why should i be made to feel bad for still bf ds

[mehdismummy]

i am so so sick of getting strange looks off people because i still bf(2.3years) i dont bf in public and he only really has it at night also sometimes if he is tired or upset. He is a happy healthy contented little boy(see pics) and it really annoys me when you encounter negativity. My gp and health visitor are both guilty of the look. The final straw which started this rant was when my boss(i use the term loosely) said i should not still be feeding him. This is all because i tell him i cant go and get pissed because i bf. Anyone want to join an extended bf thread?

PP - on what evidence do you base your assertion that extended bf is "unjustifiable" and that that "it's more for [the mother] than [the baby] and that you enjoy it"

these comments are, tbh, ignorant and offensive.
if you actually experienced extended bf or knew people who did so, you would know that your statements have no relevance at all to the argument.

Anthropology has very little to do with the real reasons that women bf for longer periods than is common in the UK, it's far more personal than that. I don't see them living their lives anthropologically and defining their working or domestic role by way of anthropological justification.
I think you'll find saying something is not normal is quite an attack, which weaning prior to 2.5 is because normal means typical.
To be honest I find this all quite regretable that women, again, sit on opposing sides of the table and surround debate with superiority and sarcasm. FairyMum, of course the social demographics have much to do with the success of a child both cognitively and emotionally, a child from a middle class family is more likely to have parents who have acheived at school, had children later in life (which means no negative outcomes from having a teen or single parent) as also proven finding a spouse later in life is more likely to work. If this has not occurred to you then I am really surprised.

Harp, can I request you read more than one post? As a middle class mother over thirty many of my friends have extended bf, although if it's the 'right' thing to do I wonder why it's called extended and not just bf and the other shortened?? . You have it all wrong, I agree that women should do what they want but not have to research anthropological reasons to justify it.
Poohbah, I have made my decisions three times over and am more than happy and wouldn't even think to give anyone a reason for that decision other than it was right for me and I have no regrets.

PP, I think you are completely utterly and totally misreadig this thread. This has been a support-thread for mothers who bf toddlers.Noone has said it should be the norm, but that it is natural and normal ALSO.

Bottom line is, you're doing absolutely the right thing and they aren't/didn't.
Just remember that and smile serenely!

a lot of people think it should be called natural term bf, for exactly those reasons

I beg to differ:

Anthropological research is a good way of stripping off the cultural assumptions that blinker us all.

There's a wealth of evidence that physiologically, we are "designed" to breastfeed for about 3 years on average.

That's important information for anyone spouting the standard rubbish about extended breastfeeders doing it for themselves, or about extended bf being useless for immunity or psychologically harmful to children.

All the above are myths perpetrated by our cultural habit of stopping bf far earlier than we are adapted to do.

The objective evidence is vital for setting our perceptions straight. We can't do it on our own.

Good post Welliemum. Although slightly distracted by Miriam Stoppard trying to flog some evil concoction. She should try reusable nappies and plain water, costs less!!

And no-one is suggesting that mothers should be forced to keep breastfeeding after they want to stop. That would be crazy.

It's just as crazy to suggest that anyone is breastfeeding and unwilling totddler - it can't be done.

However, there are a heck of a lot of people out there who stop breastfeeding earlier than they might have, simply because society tells them that it's weird and wrong.

And IMO that is a really sad reason to stop bf.

Sorry, typos:

It's just as crazy to suggest that anyone is breastfeeding an unwilling toddler - it can't be done.

Posie, if you had gone to Monkies' link, you would have seen that the entire post is a quote from the link. can't understand when people ask for evidence then don't read it.

you have sounded quite damning about fullterm breastfeeding. You are right, we don't practice extended breastfeeding. Most women in the UK practice curtailed breastfeeding. This topic has come up more than once on MN. We still use the term 'extended' however when not actually discussing fullterm breastfeeding because it has become the idiomatic norm within this culture.

Despite stating in black and white that you support extended bfing, this opinion "If you want to BF your child then BF but accept that it's more for you than him and that you enjoy it." and a few others show deep misunderstanding and prejudice of what you claim on the other hand you support.

PS, have you heard of polyandry? that is the documented cultural norm within some societies too. They are also animist cultures so they probably point ot a more common cultural phenomena pre-monotheism.

I don't think you will read this link but it is more for others who are lurking to do so.
the natural age of weaning

is it normal to suck your thumb?

kiski how do you seem so knowledgeable and rational at this time of night?
I had to think twice about how to spell (k)night

I loved breastfeeding.It was like a magic potion.If mine cuddled up for a drink feeling grumpy or looking miserable she would pop up looking cheery and like a diff toddler haha I'm not joking...You can't argue that sometimes the day would be all wrong without it.When mine had severe chicken pox at 5 half mnths I would have been lost not being able to provide that comfort,nutrition and probably distraction.I just laughed when people said "not stopped yet?" at 2 yrs (although they started WAY EARLIER!).Y'know if you've never done it you might never understand why someone would continue longer than "baby".Mums know whats best for their babies and toddlers.We say it all the time.The stopping bf asap is like everything rush rush rush...In my experience if you have any trouble with baby sleeping health visitors and doctors often rush to offer solid food as the solution.There's so many OTHER reasons.Mine encouraged me to feed my first at just under 4 months!My second was 9 years later and I was older and thought it all through.I was definately going to BF longer and take things slower with food.

lol SPB. that is because i just had a 2 hr sleep in dd's bed. not that it was a comfy one. she had me squashed between her and the wall while taking up the middle of the bed. not good at 19 wks pg.

