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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

A reason not to BF that I had no answer for, any thoughts?

242 replies

bohemianbint · 25/03/2008 20:32

I recently qualified as a peer counsellor and the training was great. However, I met up with a friend of mine the other day whose daughter is about a month old.

She had BF up until the day before I met her but decided to pack it in and had just started FF. Her reason was that she already has a son who is 11, is very busy and didn't have the time to physically sit all day and BF.

I didn't say anything, as she wasn't asking for advice, she'd made the decision and had already acted on it. But it struck me that I have no idea what to say to someone who sites this as a reason to give up? I remember when DS went through growth spurts just sitting on the sofa literally all day with my boobs out and everything else went to pot, and whilst this didn't bother me I can see how it would be a deal breaker for some people.

So what can you say to that? Obviously FF is inconvenient in the prep time and faff, but does it eliminate that all day sitting around during a growth spurt? Interested to hear what you think...

OP posts:
emkana · 25/03/2008 20:42

You could carry the baby in a sling during those times and feed while carrying? Obviously I know that's not everybody's cup of tea, but it's a possibility.

Maveta · 25/03/2008 20:43

Well I am still breastfeeding my only ds (11mo) and although that being my situation (only having one, and a young one at that)means I surely have no idea how hard it must be to juggle this with more than one child, I think I would feel I wanted to give ALL my kids the same start in life that I gave the first no matter how difficult that was.

Did she breastfeed her first?

My mum had my younger sister when I was 6 and my older sister 9 and she breastfed for 9 months, I am sure she felt, and I would feel, that children of this age are able to understand that the baby has to be fed. At 11 her son is presumably at school all day for a start. And goes to bed still at a reasonable hour. And can bath himself, do his homework etc etc etc. Am not sure what you could say to anyone in this situation as each person can only do what they feel they are able to, and would not take kindly to you trying to convince them otherwise. But it seems plenty of people juggle a newborn with much younger children who require much more hands on supervision so in theory she could do it, if she wanted to.

morningpaper · 25/03/2008 20:45

The older they get, the quicker the feeds get

By the time they are a few months old, it is generally just a few minutes at most IME

dizzydixies · 25/03/2008 20:46

am worrying about this myself as when dc3 arrives I'll have dd1 starting school and dd2 in nursery and dh working

sling not an option for me as hage big boobs that need to be held and the last baby was >11lbs so also needs to be held

will watch with interest incase anyone comes up with solution

edam · 25/03/2008 20:46

Seems a shame to pack it in at a month, when much of the marathon endless feeding is behind her. I imagine dealing with a growth spurt in a FF baby involves lots of faffing about with extra bottle preparation - esp. now the advice is NOT to make up bottles in advance.

Maveta · 25/03/2008 20:47

and i would also feel that having reached 1 month realistically it would only be another couple of months before the feeding frenzy settled down and then you move into bf-ing being so much MORE convenient and quick than ff. And basically, for me, the huge benefits to my baby would far outweigh the hassle of 2 months' domestic disarray.

whomovedmychocolate · 25/03/2008 20:47

What a crap reason (sorry but it is). New mums need to sit down and rest because they have interrupted sleep.

They can use slings or carry newborns round in one arm. I marched round the house feeding DD and even ate most meals for six months with her attached.

Her 11 year old is old enough to understand that mum has to devote some time to her DD too.

Yes you do have to devote time to it, but ye gods is that not a necessary part of motherhood - to devote time to your babies?

Sounds like an excuse rather than a reason, she wanted to give up and it was a good justification in her mind.

I'm pregnant and still nursing my 17 month old. I'll probably end up tandem feeding and yes being the constant norky-lady but I can live with that. Six months after DS is born things settle down a bit anyway. Surely people can invest half a year in prioritising their brand new precious babies?

edam · 25/03/2008 20:48

dizzy, check with a b/f counsellor - advice re. positioning for the well-endowed has changed since I had ds. Think Mears mentioned it on a thread ages ago. But I remember being struck that apparently 'holding' your breast is now not something you are supposed to do. Which might have made things a lot easier for me and ds.

dizzydixies · 25/03/2008 20:50

will do edam thank you. I managed with ease with dd1 but had a hellish time with dd2 and it was only maternal guilt that got me to 6months - was hoping to get some more up to date advice to refresh basically before dc3 arrives in the summer

PillockOfTheCommunity · 25/03/2008 20:52

I happily fed ds2 with 4yr old ds1 learning that he had to wait. IMHO she was making excuses, an 11yr old is more than old enough to do other things while mum feeds baby. ds1 and I used to read books or play games while ds2 was feeding.

sonicdeathmonkey · 25/03/2008 20:53

What if you push the aspect that she doesn't have to be at all organised (if she's busy) - doesn't have to organise bottles and make sure she's packed everything - she can feed wherever and whenever with virtually no preparation. Also, what about it being a good chance to scale back on outside 'busyness' and have more close family time? Ie, sitting with her son chatting/ watching a program he loves - letting her son feel more 'grown-up' by helping make dinner etc while she's bf'ing - so the 3 of them (and DH if there is one) become a close family, dealing with the new baby together rather than it solely being 'mums' thing that fits into normal life.

