Does not wanting to breast feed make me a terrible mother?

[swmum]

The more I think about it the more I just don't want to do it. Baby due in a few weeks and the reality of what is involved in bf has really started to hit me.
Just really don't fancy it - the sore boobs, the constant reliance on me to feed and not dh, the feeding in public thing.
I know to a lot of people these are nothing - not things to concern myself with - but to me they are a real turn off.
I just want my body back to myself as soon as possible.
But I'm worried that makes me a bad, selfish mother. I know all the 'breast is best' stuff and all the stats on it. But I worry it is going to make me so unhappy to have do it.
Does/did anyone else feel this way? Any advice?
Maybe when he arrives I'll feel totally different, but I know myself and I don't see that happening.
Will I really be harming him or putting in place health issues for the future if I don't bf?
As you can tell I'm a bit stressed about this so any words of wisdome would be most welcome!

oh dear. i hope you'll get some helpful advice, but be warned: this may kick off

have you spoken to any rl friends who have bfed?

no it doesnt make you a terrible mother

my dsis breasfteed for one day then gave up (with the advice and support of the national bfeeding council too)

she is a fantastic, loving, wonderful mother

she felt similarlry to you btw

The beauty is that you have a choice and you have to do what is right for you.
I BF all of mine but again that was my choice.

A friend of mine did not want to BF so her midwife asked if she would consider feeding for the first 3 days, which she did then happily switched to bottle.

I don't think you're beeing selfish. I felt exactly the same way and didn't BF. This is the first time that I've said that on MN - but you sounded like you needed reassuraance that you weren't the only one.

Yes I have - some have loved it some haven't. It seems such a personal thing. But I do just feel so guilty and a bit of a failure really for feeling this way. I have nothing against those who do or don't bf - it's just not something that appeals to me and to be honest I can't understand why.
I think that is what is worrying me.

Yes I have - some have loved it some haven't. It seems such a personal thing. But I do just feel so guilty and a bit of a failure really for feeling this way. I have nothing against those who do or don't bf - it's just not something that appeals to me and to be honest I can't understand why.
I think that is what is worrying me.

ofcourse it doesnt make you a bad mother-do what you want!and you wont be 'harming him or putting in place health issues for the future' if you dont bf.
and as you said you might feel differently when the baby arrives.
bf can be lovely experience for some and not for others-do what suits you.my only suggestion is keep an open mind.

it does not make you a bad mother
but why stress now?
wait until lo is born and then see how you feel?
why not plan to do first few colostrum feeds then decide? one feed at a time...
you may be surprised

of course it doesn't make you a terrible mother. I would advise not making any hard and fast decisions now though because you really could feel differently when the baby comes (my friend was determined to b/f and 6 months later she still is).

why not try it and if you hate it then just don't do it?
or you could aim to give colostrum and see how you handle it?
it is scary when people talk about how hard it can be, but it's not like that for everyone. plus, labour's kinda difficult and you're going to ge through that.
for me personally it wasn't easy to exclusively bf, but i do look back and remember the times when feeding was going well as being truly lovely and a real treat. maybe just plan to keep an open mind, you don't need to decide right now.

Of course you wont harm him by not BF but he will have much more protection against illness etc if you do.
Why don't you give it a try? If you don't like it you can always switch to formula. that way at least he will have had the colostrum and you'll know it was the right thing for you, instead of wondering what it would have been like.
And don't let feeding in public out you off. I bf my two for nearly 18 months and in all that time I don't think anyone got a flash of boob. I'm not one for showing my boobs off to all and sundry. It's perfectly possible to do it very discreetly so no-one will even notice.
And you'll save yourself having to wash and sterilise bottles and make up feeds, which is especially valuable during the night when you don't even have to get out of bed to give your baby a feed.
Good luck whatever you decide.

huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge x post
when's your baby due
When pg I read up about bf and assumed Id have all the problems I read about - haven't really had any problems, the odd sore nipple, nothing really. Also have never ever had a bad reaction to bf in public.
Sometimes too much info is not a good thing!

Definitely keep an open mind. I felt the same as you, tbh, when pg with dd1 I was secretly hoping I wouldn't be able to bf and could 'legitimately' ff. As it turned out I loved it, found it really easy and bf dd1 and dd2 for a year each.

thanks ladies. You are right - open mind. It's just when you are in these final weeks it all becomes a bit overwhelming doesn't it?
What seemed like some thing you would decide in months time is now looming large in front of you.
I will try and maybe I'll love it. And if I don't I'll see how long I can keep going and then I will stop. If I can make it to 6 weeks do you think that would be enough?

I agree with Aitch. Give it a try. You might enjoy it!
It is very good for you body recovery -wise and great at that bonding periodxxxx
Good luck anyway

Not breast feeding does not make you a bad mother - it's your choice. You could focus on the negative but in my experience, breast feeding was bliss and totally worth all the (tiny) sacrifices. I think of it as one of the best bits of having a new baby. Why not keep an open mind until your baby arrives? But don't beat yourself up if it's not for you.

oops, I meant she was determined "not" to bf.

Also, don't presume that ff is the easy option - faffing around with sterilizing, preparing feeds, warming bottles when you are out. I didn't bf for that long (sadly for me) but I found it much easier when it was going well.

some people, though, do have a phobia of bfing, tbh, and if you think that's what you've got, OP, then don't be too hard on yourself.

You really are just going to have to wait and see how you feel at the time. One thing i would say is give it a go, otherwise you might never know... I'm not trying to tell you what to think but for all those 'bad points' you mention there are an equal number for ff like getting up in the middle of the night to make up ff, sterilising etc.

I think the best and most realistic approach is to take one day at a time and don't stress too much about things, you'll work out what suits baby and you when he/she is here. Good luck

please don't be put off talking about it if it does kick off... I don't think you are selfish,\i just think it is quite difficult to bf in our society and your views reflect that.

real question is how do you know until you try?

A friend of mine went through the whole of pregnancy having similar feelings to yourself.
She then gave birth to her DD, placed her on the breast as if it was the most natural thing in the world and bf exclusively for 6 months and is still bf now her DD is 18 months. Wait and see how you feel!

Yes, it is selfish (prefering your convenience over giving baby her natural food), but that is quite OK. Motherhood is terribly selfless and all-consuming, as it is. It won't hurt your baby to drink formula milk and you won't be a bad mother.

In short, do what feels right for you.

swmum, any amount of time bf is an achievement and 6 weeks is great. glad you decided to keep an open mind about it. If it doesn't work out, at least you will know you have tried, rather than constantly have a niggling feeling that it might have worked out for you.