Anyone interested in an 'extended' bfers support thread?

[lilysma]

Not sure what I mean by 'extended' exactly - maybe it's a self defined thing?

I define myself as an 'extended' bfer because I hardly know anyone else bfing a child as old as mine (DD is 26 months) and feel the need to discuss some issues with people also doing this and wonder if anyone else does??

Anyone up for an informal support thread on this?

Not sure I am in a position to give tips, given my posts above, but one thing that did work for us was that we wanted to find out the sex of the baby and so when we did we were able to decide on a name early and then refer to the bump as that name. It also meant DS1 knew he was going to have a brother and so he sort of knew what a brother would 'look' like when the birth happened.

As a result, we have had no problems really with him being jealous or rough with the new baby. He comes up and strokes his head and says how cute he is. I was really relieved at this as I was concerned he would feel pushed out and have heard some stories of siblings being quite rough and angry about the new arrival.

Other than that I was really rubbish at preparing - DS1 was in his own bed before for most of the night, but I was so tired with the pregnancy I just let him come into our bed all the time and now we co-sleep all night and I can't get him into his own bed. I didn't actively night wean but was delighted when he sort of did this himself and was sleeping right through before the birth - I really needed my sleep then so this was brilliant. Unfortunately things have gone backwards since then and this is one of the things I will need to work on!

BT - I night weaned DS when we started TTC and it was actually not too hard at all. I guess he would have been about 19mo then.

He never really woke before the early hours (and if he did he was already used to DH settling him in his own bed) so I just let him in the bed, went back to wearing a bra, clamped my arms over my boobs and said "Milk has gone to sleep, no more milk till morning" or something similar. He had cuddles if he wanted them, but he generally didn't as he was angry rather than upset. He got the idea within a week though and hasn't really argued about it even when he's not well. You could do it gradually, Jay Gordon style but he only ever woke once anyway so that seemed pointless for us.

For months he continued to wake in the early hours, but after a while he stopped asking for his "more" at all and now just climbs into bed yelling "Mummy 'dle" (cuddle), and most often just goes back to sleep.

We've now decided that its time to get him in his own bed all of the time because I don't want to co-sleep with him and the baby (and because I am finding it very hard to sleep at the moment and he just makes it worse!). Conveniently though, while DH is off work he's been sleeping through!

I'm pretty sure my colostrum has come in already though, as DS has resumed his interest in his feeds (although we're keeping it to morning and night as its still not particularly comfortable for me). Less than 3 weeks and we will have reached our target of 2 years!

Checking back in - DS is now 22 months and sometimes has one, sometimes asks for 4 feeds a day. He now warms my heart by calling it his own name - 'Booda'. He generally bfs to sleep and I really would like to change this, so I've taken the big step (for me) of deliberately not breastfeeding him at bedtime. Occasionally, DH gives him a bottle of cow's milk if I'm out or ill, but last night was the first ever night I've given DS a bottle myself, if you can believe that!

I was dreading him getting upset, because while he's happy to have a bottle from DH, I'm the one with the boobs. But he was fine, and went to sleep in his cot after finishing the bottle!

We still had a boobfeed in bed this morning though. I'm so torn - I'd really like to stop, would like to start TTC very soon and don't really fancy tandem feeding, and am getting a bit tired of DS grabbing at my top all the time. But I still love the initimacy and being able to give him something he loves simply and takes for granted.

Quick update here. DS is now having more lengthy nursing sessions and tells me that there is much more colostrum there now (i'm 32 weeks)

And we have the upset now of me in plaster after breaking my ankle. DS will be shunted from here to there while other people look after him for me, so I will imagine that he will be wanting to nurse much more.

They said plaster for at least 6 weeks, which will take me to 2 weeks before due date, so we are just going to have to make this our new normal I guess, and then if I have a section I will be sitting around for another 6 weeks.

Ah well, think of the wonders all the extra feeding will do for my milk supply when the baby is born....

Oh no, Mawbroon! Did you slip in the snow? The last thing you need at this stage!

Lol @ olympic-standard milk supply!

Oooh nasty, Mawbroon, hope you are up and about again soon. My milk supply is super-charged second time around, but I think its settling down a bit now. DS2 is sleeping amazingly well, which I put down to the fact he is getting so much milk during the day - last time around I was demand feeding, but with one eye on the clock to see if a routine was emerging. This time I seem to be sat here with my boobs out constantly all day but with no regard to time so I reckon I am feeding more in the day than before. DS1 is coming in handy at times to relieve the engorgement - he looks pleasantly surprised when I ask him to come for feed rather than the other way around!

