Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

[CottageChicken]

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

I couldn't disgaree withyou more, mummypoohs.

How on earth did breastfeeding become a moral issue?

You're saying that women who ff are selfish, and they're only excused if they really really tried to bf.

Well, I think that's a really nasty way to view fellow mothers, and I refuse to think of breastfeeding as a moral issue.

To me, there are

• health aspects (risks of formula)
• emotional aspects (we all, in different ways, feel very strongly about bf)
• practical aspects (bf technique, support at home etc)
• background and beliefs

... just to name a few things which influence whether or not someone breastfeeds. All these factor are working together in complicated ways.

It's not a holiness competition.

I breastfed all 3 dc's and I have to confess that I don't like seeing tiny babies being ff. I don't know why exactly, it just seems... wrong. Having said that, I hated bfing to begin with (it was agony for at least 6 weeks with all 3)and it was sheer bloody mindedness that kept me going. I was then fine with it for 6 or 7 months (though never loved it) but by 10 or 11 months I could not WAIT to stop: I hated it! Clearly I am sadly sheep-like in the face of middle class prejudices/influences. Oh, and dc1 had endless ear infections, despite being bf...

I am the only one of my friends who bf and I have never judged a mother who ff to be frank I don't really care how you feed your baby its none of my business. But when I have started feeding in mother and baby groups people who ff have shunned me and refused to talk to me, because apparently I force bf down their throat.
Yeah I talk about it just like any mother. But I have never forced my view on to another. However I was mortified to go into feeding room in mothercare to find two separate rooms the ff room had a hard bench the bf room had leather reclining chairs and a free drinks dispenser. But I didn't ask them to do that and the only other women bf in there looked just as ashamed as me mothercare did that.

Mummypoohs: Congratulations! You're really great, managing to bf 4 babies. Come to think of it, you could win an award in the best / most sacrificial / least selfish (wtf?!) mummy competition. If you want, I can nominate you.

Oh hang on. No such competition exists.

(And btw. What a silly comment 'there's not a single health benefit to FF'. As if it all has to do with 'health benefits' when it comes to feeding infants. Is it so hard for you to get your head around the fact that- as Welliemum rightly said- there are health aspects, emotional aspects, practical aspects, & background / beliefs- to which I would add cultural aspects. For some women- and that may perhaps be sad, but it's true- ff may well be the optimum choice, in their particular circumstances).

here's a novel idea.feed your baby how you wish.extend the choice to others too.we don't need to berate each other about how someone feeds their baby

but doesn't the slogan "breast is best" explicitly state that it is a superior choice?

and isn't it, actually, from all that we know?

i'm not saying everyone needs to do it, and i think everyone is perfectly entitled not to, (and I have given many bottles of formula), but let's not punish the mums that think they are doing the right thing by rising to the challenge either.

well, there's not much to say - scottishmummy summed it up: let's not punish anyone for the choices they make.

even if breast is best.

TikTok

Do you really think that a childs physical, emotional and psychological needs are not met when they are formula fed?

children need love,attachment,affirmation that comes from good parenting regardless of feeding mode.neither mode of feeding guarantees good psychological mental health and social development

there is more to parenting than initial mode of feeding

i love seeing a wee baby cuddling up to mummy,regardless of how it is fed.it is that unique bonding that shapes solid secure relationship

Hux, I don't think Tiktok meant that, she wrote this

'To clarify: I don't think these needs are not met when a child is formula fed!'
By tiktok Tue 28-Apr-09 11:46:19

a couple of posts after the post I think you were referring to!

"there is more to parenting than initial mode of feeding"

With respect, isn't that stating the obvious? Is there a single person on this board who'd argue otherwise?

TBH it's a bit aggravating to have this argument raised in response to comments about how bf can aid secure attachment.

While we're on the subject though - does anyone remember the press coverage this research from the Telethon institute got a
few years ago?
here

Basically it suggests that prolonged bf may result in significantly lower rates of mental illness and delinquency in children.

so many adopt a zealous approach that does infer one chosen mode is superior.which is why this topic causes so much pain and consternation

so no sometimes on MN the glaringly obvious does get lost in jostling and asserting one's preferred mode of feeding

so whilst we may concur.other's dont

I have been away from mumsnet for a while and I have come back to see nothing has changed!

I personally feel sad that women do not feel the wonderful way that I did when breastfeeding.

I feel sorry that sadly it is not just viewed as the normal way to feed a baby and that is has become so difficult. In my own area only 50% of women even initaite breastfeeding.

