Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

why should i be made to feel bad for still bf ds

362 replies

mehdismummy · 20/04/2008 14:08

i am so so sick of getting strange looks off people because i still bf(2.3years) i dont bf in public and he only really has it at night also sometimes if he is tired or upset. He is a happy healthy contented little boy(see pics) and it really annoys me when you encounter negativity. My gp and health visitor are both guilty of the look. The final straw which started this rant was when my boss(i use the term loosely) said i should not still be feeding him. This is all because i tell him i cant go and get pissed because i bf. Anyone want to join an extended bf thread?

OP posts:
Amaryllis · 24/04/2008 14:02

I'm still b/f at 2 1/2, and am becoming slightly nervous that someone is going to start commenting....but, on the positive side, no-one has said anything negative yet.
I think I have gone beyond the point where I'm going to wean ds: he likes it, it's fine with me, so we'll carry on until he stops....or goes to school perhaps. He doesn't ask for it during the day much at all, so I can see it will just gradually get less and less.

GreenMonkies · 24/04/2008 15:04

mehdismummy you're still bf a 2 year old??

That's wierd and freakish, surely?

Monkies

Original poster
mehdismummy · 24/04/2008 15:21

aha perhaps that why your monkies are green because you dont bf a toddler! Have you not read dr farstarst smith book on feeding monkies? If you dont bf your toddler monkey they turn green

OP posts:
GreenMonkies · 24/04/2008 15:30

Aha!! Indeed, time to relactate then obviously!! LOL!!

In all seriousness it really annoys me that "people"

a: feel they have a right to comment

b: comment on something they don't know anything about.

Eventually you'll reach a point where you actually begin to enjoy the strange shocked looks on peoples faces when you are open about bf a toddler. But it's well worth being open about it, since my 15 minutes I have had several mums in the playground "come out" as closet toddler nursers, I think the fact that my 4.5 year old is still boobing makes them feel VERY normal!!!!

Monkies

BlessThisMess · 24/04/2008 18:52

Ah, late on this thread (as I am on most threads!) but what is astonishing me about this thread is how so many of you managed to STOP feeding your 2-year olds! My eldest DD b/f until she was 4.5, and then only stopped because I absolutely made her, despite really wishing that she would make that choice for herself but I'd really had enough by then. My 2nd DD (who by then was 1.5 so tandem-fed for 1.5 years) is now 3.5 years old and a passionate b/fer several times a day if I will let her and I can't imagine her wanting to stop any time soon. I really would quite like her to (although I know I will also be sad at the time) but can't envisage how on earth to go through that difficult stage of putting up with the crying/pleading/screaming/wailing that will accompany my refusals!!

BTW my first DD called it 'dadulk' (her toddler attempt to say mummymilk) and my 2nd DD calls it 'hungry', presumably because as a baby I always used to say to her "Oh are you hungry?" before I whipped one out!

chickenmama · 24/04/2008 19:43

Oh BlessThisMess, that hasn't given me much hope!! I thought maybe all this asking for booboo was just a phase - my dd is 2 months short of 2 and would feed all day long if she could. I'm finding it more and more difficult to distract her with something else, she's demanding feeds so often now (and her eating is terrible!) If it was just morning and night I'd be ok, but I feel torn between feeding her when she wants it (all day long) and how I'd like it to be (liking the idea of stopping sometime soon!) I thought I'd let her self wean but I'm now wondering how likely that will be!!

chaoskay · 24/04/2008 20:58

I BF my daughter till she was 2.5, she gave up when she was ready. No swollen breasts, no screaming, no problem at all. She was only having a feed in the mornings anyway, and it wasn't harming her or me, so I just saw no reason to stop.

They still get benefits even at that age, for ex, if she'd have got chicken pox she probably wouldn't have had it so badly, as some of my immunity would have passed through the milk. (as far as I know that is correct info, correct me if I'm wrong!)

Daisy just missed a couple of feeds here and there for different reasons, and the milk very gradually dried up. A while ago she curled up on my lap, patted my breast and asked 'Did I drink it all up?' and looked really sad. I think she missed the comfort. She gets loads of cuddles instead now, and I don't think she minds really.

