Anyone interested in an 'extended' bfers support thread?

[lilysma]

Not sure what I mean by 'extended' exactly - maybe it's a self defined thing?

I define myself as an 'extended' bfer because I hardly know anyone else bfing a child as old as mine (DD is 26 months) and feel the need to discuss some issues with people also doing this and wonder if anyone else does??

Anyone up for an informal support thread on this?

agree with greedygirl would be nice if bfing was the norm...nice to meet you all, btw.
ds1 self weaned around a year - was obviously bored out of his brain when bfing, very happy to have a cup instead.
ds2 still has a morning and evening feed aged 22 months.
Has caused some interesting conversations at work as I don't stay away from home overnight (although he is not fussed what time his feed is so I can work late as needed). However most are too polite to comment (though as most are childless, am sure they think I am nuts).
He hasn't fed in the night for ages, but when I forgot his milk one morning he developed sudden-onset clinginess, so he isn't ready to stop feeding yet, I don't think.

Hi everyone. I've been away a while and sorry to come back asking for support, but...

MY DS IS SUCH A BOOB MONSTER AND I FEEL LIKE HE'S GOING TO BF FOREVER!!!

Seriously. Does anyone have tips for me to encourage him to slow down? I am a WOHM, and I feel like 85% of the time I spend with him at home, he's on the boob.

He's turning 2 next week.

I've been trying to night wean, and that's been met with tears and anger. He's had to have two teeth pulled because of weak tooth enamel and I want to take a belts and suspenders approach to maintaining his dental health from here out, meaning cutting out night feeds (leaving aside whether bf is harmful to teeth, which is a debate I am far to tired to continue waging).

I don't want to stop, it's something I cherish, it keeps me feeling very close to DS, and keeps me from slipping back into depression (was on Prozac before I got pregnant, but have managed to keep PMDD under control with bf and no drugs). I just want to cut back. And vent a little.

Thanks everyone!
xx

RoRo - sorry no advice - ds is nearly 15mo and equally a boob monster, so I know how you feel!

(BTW no, bf doesn't harm teeth - your ds's poor teeth is more likely to be down to genetics I'm afraid!)

Hopefully with this bump someone a bit more helpful than me will come along and solve our your problem

Has anyone else found that as they get older milk doesn't really seem to affect how much solids their DC eats?

DS has dinner at 5pm. If I give him a biscuit at 4 he's after more food and even if he doesn't get it generally eats less dinner, but if he gets milk he seems to still eat well. It didn't seem to work like that not that long ago!

Hi, I'm feeding my ds who's 13m and loves his mummy milk (although i would prefer if he didn't love it so much in the small hours), I'm also feeding my dd who'll be 4 in May. I never intended to bf for this long, but it just feels right and she loves her mummy milk too! She feeds in the morning and the early evenings, and just loves her baby brother because his arrival meant loads more milk!

i've been lucky with ds and been able to take the full year maternity leave from work and then an extra 7 months unpaid leave (I went back to work when dd was 9 months, expressed and got mastitis although was very lucky and managed to find a childminder 2 mins from the office and fed her at lunch time). I really didn't want to compromise bf ds, and as work is rapidly approaching (july) am thinking that my breasts will explode when I'm sat at my desk! I only work 2 days, so hopefully it won't effect his feeding too much. I'm sure I'll get launched at when I get home though

I have had some surprised reactions when I say I'm still bf dd, but she's the perfect advert for it (far too clever for her own good!) and I have no regrets. I'm also really glad I didn't listen to the advice I got while pregnant to stop feeding her - although the reason was purely selfish as I needed the extra time in bed! We've talked about it and have decided that when she starts school she should stop having her mummy milk, but we'll see. The only issue I have with it is that now she's asking when she knows that there's no way she's going to have any and it's become a big joke for her. Monkey!

I have just found out my DH's true feelings about bf ds still at almost 3.5yo.

We had a house full of visitors last week, for 8 days. DS gave up his room for the guests, skipped nursery, had loads of excitement with all these visitors about, had several late nights, went a few day trips here and there visiting old friends with our guests etc etc, so was a bit out of sorts, but not in a bad way IYSWIM.

So, now we have the house back to ourselves, DS is back in his own bed etc, but I was prepared for it to take a while for him to get back to normal. Last night, he woke around midnight and I went through to give him a feed and fell asleep (which is very often the way things go, and I am happy with that). DS decided to feed for a lot of the night (or so it seemed, I was kind of asleep so wasn't really keeping track).

