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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

I heard something that upset me today...

185 replies

aurorec · 29/01/2009 15:34

There have been a few threads recently about breastfeeding and the pressure to stop.

Well today at my French baby and toddler group (I'm French based in London) there were 2 new mums with infants.
They were both FFing, one mentioned that she'd tried nursing for a couple of weeks but it was too tiring and inconvenient with a toddler to look after as well.
The other one just didn't want to nurse. She was fuming about the fact that for the whole of her pregnancy she was subjected to (in her words) 'propaganda' about BFing from her MW.

Propaganda... Oh and she was also outraged that her HV asked her why she'd decided not to nurse. I nearly butted in but they were new and the group could do with new member money so I kept my mouth shut

OP posts:
poshsinglemum · 31/01/2009 23:51

This is a very touchy subject. I admit I sometimes feel smug that I managed to breastfeed which is horrid I know. I did fing it fiendishly difficult though- as so many women do and almost gave up a few times. I hated it although i love it now.
It's hard having a little person stuck to your chest 24/7 and I didn't realise how frequent the feeds were. I was so determined to do it as my mum didn't breastfeed me and I don't want dd to turn out like me hence the different parenting plan!
The midwives need to tell women about things such as cluster feeding and they also need to let them know that you need to feed much more frequently than every 3/4 hours as recommended by bottle feeding. Then women can make an informed choice.
I am sometimes jealous of my ff friends who's babies sleep through already and who can go out for the night. DD won't take a bottle so i'm a hermit atm. There is also a bit of tension between ff and bf mums which is a shame.

poshsinglemum · 31/01/2009 23:51

find

vlc · 01/02/2009 00:02

hoppybird thanks for that link - fascinatng!

imperfectmummy · 03/02/2009 11:25

A friend recommended this site to me but after reading this thread I am not sure on how great this site is.. It is hard enough being a mum at the best of times without being judged by others! Surely the purpose of sites like these is for women to help and support each other not criticise and judge?

Aurorec - maybe it is just the wording of your first post but it sounds like those 2 women would have been alienated from the group had you not have needed their cash!

As long as a mum is personally happy with their (hopefully informed) choice of feeding method, who are we to judge?

I bf my baby for 4 months but for various reasons I now have to top up with ff, after reading this I hate the fact that others may think that I am not putting my baby's health first or am too selfish to bf, nothing is further from the truth. I already beat myself up every time I put a bottle in my baby's mouth and dont need anyone else adding to how hard it is. Aurorec maybe the mums you mention feel like this too...

I am really pro bf and so are all the mums I know, even the ff ones and we always encourage and support other mums who are bf.

I do agree though that all mums need increased professional support when it comes to feeding.

tiktok · 03/02/2009 11:29

imperfectmummy - I think the majority of posts on this thread are non-judgy, for exactly the reasons you say...

aurorec · 03/02/2009 12:58

Imperfectmummy- my wording was definitely wrong (I was being a bit facetious TBH).

However as a French mother who has to deal with snide comments from family/'friends'/acquaintances I have to say I am getting to the stage where I feel I have to defend my choices.
Fact is in France the advantages of BF are NEVER discussed. In fact it's almost the other way round- in the same way as a lot of mothers will be puzzled by natural birth (the whole 'why put yourself through pain if you can help it- you wouldn't have your teeth pulled out without anesthetic' argument) they are by BFing. It's seen almost as a quaint leftover from the olden days before formula was created to improve the life of mothers and babies.

So I think the 'propaganda' is a good thing if it encourages some people to at least try BFing.

OK I hope I've not offended people. Mothers do what they feel is best for their babies, but I just think it's sad that one of my friends has to LIE to her parents because her 15 month old son is still nursing, or that my mother is ashamed to tell people I nursed till DD turned 14 month.
There would be no issue if she/I'd FFed.

OP posts:
anonymidwife · 03/02/2009 14:50

I've namechanged as I like being able to ask questions as a clueless mummy on MN and have people not know I am a midwife!!

Tiktok, VS and hunker your input on this forum is hugely valuable and I have learnt much professionally as well as personally from your posts/advice/debates.

I have read this thread with great interest and thought I'd add my own vantage point as a HCP.

In my training we had one lecturer who had a special interest in bf and it was something of a hobby-horse. Her methods of teaching could be alienating and tended to rub students up the wrong way. We received a great deal of time dedicated to bf, but very very little practical training. I can reel off the benefits of bf in my sleep, but if a woman buzzes on a night shift with a sleepy baby who just will not feed, or a fractious, screaming baby who pulls off cracked nipples repeatedly, my heart just sinks. I can advise positioning, know what the signs of good attachment are, and can babble on about 'baby to breast,' 'head and body in a straight line' but after that... hmmm.

Our training is woefully inadequate. Combine me, a new midwife with up-to-date info and a keen pro-bf attitude with older mws who still advocate nonsense such as four hourly feeding and ideas about 'spoiling' babies and 'rods for your own back' and you have conflicting advice and pretty useless mws answering your buzzer in the middle of the night. It is horrible but in one hospital during the report on the postnatal women given at the start of each shift bottlefeeders would be met with a cheer and breastfeeders a groan. As someone known to be pro-bf, I would get a 'that'll be your room then, you won't be out of there all night!' etc.

In my experience, the mws I know fall over themselves so as 'not to make ff women feel guilty'- to the detriment of bf. The UNICEF baby friendly initiative is understood by many mw's as dictatorial and discriminatory.

The answer to these huge debates raised here is so complex- I agree that bf needs to be introduced and discussed at primary school level. Most of all I wish student mws were ggiven the comprehensive, practical training we so need when registered- it is all very well telling a woman about lowered risks of asthma but I sincerely wish I could also give her the actual help to succeed in the face of problems. Even if it is only to have the contact details of BFC to refer on to.

When my own baby was born I did all the stuff I'd been trained to- masses of skin to skin, put him to the breast lots, I knew all about the signs of good positioning and attachment etc etc ad nauseum but I still encountered enormous issues- I just hit a brick wall! In hospital the mw's were just relieved he was feeding and that I presumably knew what I was up to so they could get on with the million other things they had to do. In reality I had a crap latch resulting in cracks that are only just healing now months later. MN and a good BFC helped me and I have learnt so much from my own experience.

Apologies for the waffling, I wish I was as concise as tiktok et al!

tiktok · 03/02/2009 15:04

Thanks, anon

Interesting that you feel so powerless to help - I suspect you are better than you think at helping!

Sometimes, birth practices get in the way of a good start to bf.

I've said before that the answer cannot be putting everyone in touch with a bfc - there are not enough of us!

imperfectmummy · 03/02/2009 20:25

Thanks all - feel much better now I have got off my high horse!

Such a shame that there is not enough help and support for bf mum's.. when you run into difficulties it is so hard and as anon midwife says much of the limited support is telephoned based and can be lost in translation. I think I could be in a different situation now if I had been given more support or had known where to look for it..

I really dont know what the answer is, but am up for helping if anyone else does.

Anon midwife - From your email I think mums would be lucky to have you to talk to.

Mummywannabe · 03/02/2009 20:40

After i had DS I was left alone for 10 hours and breast feeding was difficult, by the time i was remembered (missed notes and unit so busy left in side room 'storage area') he was quite weak. Had to give FF to perk him up. Struggled with feeding for next day, told i was going to be discharged, at which point i got very upset about feeding, to be told by staff 'you have formula at home don't you!. I struggled on for a 3 weeks breastfeeding but wish i had more support. My point in there is alot of guidance to breastfeed in before you have your baby but in my experience no support after.

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