I'm proud of having fed her for so long, and will tell anyone who asks me how long I fed her for too.

bathgardener · 24/04/2008 21:36

I BF my son to 2.3, with only a feed at night from when he turned 2. He weaned himself off the nightfeed in the end. He was more interested in bed-time stories than breastfeeding. Interestingly about 2 weeks after he stopped breastfeeding completely he developed a really bad rash. After 3 months of false diagnoses, it turned out to be a cow's milk allergy which only appeared once I stopped breastfeeding, even though I had been giving him cow's milk products from about 8 months, and lots of cows milk to drink in addition to breast milk from about a year. So even though some toddlers might be drinking only a little breastmilk, I think that little bit has a huge benefit.

GreenMonkies · 24/04/2008 21:41

Chickenmama, don't despair, they often go through a really intense phase around now, have you read "Mothering your nursing Toddler", try to look past the twee title and it's a really good, reassuring read.

Blessthismess, I am tandem nursing my four and a half year old and a 22 month old, I understand totally what you are saying about wanting them to loose interest and stop by themselves, so far it's not happening for me right now!! I remain hopeful that I won't still be tandem nursing when they are teenagers......

Monkies

chickenmama · 24/04/2008 22:48

Oh thanks for that greenmonkies, I really hope it is just a phase and she'll start to forgot about it soon. I've just searched for that book at the library but they don't have it, will see if I can buy it anywhere.

lol at nursing teenagers, it feels like I might be doing that too!

Original poster
mehdismummy · 25/04/2008 00:48

just been on amazon they have loads of used ones for three quid! Just ordered one!

OP posts:
kneedeepinthedirtylaundry · 25/04/2008 02:15

My 3 and a quarter year old DS says after one side "I want that side now mummy". Can't see him wanting to stop soon. Personally, I feel its odd to not be b-fing at this age. They need the milk, and really benefit from bfing emotionally. Can't get my DS to drink milk from a cup for love nor toys. Even if I put green and blacks drinking chocolate in it! At this stage I intend to continue for as long as it takes for him to lose interest, and if I have another DC I would tandem. I drink only one cup of coffee per day, have an occasional alcoholic drink.

brightpurplecow · 25/04/2008 06:11

I am still bf my dd at 14 mths - maybe not long enough to be called long term but certainly long enough for people to assume its not an issue any more. My workplace organised a weeks training in spain and I said I couldn't go and had to eventually explain exactly why I couldn't physically go away for a week (at this point I thought it would be a bit long to try and express!!) and got some very odd looks.

I also get the same questions from other mums who don't breastfeed who seem to assume that 6 months is the target so after that you can just give up. However so far I haven't come up with a good enough justification to stop, i enjoy it, dd enjoy's it, so I will keep going!

FairyMum · 25/04/2008 06:51

Bf ds2 for 26 months. The moment I stopped he got all sorts of bugs (picked up from nursery) and I am definatly bf ds3 now for as long as I can. IME bf is like giving your child a dose of antibiotics every day and the moment you stop (at whatever age) you are down the GP.

Dakiara · 25/04/2008 08:24

Hiya,

Figured I would join in the rant as the wee one is now approaching one. Woke up this morning to find that the slight eczema on my nipple has gotten massively worse during the night so phoned the doctor. Apparently 8 feeds a day is a lot for such an old baby and couldn't I cut down? Not that my question was about whether I could use steroid cream while BF or anything medically specific...

Sounds like I should get used to that sort of thing though!

CorrieDale · 25/04/2008 08:37

I'm joining this thread very late on...

DS is 2.9 mo and he still has a bedtime feed, and will ask for one if he's really upset/hurt (but only if he doesn't have Label Bear, which I guess puts my mothering skills well into place!). TBH, I'd like him to self-wean now, especially when he has a cold and it's all snuffly and Not Very Pleasant. But I'll leave it up to him - his sister is now 9 mo, and can reach his toys so she's even more of a threat to his PFBness, and he's finding it tricky to deal with. If bfing helps him realise that mummy still loves him and the world is still a nice place to be, then it's worth the rather yucky snot feeds.
LOL at the idea that you can bf a reluctant toddler or somehow keep them as a baby by bfing them!!!! If my 9mo doesn't want a feed, then she ain't going to have one, never mind my toddler! And he buggered off in the garden centre for 10 mins this week, he didn't know where I was and he wasn't bothered. In fact, he shrugged when a kindly woman asked 'where's your mummy, sweetheart?'. I wish he WAS more clingy and babyish.

