Anyone interested in an 'extended' bfers support thread?

[lilysma]

Not sure what I mean by 'extended' exactly - maybe it's a self defined thing?

I define myself as an 'extended' bfer because I hardly know anyone else bfing a child as old as mine (DD is 26 months) and feel the need to discuss some issues with people also doing this and wonder if anyone else does??

Anyone up for an informal support thread on this?

'but my GP said recently " you should stop that now and get your life back"'

Sorry but I PMSL laughing at this. I take it this GP doesn't have kids.
Bfing has nothing to do with getting your life back... I think that happens when they leave home!

Its so shocking to me to see when a DH is not supportive of BF of whatever age, so please have some unmumsnetty hugs from me mawbroon.

I went to my local NCT committee meeting last week and we got round to the issues of support for mums of older BF babies and toddlers and they think that we could do with a support group too, so I am going to talk to our local childrens centre and see about doing something once a month - no offical advice, just a 'come and chat to other mums' thing.

They've also reminded me to get my act together and do some peer supporter training so I'm off to look at the LLL website

My DH has never been too keen on the idea of BF but has kind of supported me, except when suggesting formula and dummies when dd was having growth spurts and suggesting I cover up when out in public! (even though you cant see anything)

He even told me the other day that we will have to do something about "This BF thing"

I just nod my head and smile and keep doing what I am doing as DD is not showing any sign of giving up on her own and I don't think DH will be getting up in the night to help out

That is why I wanted some facts to show him how good it is for her.

I guess he just wanted to keep my boobs for himself!
Now he will have to share DD dosnt mind so why should he

Just remember whose body those boobs are attached to!

The fact is your boobs' primary function is lactation. The fact that for many women have their boobs fondles is sexually exciting is an added bonus.

Not all cultures are boobed obsessed (sexually that is) like we are - IIRC the Japanese are not that fixated on boobs but they find the nape of the neck highly erotic.

FairyLightsForever,
I understand what you mean, I have to fight my own feeling when it comes to nursing my toddler in front of my parents and inlaws. As they are united in critising my feeding choices. That said I would never accept critism from a stranger but somehow it hurts more and is harder to stand up against a 'loved one'.

mawbroon & Mummy2LZ,
My husband support has varied from time to time. At the start and educated by me he was wonderful and I doubt I would of been breastfeeding at week two if not for his support.

However he was very funny at the start with me nursing in public and made a few scenes trying to cover me up etc, (in a nice way) and I was too shy to object at the time.

DH upset me when DD was 18 months old saying it would be 'weird' for her to still be nursing at 2 years old and I said then we would have to agree to disagree. I was very upset and angry at his attitude and hurt that he didn't trust my understanding of my daughter' needs.

Now she is 2.8 years old and I asked if DH had changed his attitude on the age thing, seeing as he bring DD to me for feeds. DH laughed and said he was happy as long as we weren't still nursing at 8 years old as that was too old in his mind. Though he qualified with it would be 'nice' if she stopped before she went to school i.e. 5 years old.

That said I intend to nurse as long as it work for DD and me. Sometimes I wish she would wean now and other days I looking forward to a longer nursing relationship.

I reckon 8 month old DS will wean before 2.8 year old DD will. She still nurses 5/6 times a day and would do more if I offered.

Anyhow just wanted to post, that it is possible for DH's attitudes to change and that the concept of an older nurseling and the reality of a tandruming child needing milk are two very different things.

My Dh was a bit funny about the idea of me tandem feeding because 'the boys didn't have to share milk' and supposedly DS2 didn't need it. I pointed out that maybe not nutririonally but emotionally he did (he was 20 months when dd arrived) and DH was a little .
Later that day a tired DS2 was dissolving into major hissy fit so nursed him and he was fine. Dh was a convert again.
I do feel ashamed of myself for not wanting to feed him in front of parents though , nothing would be said, my mum isn't critical she just isn't comfortable with it and doesn't think it is necessary (which it isn't but nor are kisses and cuddles. It's the same as people who say 'after a year you're only doing it for yourself.They don't need it' I suppose the kisses and cuddles are just for myself)

Can I join in? Don't really think that at only 13 months we qualify but I am 11 weeks pg as well and have the whole world shouting at me to stop...could use a safe place to hide!!

turtle - lots of people would consider you to be an extended breastfeeder, and I certainly felt like that even before 12mo, as most of the people I know had stopped well before that point.

Welcome!

turtle -ha! yes. when I told people I was pregnant (about samestage pg and DS2 about the same age) I got 'well you'll have to stop Bf him now won't you' I also got told that I get too attached to BF!
Tell 'em all to sod off. If you are thinking about tandem feeding can I recommend Adventures in tandem nursing by Hilary Flower. I found it invaluable in making my choice. It's a really nice non-judgmental book.
Congrats on the pregnancy btw.

turtle23, Everyone is welcome on this thread Congratulations on your pregnancy

As well as posting here, there is another mumsnet thread for pregnant nursing mothers and tandem nursers here

WoTMania - yes that is the point I made about hugs and kisses.

