Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

[CottageChicken]

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

[foxytocin]

see OP if a well known breast feeding advocate came on here and talked about a 'bottlefeeing nazi' in her opening post, she'd be jumped on from on high by all and sundry. and rightly so.

coming back later to clarify with "there ARE breastfeeding nazis, just like there are real nappy nazis, boarding school nazis, BLW nazis, etc. etc. etc" does not make it better either.

[Lulumama]

read the posts, and think about them

and please stop saying breastfeeding nazi, everyone is agreed it is not appropriate

[RockinSockBunnies]

pagwatch - I completely agree with you that I am insensitive and that my posting is very possibly counter-productive. I appreciate I'm not going to help improve breastfeeding rates by glaring at mothers who bottlefeed. Nor will my espousing the virtues of breastmilk to all and sundry necessarily endear them to me, or persuade them to breastfeed by the time they have children!

But, as I said, it is an area where I judge people and something that I'll debate until the cows come home!

[purepurple]

Rockinsockbunnies, I can't understand why some women put their babies in the care of strangers from a few weeks old. It is beyond comprehension to me, so I can see where you are coming from. I just have different views to you.
To me, that is giving your baby second best. Why go out to work to pay someone to do something that you could do better. Never been able to work it out.

[muggglewump]

By RockinSockBunnies Sun 26-Apr-09 15:42:20

"Perhaps I also glance in a disapproving fashion."
Good grief, how awful. Do you really do that?

There was a question I wanted to ask the OP, I am in support of BF and BF with huge a struggle myself for 6 months but after your comment, I won't bother.
She needs all the support she can get if the likes of you would do that.

I'm shocked that you would be so bloody nasty.

[foxytocin]

"Strange how it is not acceptable to criticise abortion on mumsnet but fine to be vehement about breastfeeding."

maybe it is because a largely different group of women visit those threads? dunno. I never visit abortion threads. I read bf threads everyday.

[bamboobutton]

rockinsockbunnies what do you know about these bottlefeeding mothers you glare at in your superior way? NOTHING that's what.

how do you know they haven't had a double mastectomy? or have hypoplastic breasts? or any other breast abnormalities? you can't tell much because of modern bra technology.

so piss off on your fecking high horse and keep your nose out of other peoples business.

[pagwatch]

Rock
Personally I have no problem with you advocating and lecturing those around you - or indeed on here.
My issue is with your glaring at mothers when you have no understanding at all of their circumstances.
To potentially upset a mum who may be dealing with issues of which you have no knowledge is not on.
It is right up there with the people who would tut at me about DS2's behaviour when he has severe SN

Debate by all means.Debate is good
But sneering at people you don't know is unreasonable - however strongly you feel. It is not excused by your strength of feeling unless you are suggesting that the subjecyt of breastfeeding renders you incapeable of curtesy and self restraint in which case you should seek professional help

[TheFallenMadonna]

Why on earth would you be happy to continue doing something counterproductive?

It seems to me that your primary aim is to feel good about yourself rather than promote a positive image of breastfeeding. Which I suppose is valid in some psychological sense, if not a social one.

[LackaDAISYcal]

sockbunnies.....when I had DS1 seven years ago, I knew I wanted to BF. I had a sister who had BF two babies and was still feeding her second. I had a HV who was very pro breastfeeding. Neither my HV nor my sister could help me when I hit a wall with a DS who couldn't latch properly. No one suggested I see a breastfeeding counsellor; I didn't know that organisations like the NCT existed and no-one told me about them; I had never heard of shallow latch or vasospasm or thrush (which I now believe were the problems) and although I had a computer and an email account, I didn't use the internet in the way that I use it now so had no idea places like MN existed. However I struggled for nearly six weeks (as a single parent, so no partner to support me when things were bad in the wee small hours of the morning) through constant pain and bleeding and cracked nipples with a HV who's only suggestion was to try a different positions. Each change of position would bring a fresh set of pain and bleeding just as the last lot was starting to heal up. I used to sit up night after night crying in frustration trying to get DS1 to latch inspite of the agony. After a tearful call to parentline after very nearly shaking DS1 in frustration, I realised that, in the context of the available support, it just wasn't working. I started expressing and after a week I had a much much happier DS and I was calmer as I wasn't in pain....the switch to full time formula was a done deal after that as I had no idea I could continue to express and maintain a decent supply or indeed the support to even attempt it.

I get VERY angry when pompous, judgememtnal types such as yourself tell me I didn't try hard enough, especially as I have gone on to breastfeed two other children; my DD for nearly eleven months and my DS2 is 6mo old and has not had a drop of formula. I've trained as peer supporter and want to go on and become a breastfeeding counsellor and am about to be filmed talking about my BFing experiences for an NHS video as part of a local campaign to increase BFing rates. Although I do wonder why some women don't even try, I would never condemn anyone for making that choice and would certainly never preach at them or evangelise or make them feel they were inferior beings. If I come across someone who stopped and are reluctant to try again as a result, I tell them about my experience in the hope that it will help them realise that it is possible second time around even if it didn't work before.

so get off your soapbox and have a smattering of compassion and the grace to accept that you shouldn't judge situations you know nothing about

and as lulu says....fuck off.

