Am I the only mother on the planet who CHOSE bottle-feeding?

[CottageChicken]

I read extensively, did lots of soul-searching, and decided breastfeeding just wasn't something that was the right path for me and DC. Consulted DP who wanted a very active role in the feeding and supported 100%, we did 50/50 on all feeds from Day 1. Most people have been great about it, but of course there are the Breastfeeding Nazis and just general disapproval stares.

Did anyone else actively choose not to breastfeed? I don't regret my choice at all but it would be nice to hear from others.

By the way - mine are very happy, rarely ill, well-adjusted babies before you ask how many ear infections they've had, as more than 1 random person on the street has done .

Starlight - ummm I think we agree actually. Well, I certainly agree with what you wrote, especially the last bit. I think some women - and I am not talking about those with specific bf problems, fall in to ff almost by default, due to lack of good help and being surrounded by ffers. The fact that so few women bf means this must be true, it just seems that we aren't allowed to say it. We must remember that MN is a very unrepresentative sample.

"Every bfing woman has to be a current-culture-rebuffer, work on her own self-confidence, drastically change her expectations, possibly give up work for longer than she intended and her employer expects, revisit her relationships with members of her family and friends, possibly fight her GP and HV, become a researcher........."

i'm sorry but you are making it sound SO HARD. for some, yes, it is. But does this really apply to "every BFing woman"?

My experience is that I was informed by friends, family and health professionals that I should try to BF, so I did so. I did have a VERY hard time of it physically (poor latch and weight gain), and if I had stopped early, I would be happy to have defended that decision to anyone who thought I was being "soft."

But I haven't had to do any of those things on your list, and honestly it sounds like every BFing woman should get a medal or something if she has to do all that, or at the very least feel superior to those FFing. (just kidding)

starlight I completely agree with you. Great post.

MrsM, sorry - I really didn't mean it was a myth that formula-feeders were happy! Crumbs! I meant it was a myth that you couldn't drink wine - and that you could still let other people share the feeding (albeit it's more work and they really ought to be sharing the cuddling, tickling and burp-finding!) using ebm.

'For a family in which the mother's income is supplementary, then yes, the full 9 months, or even the year, might be possible. But when her income is the main, or only, source of income for the household and even a 10% pay cut is going to make things tight, dropping down to £100 a week, or nothing, is not an option.'

That's what happened to me with DD2. I bf'd her as she was dead easy to do so.

But I was the chief breadwinner and my full-pay ended at 16 weeks with a fortnight of holiday tacked on.

Yes, I know people say according the EU your employer has to provide a private place and time off for you to pump and store milk and all that.

But the reality of that would have been very difficult for my employer and in my role, and tbh, I wasn't really interested in pissing off my supervisors and making my life any harder when it already sort of sucked that I had to go back so soon.

As it is I'm grateful for the 18 weeks at full whack I got.

We couldn't have afforded a 10% drop in income at all and as we were working poor to begin with, saving wasn't an option, either.

That's life for many people, in case some aren't aware.

TikTok, I'm not making it up!

US RATES - Source: CDC
Among children born in 2005, 74% initiated breastfeeding, whereas 43% were breastfeeding at 6 months and 21% at 12 months of age.

Approximately 32% of infants born in 2005 were exclusively breastfed through 3 months of age, and 12% were exclusively breastfed for 6 months.

UK RATES - Source: ONS

Initial breastfeeding rates in 2005 were 78 per cent in England, 70 per cent in Scotland, 67 per cent in Wales, and 63 per cent in Northern Ireland.

In 2005, 48 per cent of all mothers in the United Kingdom were breastfeeding at six weeks, while 25 per cent were still breastfeeding at six months.

In 2005, 45 per cent of all mothers in the United Kingdom were breastfeeding exclusively at one week, while 21 per cent were feeding exclusively at six weeks. At four months the figure was 7 per cent while at six months the proportion of mothers who were breastfeeding exclusively was negligible (<1 per cent).

Starlight - though I agree that returning to work impacts on bf in one way or another, I do think it's worth pointing out that in the UK those groups who are most likely to return to work are also those groups who are most likely to bf and to bf for longest (ie, professional women), whereas women who have never worked have the lowest rates of initiation and continuation of bf.

Personally I returned to work p/t (2 and a half days a week) when my first was 5 weeks old). I managed to bf until she was 18 months by bf at night and in the evening, and by 'winging it' with expressing.

"And no, I don't think a bfer who does of that should feel superior, but they should certainly be pround of themselves, for however long they managed to bf for."

I don't think I am a 'better mother' than someone who didn't bf - I'm aware that I have strengths and weaknesses as a parent... but I do feel that my self-esteem and confidence as a parent is higher than it would have been had I not bf. I look back on my 5 years of bf - some of which was a real struggle, and I do feel a strong sense of satisfaction.

Thanks, chandellina....my knowledge of the stats came from a different survey

www.kellymom.com/writings/ross-data.html

Interesting that they are very different.

LOL at bfing stats being supplied by the makers of infant formula!

gussymooloo - but the figures are very, very important to them!