I am just happy that someone finds me rational at anytime of the day.

oh I've just remembered (can't say if its relevantthat I breastfed my baby in a huge crowd standing up once!!It wouldn't have mattered to me but no one even noticed!!I was standing with my mum watch Ellen McArthur come into Falmouth in her boat having made that epic journey and circumnavigated world single handed.We were standing on a plaza wondering how she would get to the stage and all of a sudden(not that suprising really)but tonnes of people appeared out of nowhere (honest)and we were totally surrounded as far as you could see.She arrived and started to talk and the only thing breaking the silence (to my ears)was the piercing scream of myDD2 desperate to be fed.I couldn't even sit down because there were to many people so I had to wip up my top and feed her standing up.After that nothing much bothered me about feeding her in public!

yes you do sound very rational kiski .I always get really disorientated when I wake up after falling alseep putting DD2 to bed.Definately not focused or together!

Kiskidee, wrong. I have said that I think it's perfectly reasonable to feed a toddler but do not feel that fro most women the main cause is anthropology, for my friends it was not wanting to stop not wanting to remain 'natural' or 'loyal' to anthropological roots. Maybe this evidence does give women more of a defence against people who think they should give up when a baby is 6 months or so, personally I wouldn't feel the need to justify myself in that way. As for polyandry..what on earth is your point? I wasn't aware that we did that in this country where socially it would be unacceptable.....
I will not accept that children who are bf for longer are anymore emotionally developed than those that aren't.

"I will not accept that children who are bf for longer are anymore emotionally developed than those that aren't."

Who said that?

Of course you won't, if you accept that you, along with most women who wean thier babies early, will have to face the possibility that you stopped them from having something important. (Just as people who practice controlled crying or rigid routines refuse to believe that they might have done something potentially harmful)

As Kiskidee say, nursing a child for 4 years is not extended but natural or full term breastfeeding. Early weaning is one of the many unnatural things that have become "normal" in our society, along with expecting and "training" babies to sleep for 12 hour stretches alone in cots instead of frequently stirring for nightfeeds whilst sleeping next to thier mothers.

From my experience, of friends, mothers I have encountered whilst suporting bf and patients I have seen at work, those who wean early do it for two reasons, either because they think they have to(they have been told to stop by ill-informed health visitors, or to return to work etc) or because they wanted to. From that point of view it is early weaning which is practiced to please the mother, not "extended" breastfeeding.

Once you get past the first year breastfeeding becomes a relationship, and I am surprised you can't see this if you realy do have friends IRL who are nursing toddlers. Milk is the main food source during the first year, but after that breastfeeding is not just about calories and antibodies. Whilst the calories and fluids are still useful, the antibodies are definately important as your baby won't have a fully developed immune system until they are about 5 years old. But a nursing toddler gives them instant comfort, more than a cuddle can give, as nursing prompts the release of endorphins which soothe pain and aid sleep, it calms a cross or unhappy child better than a kiss, as Flowernat says the transformation is almost magical. The frustration of the terrible twos is somewhat replaced by two way communication and understanding, with silent apologies as mothers milk bridges the gap between the end of thier ability to tell us what they can't verbalise and our ability to understand what they are trying to say. And pre-school booster injections are a breeze when there's some booby afterwards to ease the sting of a nasty needle.

You chose to wean early, that's your perogative, and, I think it's great you gave your babies 12 months when so few get even 12 weeks. But this thread is all about supporting those of us who don't wean early, and to dismiss it as something we do because we like it is really simplistic and vaguely offensive. Not to mention wrong!

Monkies

Poohbah said emotional intelligence was a benefit and most of the research seems to site this as a positive outcome of extended bf, I just think it's all tied up in the sort of women and families who bf for longer.

But the studies will have controlled for that

I am interested in what you mean by the sort of family to breastfeed an older child. Where do you get this evidence from? Has there ever been any research on this type of family? Genuinely interested.

Interesting about the thumb sucking. None of mine suck a thumb or have a dummy and all have been/are being BF and had ready access whenever. I sucked mine though well into my teens! My mum said she used to leave me outside to cry and restricted me to 4 hourly feeds as it was the done thing in the 70's.

Re steotypes of "extended" BFers. I am far from what would be a stereotypical longer term BFer whatever that stereotype may be!

Sorry, just coming into this late, have skim read.

Isn't funny how lots of us have said that initially we'd thought we'd just do it for 6 months? Where does that magic 6 months come from?

I believe the 6 months comes from propaganda as we are told to start solids. It has been translated as "start solids, stop BFing" IMO.

Incidentally I work as well and am not nor have ever been a SAHM.