Still breastfeeding my two year old, husband and in-laws keep criticising

[CrazyCatMom]

Am I being unreasonable here? 😤

DS turned 2 this week and I’m still breastfeeding him – but it’s hardly around the clock. It’s literally just before bed and the odd time in the day if he needs comfort. I have been back at work since he turned 12 months old so he goes to nursery 3 days a week, spends a day with my mum, and is perfectly capable of being settled by other people. He eats really well (a more varied diet than most adults!) and he’s happy, healthy, and thriving.

The issue is my DH, who keeps making snide little comments about how DS is “too old now” and how I “need to stop”. It’s not even a proper conversation, just constant negative remarks that are really starting to grate. To make it worse, my in-laws are also chiming in saying it’s “weird” and that I should have stopped ages ago (one comment was that I should have stopped at 6 months 🤯)

I honestly don’t see the problem. It’s working for us, it’s not interfering with anything, and I’m not ready to stop yet. DS clearly still gets comfort from it, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

What’s upsetting me most is the lack of support from DH. I’d understand if it was causing issues, but it just… isn’t? It feels like I’m being judged in my own home for something that is completely normal.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you handle a partner who just won’t get on board?
AIBU to carry on until we’re both ready to stop, or should I just give in to keep the peace?

Tell husband and IL's to fuck off 😃

I fed one of mine til 3 and the other to 4. They’re huge, healthy, independent teenagers now. I was feeding one in a park when he was about 2 - unusual as we didn’t usually feed in public at that age but he’d hurt himself. A mum came up to me and asked if I was English (she wasn’t) and was surprised when I said I was. She said you don’t usually see English mums feeding toddlers. It was a reminder that it’s a much more normal thing to do in lots of other countries.

@Malinia. It is not natural or normal to be breast feeding an 8 year old. Its downright weird

Yes, BF an eight year old is really off.

😅

Just dropping this here...

Breastfeeding in the Land of Genghis Khan - The Natural Child Project https://share.google/EfHs7SXT1Ym70UELU

This would be a great response!

I fed dd2 until she was 4. The only comments I got from dh was that he was annoyed about her coming into our bed early in the morning - but this was about being disturbed, not me feeding her. He's not the sort of man who thinks he is entitled to my breasts though and didn't ever 'want them back'.

In laws commenting is even more weird. My mum didn't like me breastfeeding at all but kept her judgy opinions to herself so that was fine!

You do you and your child. You're giving them the best start in life.
Your OH needs educating, but more than that he needs to respect his wife and child. Maybe show him these answers, but also refer him to international guidelines including WHO, NHS, etc.

My DS was born in Dubai, and it was the norm to feed him in public with a shawl to cover us (never an exposure) and always people being very supportive and kind. He was breastfed to around 3 years albeit alternating with a lactose free formula as I was working full-time.

Each to their own but personally if you can have memories about the time of just before you are three it's probably not something I would want my sons to remember. Other mothers of course may be perfectly content for that to happen. As I say, each to their own.

Definitely don't give up. I had criticism, but not from my DH, or any other family member- only a colleague! We were both ready to stop once he was 2 years 10 months. I had no time in mind, I just went with what DS and I felt. It should only be down to the 2 of you, nobody else.

Tell them if they want to do the feeding go ahead. Otherwise you’ll do the best you can.

What @NaiceBalonz said.
You want opinions, on an opinion forum.
As a child free woman, I see this as beyond weird.

He wants you to stop and his parents view it as weird because they are sexualising your breasts.

He wants you to stop because your breasts are not a food source but a sorce of sexual pleasure for him.

I think you've done bloody brilliantly to feed your son until 2. Breastfeeding is absolutely normal. The WHO actually recommends breastfeeding until 2.

Exactly.

The WHO says up to two years and beyond, in fact. They don't suggest a cut off age.

You will have to stop at some point. People say it is normal. But comforting your children in this way past school age ( as an example), is not usual for the majority.
Your DH is concerned perhaps as to how long you intend to do so for. Children may be bullied at school if other children find out they do this. Children can be very cruel.
Don’t treat his concerns as unsupportive. He may well have supporting his children uppermost in his mind.

Op isn’t talking about feeding in public. I also had no idea of the importance of breastfeeding pre pregnancy. The links in this thread explain the reasoning behind feeding past the age of 2.

Cows udders are a form of breast tissue (ie both are mammary glands) and work in the same way both functionally and biologically. We drink milk without a second thought, yet it is not a superior drink for human children and infants.

Keep going for as long as you want @CrazyCatMom - I was in a similar position with relatives saying terrible shaming things dressed up as humour. I carried on until DS was almost 3 and the more research I read about the incredible benefits, the more glad I am that I did. As an old HV said to me when I had a wobble, you are not going to be putting your boobs through the school railings at break times! 🤣

I breastfed until my child naturally weaned, which was just before they turned 5. I did an AMA here if you're interested in looking it up. I think it helped DC's immune system - they were barely ill, had one day off sick in preschool and reception combined.

I actually know quite a few people who breastfed beyond 2, but most didn't talk about it widely.

If DH and the ILs were critical, I'd have asked them to stop making comments, but also would have not breastfed in front of them. I certainly wouldn't have stopped. It gave DC so much comfort.

My MIL said breastfeeding is barbaric and my husband wanted me to stop breastfeeding our son ages ago as it is 'stopping him from developing'. My parents and all other family also agree that he is too old. Our son is 3 years 4 months and still nurses several times a night, whenever he is ill or needs comfort, and whenever he spots me getting changed! I simply do not care. They haven't breastfed so cannot have an opinion on it!

Breastfeeding an 8 and 6 year old is ridiculous IMO. Sorry.

I breastfed mine until they were 2 1/2 and loved every second of it and because of it I have a really strong bond and close relationship with them. My Ex was jealous of the bond I had and I gave up breastfeeding due to pressure by him to stop. I regret stopping as we really enjoyed it

This with brass knobs on! Also you say "I’d understand if it was causing issues, but it just… isn’t?" Are you sure it isn't cause issues when you're not around and your son needs comfort and there's no breast to give him? I'm not saying you should stop at all, but have you considered that you only see situations where you can feed your son, because clearly your breasts are always there when you are! When he wants milk and you aren't there could be a different story!

Wow! The sheer audacity that they think they have a say in what you do with your breasts!

Presumably they are more interested in the children and what she's doing with her breasts relating to them. A father is allowed to have an opinion on the upbringing of his own child.