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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Is not bf-ing the worst thing you can do....

180 replies

Alderney · 04/04/2005 18:16

Sorry, really don't want to start some sort of pro/anti bf-ing argument here..

I've been thinking about this recently for various reasons..

Pufflet is 14 months old - she was bf for 1 day - she wouldn't latch on at all and we moved to ff-ing.

I'm happy with this choice and see lots of positives in it...

However I have been "condemned" on many occassions for "not doing the best for my baby" and "not doing what is natural" - I have been glared at in public for mixing up formula, and I have had so many people assume I've breastfed....I know people who bf have similar issues and experiences

I know people who have been very very commited to breastfeeding, who then, when their baby is on solids, feed them all sorts of pre-processed sugar loaded crap. I know people who seem happy to have their children brought up by various parents, step parents, nurseries etc while they go off and "follow their dreams".....I know people who will agonise over which school to send their child to and will go to great lengths to get into a good one.....I know people who take their chidren on vast educational holidays and give them fantastic experiences...To these people they have made other choices that I can just see having a greater effect on a child's life in totality...

I know breastfeeding or formula feeding is one of the first choices a mother makes, and many people see it as important, but is choosing to formula feed really THAT wrong in the whole life big picture....
(I know all the immune system/obesity arguments and reasons for breastfeeding - whilst I don't thing bf-ing is a great panacea for all things, I do recognise that there is scientific evidence which says bfing is better for babies and mum's all round health)

OP posts:
jangly · 05/04/2005 13:23

You sure its not because of the kids that we spend time on here. Perhaps we sink in front of our computers in a weary stupor!

Spongebob · 05/04/2005 13:26

Be nice to each other Mums Be patient old mumsnetters and have confidence in yourself Alderney.

beansprout · 05/04/2005 13:28

Well said our square-panted friend

piffle · 05/04/2005 16:48

in that case chicken chowmein I'm PMSL
Crikey knows what I'll do now my 11 yr old is back tonight from skiing with his Dad.
I'll have to perform miracles of housework again
So excuse me if I'm only on 22.2 hrs tomorrow

munz · 05/04/2005 18:20

JT - exactly hon! is it really such an issue? I would have thought that as long as the baby's healthy and putting weigh on who cares each to his own it's up to the mum!

SoupDragon · 05/04/2005 18:27

  1. Of course it's not the worst you can do. Not feeding a baby at all is much worse for a start.

  2. If you want support for formula feeding on Mumsnet, you'll get it in bucket loads. If, however, you give any hint that:
    a) you can't decide which to do
    b) you think "breast is best" is a load of rubbish
    c) you are making any sort of judgement whatsoever
    d) you think formula is wrong

then you'll have a huge fight on your hands.

Support we can do as easily as breathing. Calm, reasoned debate on breast and bottle we struggle with

tigermoth · 06/04/2005 18:14

you know, it's nearly 5 years since I stopped breast feeding and I have nearly forgotten all about it

mogwai · 08/04/2005 12:27

Just a quick thought...

If you don't want to get into debates about breast versus bottle, why not just stay away from the thread. I've just read this thread from start to finish, it looks to me that Alderney started a reasonable thread with good intentions and it was unfortunately hijacked by people who didn't want to get involved in it. ???????

I have no axe to grind with any of you, but I think some people do need ask themselves whether it's fair to quash a thread because they don't like it. It isn't being forced on you, just stay away from it.

I agree there's been plenty of debate, and I'm not interested in adding to another one, but I don't have the right to prevent a thread from developing just because I'm bored with it. Perhaps some people are new to MN and weren't here a few weeks ago. To them, it's a new topic, we need to respect that

stonedhusbandsmoll · 08/04/2005 12:38

DON'T START EM OFF!!

chipmonkey · 08/04/2005 12:48

I do agree with you Alderney, that people should not judge each other on how they feed their children. A good friend of mine would have liked to bf but can't because of medication. She put herself at risk by coming off the medication to get pg and really can't afford to stay off it to bf. Yet there will be people who will see her with her bottles of formula and feel smug and superior because they bf. Its very, very easy to put other people down without knowing the full facts.

mears · 08/04/2005 12:49

Alderney you are right about your original post - not breastfeeding is not the worst thing you can do.

Unfortunately your post came just after a particularly heated debate (as they all are) - if you search the threads you will see all the previous discussions. I think that it is such an emotive subject that it just cannot be debated without someone taking offence. I really think that women get so versensitive about reactions they precieve around them I know at my mother and toddler group the majority of mums formula fed so it was not an issue. In all debates you would think that bottle feeding was in the minority when in fact the majority of British mothers move to bottle feeding. In my part of the country only 27% of the 52% of mothers who initiate breastfeeding are still breastfeeding at 6 weeks.

I did steer clear but as usual have popped in to add a point or two.

