Does not wanting to breast feed make me a terrible mother?

[swmum]

The more I think about it the more I just don't want to do it. Baby due in a few weeks and the reality of what is involved in bf has really started to hit me.
Just really don't fancy it - the sore boobs, the constant reliance on me to feed and not dh, the feeding in public thing.
I know to a lot of people these are nothing - not things to concern myself with - but to me they are a real turn off.
I just want my body back to myself as soon as possible.
But I'm worried that makes me a bad, selfish mother. I know all the 'breast is best' stuff and all the stats on it. But I worry it is going to make me so unhappy to have do it.
Does/did anyone else feel this way? Any advice?
Maybe when he arrives I'll feel totally different, but I know myself and I don't see that happening.
Will I really be harming him or putting in place health issues for the future if I don't bf?
As you can tell I'm a bit stressed about this so any words of wisdome would be most welcome!

made, even.

Hmm, meade... that's an idea...

falls off for some KM for others it hangs about...

I have had four children and have not breastfed at all. I thoroughly enjoy my new babies and love feeding them and caring for them. All my children are happy and healthy. I took a lot of criticism each time with each baby for not breastfeeding and that is wrong. Do what you feel is right for you and YOUR baby.

If I may be frank, I don't think it makes you a bad mother but I do think there is a strong sense of selfishness going on. I breastfed for 9 months and never had even one tender nipple. I have never had any desire to whack my boobs out in public and feel faintly irritated with earth mothers who do, it is very easy to breastfeed discreetly so no one is embarrassed. As for the constant reliance on you, thats still going to happen. one thing you will miss out on is the wonderful sense of peace you get from quietly feeding your baby, nothing on earth touches that.
Good luck.

There was a discussion earlier in this thread about some people choosing to bottlefeed because it's personally more convenient for them.

Jeaps - you say you didn't breastfeed 'at all'. Hope you don't mind me being nosy but I'd be interested as to what swayed YOU towards bottlefeeding. Lots of people choose to bottlefeed because of earlier negative breastfeeding experiences, or get pushed into bottlefeeding because breastfeeding isn't working for them. Other people choose not to breastfeed because they're exposed to a lot of negativity about breastfeeding or are unfamiliar with it.

But there must be many women who make a clear choice to bottlefeed and you sound like one of them.

I'd be interested in how you made your choice. What made bottlefeeding best for you? And what made it best for your babies?

Good lord what have I started! Just logged in now and I'm amazed to read all the posts. Some I agree with and some I don't but you know what debate is a good thing.
To all those who have stood up for me so kindly and worried that I might get hurt or feel put off a huge ton of thanks.
This is a very sensitive subject and loaded with issues - as you know I have my own and there are many other women with different ones.
But no one has put me off giving it a go - or made me feel that if it doesn't work I'll go down as the worst mum in history! I've come round to the idea if I do my best, whatever that turns out to be, that will be enough for me and my baby.
And as I think I said earlier - and as many of you mentioned - I might just like it. Still keeping a very open mind.
As many have said there is more to parenting than feeding and that's what I'm focusing on.
I've been reading all the info I can on bf and ff and I'm going to an NCT class on feeding so will hopefully pick up more advice there.
My dh is 100% supportive of whatever choice I make - and that's how I think it should be. Just mentioning that as a few people asked.

Thanks again to all those who posted as all information/opinions are good in a way. And especially to those who were so encouraging and kind. We all have our hang ups in life - baby related or otherwise - and it's nice to feel that when something is worrying you there is somewhere like this to come and chat about it. A problem shared and all that.
I'll post and let you know how I get on when the little guy makes an appearance and I'll be sure to be back on here looking for more tips - on bf or ff - who knows!
x

Not read the full thread - but you do what you want to do. Don't ask people for their opinion, it doesn't matter - honestly it doesn't. Make your choice and stick with it. People will busy body at either end of the scale - I know people did wiht me.

First baby I let people tell me what was best and ended up in a right mess, and didn't get over it for at least 6 months! And second time around, I did exactly what I wanted and have no issues at all.

Good luck - a happy mummy will make a happy baby.

Welcome to our world swmum!

I'm glad that you have found the debate a good thing, like other posts on this subject it gets pretty wild at times. Feeding is such a personal (and emotive)subject, it's hard for many of us not to take comments personally.

Before birth, I think feeding choices are presented (particularly by parenting magazines and some pregnancy books) as on a par with choosing a buggy or a cot, ie they are lifestyle choices you make based on totally factual criteria.

But as you have pointed out, feelings play a big part too. And good for your DH.

RE information, do bear in mind that anything produced by a company will be aimed at encouraging you to buy their product. NCT, La Leche, ABM and the Breastfeeding Network are generally better sources.

Take care

glad you came back swmum and that the debate didn't scare you off.

It sounds like you have exactly the right attitude.

good luck .

I agree with the posters who have encouraged the OP to just give it a try. I'd add the following:

• take up all the offers of help you get. I was completely out of it after the birth, and DS didn't feed properly for 2 days. They made me stay in the hospital, helped me express at 2am to make sure DS was being fed (he was syringe fed) and made me feel supported even though the whole thing was so overwhelming. Eventually we got the hang of it and we could go home, feeling confident and happy.

I think it would feel very odd with just some baby attached to you, but nothing prepares you for that feeling of connection you have with this tiny dependent being. I love it when DS looks up at me with wide eyes while he's chugging it down, and when he doesn't latch on properly cos he's too busy smiling at me! (These are things you don't really get told about)

As far as public breastfeeding goes, I was determined to do it and ready to defend myself against anyone who took offense. I haven't had any problems though - and I've breastfed in pubs and cafes (and the local library) from 4 days after the birth (we went to the pub for lunch with my ante-natal group so I felt very supported!) I've had little old ladies telling me to go ahead and feed. I've even fed in a pub surrounded by mostly single young to middle aged men (they wouldn't look directly at me when I was feeding, but quite happily talked to me!)

I think the secret to feeling comfortable feeding in public is having clothes that you can feed discreetly in. I don't like the idea of covering DS with a cloth so I go for specialist BF tops (I went for the ones from www.rootitooti.co.uk) which help you keep as much of yourself covered as possible (DC covers the rest :-) )

I'd just add my encouragement to give it a good go - remembering that it isn't always easy, and it might take a little while for things to fall into place. And if it doesn't work out for you, you'd know that you'd given it your best try.

All the best, swmum!

swmum, good luck, it's great that this post seems to have swayed you into giving it a go - at least. You honestly will not know for sure how you feel until you're doing it - I always was open minded about bfing but to my surprise loved it from the start, realised quickly the drawbacks of ff, and even though the first few weeks were a bit rocky with dd1 I persevered and got so much pleasure and convenience out of it, plus as many other posters have said found I could eat whatever I wanted and still lose weight. To my astonishment, I carried on with dd1 until 13 months and dd2 is now 10 months and plan to do about the same. Just keep an open mind and enjoy your baby whatever happens -as others have said too feeding is just one small (though very important) part of motherhood and in the scheme of it all fades into insignifcance. I wish you well

good luck with it all - we'll be watching for your birth announcement!
(although not in a stalker-y way )

Good Luck swmum, I hope things go well for all of you

and glad the debate didn't put you off MN for good!