This morning, dh asked me if I had got any sleep and when I said that ds had fed a lot more than normal, his response was "you need to train him not to do that" and then he said to ds "you are too old to feed at night"

He just doesn't get it and now I wonder if this is actually what he has been thinking all along.

aww Mawbroon

I think you're being a bit hard on your DH though - you can be really pro-bf and still feel that a child has become old enough to understand that mummy needs sleep too.

I still feed my DS1 but not at night - I night weaned him when I was pregnant with DS2 as I was too tired when pg and when DS2 arrived I felt it was easier to just carry on like that rather than co-ordinate two lots of night feeds.

DS1 is surprisingly grown up about it and although he loves his BF he understands that there are times I can't/won't feed him.

Don't blame your DH too much...

{{{mawbroon}}} It must be very difficult to hear that you and your husband are seemingly no longer in agreement about this element of your parenting.

No husband, however loving and supportive the rest of the time, will truely understand the bond between a nursing mother and her child. I think you hit it on the head when you said that "He just doesn't get it"

Could you tell your husband how upsetting your found his comments and find out why he said what he said and if he meant it the way you understood ?

DH seems to have forgotten than only 10 days ago before the upheaval at home that ds had drastically cut down of his own accord (I think I posted on this thread about it). He was no longer feeding through the day and one night he even went to bed without milk, and he was starting to sleep through several nights too. DH seems to expect a young child just to snap back into it after the excitement of last week, which is quite frankly a ridiculous idea (for our ds anyway)

mawbroon, I agree it seems natural that after a period of changes and excitement that your child feels the need to seek more feeds/comfort at your breast.

It might also be worth asking what your DH suggests to comfort your child at night. i.e. Would he like to walk/bottle feed/cuddle your baby back to sleep ? If he isn't willing to help you night parent, maybe he will see the sense in supporting you.

Mawbroon - it might just be misplaced concern for you, but I can see why that comment would upset you. I agree that men do find it hard to understand the relationship between mum and nursling.
Gazarka - awww your dd sounds lovely

Did anyone have any advice for RoRoMummy?

Thanks for the bump bouncing turtle, as I am still in need of advice please!

Mawbroon! I am sorry to hear about your dh's comments, but I think t's worth trying to view them through his eyes so you don't like like he's being unsupportive, and talk to him to explain why this is just a phase. He'll probably understand. Good luck!

Poor you RoRomummy!

I am not a dental expert but from what I read on Kellymom, studies have shown that teeth soaked in bm reacted roughly similarly to teeth soaked in water, but if you added sugar then the combination was worse than either bm alone or sugar water alone, so the conclusion seems to be to brush extremely well - you have probably already read all the research though, so sorry if I am repeating what you already know. If you haven't seen this article though, the link is here

As I said in my post to Mawbroon, I did manage to night-wean my toddler but it didn't really reduce night wakings, all it meant was that DH could deal with night wakings more easily as DS didn't necessarily expect bm.

The way I did this was to gradually introduce more and more of DH into the night time routine - so that eventually I fed and then DS had all his stories and cuddles with DH after the feed (and brushed his teeth then as well, incidentally). This reduced his association with feeding and sleeping. We always maintained a bedtime feed though - it just wasn't the last thing before lights out anymore.

Then in the night DH always went down first to try to settle DS. If that didn't work then I would go down and try to settle him, and if that didn't work I would then feed him. Gradually he started going down more and more frequently for DH without my needing to come down.

It did require a MAJOR imput from DH, which fortunately he was happy to do, and I think it helped that my supply was decreasing anyway due to pregnancy so there was less for him anyway, it was therefore quite plausible to say "all the milk's gone now, you have to wait until morning and mummy will be full up again".

As for cutting down in the day - the only thing that worked for us was lots of activities and going out!

I haven't been on MN for a while so was really pleased to see this thread pop up just now...however I'm posting to say that I am stopping bfing next week!!! DD2 is going to be 3 on Sunday and we have struck a deal. She gave up bedtime feeds last week and on Sun stops completely....well that's the plan!

Will let you know how it goes. This is my decision BTW as DD2 is booby obsessed and has said that she wants it forever.

laundry what was your deal?!

I am wondering if I may have to resort to something like this myself as DS (3 in May) is also boob obsessed and shows no signs of slowing down under his own steam.

Well really the deal was me saying 'how about we stop on your birthday' and she said 'OK'! Not much of a deal but I thought the general buzz of a birthday weekend might lessen the impact of the withdrawal of the blessed booby.

I realised that she was not going to self wean anytime soon so I made a move.

RoRoMommy, Sorry to hear your LO is having dental problems. I see theyoungvisiter has already linked to Kellymom, which is such a great site So here is another link to it for night weaning hints which you might find helpful.

