why should i be made to feel bad for still bf ds

[mehdismummy]

i am so so sick of getting strange looks off people because i still bf(2.3years) i dont bf in public and he only really has it at night also sometimes if he is tired or upset. He is a happy healthy contented little boy(see pics) and it really annoys me when you encounter negativity. My gp and health visitor are both guilty of the look. The final straw which started this rant was when my boss(i use the term loosely) said i should not still be feeding him. This is all because i tell him i cant go and get pissed because i bf. Anyone want to join an extended bf thread?

Thanks for the clarification! Everyone I know seems very supportive of extended feeding and really DS never overtly asks in public anyway, he seems to be very emotionally intelligent in general which surely is a benefit of extended feeding.

Poohbah, maybe that's why some people have issues with it too... steps carefully.... because people confuse emotional intelligence with a benefit of BFing which is saying that people who can't for whatever reason are giving their children a little less love or understanding of emotions. My friend an extended and tandem bf her boys thinks that's why they get on. My boys are very close and affectionate and I didn't tandm feed them!!

Well feeding a toddler is different to feeding a 1 year old. Feeding toddler is a two way process and requires alot of negotiation and discussion. From a physical point of view, the contact I believe helps regulate and integrates the childs senses and emotions, it often calms in a way that is different to other ways and I think that's what mums who breastfeed for longer are experiencing. That's not being critical of women who don't but the experience of those that have. Do other extended BF's agree???

I'm not going to get drawn into this but will say that my children and I share lots of cuddles, just not with my breast in their mouth. Perhaps the general age and social demographic of extended breastfeeders would mean that they are more likely to be a ltle more patient and be SAHMs? There's more factors than the way a child feed.

I am a SAHM (not through choice more because of discrimination)but know other mums who work part time and still feed. I do have alot of patience aswell. It's not not everyone but also it's not just for me, there are definately benefits of my DS aswell. All children are different and I really feel that my DS seems to need to be fed to calm him. He is quite hyperactive. So I think it is unhelpful to hint at somehow it is abnormal to feed a toddler when in fact it is absolutely normal.

i work part time three nights a week and believe me its got nothing to do with patience because i am so tired all the time! I disagree with its more for the mothers benefit comment but if thats the posters opinion she is entitled to it. I have a strong happy relationship with my ds because i love him and he loves me end of. I started this thread so extended bf could have somewhere to chat so nobody has to justify why they do it. Good for all that do

I worked with my kids and bf them till one was 3 and the other 4. I never particularly enjoyed it. Rubbish that it's for the mothers benefit. I was also quite capable of giving cuddles without putting my breast in their mouths.

"If you want to BF your child then BF but accept that it's more for you than him and that you enjoy it." And why would it be for MY benefit exactly? I think its actually others who should accept that mothers who bf toddler do it because it benefit their child.

Why would SAHMS be more likely to be feeding toddlers?

FairyMum, I totally agree.

If I didn't have to bf, I wouldn't. My dd didn't start eating solids til 13 months and has a dairy allergy so stopping before a year was not possible. I try everything I can not to bf her now but she asks for it all day long. There's only so much moaning and crying I can take! Crazy how some people think we force our kids to bf, I'm just not mean enough to take it away from her just yet.

Yes chickenmama, ds2 didn't eat solids before 14 months....Obviously it was me not wanting him to have any solids so I could just bf him all the time

Good grief
I am so pleased that my last child was the one who seemed to want to bf much longer than the other two because, whether it was because I was a bit older and a bit wiser - or because having DS2 with all his difficulties made me genuinely not give a flying shite what other people think , I bf her quite happily until she was about 3 and some. I can't really remember ( she is 5 now) because it was just something that happened or didn't very naturally. She would want a feed or not and i fed her or didn't.
Couldn't give a toss what anyone else thought then and couldn't care less now. I have read this thread with some because I can't quite understand why mums justify themselves so much.
No one elses business. No - not even in the slightest.

