Anyone interested in an 'extended' bfers support thread?

[lilysma]

Not sure what I mean by 'extended' exactly - maybe it's a self defined thing?

I define myself as an 'extended' bfer because I hardly know anyone else bfing a child as old as mine (DD is 26 months) and feel the need to discuss some issues with people also doing this and wonder if anyone else does??

Anyone up for an informal support thread on this?

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Danae - your DH sounds lovely
My Dh was bottlefed but is very probf. I had read somewhere that babies allowed to self-wean are more confident and independent than their peers, your DH is positive proof of that!

Chairmum - IKWYM! My local bfing group isn't a problem... especially as I'm the only one atm and the the people that run it are lovely, but my AN class buddies are a bit taken a back that I'm still bfing, as I think I'm the only one (perhaps one mum, the youngest boy's mum might still be going!).
There is another bfing group in the next town it has been suggested I go to on a different day, as it is busier, so far haven't been able to make it due to work committments but might ust go along and see what sort of reaction I get lol.

Hi, you all sound very happy about it all I am still BF DD4 at 26months but have only managed to cope by thinking that any day now she will be full and happy and not want it any more.

Are you still all feeding at night too. Every 2hrs is just getting to much. Tried to say no one night but she cried so much I couldn't keep it up. Get more sleep by giving in but now exhausted.

Get lots of nagging especially by my mum who tells me DD is contolling me. She definitely uses "yum yums" to get my attention when busy.

Will she really give up on her own? And will she go to pre-school happily as she seems to need me so much.

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Thanks, unfortunately she has fantastic speech so that won't change things - even gives a report on the colour and pattern of my bra.

I have been considering using mustard, in the way people do when trying to stop thumb sucking or using a dummy. I thought it might be less harsh if she decides she doesn't like it rather than me refusing it. Like someone said earlier, it might be easier to carry on through day if night stops. BF definitely has advantages when they are off food when sick.

I still wonder if she does need to feed in night as she refuses any other kind of milk and so goes to bed without that 6-8oz milk most toddlers have. I'm sure I cant be supplying much as am too tired.

Might give the book a go. Have tried telling her no too tired but in the end the feeding quicker than the reasoning.

I was amazed to read all these mums the same as me (only met one other still feeding at 18mnths). So many still feeding at night, but it is possible then to have an older child BF only in the day. By reading this thread so much sounds familiar and night feeding seems to be part of the territory.

Don't officially co-sleep but usually end up in her bed as so tired I fall asleep when feeding her. I guess most long term BF end up like this as only way to get sleep.

DH took charge one night while I had sickness bug but generally sleeps through it all, seems easier for me to deal with it rather than to wake him.

Feel a lot better now good to know I am not alone and that some people see it as a good thing and done by choice rather than a problem caused by me "giving in".

moppetmum, please don't use mustard.

At 26 months, my ds was still feeding many times in the day, and a few at night too. I often felt like he would never ever stop, but now at 3.4yo he is going longer and longer without feeding and I can see that it will just fizzle out over time as he grows out of his need for it. I believe it is a genuine need, and found that it was easier just to go with it rather than go against it.

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I am constantly up and down as to whether I should feed on demand or distract and hold off until night.
A few weeks ago we were doing really well and not feeding in the day, just keeping really busy, then in the middle of the night I was saying, no more milk, empty now there will be more in the morning, it's all in your tummy.
Then D was poorly and I went right back to beginning of breastfeeding day and night as he wasn't eating, just bits of dry toast, until he felt better. Now I am gradually working back towards morning and night feeds only.
I think I am going to take mawbroon's advice and let D wean himself off naturally rather than go against it and save my energy to tackle tantrums and biting incidents!! mum to 2 1/2 year old hyperactive boy!{smile]

YR - I know what you mean! DS (14mo) still feeds through the night, I do have a stab at night weaning, but then something happens, he is ill, teething or had a general upset and we're back to square one! So I'm just going with the flow and resigning myself to less sleep! Though last night he did very well only woke up the once at 1am! Sadly mummy didn't sleep as well due to chesty cough

I have probably posted this on here already, excuse me if you've read it before!!

I had a couple of attempts at night weaning and day weaning (not at the same time!) and it was horrible all round.

After a few days/nights of screaming for milk (I would cuddle him, but not feed him) he seemed to be ok. But after three weeks, both times, his behaviour took a slide in the wrong direction. He had previously been really chilled and mild mannered, and then he started tantrumming and throwing himself on the floor and the like. I went straight back to feeding on demand and it was like I pressed a button and he went back to normal.

Interestingly, I noted exactly the same pattern when I stopped carrying him in a backpack. He had just turned three and my knees were sore, so I really reluctantly put him in the buggy (I hate using the buggy, but he loves it and then won't walk). After three weeks, again, his behaviour turned for the worse. I ditched the buggy, got a pair of shoes with thicker soles and instantly he turned back into his old self. And my knees weren't sore any more!! This was 5 months ago, just around his 3rd birthday, and now he walks pretty much everywhere.

