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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Anyone else prepared to admit that they didn't b/f just because they didn't want to ??

650 replies

IllegallyBrunette · 02/01/2009 19:46

Just wondered really.

I have 3 dc and didn't breast feed any. I was 19 when I had dd1 and was asked by a midwife if i'd be breastfeeding and I said no. There was no argument or discussion, that was that.

When I had dd2 at 34 weeks she had to be tube fed. I offered to express milk for her but was told i needn't bother.

With ds, again I didn't want to but even if I had it would have been hard as he was supposed to be on phototherapy 24/7 for a week.

I think the attitude towards ff mums on this forum by some bf mums is disgusting. I would never dream of saying anything against any mum for feeding her baby by whichever way she chooses, yet some of the comments on here like 'formula should only be available if there is a proven medical need' are just awful.

OP posts:
idobelieveinfairies · 10/01/2009 11:49

Lucky..really, there are an awful lot of 'lucky' children out there then! My 7 being...7 of them

kingprawnjalfrezi · 10/01/2009 11:52

Its a bit like saying smoking's fine because your gran smoked 40 a day from the age of twelve and lived to 94.

EBenes · 10/01/2009 12:02

It's not really a bit like that, KPJ. You can medically examine someone who smokes and there will be differences in their body that are immediately apparent and give away the fact that they smoke. Instantly. Further tests will also reveal the amount of carcinogen in their system, show how their lungs are affected. There is no medical test that could show any difference between a 30 year old who was formula fed and a 30 year old who was breastfed. That's why ff mothers are upset when they're told they're feeding their kids crap, and they're lucky if they're not stupid and obese.

idobelieveinfairies · 10/01/2009 12:12

kpj ...no.

kingprawnjalfrezi · 10/01/2009 12:21

I do see your point EB and I'm not really a bf facsist. That said, how can we promote bf if we don't point out its advantages over ff, or do you think bf should not be promoted at all?

EBenes · 10/01/2009 12:29

Yes I do! But honestly. The advantages of breastfeeding are multiple, and convincing! I appreciate that not enough women try to breastfeed, but many more are not supported when trying to breastfeed. I don't think it's helpful to 'encourage' them by saying 'well, use formula and you may as well be sticking a fag in their mouth'. If the subtleties of formula advertising are constantly underestimated, are we really going to pretend the smoking analogy doesn't carry that subtext?

StealthPo09IsHere · 10/01/2009 12:34

"By fizzpops on Sat 10-Jan-09 09:36:15
shortcircuit - when you have a baby who doesn't want to be put down and you are on your own it is an absolute nightmare to try and fit in expressing. "
That's brought it all flooding back! Now I remember why I hardly ever expressed

fizzpops · 10/01/2009 12:53

I absolutely agree that we should encourage bf.

But to call ff a choice for a lot of mothers is misleading, I did indeed choose to ff my daughter but my alternative was to watch her starve. There really was no choice in my opinion.

The thing is that no-one has ever given me a hard time for not bf, I did that all by myself so reading on the packet of formula every time I make up a feed that it is no substitute for breast milk makes me want to weep in frustration. I KNOW that! And I still can't do it.

Isn't it an awful thing to make any mother feel she is failing her child or to feel ashamed of her choices as regards her child's wellbeing? Surely we can encourage bf without alienating ff mothers.

If I had chosen to ff from the outset I might still feel defensive but I would only have myself to blame if I felt guilty. Perhaps those who have chosen to ff are (ironically) the only ones who don't feel pressurised/ guilty/ defensive...

tiktok · 10/01/2009 13:10

Pen, good point about how bf mothers can be actively undermined, even literally stopped, from breastfeeding because of poor social support and poor practical help with probs.

My post way back on Tue 06-Jan-09 23:55:09 says the same - no one has to be 'empowered' to ff, they just do it.

That's why it's not a level playing field.

widgypog · 10/01/2009 13:13

i chose not to breatfeed and am not ashamed of it ..my dd was unplanned and I had only just come to terms with having a baby let alone giving up my fab boobs. I told the midwife and there was a little argument before she realised I knew my own mind and was not one to be argued with!
My best friend on demand breast fed and her baby was literally stuck to her but I never thought I am right and she is wrong or vice versa . Like everything in life ..each to their own!!

wenceslasmyeducation · 10/01/2009 13:49

Most of the effects on boobs are from pregnancy rather than bf afaik, anyone know any research on that actually?

tiktok · 10/01/2009 14:09

Here's a study that shows its pregnancy, not breastfeeding, that changes the shape of the breasts:

Breastfeeding and perceived changes in the appearance of the breasts: a retrospective study

api.ingentaconnect.com/search/article;jsessionid=3h2g1af910fiw.alexandra?title=BIRTH+CENTRES&title_t ype=tka&yearfrom=1998&yearto=2008&database=1&pageSize=20&index=89

496 Italian women in the study, and no difference in size and shape between the ones who had breastfed and the ones who hadn't.