Though I agree i just adore kissing ds, he just has the softest skin

Hello again, BT although its not exactly getting my life back I am kind of looking forward to when I stop breastfeeding because I will be able to have a guilt free glass or so of wine, paint and clean without worrying as much about chemicals, dye my hair, use fake tan and nail varnish remover, maybe leave my children with their grandparents overnight so DP and I can have a night somewhere nice, and I wont keep falling asleep breastfeeding at 7pm! I do love bf really .

pookey - I do all of those things - some more often than others - and don't feel guilty about them!

DS was in a tired grump today (went to nursery all morning and they got him to sleep but only for 40 minutes). We went out for our antenatal group meetup (which has petered out to only a couple of people each time most weeks) to the house of the woman I get on least well with. She didn't manage to BF despite wanting to and she has, over the months, made a range of pointed comments about BF, particularly my way of doing things (demand feeding whenever and wherever, and BLW) and breastfeeding support groups. So I was on the defensive before we even got there.

Anyway, as DS was so tired he spent about the first 45 minutes there feeding and cuddling me (he's very clingy after his week of settling in sessions for nursery) before he actually joined in with the play. She didn't say anything but I found myself wanting to justify what we were doing. I managed to stop myself beyond the conversation about how tired he was but I hate feeling like that, particularly when I've felt so positive about it all lately. It just seems so crazy that we should be judged about something like that. DS is still so little and I can see how much that comfort means to be, but its so easy to feel undermined when "everyone else's" babies manage fine without it. I can tell myself that DS is better off with his BF, but that feels like I'm judging the mums who have stopped, and then I'd be no better than them!

I don't know if that makes any sense but its great having a rant somewhere that there's a good chance people will understand. DH is 100% supportive of my continuing to BF (he isn't unsupportive but doesn't understand on the days when I feel I want to cut down) but he doesn't get why I get upset by other people when they haven't even said anything!

Pookey, I agree with ChairmumMiaow don't feel guilty about a glass of wine, hairdye or cleaning stuff, it does not affect breastfeeding.

This is a great webpage which allows you to look up the latest research on nreastfeeding issues. Have a look at hair dye, alchol, chemicals etc.
What is safe whilst breastfeeding

mum was telling me on the phone today that ds2 "is not a baby any more".
I am aware of that. The trail of devastation he leaves round the house and the flat "no" i hear on a regular basis would seem to confirm that he is a toddler.
I am still (currently) happy for him to drop his once a day feed when he wants to.
i don't see why it matters, anyway. He doesn't feed off to sleep.
:keep calm and carry on

MBWUS - Mine is definitely a toddler too (15mo), and does feed to sleep when I am around, but as he will go to sleep for other people, I don't see why it is anyone's business

Does everyone let their toddler feed as much as they want? Dd1 is nearly 3.4, and bf morning and before bed, but would often have more - must be tough as well as her 7mo sister has it any time. Yesterday took her for a swimming lesson and she cried a lot, as it was one where the parents don't get in too - afterwards in the changing room she wanted milk and told me it was the only thing that would make her better - in the end a big cuddle and a carton of juice worked, but feel torn - I don't want to feed her all the time (ecept when she had flu / virusy thing at Christmas and wasn't eating) but feel harsh for denying her the comfort when she wants it..... am I alone in limiting feeds?

Am I the only person who hates having my boobs fondled? Sorry too much information

Poshsinglemum, no you are not, I don't like it either, especially as this morning she was trying to make my nipples 'talk' to each other I feel as though in her eyes I am a walking buffet.
Mawbroon, would love to meet up for a cup of tea. May have to leave it a couple of weeks though. Still in the same flat at the moment, hoping to move soon...

poshsinglemum - I don't mind the hand down the top (except that's got to stop because he's wrecking all my tops!) but I won't allow nipple twiddling, that's just a step too far for me!

I don't plan to stop feeding in public for a long while yet so wanted to have a strict "one boob at a time" policy so I'll feel more comfortable and will have less arguments

poshsinglemum, I believe in 'nursing manners' I don't let either of my nurselings mess with my breasts, they hold toys or poke each other depending on moods

splishsplosh, It is hard to decide what frequency of feeds to allow a nursing toddler/child to have.

My DD is 6 months younger than your child, at 2.9 years old, we vary a lot regarding nursing frequency. In general she wants to nurse more than I would like her too. Some days she gets all the nursing she wants and other days she doesn't. Gosh I am not much help am I. Know what you mean about how it doesn't feel fair with a baby in the house getting boob on request (our baby is 9 months old), would like answers on a postcard if you find the magic solution

Poshsinglemum - I hate it too and stop DS2 from doing by either redirecting his hand or, if he's being v.persistant, clampoing it under my arm.
I've bought a necklace (beads, sturdy) so if DD starts to 'twiddly' I can get her to twiddly that instead.

I never found the answer to twiddling. DS would get hysterical if I tried to stop him, so I just reckoned that it was part of the package for him and no nursing was complete without it, and just put up with it.

Now, he is sometimes happy just to twiddle instead of feed, which is handy at night becauase he is back to sleep in seconds.

Fairylights - you still got the same email/text?

Aaargh. So much for night weaning. My mum is staying this week, so ds is in our room in a camp bed right beside our bed.

I woke in the early hours of the morning to find he had climbed in with me and latched on and helped himself.

Difficult to stop when I don't even know I'm doing it!!

"I woke in the early hours of the morning to find he had climbed in with me and latched on and helped himself."

LOL. Bless him