That said I am glad when women are strong enough to say they don't want to do it despite the information they have been given - it is not for them.

I feel very sorry for the women who want to breastfeed who do not get adequate help.

I am mega pissed off that exclusively breastfed DS 3 developed type 1 diadtese at 16 years of age

I absolutely detest the term 'breastfeeding nazi' and think it should be outlawed.

Diabetes!

I agree with mears.

It took me 7 weeks to get ds1 to latch on in which period I had 2 midwives, 1HV and a bf counsellor (plus 1 grandma) all yanking at my boobs and trying to make bf happen. It was undignifying to say the least and I was glad of any excuse not to bf ds2.

i had to stop bfing ds2 because my cs stitches tore, got bad infected and I was given some anitbiotics and anti fungal and was told I couldn't bf.

I remember some mn posters stating that it was a form of child abuse to ff babies and one person at the time asked to be moved from a ward because other new mums were ffing.

On the flip side, there were also posts from bfing mums about being treated horribly when they were bfing in public. both cases are very sad. Everyone should be free to make the choice.

I didn't bf ds2 for more than a week and it appears that a peer reviewed, double blind study has just proved that he is going to have health problems, end up in jail, not pay attention in class, fail his exams, become a criminal and go to hell. eeek!

i think we all choose to have kids for selfish reasons really. it's not like we have them because we want to donate them to some charitable cause or to be the saviour of the world. It's just a nicer type of selfishness IMO.

didn't bf and it was one of the best choices of my life.

almost 3 years on and it's not an issue in determining what's best for the boys. the BF guy has turned out autistic and the FF guy is advanced for his age. BF is best but FF is a photo-finish second as far as I'm concerned.

I find it incredible that people argue about this.

I formula fed by choice.

It was great - no problems at all.

I know plenty of people who breastfed for six months but who subsequently fed their kids from jars and stuck them in front of the telly.

Doing your best doesn't start and end with milk.

agree with mogwai. your choice of milk is not the be all and end all.

i bf for 3 months then phased it out (because i wanted sex again ) but next time i think i'll try for longer just froma convenience point of view. my sis didn't bf at all, no big deal.

Um.....why would breastfeeding stop anyone having sex if they wanted to have sex?

Bit puzzled about that one!

Agree with tiktok! Am still bfing 13 month old ds4 and while I don't really discuss my sex life on MN, let's just say dh is quite happy!

And agree with mogwai, I do advocate bfing but it doesn't make you a perfect mother. I know there are people who judge me for WOTH and I'm quite sure I saw a few judgy glances in McD's today for allowing ds4 to have a good portion of my Big Mac but feck it, I'm a good mother 90% of the time!

Can I just throw in my 10 penth here. I feel deeply insulted to those who judge us without walking in our shoes and having absolutely no clue at all. Like someone on here i dont know their username, that say while happily bf baby quite easily with no problems at all, that women who are not able to bf do not try hard enough. What utter tripe!

While I recognise the health benefits of breastmilk and have resolved to get help to help me to bf if i have baby number 2, formula is not junk or poison, simply another way of nourishing a baby if the mother cannot produce sufficient milk to sustain her child. At the end of the day from my bad bf experience, my baby now 2.3 years is happy and healthy and that is all that matters. My parenting should not be judged on the basis of my feeding method, how wrong is that. That all folks

Oh yes mummiepoohs how hard do you want me to try,I am a new mother, my baby is crying out for milk, i am not producing much milk, midwife recommends formula top up, i am trying to demand feed every 2 hours, wight drops to way below birth weight.Eventually i dry up and no milk at all. I have to make a choice to do whats best for my baby here and now!. That was formula, happy baby, happy mother, happy mother, happy baby.

Mummypoohs - good for you.

If there are any health benefits to formula feeding, please do share. I'm training to be a dietician & if you can update me, that'll be great.

IcantbelieveImforty I would wait for Tiktok for some expert advice as she is a bf counsellor so would be more equipped to advise you

I bf all mine, shortest for 2 weeks (told by HV to give up ), 3 others for 6 weeks and still bf DS at 7 months. This time I feel more supported, I feel bf is more encouraged compared to 13 years ago. I think the campaigns help. I gave up too early with my others but am so glad I tried. I sometimes think it's abit of a shame to not even try but it's up to the mother and some have no choice. Many people were ff themselves, I was after a couple weeks.

meant to say that most people I know who began ff from birth were ff themselves.