My nap/sleep problems with DS1 are better in the last few days too - we got to 5.30 today before he was up and about which I thought was fantastic! I have decided he is dropping his nap and just changing this expectation in my mind has made me more relaxed during the day, which means he is happier too as I'm not getting cross when he won't sleep at lunchtime. He's a bit tired in the afternoons but going down at 6.30 to 7pm - bliss! I have my evenings back at last. He is still feeding in the night (more often than DS2 ), but this does seem to be becoming less frequent too. We are all happier...

Thanks for the advice Chairmum Miaow!

Mawbroon - poor you,just what you need right now

Mamgoblin - IKWYM, I love the snuggliness of feeding my little one, but at the same time I get fed up with him pulling at my top, and demands for milkies when I am trying to MN work.

I'm also thinking of weaning him completely, because I am suffering really badly from migraines every month, there are various prophylactic treatments I can take, however my GP does not want to prescibe them to me while I am still breastfeeding (so has given me codeine on prescription instead). But I am very torn!
If I do wean him I want to do it as gently as possible, but he is a bit of nightmare at times, he doesn't like being told "no milkies" especially at night (last night he wanted milkies 4-5 times, I ended up in bed with him!).

So not sure what I want to do! Especially as DH didn't get his garden leave so don't want to ask him to do night duty. I guess it will have to wait until we move - which maybe better as I imagine the move will unsettle him.

Hi ladies, im currently feeding a 12 month old and just wanted to join this thread for abit of support to carry on as iv been having alot of negative comments and responses to me still feeding my DD. Iv been made to feel im doing something wrong by family memebers, friends and even my HV. Want to continue feeding and needed to find more mums like me.

Hello - I can't remember whether I've posted here before or not, just wanted to have a bit of a chat really about things related to EBF that I'm not sure whether to mention to other people or not.

DS can make the "milk" sign in baby language which has been invaluable over the last few months as sometimes he just wants feeding at a random time I would never have realised before. And what has changed recently is that it seems, suddenly, nursing is no longer much about food for him, because in exactly the same way as he will suddenly rush across the room and hug me, he will crawl over and start pulling at my clothes or making the "milk" sign. Then he has a very quick feed and is happy to go - or sometimes wants a longer one, but it's definitely more for comfort now than food, and that is quite nice. I have recently become a single parent and it is brilliant to have this on my side during such a time of change for him.

The other thing is that I had started to feel a bit self conscious about feeding, especially in front of my NCT friends who all breastfed but stopped at an earlier age (they were having a conversation a few months ago about how "when they can ask for it I think that's a bit much!" which I didn't join in with surprisingly!!) - and DS was being very difficult to settle at night, and very demanding just wanting feeding constantly and then being wide awake - I was exhausted. I decided to try giving him a bottle of cow's milk, thinking perhaps I could offer him that if we were out and I felt too self-conscious to feed him, and he seemed to quite like it, but if he has the choice he prefers my milk so I have to leave him on his own with the bottle - and TBH I found it such a faff that I have decided to scrap the idea completely! I couldn't get my head around the logistics of taking a bottle of milk out with me, keeping it fresh etc. Not to mention finding a truly non-spill cup.

Sorry - forgot to say, DS is 15 months and has always loved milk, we have done BLW and I thought that he'd naturally start to take more solid food and less milk but it hasn't really happened yet... although he can eat a lot of solid food when he wants to, it doesn't happen that often. We are getting there

Hi confusedmummy and BertieBotts, I admit I started to feel a bit self conscious about feeding in public after about 6 months when most of my other friends had moved their babies off breastfeeding. My DS was always a big strapping lad so this probably contributed to me feeling self conscious about it at that sort of age. I did feed him on planes/trains a couple of times when he was a toddler when he was in meltdown and I needed to calm him down, but generally I would feed at home on our own. One of the things also was that as he got older he would be so distracted when feeding it was impossible to do it discreetly anyway as he would be looking around, grabbing at my boobs etc!

I did try to wean him onto a bottle but he was having none of it, though much later we moved onto a cup with a straw with some success. He loves bf and will also drink cows milk quite happily as well now, but it was a gradual thing that happened over a period of months. I also found my DS was very slow to get onto solid food and I found this very stressful at the time - again comparing myself (which I won't be doing second time around!) to friends whose children were eating solid food in what looked like massive quantities quite early. Even now I feel like if given the choice DS1 (2.6) would prefer to have a bf than solid food though.

I think its only my DH who is aware that I am still feeding DS1, as I don't feed him in front of my family and I don't talk about it with my friends. Its not that I am ashamed about it, but sadly its against the norm to still be feeding at DS1's age that I feel that people would be very judgemental about it .

You are amongst friends on this thread though!

