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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Anyone else prepared to admit that they didn't b/f just because they didn't want to ??

650 replies

IllegallyBrunette · 02/01/2009 19:46

Just wondered really.

I have 3 dc and didn't breast feed any. I was 19 when I had dd1 and was asked by a midwife if i'd be breastfeeding and I said no. There was no argument or discussion, that was that.

When I had dd2 at 34 weeks she had to be tube fed. I offered to express milk for her but was told i needn't bother.

With ds, again I didn't want to but even if I had it would have been hard as he was supposed to be on phototherapy 24/7 for a week.

I think the attitude towards ff mums on this forum by some bf mums is disgusting. I would never dream of saying anything against any mum for feeding her baby by whichever way she chooses, yet some of the comments on here like 'formula should only be available if there is a proven medical need' are just awful.

OP posts:
herbietea · 02/01/2009 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

idobelieveinsanta · 02/01/2009 20:16

I didn't want to...never got the urge...just wasn't for me.

With my 4th baby i MADE myself b/f him ...really loved it and did it for a year.

Tried to B/f 1st set of twins but couldn't...excrutiating pain and they were drinking blood rather than milk.

Didn't try with 2nd set of twins.

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 02/01/2009 20:16

Yes I would have made the same choice and if I ever have another baby I will ff them too.

OP posts:
StarlightWonderStarlightBright · 02/01/2009 20:16

I think there are some very very rare stray anti-ff comments, but whenever I have come across them the bfers all gang up on them and chase them away.

Why would a bfer care how someone else chooses to feed their own child? Why?

I see bfers expressing disgust to some extent at the absence of support for bfers, but more often at the active undermining and I see nothing wrong in that at all.

I think you are mistaken in your perception.

spongebrainbigpants · 02/01/2009 20:17

wenceslas, your comparison is exactly the kind of daft analogy that completely winds me up!

Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!

Stop banding these scare stats about and just casually dropping in "serious illnesses" as if all ff babies are massively at risk. I know that's not what you mean, but that's how it comes across.

27 · 02/01/2009 20:17

If people are aware of the difference between FF and BF, and choose to FF, then as far as I'm concerned that is up to them.

Though I'm aware that sometimes people arent aware of the difference, and I know of a few people who have been very upset later on when they found out that things may have been different for their child if they had breastfed.

Its always hard when children are unwell, and I think natural to blame yourself to some extent, but the feeling of finding out that you could have possibly avoided the harm that came to your child is absolutely sickening (as I well know ).

I can see why breastfeeding advocates would like people to be informed before they decide how to feed their baby.

wenceslasmyeducation · 02/01/2009 20:18

I think it's because you have, by your own admission, no reason for not doing it. What you say could be seen as implying that ff is as just as good as bf, which does come across as a criticism of mothers who have struggled to bf. Even if that criticism is not meant, iyswim.

spongebrainbigpants · 02/01/2009 20:19

Starlight, the anti-ff comments are not that rare unfortunately.

No, a bf-er shouldn't care how anyone else feeds their child but for some reason there are people on here who do and like to make others feel bad about it.

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 02/01/2009 20:19

Well I disagree. You only have to read the current thread on wether formula should be available to see the attitude alot of bfers have towards formula feeders.

I am certainly not saying that ff mums never express certain opinions against bfers, but i think you'll find that occurance alot more rare than the other way around.

I ff but I also knew people at the same time who bf and as you say it was non of my business, i got on with feeding my baby and they got on with feeding theirs, end of story.

OP posts:
NotSoRampantRabbit · 02/01/2009 20:20

You may think your choice shouldn't be "picked on" by anyone, but from a public health perspective, your choice is a potentially costly one.

The Dept of Health is spending more and more money (and setting targets for all Primary Care and Children's Trusts) to increase bf rates, because of the direct improvement in the health of children and young people throughout their lives.

Sorry, but you are being naive if you think your choice shouldn't be judged.

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 02/01/2009 20:20

How people see my statement that i had no reason for not bf is down to them not me.

OP posts:
scifinerd · 02/01/2009 20:22

Choice and mutual respect. That is what matters. I personally have experienced the opposite. In rl I have had major opposition to my bf so it has been nice to get support for it on MN but I think ff mums need respect and support too. To each their own. And I have to say I have never read a MN post yet that doesn't show absolute love for their dc.

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 02/01/2009 20:23

Why am I naive ? Because I don't agree with what you say ?

OP posts:
spongebrainbigpants · 02/01/2009 20:23

Notsorampantrabbit, wow that's a whole can of worms you just opened!

