Still breastfeeding my two year old, husband and in-laws keep criticising

[CrazyCatMom]

Am I being unreasonable here? 😤

DS turned 2 this week and I’m still breastfeeding him – but it’s hardly around the clock. It’s literally just before bed and the odd time in the day if he needs comfort. I have been back at work since he turned 12 months old so he goes to nursery 3 days a week, spends a day with my mum, and is perfectly capable of being settled by other people. He eats really well (a more varied diet than most adults!) and he’s happy, healthy, and thriving.

The issue is my DH, who keeps making snide little comments about how DS is “too old now” and how I “need to stop”. It’s not even a proper conversation, just constant negative remarks that are really starting to grate. To make it worse, my in-laws are also chiming in saying it’s “weird” and that I should have stopped ages ago (one comment was that I should have stopped at 6 months 🤯)

I honestly don’t see the problem. It’s working for us, it’s not interfering with anything, and I’m not ready to stop yet. DS clearly still gets comfort from it, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

What’s upsetting me most is the lack of support from DH. I’d understand if it was causing issues, but it just… isn’t? It feels like I’m being judged in my own home for something that is completely normal.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you handle a partner who just won’t get on board?
AIBU to carry on until we’re both ready to stop, or should I just give in to keep the peace?

Sorry you’re experiencing this. Obvious point to tell them is that you are following WHO recommendations to breastfeed to 2 years and beyond. It’s no one’s business but yours and your child. You need to tell your DH to stop those comments - if it bothers him, that js a grown up conversation to hear why it bothers him. I would expect its societal norms influencing him. Im feeding at bedtime and around 4/5am, mine is 18 months, no plans to stop. It works for me and my daughter. Please don’t ’give In’ and stop because of their comments. I honestly think youll really regret it. You have to want to stop for yourself.

If you’re happy to keep going keep going. I fed one until 3 and the other until 4. It gradually reduced for us but was very handy when they were ill or hurt.
I think there’s a lot of mums who feed for a long time but there’s anti extended bf pressure in the uk

Tell him you want to sit down and have a proper full conversation about this so you can put it to bed.

Hear him out amd try and be open and non defensive.
Then explain your side.

You’re doing brilliantly and have a lucky little boy. He’s only just 2! I fed one till 2.5 and the other till nearly 4, they stopped when they were ready. Have you asked your husband why he thinks it’s weird? Why he’d want to take something from his son that’s so beneficial, nurturing, comforting? Instead of him dropping nasty comments can you try a calm proper chat when it’s just the two of you and see what’s going on and why he’s criticising you instead of appreciating the brilliant thing you’ve done and are still doing for DS?

The only person who ever gave me crap about feeding my first was weird about it from the day she was born and found something to criticise about nearly every aspect of my parenting. She wasn’t around to do the same with my second.

There is so much research on the benefits of breastfeeding, and I have never seen a reputable source that extended BF is damaging in any way. I would be telling him to educate himself.
It makes me angry that people judge this when it should be celebrated, or at the very least it should receive no reaction! I fed my first until he was 2.5 and I’m feeding my 16m old now with no thoughts of stopping. It’s your body and your choice how long you feed your child for.

It’s the handiest thing ever when they’re ill or hurt themselves! With both of mine I’ve noticed it so much the first time they got ill after weaning. You lose the short cut to a happy comforted child and don’t realise how helpful it is till it’s gone.

I was questioned on it frequently, especially by MIL. Eventually I asked whether DNephew of a similar age still had milk daily, to which everyone agreed of course, essential for calcium etc. I then asked why giving milk from another species was better than giving human milk with all the antibodies and other benefits. Obviously no one could answer that and it did stop them commenting again, although we did stop a few months later (but it was my choice).

I bet they'd all agree he should still have cow breast milk though.

I breastfed both of mine until they were over two.

Everyone had an opinion on it, and it was bloody annoying. I just blocked them out. Said I’m happy to and will carry on until we’re ready to stop.

YABU. You might feel it's wonderful and natural and all that but the reality is it's confronting and uncomfortable for most people to see a toddler bering breastfed.

They are sadly just ignorant. Take no notice and carry on as long as you and your child want to. Mine gave up at various ages, there were many adverse comments about the longest feeding one. I smiled sweetly and carried on.

I had planned to feed my DS until he was two, but he stopped of his own accord last month (we made it to 13 months) he kept biting, smacking me in the face and pushing my boob away, so I knew he was done. I wasn’t prepared for how sad I’d feel to lose those special little quiet feeds, and also my magic wand for fixing bumped heads, bad moods and for settling him to sleep.

If you and your DS both want to carry on, do!

Congratulations for bf your DS for so long, you're giving him such a wonderful start in life. Your DH and in laws are BVU. This is completely normal in many parts of the world
Agree with a PP who said you need a proper conversation

No advice, just solidarity- I’m in the exact same position. It’s not often but there’ll be comments such as she’s too old for that now (my DD is 2). I don’t mind it and my DD benefits so as far as I'm concerned anyone with a problem with it can bog right off

I fed my son (who is now nearly 17!) until he was 3 and my DD until she as 5!! MyDH never said anything but his mother did. I once over heard her once saying ‘she shouldn’t still be breastfeeding! They’ll be down to her knees if she carries on!’ It did upset me. If you go to Switzerland, which I often did as my DH worked there, breastfeeding is the norm and people don’t bat an eye lid at all if breastfeeding 3/3 year olds in public.

How ridiculous, a stupid and ignorant response. I'm sure there isn't an audience when OP is breastfeeding and even if there is, if they are uncomfortable it's on them. BF is in the best interests of the child, so tough s*"" if the family members have a problem with it!

Tell them that it's weird that so many people are thinking of your tits and that every time it's brought up you're adding another month on.

YANBU

My son is 22 now and I still regret stopping when he was 14 months, rather than continuing until he was 2+ as I intended. Advice then was to continue until two ideally, so this is hardly new!

My step mum told me breastfeeding was a fad (?!) and I was starving my son (75th percentile for weight at the time) 😂. I said that most mammals disagree with her, me included…but we would have to agree to disagree on this.

@marcyhermitexactly! Considers it weird to have human breastmilk, but not weird to have cows breastmilk! Makes no sense!

Imo they have hidden agendas.. Dh wants them back and ils want your dc unsupervised..
They are the only explanations to be had - they certainly aren't thinking about what's best for your dc are they?

That’s quite literally their problem.

Then people need to get over it. It's normal and natural. I fed mine to eight and six.

Is it normal for your husband to be critical of you this way? I'm still b/f my 19 month old (similar amount to you) and occasionally my husband asks something polite like "are you planning to stop any time soon?" and I say no, not really at the moment as it's still working.... And that's the end of conversation. I would be outaged if he (let alone my in-laws!!!!) thought they had the right to make snidey comments to me. Frankly, they can all f* off!!! Why do they care so much?? Completely agree with a pp that they must have some ulterior motives and obvs working for you and your child and that's all that should matter!? Also, it hardly sounds like you're b/f for hours in public anyway (not that it should matter if you did), so the pp who said people have a problem with seeing breastfeeding toddlers makes no sense anyway as it sounds like it's mostly a bedtime thing!!!! Stop when you/your toddler want to stop - but definitely stop people thinking they can treat you the way they are. How dare they!

I stopped when dd was 2.5 because she was hurting me. Not feeding for 5 days, then feeding 6/7 times the next was painful. I think she was naturally weaning herself and I decided to hurry along the process. Had it not hurt, I would have continued. My mother was the one, who thought I should stop. She gave up in the end as I ignored her. But I would also like to know why breast milk from another species is better.

Ignore my comment, thanks