Not really sure I qualify (!) for this thread - fed ds1 and ds2 to 18m, and ds3 is currently 15m and showing no signs of wanting to stop.

Just a quick question - ds3 will absolutely not take a bottle or cup of milk - he might just have a couple of sips of water, but that's it. I only feed him three times a day, but I'd say of those feeds only the morning one is a lengthy feed.

I'm a bit concerned he's not getting enough liquid in him. Nappies are wet and plenty of poo, not constipated - but it just doesn't seem he's taking in much milk after the morning feed? Or is he just very efficient at getting what he needs quickly?

Any advice appreciated.

mrmellors, If his poos are alright he is getting enough liquids. Would he take watered down fruit juice in a cup alongside nursing if you want more liquids in him ? But yes the old the nurseling the more milk they can chugg in a shorter time at the breast.

I haven't managed to get DD drinking cow's milk at all and she is now 3.5 years old. I have given up, she gets soy milk on her cereal, breastmilk for comfort and cups of water and juice the rest of the time.

I haven't even offered DS cow's milk and he is 17 month old

HTH

DS is the same - although he will happily drink water from a cup, he will not touch milk,though apparently he drinks it at nursery!!

DD2 is 16 months and still breastfeeding. She was BLW and over the last few months we have started trying to introduce cows milk. She isn't very interested but will drink a few ounces. Am a bit torn between bf a bit longer or going over to milk.
I love the little happy giggle she gives when she knows she is getting 'booby' but I am tiring of feeding to sleep on a night.

It takes 30-60 mins every night and she is such a struggler. She wants to go to sleep on her own but she can't so we have about 5-7 little feeds before she is tired enough to drop off.

Apart from that tho I am really happy I have got so far nand I really enjoy it so don't want to give up totally

Hello, can I join in please?

I'm 'still' feeding DD who is nearly 16 mo. I'm starting to get lots of comments and looks and it's starting to get me down a bit. DD doesn't eat much solid food at all and people (including a nurse on the NHS advice line!) keep telling me that she won't eat solids when she can have breast milk. Fortunately I seem to be one of the few people with a brilliant HV and she assures me that these people are full of crap and that DD and I are both doing really well.

I do feel a bit isolated sometimes though I'm glad to see I'm not alone!

sweetnianitro - My dd didn't eat very much at that age.

She's 20 mo now and has has gone from eating hardly anything to eating loads in a matter of weeks (tonight she finished quite a large plate of pasta and then said 'more pasta'). If anything she's also bfing more, so they just go through phases, I think.

Hello. I'm new here. I'm tandem nursing my 3 month old and his 3 year old big sister. Is that a bit too hardcore for here?

Hurray for your sensible HV, sweetnitanitro. I found that all the toddlers in my circle went through phases of eating lots and eating virtually nothing, and that's just how they are. At least if they are bf you know they are getting some nutrition.

Hi Clothilde - not too hardcore. Quite a few tandem nursers/older toddlers/children on here.

oh, good. I'm very lucky because lots of my real life friends bf for a long time, so I forget that it's unusual.

You are lucky to have so many RL friends feeding for such a long time clothilde.

I am due in 4 weeks or so, and I very much doubt that 4yo ds will be giving up nursing between now and then, so will be tandem nursing.

Most of the stuff I read does tend to deal with a much smaller age gap though.

I have just joined this thread, - but too much to read! I fed my children till they were 4 and 5 years, with a couple of years tandem feeding.
A good friend of mine once said a very wise thing.
She said "extended breastfeeding" did not exist, what only ever exists is premature weaning.
I prefer the the ida of breastfeeding to "term".

Welcome to all the new posters on the thread

Clothilde, DOn't worry CSWS and me are both tandem nursing AND pregnant with our thirds, so you are with likeminded people

mawbroon, Wow, your pregnancy has flown by. Hope your ankle is healing well. I'll be watching the birth announcement lists for you

msmiggins, Just jump in and out as you have time to, that's what we seem to do Like the 'term nursing' phrase, Ann Sinnott uses that term in her new book...have you read it ? Did your children self wean ? I'm interested as my 3.6 year old seems willing to nurse forever.

MrsMiggins - your friend is truly wise

Clothilde - where do you live and I can move there, it sounds great! Hardly anyone I know has bf as long as me, the long term bfers I know I have met through MN or through the peer supporter training I am doing.

Hi everyone,

Babieseverywherem I haven't seen her new book - what is is called?
Yes both my children self weaned, with a little gentle persuasion from me. Within a week both of them had completely forgotten how to suckle, they did try, but it was as if someone had thrown a switch in their brains, and although I was still producing a little milk, nothing was happening. They found it mystifying and quite funny, and never really tried again.