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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

who *isn't* ashamed to admit using formula?

635 replies

LookingForwardToSummer · 30/04/2008 11:42

feeling crap after reading the 'exclusive breastfeeding' thread! i find bf really hard and have set myself the target of 5 months, i intend to feel very proud that i went that long and then use formula happily! i can't be the only one! all the stats show low bf rates - so where is everyone?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 12:27

I never said you were judging, hunker.

But tbh I think a lot of women are made to feel bad for just NOT wanting to BF.

I've seen it on here.

Some women just don't care to do it at all.

So they don't.

Their body, their choice.

Why are you accusing me of being 'laalaa'?

That's just as bad as accusing someone as being a militant/nazi BF type.

This thread is 'Who used formual and doesn't feel guilty?'

Well, that's what some of us are saying.

Why does it always have to be about 'Why didn't you BF?'

Can't we ever have a thread on here that's just, 'Cool, you made that choice. So did I'? that doesn't turn into someone agenda about BFing?

Guess not.

hunkermunker · 30/04/2008 12:27

PM, hello. I got fed up with arguing with people who wouldn't listen to me and did the lalalala thing on here. I'm back for a moment. I ain't sticking around if nothing's changed though!

Aitch, I agree with you. I suspect most of the pressure is internal. I can tell you that the first thing that went through my head when the midwife said DS2 would have to be topped up wasn't "OMG, people will judge me!" it was "But I want him to have breastmilk."

expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 12:28

It makes me equally cross that there can never be a thread on here to just support people who FF, no matter what, for whatever reason, without someone jumping in to analyse why tehy didn't BF or try it or whatever.

CountessDracula · 30/04/2008 12:31

Oh I agree
I had a big row with in the Chelsea & westminster ante natal class when they had a session discussing breastfeeding. I asked if htey could also discuss FF and they said NO this is a "baby-friendly" hospital we won't talk about it

So I said

Well it wouldn't be very effing friendly for me to breastfeed my baby and compromise her immune system now would it???

Then everyone else joined in and said "well what if we can't breastfeed, we want to know too"

So they did
After a lot of pressure

MrsMattie · 30/04/2008 12:32

I totally hear what you're saying@hunkermunker, and I've followed loads of threads where you appear on Mn and really admire you. I think there are two valid points to make, here, though.

Number one - the support for women who do want to breast feed is shockingly bad in this country, as I'm sure you know. People like you are few and far between. All of the midwives and health visitors I encountered when my son was born gave conflicting and inadequate advice. And I didn't feel like any of them gave a shit about me, to be brutally honest. Sadly, I am far from alone. I admire your efforts to change this situation in the UK and I think far more should be done to ensure that women who want to breastfeed have every chance to do so successfully. However, the reality of the situation at present is that many women stop breastfeeding early on because they find it painful and difficult and feel pressurised, rather than supported, by the health professionals who are supposed to be their to help.

Number two - there are actually women who DO NOT want to breastfeed, for all sorts of reasons. We can analyse those reasons ( 'it's because breastfeeding isn't the norm in our society anymore'; 'its because they have been brainwashed into the societal view that breasts are purely ornamental and sexual, not for feeding'; 'it's because they are ill informed about the health benefits to their baby' etc etc etc). But the fact remains that these women EXIST and they DO have the right to choose how to feed and care for their babies.

I am VERY MUCH pro-breastfeeding. I will defend any women's right to BF in public, to extended BF etc and I get extremely angry about the way BF-ing mums are viewed and treated in the UK. I would like to see the situation change. However, I will NOT condemn a woman for formula feeding for WHATEVER reason - whether it's because she found BF-ing difficult/painful OR because she simply didn't want to BF. Why on earth should anyone condemn? I find it incredible.

AitchTwoCiao · 30/04/2008 12:32

but that's the nature of a forum, expat, lots of people with lots of different opinions. in fact... that's very specifically the nature of MN. if people post on bounty then the ffers will be in the majority and they wouldn't reconise these types of conversations. people are free to choose which forum they feel best chimes with their personal philosophy, but other than that there is no way of controlling what an individual person will come on and say.
but i have seen formula support threads, as it happens. and yes, there generally will be someone who'll pop up and ask some questions as to the why of it, but tbh if a person can't answer that question then maybe it's no bad thing to stop and think about it in any case.

