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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Is not bf-ing the worst thing you can do....

180 replies

Alderney · 04/04/2005 18:16

Sorry, really don't want to start some sort of pro/anti bf-ing argument here..

I've been thinking about this recently for various reasons..

Pufflet is 14 months old - she was bf for 1 day - she wouldn't latch on at all and we moved to ff-ing.

I'm happy with this choice and see lots of positives in it...

However I have been "condemned" on many occassions for "not doing the best for my baby" and "not doing what is natural" - I have been glared at in public for mixing up formula, and I have had so many people assume I've breastfed....I know people who bf have similar issues and experiences

I know people who have been very very commited to breastfeeding, who then, when their baby is on solids, feed them all sorts of pre-processed sugar loaded crap. I know people who seem happy to have their children brought up by various parents, step parents, nurseries etc while they go off and "follow their dreams".....I know people who will agonise over which school to send their child to and will go to great lengths to get into a good one.....I know people who take their chidren on vast educational holidays and give them fantastic experiences...To these people they have made other choices that I can just see having a greater effect on a child's life in totality...

I know breastfeeding or formula feeding is one of the first choices a mother makes, and many people see it as important, but is choosing to formula feed really THAT wrong in the whole life big picture....
(I know all the immune system/obesity arguments and reasons for breastfeeding - whilst I don't thing bf-ing is a great panacea for all things, I do recognise that there is scientific evidence which says bfing is better for babies and mum's all round health)

OP posts:
aloha · 15/04/2005 19:15

i an breastfeeding as itype - when someone says that they think my breastfeeding my baby ''seems' like I am sexually abusing her, I do tend to take offence. I know I shouldn't really, as it is SO stupid, but sadly I think probably there are more sick individuals who think this way. I just don't expect them to express them in public.

aloha · 15/04/2005 19:18

Incest means having sex with an immediate member of your family. Having sex with a baby is child abuse. Where is the confusion?
I don't care if someone doesn't want to breastfeed. I do care if someone uses such vile terms to describe the way I feed my baby.

bosscat · 15/04/2005 19:18

I don't think anyone in their right mind would honestly think breast feeding is akin to sexual abuse. I'm sure she didn't mean it like that.

aloha · 15/04/2005 19:19

And I agree with Tiktok, if I thought someone thought I was committing incest every time I fed my baby I wouldn't want anything to do with them either. Ugh.

aloha · 15/04/2005 19:19

then what else could she mean by 'incestuous' - it doesnt' have another meaning!

Pruni · 15/04/2005 19:20

Message withdrawn

aloha · 15/04/2005 19:22

Also, why should people be tolerant of intolerance? Should black people think racism is OK?

zebraX · 15/04/2005 19:24

I think people are being a bit zealous in trying to jump down Dragontree's throat.... It took me a while to get my head around the fact that just because breastfeeding involves breasts does not make it an even slightly sexual act... the most important sex organ is the brain, but we mostly use our brains for other things... like being clever enough to figure out that virtually every part of our bodies has multiple purposes.

bosscat · 15/04/2005 19:24

oh dear I don't really know, I just didn't read it the same way you did. I thought it a poor choice of expression as opposed to an accusation that b/feeding mothers were committing child abuse. I'm honestly not telling you you shouldn't be cross, but I do think more tolerance of people with an aversion to b/f should be shown in general.

aloha · 15/04/2005 19:29

How so? Don't you think that if you have an irrational aversion to something natural, normal and good, you should be the one who has to put up and shut up? As a society we can't be that prejudiced against bottlefeeding - the vast, vast majority of women do it! And why not. I've done it myself. Breastfeeding on the other hand... I doubt very much that someone giving their baby a bottle in a museum would have to face people moving tables to get away while making insulting comments. I may be wrong, but I don't think so. And I have bottlefed in public too!

hunkermunker · 15/04/2005 19:30

DragonTree - loony.

Tiktok - wise owl.

Anyone who thinks I'm committing incest with DS when he nurses is a sick fck themselves. Yes, they may need help, support, blah, blah, blah, but sick fck all the same.