The day we have a thread on breast/bottle feeding that does not result in offence to someone, I will leave mumsnet

suzywong · 08/04/2005 12:54

Has this thing kicked off yet?

stonedhusbandsmoll · 08/04/2005 12:57

No,we are all being extremely adult about it now!!

mogwai · 08/04/2005 14:30

I'm even giving it a bump so that anyone who wasn't involved in the last debate can have their chance to have discuss the issue without it being hiacked. I'm off now, and hope other people who are bored with the issue or have discussed it in the past will but out!!

millymummy · 14/04/2005 12:15

No Alderney, not breastfeeding is not the worst thing you can do. I completely agree with you.I have been a midwife for 12 years giving initial support and encouragement to women however they choose to feed their babies. We all agree that breast is best, but sometimes things don't work out the way we would like them to. In an ideal world everyone would breastfeed without problems, but as I discovered myself when I had my first baby five months ago, it is not easy. I spent the first 8 weeks of my daughter's life battling to build my milk supply enough to satisfy her veracious appetite. It became an obsession. If I gave in Iwould not only be a failing mother but also a crap midwife and a hipocrite. In retrospect this issue tarnished my enjoyment of the first few weeks as a parent which should be joyous. It took some kind supportive words from an old friend to get things back into perspective, and my daughter is now thriving on formula feed. I know it is not best, but is the best alternative if things go wrong. My advice is don't let the opinions of others get you down. Enjoy your baby, you never get this time back.

sansouci · 14/04/2005 12:34

It's good if you can breastfeed for the first 3-4 days after giving birth as it boosts the baby's immune system, among other priceless benefits... otherwise, whatever you're happiest with. If you dislike breastfeeding, your baby will know it, thereby undoing any extra "good" you might be doing by bfing. IYSWIM.

tiktok · 14/04/2005 12:57

sansouci - where's your evidence for saying the baby knows the mum dislikes breastfeeding? And that this wipes out the good of the breastfeeding? I don't think you have a good basis for being so certain about either of these!

There are plenty of women who don't like breastfeeding but continue to do it, because they want to do the best for their babies.

Please don't tell them they are wasting their time - 'cos they are not!

billiejo · 14/04/2005 13:28

i breast fed my son for almost nine months and would do the same again for the next one, but MY GOD what a mess it makes of your once pert titties!!!

billiejo.xxx

RTMTMML · 14/04/2005 13:28

No!

hunkersneakymunker · 14/04/2005 13:32

billiejo - hate to tell you this, but it's pregnancy that makes the mess of pert titties, not breastfeeding

sansouci · 14/04/2005 13:40

Really, tiktok! I'm surprised at you. Do you think babies are stupid? Of course they can sense tension, stress, pain, unhappiness from their mothers, likewise for all the positive emotions, too.

For the record, I bfed my babies for as long as I could. For dd, who was 1st, I lasted for 4 months which I consider a great achievement. By the end of my bfeeding, I was pumping like crazy, emptying my breasts and then freezing the breastmilk. (I had PND & had to take tranquilisers on top of the antidepressants I must take indefinitely. So couldn't continue bfing!)

For ds, I didn't last as long as he sucked so hard he made my nipples bleed & he was constantly bringing up the blood and milk. He wasn't getting enough to eat, he wanted to feed more, etc., etc. Besides the terrible pain 10 times a day, I felt terribly guilty and stressed. I almost hated ds! We were all miserable until the paed told me to "lighten up" and switch to formula. Sighs of relief all round... It truly isn't the end of the world to feed a baby on formula, you know!

millymummy · 14/04/2005 13:42

I think my point was misunderstood. I did not say that I did not like breastfeeding. I wanted to breastfeed desperately, and it didn't even cross my mind that I may have problems. Despite having a traumatic birth experience I was determined to have skin-to-skin contact with my baby and I breastfed her almost immediately. From the start she latched on beautifully, and as recommended I gave her unlimited access to the breast.She did not have the initial sleepy day like most babies, but instead wanted to feed 24/7. By rights my supply should have been good, but instead I ended up with a very unsettled baby that would not get into the rhythm of a breastfeed but would pull away from it and scream. I tried everything possible. I sought advice from other midwives, health visitors and breastfeeding support groups, but no-one could pin down what was wrong. My baby was latched on correctly. I began expressing in-between feeds to stimulate my supply further, but after a week I became so exhausted that I gave my daughter a formula feed, and as expected my supply diminished still further.I felt like I had failed as a mother and it made me feel really sad. I missed the feeling of closeness that breastfeeding brings, and anyone who thinks formula feeding is an easy option has obviously not stood waiting for a bottle to warm while the baby cries her eyes out at three in the morning. Two weeks after giving birth I had contractions and passed my membranes (that no-one had noticed had been retained in my uterus- no wonder I was feeling terrible).
Anyway, my point is that I hoped for a calm, beautiful waterbirth but I didn't get it. I hoped for my baby to feed from me as nature intended, but it didn't work out that way. Sometimes we try our best but still things go wrong. What we then need is some support to give us confidence to tackle the parenting hurdles still to come. Instead, much of what I read as a new member of MN is judgement and pointscoring.

billiejo · 14/04/2005 13:44

hunkersneakymunker, there's a lot to be said about having "only children" !!!!!

sansouci · 14/04/2005 13:48

Sorry to bang on, but the point is that I firmly believe a mother can do her baby more harm than good if she is constantly unhappy whilst bfing. Studies have shown that even in utero, babies suffer if their mothers are constantly under stress, depressed, unhappy. Which, BTW, is why I was on Prozac during both my pregnancies!

sansouci · 14/04/2005 13:56

I'm truly sorry, millymummy. I didn't mean to score points off anyone but some subjects do tend to get me going. Breastfeeding is one of them. I did feel so guilty at my "incompetant bfeeding" at the time and empathise with anyone who feels the same. It is all too easy to misinterpret each other's 'tone of voice' here or get the wrong end of the stick!