Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

[CottageChicken]

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

hunkermunker, point taken but just speaking for my own experience of mums who felt unhappy BF (for whatever reason) but felt preassure from MW/HV/other mums to persevere and the relief they felt when they switched to formula and finally started to enjoy their baby.
There will always be guilt for one reason or another I think thats just part of being a parent.

Technofairy....I think you were very fortunate to have the support from the start 20 years ago...for many women it wasn't the norm at that time. What a wonderful opportunity you had to help others with what you received yourself!

More women seem to find it is almost assumed that they will automatically breastfeed today. Some may get asked what they plan to do, but others have found quite a bit of questioning from their midwives and HVs if they state they are going to formula feed.

You'll find many more breastfeeding classes being offered and more women and partners taking them, support groups, better trained nurses, and lactation consultants on staff in more hospitals these days. Some paeds are even hiring breastfeeding consultants as part of their staff to have available for some of their families. Greater numbers of the current generation are much more aware then the previous one simply due to more exposure to the topic.

Peanut08.....you are exactly right! If it's not breastfeeding it will be another parenting issue. When to wean....what to feed...bedtimes...playing outside alone...leaving them home on their own..how much television to watch....the list is endless and doesn't stop till they are out of the house (sometimes not even then!)

If your happy, people around you are happier... its that simple. Your body responds to seeing happy cues with seratoin which then makes you happier, why wouldnt that be the case for babies?

Just wanted to say Qally I am in awe of you! I hated expressing and tried to limit it as much as possible.
I thought I had problems BF DD but at least I COULD do it.

I hope this doesn't sound patronising but WOW to you...

doulalalc - the BF data is from the same year, as it says throughout the data I posted.

"Every bfing woman has to be a current-culture-rebuffer, work on her own self-confidence, drastically change her expectations, possibly give up work for longer than she intended and her employer expects, revisit her relationships with members of her family and friends, possibly fight her GP and HV, become a researcher........."

i'm sorry but you are making it sound SO HARD. for some, yes, it is. But does this really apply to "every BFing woman"?

It applies to me. And is beautifully put.

Also think Anniemac's point about bf being normalised is a good one, though I'd like it to be normal/unremarkable at any age. If bf were the norm, bfeeders and ffeeders would get less hassle because it all wouldn't be such an issue.

PS also think Qally should be extremely proud - exclusive expressing must have been v tough.

Applies to me too. Doesn't mean it's always a traumatic experience but I've had to explain and justify myself over and over to family members/friends etc.
It's a good thing that I had DD in a different country!

exactly starlight; although when I switched to FF at about six weeks with DS1 I felt happier as I was no longer crying in pain throughout a feed and DS was finally getting food easily and happily (he used to be on and off constantly) and we were both happier as a result; I also felt enormous guilt that I had "failed" to do something that meant a lot to me, especially as a single parent I had constantly been told since announcing my pregnancy that it would be hard and I was prepared to try and prove people worng. The sense of failure I had was overwhelming, even though on the face of things I was happier that feedtimes were no longer a painful, drawn out ordeal.

So, I also think the term "happy mum = happy baby" slightly patronising as issues are a lot deeper and more complicated than that.

anniemac, good posts.

oops, digressed a bit there. I meant to add that my problems were entirely solveable and if I had been able to work through them with proper support, I would have been happier and wouldn't have had the guilt.

I think the guilt is misplaced - I was lucky to find enough support to solve my problems and continue bfing (having taken painkillers and gin to keep going in the meantime) - I'm no better at bfing than you, just luckier.

Recently I witnessed the opposite to a bottlefeeding mum being judged - I witnessed a bf woman being judged... well put off I guess.

Was at the park with ds, Friend's baby started crying and she called her ds and said they had to go home as baby was crying. I said "why don't you just feed him?" to which other friend exclaimed "oooooh noooo I don't want to see your boobs!" . It was cold anyway so friend went home. But a couple of weeks later at same park and baby was crying and this time her ds didn't want to go home so again I said "Just feed him here." to which she replied, "oh no, I don't have a problem with it but other people have a problem with it." to which I replied "Well that's their problem isn't it. If they're that bothered they don't have to look do they?"

She did go and feed the baby, but she covered up completely that you couldn't even see the baby. But I'd like to hope that she at least took a step towards feeling a bit more comfortable feeding her baby in public rather than feeling she needed to hide.

chandellina.....I was referring to the sites you provided (2005) and the Kellymom site...the data is from different years.

Sorry, really didn't mean to offend anyone with happy mum = happy baby. I agree sometimes things aren't as straightforward and any mum who chooses to BF and wants to continue should have support and understanding from those around her.
I guess I'm just reflecting on my experience of BF DD and experiences of some mums I know who hated BF but felt preasured to do it for fear of being judged. I was lucky to have no problems with BF DD took to it really well but I didn't it, It made me miserable and I used to dread every feed. I stopped at 6 weeks and never once felt guilty just relieved. The only thing that did upset me was other peoples negative reactions. My experience of feeding my other DC was compleatly different due to circumstaces and why I understand that things are never black and white.