I am FED UP to the back teeth of people who think that it's OK to slate breastfeeding mothers, then say 'Ooh, but you can't have a go at me, I bottlefed and feel awful about it'

aloha · 15/04/2005 19:32

Anyway, I think we are all probably giving this comment more attention than it deserves, especially me. I just wish that this kind of attitude didn't exist. It really depresses me. And I'm SURE it is one of the reasons there is so little breastfeeding in general.
Off to take baby away from dh and eat Indian food.

jabberwocky · 15/04/2005 19:33

interesting reverse experience with the in public thing - I was feeding ds with a bottle at a party and a man came up to me and said, "Why aren't you breastfeeding?" I was so shocked that I immediately answered, "But, this is breast milk in the bottle," and immediately thought Why did I even feel the need to answer. It was none of his business in the first place FFS.

lockets · 15/04/2005 19:40

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bosscat · 15/04/2005 19:40

hunkermunker, I don't feel bad about either of my choices and I'm not slating b/f mums, I've been one myself. Its a topic which tends to cause very strong feelings in people both sides but I don't think I've personally read any posts which slate b/f mothers yet say don't be mean to me because I bottle fed and feel bad about it. In answer to Aloha who has gone but might read this later, what I am trying to say very clumsily is that whilst i don't (of course) think that b/f mums ought to be shut out of sight in case they offend someone, by the same token I don't believe we should dismiss as a loony someone who doesn't want to sit next to someone doing it, or who might not want to see it in a restaurant. I think we should be more tolerant of differing opinions. So in sum, b/f mums should do it where and when they want, but accept that not everyone thinks its a beautiful thing to see and that's okay.

tiktok · 15/04/2005 19:41

I'm away, too.....just to clarify, I do understand that people may not be comfortable with bf, and they have a hard job disassociating it from sexual activity....prob not their 'fault' but the way they have been brought up. And that's sad, and I do not judge them. But adults (repeating myself, sorry!) are responsible for their own behaviour and opinions and that includes the words they use....in a community (mumsnet) where a large proportion of the people are doing something (bf) which they (dragontree) says 'seems incestuous'. She needs to get a grip, that's all.

motherinferior · 15/04/2005 19:44

Hang on, how do those two views equate BC? Breastfeeding's not offensive in itself, but the views of people who find it offensive should be respected?

There is a difference between not finding something beautiful, and actually removing yourself from it - or rather insisting that it is removed from you. It's only breastfeeding, FFS. It honestly isn't that huge a deal.

bosscat · 15/04/2005 19:45

jabberwocky: had similar experience myself last year and found myself apologising for it which I hated myself for. Should have said "bugger off and mind your own business!"

Lockets: I wish I could say I had your faith that people would go mad if someone said something so provocative about bottle feeding, but as i said earlier I have very clear memory of Moondogs hateful comment and it barely causing a ripple. anyway got to go and paint my kitchen now, night all.

hunkermunker · 15/04/2005 19:48

I am very discreet when I bf DS (and I can spell discreet properly - ooh, tangent there!) - I felt uncomfortable bfeeding him in public today as I knew that a lot of people were likely to have views about bfeeding a one-year-old in public and that made me But I did it anyway.

Bosscat, thank you for not flaming me I just mind that while it's OK for someone to say they find breastfeeding sexual, weird, unnecessary, incestuous, all the things I've heard said about it, it's not OK to say even the slightest thing that may cause the weeniest offence to a bottlefeeding mum. Not that I want to cause offence - I just wish that others weren't so quick to (categorically not including you in that, btw!)

lockets · 15/04/2005 19:49

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bosscat · 15/04/2005 19:52

motherinferior: I'm saying I think we should be more tolerant that's all. We dismiss almost all views which show a hint of negativity concerning b/feeding and I think people are entitled to their own views about things without being shouted at that they are freaks.

motherinferior · 15/04/2005 19:54

Hmmm, there are things I don't tolerate. Views I don't think are justifiable. While I certainly wouldn't put attitudes towards breastfeeding up on a par with attitudes towards black people or disabled people, I don't particularly feel tolerant of someone who wants a breastfeeding woman to move away out of sight. They don't have to feel all gooey about it, or indeed feel it's a beautiful thing to see, just not treat it as disgusting.

bosscat · 15/04/2005 19:54

ps. not saying any of you say "freaks!" just mean in general. really am going to paint now see you tomorrow.

lockets · 15/04/2005 19:55

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MrsMiggins · 15/04/2005 19:56

Unfortunately BF v FF will always be an emotive subject. I hope the "incestous" comment was lack of a better word rather than accusing BF mothers of such an act.

I have to say that my own mother only bf me for about 6 weeks and then had to stop because my father couldnt cope with it sex wise.
I have never understood this but realise that DragonTree's comment is not so unusual.

I myself bf DS til 14mths (his choice) and am currently bf DD. I had a lot of opposition and "give up now you've done well" throughout DS. Took time to change their minds. If had just given a bottle, would have had no opposition.
I do wonder (but have never asked incase it stirs up too many memories/bad feeling) whether my mother looks at me and wishes she had carried on longer. Lack of support at the time I suppose.

Dont leave MN DragonTree but an explanation or apology for the "incestous" comment might help.

I think its things like this which make people so angry.