Poohbah, I breastfeed my 3 yr old because she loves it.

and I work fulltime. Ever since she was 20 wks old.

Sorry, meant to address posts to Posie.

My dd never rummaged or lifted my shirt up in public because by the time she could manage that, she understand what a gentle 'no' meant. But I have fed her in public right up till 2 and a half. She learnt I do the lifting after she does the asking. It was another tool which which to her manners.

There we go again Hercules1. Why did you mention putting breasts in mouths? Is is because you believe there's something sexual going on? Well, I can assure you that for me breastfeeding is exactly the same as drinking my cup of tea, which is what my baby is doing so not weird at all really, just normal.

At the risk of being drawn into it, I feel I must reply to PosieParker.

It is normal, Biologically and Anthropologically to breastfeed a child until they are 4 or so

"I think that a lot of women wean "early" simply because their doctor told them to, or told them all the health benefits were gone, or told them they were doing it only for their own pleasure. I have no problem with any decision any mother makes from a position of full and complete knowledge of what is normal and natural for humans and what the consequences may be of weaning at that age. I don't personally care if women breastfeed for any length of time. I do object to people making decisions based on faulty information, incomplete information, etc.............

........Recently, I was chatting on the phone with Dr. Walter Evans, M.D., from Dallas Presbyterian Hospital, about my research suggesting a natural age of weaning between 2.5 years and 7.0 years. He said "Don't you think it would be too daunting if we told new mothers that they had to nurse for 2.5 years, as a minimum?" I responded, "First, I'm not suggesting anyone tell mothers they have to nurse for any duration of time. I'm just suggesting doctors tell them that 2.5 years seems to be the minimum natural age of weaning/the minimum duration the child has been designed to expect. Second, if you know that a certain length of time is normal for a particular activity, then you just accept it -- it doesn't seem daunting."

If you choose to wean our babies early that is up to you, but don't try to pass it off as normal!!

Monkies

Oh, and Posie, I work too, and tandem nurse my daughters.

Poobah, I mentioned 'breasts in mouths' in response to posieparker who said that she was able to hug her child without putting her breast in their mouth. I was simply replying back to her that I too could do the same thing despite also breastfeeding them to 3 and 4.

Look I have no problem with extended bf and if it's come accross that I have then it may be because I have been economical with my words. I cannot see that whether you breastfeed a child until they're three or not makes any difference to the relationship you have with it and many other factors that are maybe more common in mothers who feed for longer periods has much more to do with it. My daughter likes eating chocolate but that doesn't mean that's best for her.
It is normal and natural for men to spread their seed but we accept that we are manogomous creatures in the main.
The breast in mouths is not at all sexual and that is someone elses mind, thank you. I also object for the inference that I have asked anyone to justify it I haven't and I don't think it needs justification with biology or anthrapology as many mothers do it because both themselves and their offspring enjoy it.
I understand why, as you are probably faced with condemnation on a daily basis, that my views spur you to leap to the defence of bf but I haven't actually attacked it and to me(like the SAHM/WOHM debate) it seems that some just enjoy the fight and have to attack women that don't bf for years.

Who's research was 2.5 to 7, as that research seems to be quite old news? Or did you mean someone else's research that you'd read!!

Monkies, I'm glad you put that link on there, I've been telling people who ask why I am still bfing that the natural weaning age is between 2 and 4, good to have some reading to back it up... still don't know why I have to defend it tho, I don't agree with people giving up at 3 months or whatever but I don't go on at them about it.

Posie, that's a quote from the article

Yes I've read it and many others like it. I just don't think you should have to use an anthropological reason to justify why you do it!!

PP, who on earth have "attacked" women who don't bf for years? I would also be interested in the "factors" you think are more common in mothers who bf for longer periods? I think you mistake justification with explanation perhaps?

Sorry Hercules1, I bizarrely skipped the first part of the post and only read the latter part.

Posie, you do come across as being a bit defensive about the fact that you didn't feed for longer. In your heart of hearts wwould you have wanted to?