It's really not worth not breastfeeding just to 'save' your breasts - with a study as big as this one (almost 500 women) we can be pretty confident in the results.

tittybangbang · 10/01/2009 14:33

"I had only just come to terms with having a baby let alone giving up my fab boobs"

I'm 42 and over all I've done 5 years of bf spread across 3 babies.

My breasts were v. nice when I was breastfeeding. I stopped bf last year and my breasts are smaller, but they're fine. Not saggy or noticably different from any other woman my age.

"My best friend on demand breast fed and her baby was literally stuck to her but I never thought I am right and she is wrong or vice versa"

What - is there something wrong with babies being held a lot?

And there was me thinking that holding your baby a lot was a good thing.....

RockinSockBunnies · 10/01/2009 18:04

widgypog - "I had only just come to terms with having a baby let alone giving up my fab boobs".

Did you not think to look at the bigger picture instead of your own vanity in trying to determine what might be best for your child rather than whether your boobs would still be 'fab'?

Funnily enough, having children means that sacrifices have to be made. I put on weight and got stretchmarks. My breasts are two sizes larger than they once were (which in my case is a bonus!). My sleep was interrupted and my life took a rather unexpected turn since my DD was also unplanned. None of that is relevant though - my baby's needs came above mine.

shortcircuit · 10/01/2009 19:10

I'm not a troll & I didn't mean to appear nasty.

My point is that formula is not a decent substitute for babies. I don't understand why a mother would choose to feed this muck. And that's what it is. Of course babies grow - it's calories + liquid. But, other than the manufacturers, who on here actually knows what's in it ?

Would you eat powdered food for 6 mths ?

(btw I realise that for some that have tried bf & their babies have not been able to suckle, then formula has been a life saver & other than having access to a wet nurse, there probably nothing else available) A friend of mine's baby lost weight, became weak, didn't have the energy to feed etc etc. She was gutted not to have bf. If she'd have had more guidance, this may have been addressed much earlier.

Yes, I am cross - having effectively been brainwashed into thinking it was ok to ff & there would be no adverse effects.

hercules1 · 10/01/2009 19:12

shortcircuit- formula is a fabulous substitute if you cant or dont want to breastfeed. Please dont spout your crap because it makes bf supporters look bad.

shortcircuit · 10/01/2009 19:21

hercules1, no it isn't a 'fabulous' substitute - it's better than nothing. Do you work for a formula company ?

Society is brainwashed into thinking it's great, but really, it isn't.

hercules1 · 10/01/2009 19:22

No, I don't work for a formula company. Just completely disagree with you.

hercules1 · 10/01/2009 19:24

Compared to what babies were fed in the past and could be fed now as a substitute to breastmilk it's amazing. Much, much better than nothing and certainly not muck. I dont think you'll find many parents feeding their babies muck. I would inform social services if I knew any.

shortcircuit · 10/01/2009 19:29

well, without wanting to hijack this thread into something quite different, please do tell me what's amazing about it. I look forward to the nutritional essay

Nancy66 · 10/01/2009 19:35

Short circuit I think you're the brain washed one.

27 · 10/01/2009 19:36

Of course formula is a good substitue if the baby cant have breastmilk.

What would you rather they had?

shortcircuit · 10/01/2009 19:43

why am I brainwashed ? because I am standing up & saying what no-one wants to hear ?

If you're going to say something negative, at least have the brains (balls) to explain what your talking about.

Yes, formuala is adequate if a baby can't have breastmilk. But how many babies, can't have breastmilk ? I am talking, as is the op, of mothers that choose this option.

bubbleymummy · 10/01/2009 19:44

I personally would rather that my DS had emb, donated milk, a wet nurse than formula because I really don't agree that it is 'fabulous substitute'. However, I think that describing it as 'muck isn't going to help things on what is already a very emotive thread.

Nancy66 · 10/01/2009 19:50

'formula is not a decent substitute for babies' - yes it is. Not as good as BM, of course not, nobody is saying it is. But it IS a decent subsitute. Better than diet coke isn't it?