It is alot more complex than that. And if you can't see that you are the one being naive.

expatinscotland · 02/01/2009 20:24

I was informed. DD1 had awful delivery and then VERY bad PND. I gave up BF after 1.5 days and was gutted. With DD2, however, I was sort of over it all. But she turned out to be dead easy to feed so I BF her for 4 months but got her to take a bottle after about a month because I knew I had to go back to work.

With DS, I thought I'd give it a bash. It was incredibly painful, he utterly chewed my nipples to shreds and there was no RL help to be had out here other than the usual midwife visits and as far as they could see nothing was wrong - but there are no BF clinics out here, no NCT chapters, etc.

Again, I had PND.

So I stopped after about 3 days and I don't feel any guilt over it at all, tbh.

We don't have any family history of allergies or excema, we're all skinny as reeds with no effort at all and genetically (touch wood) tend to be very healthy people on the whole.

I don't have issues surrounding my boobs or body at all. I know all the research and blah blah blah.

I'm not some ignorant person who just didn't know any better.

I am ill and needed to get some sleep as much as possible, so having someone else to do the nights helped in the early stages and the pain of it just wasn't something I could mentally or emotionally work through in the days after the birth.

I agree with the OP. Everytime someone says they just didn't want to there are all these rather patronising comments towards her.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 02/01/2009 20:25

You are being naive because your choice is being judged by health practitioners, government, tax payers.

Choosing not to bf is your right. But it has implications for society as a whole, and therefore society will judge you.

Nothing to do with me not agreeing with you.

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 02/01/2009 20:26

Absolutly expat.

For the record non of my children are obese or have health problems and myself and my brothers were all ff and again have no health issues and are not obese.

OP posts:
Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 02/01/2009 20:27

Ok, so how has me not bf my 3 children had an effect on the society ???

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 02/01/2009 20:28

i have 3dc; 2 of them never even breastfed, not once. I didn't want to.

idobelieveinsanta · 02/01/2009 20:29

My ONLY breast-fed is consantly at hospital clinics and been on lots of medication most of his life.......all of the other 7 are fighting fit, never a day of illness, extremely bright children.

Of course i am not saying breast-feeding isn't the best..but so far no complaints from me for FF'ding.

expatinscotland · 02/01/2009 20:29

Oh, yes, the whole ideology that if you FF your child is condemend to a life of idiocy, obesity, ill health, etc.

'Research shows'.

Spend your money on something else, then, like locking up Booze Britain for good and getting a grip on the increasingly costly health effects of a nation that drinks too much and can't handle its drink.

Or shall we blame all that on ff too?

Seriously, there's SO MUCH more to parenting than how you feed your child.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 02/01/2009 20:30

Expat - you tried. You didn't just choose not to.

I agree with Starlight earlier in thread. It's not that people who choose not to try are terrible mums to be judged and sneered at, but I do think that if there was more universal support, information and acceptance of bf far more people would try.

simpson · 02/01/2009 20:30

Illegallyblonde - neither of my Dcs are obese either.

If I did have another Lo (which I won't!!) I would FF again.

I do think FFers get a hard time on MN TBH.

callmeovercautious · 02/01/2009 20:30

IllegallyBrunette - I BF my DD and still do to a small extent at 2.4 years. I have had lots of people judge me in RL and on here.

I hate it. Hopefully no one will ever find me judging others for their choices as a parent.

Each to their own imho. You have obviously raised 3 healthy, happy children despite a rough start for some of them

Tortington · 02/01/2009 20:30

choice is the key, i totally get the campaign for not having misleading advertising, i don't post a lot on these threads anymore, becuase they usually bore me to tears with the inevitable, however i would like to say that i didn't breastfeed my children i didn;t think then ( and dont in retrospect) that i could have handled one iota of extra pressure - or else my babies or me may have been permenantly damaged.

I have seen a lot of great constructive advice on mumsnet and it does help change the prevailing culture to that of breast is best - lets support you. thee was no support of any kind 19 years ago - sure start et al, are all relatively new.

I do hope that my daughter will be in a better place (mentally) when she has her children, ihope she enjoys them rather than tolerates their existance ( what i did) and can enjoy breastfeeding with good support from people such as those on Mumsnet.

However if she isn't able to do that, or doesn't feel in a place to do that - for whatever reason- i wouldn't like her choice to be a source of ridicule, one upmanship, guilt or any other negative emote.

most of all i want her to just enjoy it

I applaud the continuing education of breastfeeding as i think its a poor reflection of society if people bottle feed through lack of education.

giving each other the choice and the support, that is what counts.

I do not regret my choice, nor feel guilty about it.