CountessDracula · 30/04/2008 12:34

Mrs Mattie
Number 3
There are people who have been told by their consultants NOT to breastfeed as it would be harmful to the baby

Stefka · 30/04/2008 12:34

I breast feed but do understand why people give it up. I had an awful time - terrible pain for weeks on end. I was lucky to have good support from DH, my mum and the HV. If I hadn't had that I don't think I would have made it.

expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 12:36

i realise that, Aitch.

but i find if i'm going to be lumped into some 'lalala' brigade, that i find others equally as unwilling to listen or just let it go in the other camp and it gets old, which is why i rarely come on these threads.

but saw one about FF and decided to throw my hat into the ring.

a poor decision, as usual.

because tbh i find how you feed your baby a very small part of the wide world of parenting.

so, MrsM, you pretty much summed up how i feel and with that, this subject has been done to death.

again.

so i'm off to laalaalaa and take my sertraline and hope for the best.

AitchTwoCiao · 30/04/2008 12:36

once again, though, just to clarify. i am not ashamed of ffing dd. i refuse to be ashamed of something that was outwith my control and best efforts. but i am mortified when i think of the SHIT support i had and i am kicking up such a fuss at my local hospital about it...

expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 12:36

oh, CD, surely you could have found SOME way round it, if you'd truly tried and been determined!

AitchTwoCiao · 30/04/2008 12:37

you have a lovely singing voice, expat.

CountessDracula · 30/04/2008 12:38

Oh yes I could
I could have stopped my immunosurpressant drugs and made myself incredibly ill

Selfish bitch I am

MrsMattie · 30/04/2008 12:38

Me too@ expat. Done to death, I mean. It just gets frustrating. I find people really don't like to hear the truth on this matter.

kayzisexpecting · 30/04/2008 12:38

I am not ashamed. Why would you be? If you are feeding your baby then thats all that matters.

I never wanted to BF until I was pg with DS. I completely changed my mind. So when he came I tried to BF. I couldn't he wouldn't latch on. I had got no help at all. The nurse at the hospital was horrible to me. The MW that came to my house was no help and neither was the HV. So DS was FF. I don't think he ever got any BM.

I do want to BF this baby so I am going to arm myself with lots of info this time round and not be fobbed of by someone who IMO shouldn't work with animals let alone humans.

expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 12:39

actually, aitch, i sing and play with some folks in a rural pub first friday of every month.

looking forward to friday!

expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 12:39

i'm sure just paracetamol would have done the trick, CD . or G&A.

PuppyMonkey · 30/04/2008 12:39

Hunker, sorry if I come across as la la la la la. I think maybe I am a bit! That other thread I just found a little bit up itself for my own no doubt guilt ridden reasons. But I certainly know there are women who do want help to breastfeed - and I know you give em good advice!

hunkermunker · 30/04/2008 12:40

Because, EIS, people don't make the choice for themselves.

And the "made to feel guilty" stuff is bullshit the formula companies LOVE women saying because it stifles any debate about their product. It suits them to only have fluffy stuff talked about their product.

And whilst I would NEVER want to cause anybody a moment's pain for talking about the way they've fed their baby, NOT talking about it is causing more pain, longer term, as more and more women have breastfeeding built up while pg and are let down shockingly when they are feeding a newborn.

Nearly 80% of women start out breastfeeding. Only 35% of babies are exclusively breastfed at a week. And of those who stop entirely before six weeks (and it's a lot), almost all of them wanted to continue to breastfeed. That's fucking outrageous and NEEDS talking about.

AitchTwoCiao · 30/04/2008 12:40

expat, i know that's a joke but i really think that's unfair. who the fuck says on MN i'm sure you could have found a way round being told not to bf by a consultant? i've never seen anyone say any such thing. now you are being a lalaalaa-er.

CountessDracula · 30/04/2008 12:40

I do appreciate that was a joke expat

hunkermunker · 30/04/2008 12:41

And as for this, EIS: without someone jumping in to analyse why tehy didn't BF or try it or whatever.

I'd be interested if you could point out where I've done that.

AitchTwoCiao · 30/04/2008 12:42

don't think you have, hunker, but to be fair to expat i have seen other, more militant types do it. i can name names...

expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 12:43

oh, aitch, i've seen such things on MN, i really have, in my time here.

more than once.

nothing lalala about it.

CountessDracula · 30/04/2008 12:44

Oh I have been told that before