HTH

RoRo,

Cadmum's youngest has dental problems (lack of enamel) and also bfed for a long time (not sure if she still is at 3). Anyhow the enamel problem seems to be an inherited one as her cousin has it too. I'll try and get Caddy to pop over to this thread as she did lots of research into the links between cavies and bfing...

Wow, laundrylover that would be so helpful!

Hello RoRo...

I am not sure that any of my anecdotal evidence will help and I am thoroughly exhausted by the constant battle to prove that dd2's carries are not caused by bf.

I actually told the last dentist that she saw that I was happy to fix the blame on me if she would just fix her teeth.

dd2 is fully weaned at night but continues to have the odd feed during the day. It was not an easy process to convince her that she was not going to be able to nurse at night but I suppose wanting to avoid another GA and the whole experience of being in hospital helped to persuade her.

She was three last week.

I never intended to be an 'extended breastfeeder' but my three older children self weaned (20 months, 30 months, 35 months) and I was sure that she would as well. I suspect that painful teeth actually makes her want to feed more often so it is a vicious cycle.

What I do know for 100% certain is the following:

I have brushed her teeth more than all of her siblings put together.

She is rarely allowed diluted juice or any sweets and I have never placed such restriction on our other children.

She has never had a bottle or a sippy cup.

She saw a dentist for the first time when she was only 13 months old and there were already clear signs of decay. NONE of her siblings have so much as a cavity and our oldest is nearly 12.

The 6 dentists that she has seen are keen to point out that breast milk contains sugar and that this is what causes her decay. They were all unwilling to deal with the initial decay until she was 2 years old. (The first time I was given the complete brush off because dd2 would not cooperate enough for the dentist to see the tooth that I was worried about.)

We moved just before her second birthday, having seen a dentist every three months since I first became concerned about her teeth.

I was heartbroken to discover that there is a long waiting list for dental surgery where we currently live so she had to wait until she was 30 months old at which point she required two extractions, a root canal and several small fillings.

The decay continues but I have found a dentist that is willing to fill the small cavities as they occur. We see her every three months. So far DD2 is very happy to sit still for this procedure.

I have read extensively about the conflicting information about breastmilk and tooth decay but at the end of the day I remain conflicted. I am hoping that the benefits of the milk (and the comfort of BF) outweigh the cost to her poor teeth...

I am very happy to answer any questions that you may have although I am certainly no expert.

I wish that I had found this thread before. As an extended BFer, I am certainly in the minority here! Most babies are weaned very early if they were breastfed at all.

I hadn't read that LL pointed out the family connection...

I have been told by all but one dentist that it is irrelevant that 4 of dd2's 5 cousins have had similar experiences. (All 5 were breast fed past their second birthdays)

Sadly, the oldest of her cousins is now 13 and her adult teeth are full of cavities. This is the only reason that my SIL's dentist is rethinking his feelings about breastfeeding being the cause of the cavities in her milk teeth.

Sorry for the novel.

Can you tell that despite my claims to be exhausted by the battle that I am still very defensive and annoyed by the accusations that I have single-handedly done this to dd2.

Hi Caddy, sorry for forcing your outpouring!! Really helpful insights there though...DD2 was at the dentist for a check up yesterday and her teeth are great despite the extended bfing. I really don't think that your DDs teeth problems are anything at all to do with the BM and certainly not your fault.

Good to see that you are still bfing though...and have like me found your way here. May be leaving soon though. Counting down to Sunday!!! Will miss bfing I wonder?? Will I get broody? Reckon not.

I made the mistake of suggesting to DS this morning that one day, when he was a big boy, he would stop having mummy milk.

What a terrible mistake - we had a day of total tantrums and shouting and screaming and constant demands for breastfeeding at ridiculous times - like when I was cooking supper. He never ever feeds in the day normally.

So I think I will drop the subject for the moment... sigh...

Hmm, my ds chops and changes from saying he is never going to stop to saying that he will stop soon. So who knows?!

We had a first tonight. My boobs were quite full the last couple of days because he was feeding more during our week with the visitors etc, but having gone a couple of days without feeding in the day, they seem to have gone back to normal. DS took a quick suck on one side at bedtime and said that he couldn't do it any more. Then he tried the other one and said he couldn't do that one either. He insisted there was no milk (which I found hard to believe, it can't just vanish!) and got a bit annoyed, but he was so tired he was asleep a few minutes later. Any ideas what that might have been about? I am thinking just a bit of frustration at the smaller amount of milk.