felt bound to comment.

I think your post has been designed as deliberately inflammatory, so please do piss off with your use of the word nazi. It's offensive on soooooo many levels.

CottageChicken - have you ever heard of Godwin's Law?

I'm so pleased everyone else has picked up on the Nazi word - now I don't have to. How this can be desensitised down to shorthand for soemone pro anything I can't imagine. It's actually fairly disgusting. A bit like saying someone dieting has gone 'a bit Holocausty.' We just can't use such meaningful words in general chitchat.

Good on your for making your choices Cottagechicken.

But please try to use less offensive terms in future.

"Breastfeeding Nazi" is a disgusting and offensive term that manages to alienate anyone who is pro bf and belittle the reality of what the Nazis actually did.

No, you are not the only woman who chose not to breastfed. About a third of women don't initiate breastfeeding, so whilst you are in the minority, you are not alone.

I also object to the term breastfeeding nazi. I am definately a Lactivist, but I am not a nazi.

I am curious how you could have done all the research and really educated yourself about the differences between breast and formula feeding, and still chosen not to breastfeed. Most people, when presented with all the facts wouldn't even consider using formula.

I shall go and get some pop corn now, as I suspect this is a trolling thread really.

OP Did these bf nazis commit genocide? war crimes? invade poland?

No? Or did they just make you feel a bit guilty. Diddums.

As someone who has lost family in the genocides of WW2, I find your post extremely offensive. You felt belittled for a micrisecond, and that equates to my grandfather buried in a mass grave? WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HIS BONES ARE.

I am sorry someone made you feel badly about your choices but for ffs could you think just a LITTLE before you post such gratuitously offensive crap?

well cottage chicken, given that you work and are an unqualified nanny and you also hire a nannny yourself, you obvioulsy have lots of childcare experience and are well able to decide for yourself what you want to do

I'm a little confused though why you would hire a nanny to look after your own three children while you work as a nanny caring for one child????

And now i see you are looking for a childminder, even though your mother is going to be looking after your child. Wow your childcare arragements are very complicated!

By CottageChicken on Wed 28-May-08 10:22:00

Hi I would love to join! I'm a nanny and have a little charge who is 23 months.

By CottageChicken on Thu 19-Jun-08 20:08:57

I'm an unqualified nanny, 4 yrs exp, look after 1 child in London and get £85 net per day. It's all variable I think.

CottageChicken on Thu 05-Mar-09 03:05:40

Hi mums & dads

I have a fantastic nanny who is available for part- or full-time work in London. She is qualifying for her CACHE Level 3 diploma from home soon so is flexible on days/hours, and can still (preferably) take on a full-time post.She has nannied for our 4 children, ages 5, 3, 2, and 3 months for the last 4 months.

By CottageChicken on Thu 05-Mar-09 15:06:38
We will be having my mum look after the kids willow so as to avoid any outside childcarers!

By CottageChicken on Tue 21-Apr-09 22:58:05

Hi! Who is the childminder listed in 'Purley, Croydon, Surrey' please? We would be very interested to speak with you.

I exclusivity breast fed for 8 months but was unhappy getting my baps out in public, I used to bottle feed DD expressed breast milk and yes I did get some tutting.

I could have pointed out that the bottle was full of breast milk, but felt narked that I had to.

I disagree with the term breast feeding Nazis, but understand the point you are making.

i think researching this in depth and then CHOOSING to formula feed is rather strange.

What made you choose this? i'm genuinely interested. I'm having a really tough time breastfeeding my dairy intolerant 14 month old and thinking of quitting but I can't becasue I feel so guilty.

I am genuinely interested in your findings, although I doubt I'll be swayed.

I won't flail you , or turn nasty. I'm interested in well reasoned debate on a non personal non confrontational level

I had a breastfeeding counsellor colleague a little while ago - not from NCT, as it happens (which I am a member of). She was Orthodox Jewish. She worked very hard in her own community to support women to breastfeed - all of them started to breastfeed but many did not continue for long for various reasons, mostly connected with poor info and support. Both her sets of grandparents and many of their relatives died or otherwise disappeared in the Holocaust.

Equating breastfeeding support, even the sort of disapproving judgmental sort some people claim is common, with Nazism, is crass and ignorant.

About 20 per cent of mothers formula feed from the start in the UK, according to the latest UK survey. So clearly imagining yourself to be 'the only mother on the planet' who chose bottle feeding is fantasy - maybe you like to feel special and different? Maybe you seek out the 'general disapproval stares' or interpret anyone who looks at you as being disapproving? Maybe you like to be a rebel? I have no idea whether you do or not, but I do know you have no manners

I think that could even have a greater impact on your children's future than your feeding decision, in fact.

hasn't this thread turned out exactly like the OP predicted?
I can see what she means

unfortunately, you cannot have a reasonable chat debate or a discussion, if people who feel strongly about a subject are referred to as Nazis.

"because there ARE breastfeeding nazis, just like there are real nappy nazis, boarding school nazis, BLW nazis, etc. etc. et"

at least this OP is just as offensive to lots of people, not just the breastfeeders

i bottle fed both children, and had i had the information to make an informed choice and knew how to access proper breastfeeding support, i would not have bottle fed, at least not for the first few weeks/months.

i thought i had chosen to bottlefeed, but i don;t think i really did

i have never ever encountered tutting, staring, condescenion or judging from anyone who breastfeed.

purepurple, it sounds as if you agree with CottageChicken that 'nazisim' in breastfeeding support exists and that stares of dsapproval are common?

I tried bf with all mine although switched to ff within weeks for my older ones due to problems. I am bf my almost 6 month old but he has the odd ff. I personally don't understand people that don't give bf a try at all but would never say that to them although some of my friends have said 'such and such didn't bother even trying', one girl said it 'was pervy' and etc etc but I didn't get offended, such people bitch about everything. I have also heard bitching about extended bf. As long as you are happy, that is all that matters. One thing, though, I don't get myself is people who choose ff so DH can get close etc, DHs can get close in many other ways. Makes me sad when it is the dad pushing to ff (for eg read a thread once where a mum was accused of being selfish by the DP for considering bf as he wanted to feed too) rather than the mums choice.

Surely the truth is that there are lots of nosey people out there who feel free to disapprove of how you bring up your children (esp babies) whatever you do.

FWIW I bf DD to 18 months. I had one tutting incident that I was sure was related to bf in a park. One woman who felt the need to come up to me on a train and explain how there was really no need to bf my baby and she'd probably be much happier on formula (in Belgium, not UK). Also a group of friends who had all ff spent a long time droning on about why ff was better, how baby was less likely to have colic, how all their children had been healthy (an odd argument as no-one has suggested that every single ff child will have more illnesses than every single bf child - the research is based on large scale studies), how it is better for the father and other relatives to help feed for bonding, better for the mother to get her life back, better for the child because they sleep better, no nutritional value after 6 months, no real difference between formula and bm etc. Oddly I found that people thought it was fine to make these (sometimes frankly plain wrong) arguments to me but complained about NHS guidance on bf.

I've also had lots of random people who have opinions on whether or not I work, whether I chose nursery or childminder, sling or pram, whether DD should have a hat/cardy on etc. Frankly some people are plain rude.