I look back at this and think WTF was I doing, why was I trying to wean him when he clearly wasn't ready, etc etc. But hindsight is great, isn't it!! I am hoping I will remember all this if I have another!!

Mawbroon
I get what you are saying and have pretty much thought the same, keeping giong in the same way to keep the peace. But as I have never met anyone who fed for long I have sort of lost faith in the "well she won't BF forever". Does self weaning really happen.

My parents give me real grief. Keep asking if I will go to school with her to give her "yum yums". And as she is no.4 I am not sure how much I do for an easier ride. Thing is I am properly tired now probably 3yrs without a full nights sleep, so I do stupid things and go round shouting at all the children and DH.

Has any one reaaly experienced self weaning. I read that some of them have cut back but not stopped. And will it take another 2 years.Also if it is not nutritionally needed is it just giving into their demands creating a selfish child.

Thanks Danae, I will follow the link 7hrs sounds like heaven.

moppet, have you read LLLs book called How Weaning Happens? There are all sorts of different experiences in there of children weaning at all ages. I know it is hard to believe that they ever will wean, but they do, they really do!!

Re giving into their demands and creating a selfish child. It has been shown that the opposite it true with children who are allowed to self wean. Because their need (nicer to call it a need than a demand I reckon) has been met, the need goes away and the child is very secure in having left the breast when they are ready for it.

This is quite a nice wee article by Jack Newman

We've been on-off co-sleeping since the early days, but its never really worked for us except when DS has been ill and was waking just as often in his cot.

He's now in his toddler bed and this works for us - even though I can be up to feed twice (normally 1 and 5 or thereabouts) when he's well he sleeps well in between, and every so often he goes longer (till 3am or so) and only has the one feed. When he's not well there's more feeding and more settling in between but we still seem to get better sleep apart. Its a shame because I love the idea of snuggling up with DS, and I love waking up with him in the morning. I just don't like him waking up every time he rolls over - which he doesn't seem to do in his own bed.

Anyway, he's slept through twice - two nights in a row (well till 5 and 4.30 which is a nice long stretch of sleep for me!) so we reckon that he'll get there himself eventually. Perhaps I'm being overly optimistic

Ah this is the thread for me! I will bookmark and have a proper read but I have just had a quick scan and it is so reassuring to see some of the posts about problems with night weaning etc. I think I have accepted that my DS (15 months) is not interested in weaning any time soon but I am up and down and all over the place about whether I would like to stop feeding. Makes me very and I wish we lived in a society where you didn't even contemplate it before they were ready; getting lots of little digs from people now and starting to feel like a bit of a weirdo (even though it feels like the most natural thing in the world).

I, too, have been interested in this thread. Where are all these b/f mothers?! I am still feeding my DD, 3.3 yrs, and DS, 16 months. I, like so many others, am a 'closet' feeder! I think the sight of my two tots at the breast would be too much for most! I'm expecting my third child in October and hope to feed all three (obviously not at the same time!) I do not know anyone else who has fed their babies for so long and it can feel quite isolating. Nice to know so many others are out there, all with similar feelings and experiences - we can't all be wrong!

I spoke too soon... ds woke up 5 times last night!!!! I'm seriously knackered this morning, and he was very grumpy when I took him to nursery!

Hello Greedygirl,
my DD is nearly 14 months now and also showing no signs of stopping. Every now and again I wonder whether to try (usually after a vicious bite ) but then I look at her happy sleepy little face and think NO! This is the right thing for us to be doing and I'm going to continue. I'm so happy I discovered Mumsnet, I have learned a huge amount and have got a lot of support. It's nice to know there are so many of us

rascal, sorry been away, just catching up with this and seen your post.

my 15mo ds has really cut down feeds recently and i was wondering the same - will he keep going with 1/2 feeds a day or will he soon wean totallly?

whilst we were away it was a struggle to get him to feed at all, even before bedtime or first thing in the morning. i still bf him to sleep so if he weans i don't know how i will get him to sleep!

Hi Bettymum and Mrs Gamp - yes mnet is fab, I heard about baby led weaning on here and some of my postnatal thread are still bfeeding. I also used to go to a local breastfeeding support group which was fab and I am still in touch with some of the mums and most are still feeding so I do have lots of support really but I think my DH is wondering how long it will go on for and even my usually supportive mum has made a few comments and it has started becoming a taboo topic!

Weasle - my friend has just stopped feeding and she says her LO now just goes to sleep with a cuddle. Hard to imagine isn't it?!

Bouncing turtle - sorry you had a pants night, fingers crossed for tonight. My DS actually slept until 5 this morning which is very very very rare and I wish I knew why he slept last night and not all the 365++ nights before!