I know it just tickled me :O

starlight, I am pretty much a typical BFer, persevering inspite of several minor difficulties and I agree wholeheartedly with your post. I have taken information from the internet into the surgery with me, have consistently had to explain to my MIL just how I know baby is "getting enough" and to a lot of people I meet that I am "still* feeding DS2 myself; I have, as someone with quite low self esteem, had to develop a thicker skin in order to feed unselfconsciously in public.

and to chandellina....I am immensely proud of myself for achieving with DS2 what I failed to do with DS1 and didn't quite achieve fully with DD (she had the odd bottle of formula from about 8 weeks old) and the knowledge that at 24 weeks old I had single handedly nurtured him for nearly 15 months without any outide help from anyone or anything else.

"Every bfing woman has to be a current-culture-rebuffer, work on her own self-confidence, drastically change her expectations, possibly give up work for longer than she intended and her employer expects, revisit her relationships with members of her family and friends, possibly fight her GP and HV, become a researcher........."

I agree

my experience is similar to Daisy's. I had to work very hard to bf my third child, as we both had medical problems which complicated BF. i put up with a lot of pain and distress and although i don't expect a medal I deserve one

but i don't expect or deserve to be called names like a nazi and i dont expect to have women come up to me and tell me how lucky i am that its been so easy for me, when they know nothing about my Bf experience

i have never asked ANYONE, either in RL or on Mn, to justify their feeding decisions to me and i wish others would extend the same courtesy to me

I hate that there's so much judgement from both sides. You don't have to be a woolley-legged doctrinaire hippy to bf. Nor are you necessarily an uneducated Essex girl if you don't. You are, in almost all cases, a woman trying to do what is best for herself and her baby, and what feels right for her own individual circumstances.

I think the real problem is that most women do start off bf and want it to work, and the fallout rate signals that many, many are horribly let down.

As to the poster who glares at women with bottles? I haven't been genuinely upset by anyone online in years now, but I was by you. My 6 month old has problems, ongoing problems, with his tongue that totally ruled out bf for us, but every single drop he eats is my milk. I sought every single source of help imaginable, drove all over the country, had his tongue tie divided twice without that completely solving his estriction, and managed, thanks to help from people like Tiktok, to keep him exclusively breastmilk fed for six months (bar a few days when he was 2 weeks old while I pumped up my supply), through Norovirus and severe PND. I plan to keep him getting some bm every day till he's one. He cannot feed, but I've had looks and comments for using bottles, just as other women have had them for breastfeeding. There is no difference between the two. In both cases, people are passing comment on what a stranger chooses to do with her own sexual organs, without any knowledge or information on what lies behind her choices - and without that choice being anyone else's business, anyway.

I suspect the only thing that will stop somebody glaring disapprovingly at either bf or ff mothers is when the recipient of the glare responds in a particulary unfriendly manner.

A former member of staff of mine was attacked by a woman in Asda, sustaining a broken nose, for looking at her the wrong way. Poor MoS didn't even realise she had a looked at the woman, never mind in the wrong way. She was obviously a violent fruit loop but who can tell?

Just remember that if you are prepared to look down your nose at someone, and do so in an obvious manner, that you might get more than you expect.

My milk dried up when I was still trying to feed and I had no option but to ff. No end of counselling or advice was ever going to restart my milk supply. I'm afraid if someone had given me 'evils' or made snidey comments they'd have got a right old mouthful and they'd have deserved it. Judgemental twats.

US breastfeeding rates: I think the decrepancy in the breastfeeding rates comes partly from the dates of when the data was compiled.

Perhaps some bottlefeeding mothers, and who knows whether it is formula or EBM in the bottle to begin with, might feel as if they are judged, even in subtle ways, because of the current climate leaning towards breastfeeding.

It is more evident in advertising, from midwives and HVs, likely more of their friends, co-workers, and family members are or have breastfed, etc.. It wasn't that long ago when you didn't hear as much about it, know anyone who actually did it, and you rarely saw it. It just wasn't encouraged as much as it has been in more recent years....a real grassroots effort to bring it mainstream and "normalise" it.

I never really understand people that say I bottle fed because I wanted to share the feeding with DH equally. That's still possible if you breast feed. You can either express or do half formula feeds and half breast feeds. (This is what I did cos I went back to work when DS was 1 month old)

am I the only one joining this late and noticing the absence of cottageChicken

Depends what you mean by recent years. I was strongly encouraged and helped by all the midwives to breastfeed 21 years ago and I don't live in some twee area. I'm in a big city in West Yorkshire.

In fact as I was 19 but considered mature - presumably as I had a partner, job and mortgage - I was asked to, and did, talk to the younger teenage mums who had just given birth about the benefits of breastfeeding and encourage them to do so. I don't think things have changed that much.

I am very pro BF but have been on the reciving end of disapproving glares for bottle feeding my youngest and have even had nasty comments at a M and T group which left me in tears.
BF or FF would have eventually killed my DS, the bottle contained a starch based milk substitute as a result of complications during heart surgery meant he could not consume any fat because of leakage around the heart. I tried to BF in the early weeks but because DS has down's he found it difficult to latch on that coupled with a heart defect meant he was failing to thrive.

I BF DD successfully but with DS1 could not as I was in intensve care for several days after birth my point being that it makes me so angry when people judge without knowing the mother/babies circumstances.

Also what about happy mother = happy baby. I have a friend who was so ashamed to be FF that she cut herself off from everyone for fear of being judged. She suffered from terrible PND and now regrets missing those early months

Happy mum = happy baby adds to the stress/guilt for many mums.

What if you're just not happy, for whatever reason?

It's a trite, meaningless thing to say, imo.