Course if someone's made a decision they are totally happy with, there's not too much you can do.

MrsJohnCusack · 25/03/2008 20:54

surely an 11 yr old is easier to get to entertain themselves than a younger child? And will be at school too quite a lot of the time.

I think it was probably an excuse TBH, perhaps she didn't feel she could say to you that she just didn't want to any more?

jaynz · 25/03/2008 20:55

I'll ride your horse with you whomovedmychocolate!

Interesting how ff mothers need to have justification. Just by giving an excuse for her decision she's recognized that its not the best one for her baby. There is no way to know whether this babe would have those big sessions anyway.

People clearly have different priorities and doing the best for her baby as far as feeding goes clearly isn't top of the list. Its all about education.

wow, this horse really can get moving!

Original poster
bohemianbint · 25/03/2008 20:55

Thanks everyone. Nope, she didn't really BF her DS and to be honest I don't think she really realises the difference it makes. As I didn't, at the time, I just knew I would be exc BF and was determined not to give formula (resolve was strengthened by family putting me under lots of pressure to FF!) I think, on the whole, most mothers don't realise why breast milk is so much better.

I was interested though, that quite a few of you felt that growth spurts dropped off after the first couple of months? I definitely had days of not being able to put 'em away for a very long time!

OP posts:
Original poster
bohemianbint · 25/03/2008 20:58

It's interesting because I'm expecting DC2 in August when DS will be 2 and I've been wondering how I'll manage myself. DS is very active and always on the go so am hoping it's not going to frustrate him, me being constantly feeding.

I will manage, just not sure how!

OP posts:
edam · 25/03/2008 20:59

That's rather harsh, Jaynz. The OP's friend isn't answerable to any of us. Up to her how she chooses to feed her baby. The 'don't have time to b/f' thing might well be her version of a socially acceptable excuse.

FAQ · 25/03/2008 20:59

hmm - well I certainly found it easier when I switched to FF with DS3......but DS1 and 2 were 6 and 3 at the time and I was finding it hard to do anything else. DS3 wouldn't feed in a sling - infact he hated the sling so that wasn't an option for me.

However, had my DS's been 11yrs old it wouldn't have been half so hard.

And where are these babies that only feed for short times after a month or so??? DS1 was still having minimum 15 minute feeds when I stopped feeding him at 14 months!!!

FAQ · 25/03/2008 21:01

mind you people are visibly shocked when I sit down to give DS3 (just turned 10 months) his bottle - 8oz and 5 minutes later he's finished and ready to play again - DS2 used to take at least 15-20 minutes to finish a bottle though so DS3 quite a revelation for me.

chipmonkey · 25/03/2008 21:07

I just walked around, no sling necessarily, thought I did occasionally use one, with ds2/ds3 latched on in one arm, other arm free! Was able to make cups of tea and everything!

moondog · 25/03/2008 21:11

It is so irritating when people come out with guff like this.Far better that they were honest and said they couldn't be arsed.
My friend did the same only she had a three year old and no time.

I can't see what the issue is myself. I b/fed a newborn while looking after my 31/2 year old alone as dh abroad. i also moved house alone when the baby was 3 weeks old and did all the packing. Wasn't that hard.

Ineedacleaner · 25/03/2008 21:12

DD was 2 and 7 months when ds was born and was a big feeder didn't do anything in particular that I can think of you just manage don't you? I think had dd been 11 I wouldn't have had to manage she would be at school every day and probably out playing with friends after school. I can see how it would seem daunting at first because I was at times glad I didn't have to fit in a school run or anything but again I would just manage.
There were also times where I thanked god I wasn't ff and had to get up and clean and make bottles.

I do tend to think excuse when I hear things like that and part of me feels sorry for ff that feel they have to make an excuse I am not living their life so it is not up to me how they feed their babies.

I have heard one woman who chose to ff her 2nd and 3rd baby and though yeah I get why that was your choice. It is the excuses I hate I would rather women didn't make excuses and just said cause I don't want to.

FAQ · 25/03/2008 21:14

well lucky you that you were able to bf with your DC in one arm......I did just about manage it with DS1, but couldn't have done it with DS2 or 3 - god the thought of carrying DS3 around in one arm while feeding him is enough to make me wince - he's 10 months old and the size of an 18 month old - I struggle to carrying him for long with 2 hand let alone 1!!

Piffle · 25/03/2008 21:17

its tough for everyone. Ds1 was 9 when dd arrived. Walked the school run everyday there and back twice a day. Ds had after school clubs etc you just make it work if you are set for nothing but breastfeeding.
we are all busy. When ds2 arrived dd was at preschool and about to start reception at a school 7 miles away she is also mildly SN. Was greatly trying! Sometimes ds2 cried en route. Sometimes dd was late.
after 3 mths it became a doddle and remains so now 9 mths on.
its individual, she didntvwant it enough and that is something you cannot respond to

Herecomesthesciencebint · 25/03/2008 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carmenelectra · 25/03/2008 21:23

Its one of the reasons i dint do it exclusively or for long Bohemian.

I know people will disagree, but its true. It (usually) takes longer. I have a tight schedule getting out in the morninga nd i couldnt sit on the settee feeding for 45 min or an hour.

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