Still breastfeeding my two year old, husband and in-laws keep criticising

[CrazyCatMom]

Am I being unreasonable here? 😤

DS turned 2 this week and I’m still breastfeeding him – but it’s hardly around the clock. It’s literally just before bed and the odd time in the day if he needs comfort. I have been back at work since he turned 12 months old so he goes to nursery 3 days a week, spends a day with my mum, and is perfectly capable of being settled by other people. He eats really well (a more varied diet than most adults!) and he’s happy, healthy, and thriving.

The issue is my DH, who keeps making snide little comments about how DS is “too old now” and how I “need to stop”. It’s not even a proper conversation, just constant negative remarks that are really starting to grate. To make it worse, my in-laws are also chiming in saying it’s “weird” and that I should have stopped ages ago (one comment was that I should have stopped at 6 months 🤯)

I honestly don’t see the problem. It’s working for us, it’s not interfering with anything, and I’m not ready to stop yet. DS clearly still gets comfort from it, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

What’s upsetting me most is the lack of support from DH. I’d understand if it was causing issues, but it just… isn’t? It feels like I’m being judged in my own home for something that is completely normal.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you handle a partner who just won’t get on board?
AIBU to carry on until we’re both ready to stop, or should I just give in to keep the peace?

That’s very disruptive to sleeping though, for you.

I wish I didn’t relate to pretty much all of this but I do!
Also happily (still) feeding my almost 2yo. It works for us both. I’ve only ever received support from friends and helpful strangers. But at home it is now “not normal”.
I would reach out to your HV or GP. Disagreeing about things is going to happen but hurtful comments are never ok.

Not if @Cathod co-sleeps (which is what the majority rest of the world do, until at least school age). DC will roll over, latch on, feed, latch off and roll away and Cathod will barely stir.

That's really sad that you feel like that, it is wonderful and natural, and the best nutrition and confort you can give a child, I bet the OP is not doing this in very crowded public places, but her own family should be supportive at very least. You are a tosh peddler.

Yeah, you’re probably right but personally not a fan, either of co-sleeping or multiple night time feeds. Each to their own.

It doesn't wake you up oddly.

@daisybubbles2 what on earth is a GP supposed to do?

It’s a very long time ago that I was in that situation and I could that it did. Couldn’t get comfortable really. As I said, each to their own.

Couldn't agree more. Comments are driven by jealousy of the bond between mum and child, in my opinion. At least that's how it felt to me with my DS, who I also fed to around 2 and a half!

The only two people who can have a say in how long you breastfeed is you and your child.

And I am sorry you have a shit husband. He should be your support in these situations, not be the one bringing you down

Bollocks. And in any case, it’s none of their business.

But op said it’s mainly at bedtime … when there are no strangers loitering around.

You might find it ‘confronting’ (in what way?) but most people really don’t.

It’s totally natural.

Ugh yeah the comments, i fed DS till he was 4 and christ the lack of support from DH, in laws, parents- I was getting comments from everyone - until I went to see my grandparents when he was about 3, and my grandad said I was doing a fabulous job still feeding him - i burst in to tears! he told me to ignore everyone else. From that point, I basically told everyone to feck off!

I had the same from my own parents and my husband’s parents as I fed both of mine until 2.5. Husband was very supportive and would happily explain WHO recommendation as would I ( but it’s tiresome that people think they can comment repeatedly ). After the first couple of occasions eventually I was just very assertive and asked if the comments were really necessary, as my response was going to be the same as last time and why did they think their opinion needed to be repeated. But I can appreciate that being so ‘head on’ might not work for everyone.

Signpost to other family help that might be available. I’ve actually found them to be reassuring and supportive.

Sorry you're having to endure this, it's so fucking infuriating! I've breastfed both of mine until just past 2. I'd tell them "the more you comment on it, the longer I'll keep doing it", or just leave the room every time they mention it. No time for judgemental attitudes like these.

People only think it’s weird debates they’re unable to separate it from a sexual act.

Which is bloody weird in itself!

i used to work on a farm where the “baby” cows were kept on and quite often they’d feed from their mothers when they looked fully grown. That made people uncomfortable too, which I found hilarious

I'm so conflicted with this. Hugely pro breastfeeding (and fed my 3 until they were 12 months) but I have found some Mums who carry on past 24 months to be weirdly confrontational in their attitudes.
However, in your case, you are not using your ability to soothe etc. as a controlling mechanism.
goes to nursery 3 days a week, spends a day with my mum, and is perfectly capable of being settled by other people. He eats really well
So what is the issue?
I guess it is because I agree with the statement Never 100% sure why anyone other than a child’s parents have ANY opinion on how that child is fed and your co-parent does have an issue.
I think you and DH need a full and frank discussion about where his opinion comes from. If it is just societal norms then you can put him right (using some of the sources mentioned here) but maybe be he can see an issue you are not conscious of that needs consideration.

Can you expand on why you feel that way?

You’re not being unreasonable at all. They’re ignorant and prudish, sorry to be blunt but it really grinds my gears (I never actually breastfed so it’s not like I’m evangelical about it, but it’s also perfectly, perfectly fine to breastfeed as long as you feel comfortable, and it’s nothing to do with anyone else). I feel bad you even needed to justify it with explanations about your little one’s diet. Your H should be on your team and your in-laws need to get back in their box. Really sorry you’re experiencing this OP

Young children really wouldn't bully one another for something like this. In reception they really don't have the understanding to go into this much detail about their home life. Some of them have still have accidents at school, some aren't dry at night. It is really not a big deal to young children.

Honestly cannot imagine having a partner who felt that way about breastfeeding let alone kept making it known and especially with snipey remarks! My opinion of your DH is absolutely rock bottom. No wonder your ILs feel they can comment on it if that's how your own DH treats you. I suspect this isn't the only issue he's 'negative' to you about? I couldn't respect someone who thought and behaved like that, for me this is an issue much bigger than the breastfeeding itself.

Aw man, it’s been 6 months since my youngest stopped BF at 3 and just had her first proper illness since then - chicken pox. She was so cuddly and I had pangs of wanting to feed her again😭

I stopped just after my youngest one was 2 years and 2 months, when he naturally started to drop most feeds.
No one really commented for a couple of reasons, they wouldn’t have dared but also he would mostly have a feed just before falling asleep, first thing in the morning and if he was feeling a little poorly/tired and I was at home instead of being at work so no one really saw him being fed, although they were aware he was still BF.
I would tell them the WHO guidelines and tell your DH to keep his snide comments to himself, that you are happy to have a proper conversation about the benefits of BF and your plan for when you’d like to feed until.
Its none of your IL’s business so I would ignore them totally.

The only people who should decide are you or DS. Other people can have their opinions but its none of their business if you as the mother are happy to continue when asked by DS. Eventually he'll stop asking or you'll decide you've done enough.