"I do understand what the term is intended to refer to and some of this thread demonstrates it at its worst."

Well if 'bf nazism' amounts to one person saying they think that mums who choose not to bf are being selfish, and admitting that they have given the odd snotty look at a bottlefeeding mum, then I hardly think it's an earth shaking accusation. Particularly as almost everyone else on the thread has attacked her view! Doesn't really amount to brutal totalitarian behaviour IMO. And even then there's not a single voice here refuting the basic concept of freedom of choice when it comes to how you feed your baby.

"Personally, I always find it strange when bfing sort of develops a political signifcance over and above all else You can argue the health benefits to me until the cows come home but really, in my own very humble opinion past a certain age its not the most important defining factor in that child's welfared".

As a left-leaning feminist this issue has major political significance to me. Health benefits apart - I believe that breastfeeding is part of the normal experience of maternity for women and of the normal experience of infancy for babies. I feel very angry that for decades ignorant people (mostly male doctors who encouraged the practice of bottlefeeding and the development of artificial milks in the last century, and formula manufacturers who had a vested interest in damaging breastfeeding) were able to intervene into this experience and basically destroy it for millions of mothers and babies - and for what? Money.

And I still feel angry that women and babies are being unnecessarily deprived of something that usually brings them happiness, closeness, good health and comfort.

standanddeliver: I agree. Of course it's political - not just on the philosophical level which you explain so clearly, but on the practical level of resources and public policy.

It is political to expect that people whose job it is to care for new mothers and their infants should be trained and resourced to be able to do it effectively. It is also political to expect that barriers to breastfeeding (employment rights, social rights to bf anywhere without hassle etc) are removed. It's also political to argue that market forces should not be allowed to trump public health issues - so the marketing of formula should be controlled, not just to prevent breastfeeding being undermined, but to ensure that the parents of babies not fed on breastmilk alone are given good, sound information about the alternatives.

I don't think anyone is daft enough to think that having been breastfed is the most defining factor in a child's welfare - who would say this? For what it's worth, I think the most defining factor in a child's welfare is having adult carers/parents who understand and respond to the child's physical, emotional and psychological needs. And actually, breastfeeding is a part of that.

To clarify: I don't think these needs are not met when a child is formula fed!

Thankyou tiktok, I have to agree that after 7 years there are many more factors in raising my DC that I feel are more defining than whether I BF or FF.
I just didn't feel the bond that is supposed to be the norm when BF and felt it would be better for my DD's welfare if I concentrated on other ways to bond and enjoy the early months. I have been a SAHM for 7 years now and have 3 happy, healthy children who are confident and secure and I have never regretted FF, just other people's judgements.

Well, I BF my first for a year, then had great difficulties with the next two, and by the time I was pregnant with my fourth, and monumentally depressed, I made the decision before he was even born to FF because I knew I would have no support to BF and I just couldn't face it. I was told I'd be able to have better pain medication, too, but I'm not sure how accurate that was, and honestly, it wasn't the main reason.

He did have some colostrum in the hospital, and the nurses assumed I'd BF, but again, there was no support for that. I had to beg for a bottle from a nurse who said to me 'Oh, I think you should try a bit harder to feed him yourself before we let you have a bottle', but didn't actually help at all.

So while I fully support people like hunker and tiktok, who are really positive, I have nothing but contempt for smugly militant pro-BFs, who aren't interested in other women actually successfully breastfeeding, they just want to be able to exercise their own ego. Can't even begin to get my head around someone proudly announcing what judgemental and unpleasant individual they are.

Bumping for Lulu

thank you lizzy

I FF fed my son as I just did'nt fancy BF.

I do kind of know what you mean by some of the more avid breastfeeders on here but at the end of the day when you actually do speak to them you will realise most of them are not actually against anyone who FF's it's more the idea of FF as total normality and BF being seen as the weird thing to do, it should really be the other way around and that is what most of them are about.

Trust me I know argued till I was blue in the face before I got that

i still think the one poster who admitted to being judgmental about FFing got too hard a time about it.

i fully accept that being a mum means i am going to be judged by someone or other for how i raise my child. it is up to me to have conviction about my choices.

god - just read the snob thread going on in chat and you will likely find a dozen things you do that someone looks down their nose at!

I cant see how on earth you say you made an informed decision
Other than be able to chuck the baby at someone else when you've had enough what is there?
Theres not one single health benefit to FF.
I struggled to BF my 4, but i got there as i'm not selfish, thats what my breasts are for. If the struggle became to hard (espcially with number 3) i would have given up and offered FF knowing i had done evrything i possibly could.