[standanddeliver]

Rockinsoxbunny - I also feel sorry for babies who are not breastfed, but I find the best way of thinking is to start with the belief that mothers generally ARE DOING THE VERY BEST THEY CAN, BASED ON WHAT THEY KNOW AND WHAT THEY FEEL ABLE TO DO.

For me this is a basic truth, and it is a very helpful way of thinking. It means you can have very strong feelings about breastfeeding, without needing to be down on mums who don't do it.

[pagwatch]

Riven
I was thinking of you but didn't want to name check you.
Glad you posted

[purepurple]

standanddeliver
very well put
and more polite

[RockinSockBunnies]

It's true that I don't know others' backgrounds or circumstances. I shouldn't judge them. I should try and be supportive of their choices.

I shouldn't judge people I know nothing about, who may have had a mastectomy or infinte problems. At the same time, I find it difficult not to judge people I meet who have had none of these issues and simply didn't want to breastfeed and who never tried to.

[laughalot]

You feel sorry for babies who are not bf get a grip they will survive.

[jellybeans]

I agree glaring at ff mums is not nice at all. They could be adoptive parents, have had cancer, be on dangerous meds to a bf baby, have a baby with SN, they could even be feeding the baby EBM.

[MavisG]

I would never stare at a bottle-feeding mum, and certainly wouldn't attempt to make her feel uncomfortable. Who am I to judge?

But I do think it's odd that someone who'd read up on ff & bf and didn't have any abuse/psychological issues with her breasts wouldn't give it just one try, just in case she'd been blessed with the sort of baby that latches on problem-free. I do understand why even the slightest problem puts some women off though. I felt like b/f was one more assault on my body after having to give birth, and my birth was relatively easy.

[pagwatch]

I don't care tbh what you think of those you know. Just give strangers a break

[standanddeliver]

"You feel sorry for babies who are not bf get a grip they will survive"

Yes - and so will children fed suboptimal diets in childhood, but you still feel sorry for them and wish them something better.

[MrsMattie]

Oh, I cannot suffer people who feel sorry for babies who are not breastfed. Sorry. That is just the most patronising and cringeworthy thing to say. I feel sorry for people who think that way, as they obviously have very little in their lives to worry about .

I had loads of probs BF-ing DS and stopped at 6 wks, with much heartache. Lasted just shy of 2 weeks with DD, had the same problems, and after one night of feeling a bit down about it, switched to bottles and never looked back. I'm totally supportive of bf-ing, think it's obviously nature's way and should be supported and promoted etc, but equally, I can understand why some women choose not to even try. I think it's deeply patronising to start questioning women on what issues they may have that would lead them to not even try. I wouldn't question women who extended bf on whether it's really all about their child's health and not just a teensy weensy bit about their own issues, need for attachment /dependence etc. We all have our issues, after all.

I would never even attempt to breastfeed again, btw. Might express a bit of colostrum for a few days, but that would most certainly be it for me.

[RockinSockBunnies]

Standanddeliver - You're definitely a nicer person than me! I am judgemental and abrasive, which is why it's a good job I'm not a breastfeeding counsellor! Your observation, that generally mothers 'ARE DOING THE VERY BEST THEY CAN, BASED ON WHAT THEY KNOW AND WHAT THEY FEEL ABLE TO DO' is very sound.

[MavisG]

MrsMattie, You're right, it would be deeply patronising to question someone about 'issues'. In R/L I wouldn't. On an internet forum I would. I don't find it odd when someone doesn't even try b/f if they've had previous children. I do find it hard to understand if someone has no previous experience or issues and has educated themselves about b/f that they don't try just once - my lack of understanding, my problem.

[standanddeliver]

"Oh, I cannot suffer people who feel sorry for babies who are not breastfed. Sorry. That is just the most patronising and cringeworthy thing to say. I feel sorry for people who think that way, as they obviously have very little in their lives to worry about"

Well - that's probably a reflection of the fact that you think breastfeeding is largely irrelevant to babies - that they don't care or are much affected by how they are fed.

I suppose if you think that way you are going to feel about those of us who care about this issue. And with respect - you do have a vested emotional interest in trivialising the benefits of breastfeeding.

From my own view, I cannot forget that there are babies out there who will end up hospitalised with gastro-enteritis and respitory illness from a lack of breastmilk, and some preterm babies who will lose their lives and become seriously ill from artificial feeding. There will also be children out there with diabetes and women with breastcancer who would have escaped this fate if they had been breastfed/had breastfed. To me these things aren't trivial - they're sad.