Original poster
mehdismummy · 25/04/2008 08:52

thats awful dak some people reaction is just pathetic. Gp are the worst offenders obviously bf toddlers are no good for business!

OP posts:
FairyMum · 25/04/2008 08:57

I also find it odd how people find it acceptable to comment or smirk if you bf a toddler. My GP smirks so much
he could win an olympic smirking-contest. If you smack your toddler, however, its your own private business and up to the parent.
Smacking much more accepted than bf in this country. Freaks!

Original poster
mehdismummy · 25/04/2008 09:03

lol at smirking contest!

OP posts:
mama4 · 25/04/2008 09:27

Im bf my dd at the moment n he is only 3 months old, dont know how long I will keep it up for but all of you on here who have and are bf for a long time congrats and keep up the good work. Generally in all communities people find it odd bf over the age of two. The longest I ever bf one of my kids was 10 mths, its not much but its something. I think its more convinience nowadays where mothers can stop n put babies on fresh milk or wean babies on to foods to soon. I mean feel free to disagree with me but I feel up until the age of three they are little and need affection and cuddles and what better way than when breastfeeding because I realised that sometimes life can be so hectic that it is hard to find time for these precious moments, as when on other milk you heat and hand to the child to drink. I say mothers should make the most of it.

Dakiara · 25/04/2008 09:29

Lol, will be possibly entering a GP in the smirking contest later this morning then - got in to see him later on today! arms self with MN info on BF just incase

And yikes that must have been scary Corrie, glad he was ok! I think mine might be heading towards that sort of escape attempt as he gets more mobile - after every feed now he kicks off me with both legs and starts very slowly getting away (albeit backwards) even this young! ;)

Flowernat · 25/04/2008 09:32

Hi hate to state the obvious but like grownups they're all different...My younger was a total milk monster too and was bf till she was 2 and 3 months.Its a combination of circumstances and personality that made her more reliant on milk and no dummy to substitute.She loved it!The time to stop is when you've had ENOUGH.All mums are different and feel comfortable/uncomfortable at diff points.Don't listen to other people,its personal.Friends and family can start to say "oh she'll be giving your milk up now..."as soon as the first solids pass their lips.If thats not how you feel make sure u follow your own instincts.No one knows more about your baby than u do.It doesn't need to be about nutrition to continue.You only need to watch a mum & baby feeding and know that the comfort the baby/toddler gets sets them up and makes them confident.Some need that extra,some don't.I gave up because I was sure mine would sleep through the night better if I did.Took a few days,they don't like to break the habit but then she slept fine... Sorry for the essay...

Kanda · 25/04/2008 09:39

Great thread!

DD (my 5th) is almost 22 months and still feeding, mostly morning and evening, but has recently started demanding booboo before her daytime nap. Sometimes she feeds for 3 min, sometimes for half an hour and it seems totally normal and wonderful. I only know one other mum IRL who is feeding a child approx the same age and we both feel relieved to have met as we've both had such ignorant comments from others, hers from her mum .

I intend to bf her till she self weans, unless she's still going at 5, in which case I might have to think again. I would think a 5 yr old is too old for a bottle or a dummy so that would be my reasoning. Having said that I might rethink yet again

Flowernat · 25/04/2008 09:44

oh and I wouldn't like to leave out the amount of soul searching and heart ache that goes into trying to persuade your toddler off the boob...anyone who's done it will know.Its far from the idea posted that we keep them feeding to baby them...you've got to be joking...they have minds of their OWN....for the next 6 months afterwards my 3 year old used to laugh and pat my boob checking that the milk was definately all gone haha...

StealthPolarBear · 25/04/2008 09:49

"Smacking much more accepted than bf in this country"
You're right - how twisted